# Cliterally The Best > The sex ed you needed growing up. --- ## Pages - [All Sex Positive Guides](https://cliterallythebest.com/all-sex-positive-guides/): All Sex Positive Guides Sex guides that don’t suck: pleasure, safer sex, consent, and all the stuff they should’ve taught... - [The Sex Positive Library](https://cliterallythebest.com/the-sex-positive-library/): The Sex Positive Library Explore our curated library of sex-positive books, films & TV shows. Find your next read or... - [therapist profile page](https://cliterallythebest.com/therapist-profile-page/) - [What is your love language?](https://cliterallythebest.com/what-is-your-love-language/): What is your Love Language? Find your love language with an inclusive quiz made for real brains. Choose a standard... - ["Is my period normal?" Quiz](https://cliterallythebest.com/is-my-period-normal-quiz/): “Is my period normal? ” Quiz Check if your menstrual cycle, flow, pain and symptoms are normal. Evidence-based guidance from... - [How effective is your contraception?](https://cliterallythebest.com/how-effective-is-your-contraception/): Contraceptive Effectiveness Tool See how human error affects contraception effectiveness. Compare perfect vs. typical use rates for 12 methods with... - [Sexual Health & Contraception](https://cliterallythebest.com/sexual-health-contraception/): Sexual Health & Contraception Look after your body and have the best sex – shame & worry free with Cliterally... - [Share Your Story](https://cliterallythebest.com/share-your-story/): Share your story Share your real sex and relationship stories anonymously or read others’ experiences. A safe, judgment-free space to... - [Consent](https://cliterallythebest.com/consent/): Consent Learn what consent really means, how to ask for it, and why it matters. Clear, practical guidance on enthusiastic... - [Coming Soon Directory](https://cliterallythebest.com/coming-soon-directory/): Coming Soon... We are nearly ready, we are just looking for a few more amazing therapists, educators, brands and charities.... - [Cliterally The Best Reviews](https://cliterallythebest.com/cliterally-the-best-reviews/): Cliterally The Best Reviews Looking for honest reviews on products, services or experiences from Cliterally The Best? Our review page... - [Porn Cliteracy](https://cliterallythebest.com/porn-literacy/): Porn Cliteracy Porn literacy isn’t about shame, it’s about empowerment. Explore our guides on ethical consumption, consent, media literacy, and... - [Sex Positive Discounts](https://cliterallythebest.com/sex-positive-discounts/): Sex Positive Discounts We all love a discount and sex tech and toys usually come with a hefty price tag!... - [Coming Soon](https://cliterallythebest.com/coming-soon/): Coming Soon... Sign up to our mailing list to be the first to know! E-mail Subscribe Subscribe - [About](https://cliterallythebest.com/about/): The Sex Ed you Needed Growing Up No shame. No stigma. Just honest, empowering education about bodies, pleasure, and health.... - [The Sex Positive Educator & Coach Directory](https://cliterallythebest.com/sex-positive-educators-creators-directory/): Coming Soon... We are nearly ready, we are just looking for a few more amazing educators & coaches. Apply below... - [Educator Application Form](https://cliterallythebest.com/educator-application-form/): Sex Positive Educator & Coach Directory Application Form Censorship makes it incredibly difficult for sex-positive educators and coaches to share... - [Sex Positive Workbooks & Downloads](https://cliterallythebest.com/sex-positive-downloads/): Sex Positive Tools Discover Cliterally The Best’s sex-positive downloads shop. Explore our latest anatomical diagrams, a fun calendar, free mobile... - [Sex & Health Awareness Days Calendar](https://cliterallythebest.com/sex-positive-awareness-days-calendar/): The Sex Positive Calendar Celebrate sex positive awareness days, plan events, create meaningful content, and promote positive sexual and reproductive... - [Therapist Application Form](https://cliterallythebest.com/therapist-application-form/): Therapist Directory Application Form This directory is designed to become a reliable, accessible place where anyone can search for the... - [Support Links](https://cliterallythebest.com/support-links/): Support Links Need support? 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By accessing our website, you agree to these Terms of Use, our... --- ## Posts - [Period Tracking 101](https://cliterallythebest.com/period-tracking-for-dummies/): Learn what cycle tracking is, why it matters (hint: not just for baby-making), and how to start tracking your period... - [Missed a period? Here's what might be going on...](https://cliterallythebest.com/missed-a-period-heres-what-might-be-going-on/): Period late? Don't panic. Discover the most common reasons for a missed period, from tracking errors to stress, plus when... - [Smells Down There: What Your Genitals Are Trying to Tell You](https://cliterallythebest.com/smells-down-there-what-your-genitals-are-trying-to-tell-you/): Wondering what's normal when it comes to genital smells? Learn what different vaginal and penis smells mean, when to worry,... - [5 Essential Facts About the Clitoris You Should Know](https://cliterallythebest.com/5-essential-facts-about-the-clitoris-you-should-know/): Discover 5 fascinating facts about the clitoris, from its 10,000+ nerve endings to why most of it is hidden. Shame-free,... - [How to send nudes safely with #NotYourPorn](https://cliterallythebest.com/how-to-send-nudes-safely-with-notyourporn/): Learn how to share nudes safely and consensually. Expert advice on consent, digital safety, platform security, and what to do... - [Disabled People Have Sex Too: Breaking Down Barriers to Pleasure](https://cliterallythebest.com/disabled-people-have-sex-too-breaking-down-barriers-to-pleasure/): I’m Ginny from My Disabled Sex Life. You may think or have been told that due to disabilities you can’t or... - [Sex and Gender Dysphoria: Your Guide to Intimacy as a Trans or Non-Binary Person](https://cliterallythebest.com/sex-and-gender-dysphoria-your-guide-to-intimacy-as-a-trans-or-non-binary-person/): Navigating sex and gender dysphoria as a trans or non-binary person? Learn practical strategies for intimacy, communication, and finding what... - [How Hormone Therapy Affects Your Sex Life: A Guide for Trans People](https://cliterallythebest.com/how-hormone-therapy-affects-your-sex-life-a-guide-for-trans-people/): Starting hormone therapy? Learn how testosterone and oestrogen can affect your sex drive, arousal, pleasure, and relationships. Evidence-based guide for... - [Dating While Trans: Safety, Disclosure and Navigating Relationships](https://cliterallythebest.com/dating-while-trans-safety-disclosure-and-navigating-relationships/): Practical guide to dating while trans including when and how to disclose, staying safe on dating apps, navigating intimacy, and... - [Sex and Sensory Sensitivities: A Guide for Autistic and ADHD People](https://cliterallythebest.com/sex-and-sensory-sensitivities-a-guide-for-autistic-and-adhd-people/): Learn how sensory sensitivities affect sex and intimacy for autistic and ADHD people. Practical, shame-free tips for managing touch, sounds,... - [Consent and Communication: Sex Education for Autistic and ADHD Adults](https://cliterallythebest.com/consent-and-communication-sex-education-for-autistic-and-adhd-adults/): Learn about consent, boundaries, and sexual communication for autistic and ADHD adults. Practical scripts and strategies for navigating dating and... - [ADHD, Autism and Sexual Desire: From Hypersexuality to Low Libido and Everything in Between](https://cliterallythebest.com/adhd-autism-and-sexual-desire-from-hypersexuality-to-low-libido-and-everything-in-between/): Neurodivergent sexual desire isn't one-size-fits-all. Learn about hypersexuality, hyposexuality, asexuality, and fluctuating libido in ADHD and autism. Shame-free, evidence-based guidance. - [Dating While Neurodivergent: A Guide to Relationships for Autistic and ADHD People](https://cliterallythebest.com/dating-while-neurodivergent-a-guide-to-relationships-for-autistic-and-adhd-people/): Navigate dating and relationships as an autistic or ADHD person. Practical advice on social rules, apps, rejection sensitivity, disclosure, and... - [Early Signs of Menopause: What to Look Out For](https://cliterallythebest.com/early-signs-of-menopause-what-to-look-out-for/): Learn the early signs of menopause and perimenopause including period changes, hot flushes, sleep disruption, and mood changes. Understand when... - [Managing Hot Flushes and Night Sweats During Menopause](https://cliterallythebest.com/managing-hot-flushes-and-night-sweats-during-menopause/): Practical strategies for managing hot flushes and night sweats during menopause. Learn about triggers, lifestyle changes, HRT, non-hormonal treatments, and... - [Sex and Intimacy During Menopause: What Changes and What Helps](https://cliterallythebest.com/sex-and-intimacy-during-menopause-what-changes-and-what-helps/): How menopause affects sex and intimacy, from vaginal dryness to libido changes. Practical solutions including lubricants, local estrogen, and communication... - [Menopause and Mental Health: Looking After Your Emotional Wellbeing](https://cliterallythebest.com/menopause-and-mental-health-looking-after-your-emotional-wellbeing/): Understanding menopause and mental health including anxiety, depression, mood swings, and brain fog. Learn about treatments, coping strategies, and when... - [Grief and Complex Emotions After Abortion](https://cliterallythebest.com/grief-and-complex-emotions-after-abortion/): Understanding grief after abortion including relief, sadness, and complex emotions. Learn about processing feelings, getting support, and allowing yourself to... - [Who Has Abortions? Breaking Down Myths and Stereotypes](https://cliterallythebest.com/who-has-abortions-breaking-down-myths-and-stereotypes/): Abortion is common across all demographics. Learn about the diverse range of people who have abortions including mothers, married people,... - [What Is PCOS? Symptoms, Diagnosis, and Support Explained](https://cliterallythebest.com/what-is-pcos-symptoms-diagnosis-and-support-explained/): PCOS is a common hormonal condition affecting millions worldwide. Learn what PCOS is, how it’s diagnosed, common symptoms, and where... - [Trans+ Safer Sex Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Sexual Health and Pleasure](https://cliterallythebest.com/trans-safer-sex-guide-everything-you-need-to-know-about-sexual-health-and-pleasure/): A shame-free guide for trans, non-binary, and gender expansive people (and partners/allies). - [How to Support a Partner Through an Abortion](https://cliterallythebest.com/supporting-a-partner-through-an-abortion/): Supporting a partner through an abortion can feel overwhelming. This gentle guide offers practical ways to show care, respect autonomy,... - [Deciding Whether to Have an Abortion: Support Without Pressure](https://cliterallythebest.com/deciding-whether-to-have-an-abortion-support-without-pressure/): Deciding whether to have an abortion can feel overwhelming. This compassionate guide explores things to consider, pros and cons, and... - [Why Anal Play Can Feel Good for People with Clitorises and Penises](https://cliterallythebest.com/why-anal-play-can-feel-good-for-people-with-clitorises-and-penises/): Anal play can feel pleasurable for some people with clitorises and penises. Learn how to explore safely, comfortably, and consensually,... - [Sexual Anatomy 101](https://cliterallythebest.com/sexual-anatomy-101/): Learn about sexual anatomy in a sex-positive, inclusive way. Explore the vulva, clitoris, vagina, penis, prostate, pelvic floor, and intersex... - [STI Window Periods: When Should You Actually Get Tested?](https://cliterallythebest.com/sti-window-periods-when-should-you-actually-get-tested/): Window periods are the time between exposure and when STIs show up on tests. Learn when to get tested after... - [Why 'maybe' means no: understanding enthusiastic consent](https://cliterallythebest.com/why-maybe-means-no-understanding-enthusiastic-consent/): Learn why 'maybe' means no and what enthusiastic consent actually looks like. Understand the difference between genuine agreement and pressure,... - [Consent in long-term relationships: why it still matters](https://cliterallythebest.com/consent-in-long-term-relationships-why-it-still-matters/): Why It Still Matters Meta Description: Consent doesn't stop after the first time. Learn why ongoing consent matters in relationships,... - [The consent conversation: what to do when you find it hard to say no](https://cliterallythebest.com/the-consent-conversation-what-to-say-when-you-want-to-say-no/): Struggling to say no? Learn practical scripts for setting sexual boundaries without guilt, how to handle pressure, and why you... - [Sex work vs sex trafficking: understanding the crucial difference](https://cliterallythebest.com/sex-work-vs-sex-trafficking-understanding-the-crucial-difference/): Sex work and sex trafficking are not the same thing. Learn the crucial differences and why conflating them harms both... - [Porn vs Real Life: Because porn isn't sex education](https://cliterallythebest.com/porn-vs-real-life-because-porn-isnt-sex-education/): Porn isn't sex education. Learn the real differences between porn performance and actual sex so you can have better, more... - [What is 'Ethical Porn'?](https://cliterallythebest.com/what-is-ethical-porn/): Ethical porn prioritises consent, fair pay, and safe working conditions. Learn what makes porn ethical and where to find it... - [The porn shame cycle, explained](https://cliterallythebest.com/the-porn-shame-cycle-explained/): Stuck in a cycle of watching porn, feeling awful, then doing it again? Learn why shame keeps you trapped and... - [Why Porn literacy has to be included in Sex Ed?](https://cliterallythebest.com/why-porn-literacy-has-to-be-included-in-sex-ed/): This blog piece was written by Eleonora Ranuzzi, psychologist & intern for TPC. Why we need to have The Porn... - [When Intimacy Becomes a Product: AI, Sex Tech, and the Loss of Human Connection](https://cliterallythebest.com/when-intimacy-becomes-a-product-ai-sex-tech-and-the-loss-of-human-connection/): I was in Berlin, wandering through the bright neon of a sex tech convention, when I found myself listening to... - [How to know if your Therapist is Legit](https://cliterallythebest.com/how-to-know-if-your-therapist-is-legit-in-a-world-where-anyone-can-call-themselves-anything/): A friendly guide to spotting qualified therapists, understanding the difference between proper training and Instagram titles, and keeping yourself safe... - [How to Know What Therapy Modality is Right For Me](https://cliterallythebest.com/how-to-know-what-therapy-modality-is-right-for-me/): Confused by therapy jargon? Here’s an accessible explanation of common therapy modalities, why not every style suits every person and... - [What is 'Sex Positivity?'](https://cliterallythebest.com/what-is-sex-positivity/): Sex positivity is the idea that we should embrace and celebrate consensual sexual expression and exploration without shame or stigma.... - [The Benefits of Aloe Vera Lubricant: A Natural, Soothing Option for Sensitive Skin](https://cliterallythebest.com/the-benefits-of-aloe-vera-lubricant-a-natural-soothing-option-for-sensitive-skin/): Aloe vera lubricant is becoming a favourite choice for people looking for something gentler than the usual water or silicone-based... - [Where to find low cost Sex & Relationship Therapy](https://cliterallythebest.com/where-to-find-low-cost-sex-relationship-therapy/): Sex and relationship therapy is valuable, but therapy costs can be a real barrier for many people. We get it,... - ['Some of You Guys Suck at Being Dominant' - Quinn Gray](https://cliterallythebest.com/some-of-you-guys-suck-at-being-dominant-quinn-gray/): Domination in bed is something frequently done with poor technique. Spanking, choking, and spitting seem like standard aspects of sex... - ["I had my first smear test, then received a letter saying that I had HPV" - Mel](https://cliterallythebest.com/i-had-my-first-smear-test-then-received-a-letter-saying-that-i-had-hpv-mel/): For people with vulvas, turning twenty five means that you’ll be invited to have your first smear test (unless you’ve... - ["My First Sex Party" - Emilie, London](https://cliterallythebest.com/my-first-sex-party-emilie-london/): I’ve written all about my first big sexual adventure in poetic form. For some reason I find it easier to... - ["Am I the only one out there who masturbates with my legs crossed?" - Julia, Poland](https://cliterallythebest.com/am-i-the-only-one-out-there-who-masturbates-with-my-legs-crossed-julia-poland/): Am I the only one out there who masturbates with my legs crossed instead of spread? " has been the... - ["The idea I could be gay was so alien to me" - Kira, 18](https://cliterallythebest.com/the-idea-i-could-be-gay-was-so-alien-to-me-kira-18/): I think discovering your sexuality isn’t restricted to realising you are not cis/straight but also is about realising what turns... - ["My Vulvodynia Story" - Lucianna, 21](https://cliterallythebest.com/my-vulvodynia-story-lucianna-21/): Hiya, I’m Lucianna, I’m 21 and have struggled with Vulvodynia for as long as I can remember, I properly realised... - ["My Bartholin Cyst Story" - Joy](https://cliterallythebest.com/my-bartholin-cyst-story-joy/): They informed me that it was in fact a Bartholins Cyst and had gotten so bad because it was left... - ["We learn to live with herpes, but it does not define us." - Ciara](https://cliterallythebest.com/we-learn-to-live-with-herpes-but-it-does-not-define-us-ciara/): Hi everyone, my name is Ciara, I am 22 and I have genital herpes, specially herpes simplex virus type 1.... - ["My Lichen Sclerosis Story" - Kiki, 22](https://cliterallythebest.com/my-lichen-sclerosis-story-kiki-22/): Most people will have never heard of this and I had never heard of it either. But I had this... - ["To say that I experienced sexist and racist gaslighting from my doctors would be an understatement." - Ratha](https://cliterallythebest.com/to-say-that-i-experienced-sexist-and-racist-gaslighting-from-my-doctors-would-be-an-understatement-ratha/): I started my period at the age of 10, which was both unexpected and traumatic, as I had literally no... - ["My Coming Out Story" - Lottie](https://cliterallythebest.com/my-coming-out-story-lottie/): At age 11, I remember watching the film Titanic, and realising that I thought Kate Winslet (the actress who played... - ["It’s no more shameful than having a common cold" - Dan](https://cliterallythebest.com/its-no-more-shameful-than-having-a-common-cold-dan/): My ex boyfriend gave me Chlamydia. I was SO ashamed, I hid it from everyone. I went to the clinic... - ['Most Myself' by Danielle Bezalel (DB)](https://cliterallythebest.com/most-myself-by-danielle-bezalel-db/): My ex boyfriend gave me Chlamydia. I was SO ashamed, I hid it from everyone. I went to the clinic... - [Toe-tally Normal: Why Feet Can Be Erotic](https://cliterallythebest.com/toe-tally-normal-why-feet-can-be-erotic/): Kinks and fetishes are a normal part of human sexuality, and being curious or turned on by something doesn’t mean... - [Taking care of yourself when the world is on fire](https://cliterallythebest.com/taking-care-of-yourself-when-the-world-is-on-fire/): Feeling overwhelmed by the world? Discover therapist-informed strategies to care for your mind and body, stay grounded, set boundaries, and... - [How To Tell Your Partner What You Like In Bed](https://cliterallythebest.com/how-to-tell-your-partner-what-you-like-in-bed/): We all struggle with it at some point for many reasons. Our lack of sex ed, the shame we learn... - [What Is Vaginismus? Symptoms, Causes, and Support Options](https://cliterallythebest.com/vaginismus/): Vaginismus is an involuntary tightening of vaginal muscles that makes penetration painful or impossible. Learn what it is, why it... - [What Is MRKH?](https://cliterallythebest.com/mrkh/): Learn all about MRKH with Ella Fullalove, founder of Va Va Womb and Mind Over MRKH! - [The Poet](https://cliterallythebest.com/the-poet/): I have reviewed many a clit sucker on my page and they are my go-to to pull from the bedside... - [What is Psychosexual & Relationship Therapy?](https://cliterallythebest.com/what-is-psychosexual-sex-therapy/): Discover what sex and relationship therapy is, how it can help individuals and couples, and how to find a qualified... - [The Iconic Dick Pic Response](https://cliterallythebest.com/the-iconic-dick-pic-response/): Creepy men who send unsolicited dick pics shouldn’t get away with it Scott Free! This amazing woman came up with... - [Sex-Positive Parenting: Raising Confident, Body-Aware Kids Without the Shame](https://cliterallythebest.com/sex-positive-parenting/): Practical guide to sex-positive parenting from a psychosexual therapist. Learn how to teach consent, body autonomy, and healthy sexuality to... - [The LGBTQ+ Safer Sex Guide](https://cliterallythebest.com/lgbtq-safer-sex-guide/): Comprehensive LGBTQ+ safer sex guide covering STI prevention, barrier methods, PrEP, PEP, and inclusive sexual health information for all queer... - [How To Clean Your Sex Toys](https://cliterallythebest.com/how-to-clean-your-sex-toys/): Learn how to properly clean your sex toys with this shame-free guide. From silicone to glass, get expert tips on... - [Is The 'G-Spot' Real?](https://cliterallythebest.com/is-the-g-spot-real/): The G-spot has been surrounded by mystery, debate, and a fair bit of pressure for decades. But here’s the real... - [Can You Get Pregnant From Pre-Cum?](https://cliterallythebest.com/can-you-get-pregnant-from-pre-cum/): Without taking up too much of your time, the short story is that it is possible to get pregnant from... - [A Personal Story about Navigating Sex Positivity and Rejecting Toxic Masculinity by Armando Cabba](https://cliterallythebest.com/a-personal-story-about-navigating-sex-positivity-and-rejecting-toxic-masculinity-by-armando-cabba/): If you would’ve asked me 10 years ago what being sex-positive meant or even what toxic masculinity is, I’d probably... - [Aftercare 101](https://cliterallythebest.com/aftercare-101/): What is Aftercare? ‘Aftercare’ is a term that stems from the BDSM community, however it is beneficial to all types... - [The Benefits of Mutual Masturbation](https://cliterallythebest.com/the-benefits-of-mutual-masturbation/): Masturbation is of course a great solo activity and it should always be included in your self-love routine, but why... - [Beads, Please: A Deep (Butt Gentle) Dive into the Underdog of Ass Play](https://cliterallythebest.com/anal-beads-101-the-complete-beginners-guide-to-this-underrated-sex-toy/): Everything you need to know about anal beads: what they are, how to use them safely, why they feel amazing,... - [The Womanizer Premium Eco](https://cliterallythebest.com/the-womanizer-premium-eco/): Low-quality sex toys use problematic materials like PVC and plastic softeners like phthalates and for every $1million of sex toys... - [Painful Sex? Have You Tried Ohnut?](https://cliterallythebest.com/painful-sex-have-you-tried-ohnut/): OhNut was designed with renowned clinicians to help with painful sex. It is a soft, stretchy, skin-like buffer that sits... - [Endometriosis & Adenomyosis: Explained](https://cliterallythebest.com/endometriosis-adenomyosis/): Learn all about Endometriosis & Adenomyosis with my beautiful Canadian friend, Amanda Haswell, founder of I Know Endo! - [The Truth About The Hymen & Virginity](https://cliterallythebest.com/the-truth-about-the-hymen-virginity/): by Kohe Lele The hymen... such an enigma revolves around this small part of a woman’s body. 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December 22, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) The consent conversation: what to do when you find it hard to say no December 20, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) Consent in long-term relationships: why it still matters December 20, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) Why ‘maybe’ means no: understanding enthusiastic consent December 20, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) What is ‘Ethical Porn’? December 16, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) Porn vs Real Life: Because porn isn’t sex education December 16, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) Sex work vs sex trafficking: understanding the crucial difference December 16, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) The porn shame cycle, explained December 16, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) Why Porn literacy has to be included in Sex Ed? December 16, 2025 byEleonora Ranuzzi When Intimacy Becomes a Product: AI, Sex Tech, and the Loss of Human Connection December 8, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) How to Know What Therapy Modality is Right For Me December 1, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) --- The Sex Positive Library Explore our curated library of sex-positive books, films & TV shows. Find your next read or watch that celebrates pleasure, consent & body positivity. Updated & reviewed by you. Find Your Next Read or Watch Media Type All Media BookTV Show Category All Categories ComedyDocumentaryDramaErotica & FictionGender & IdentityGynae & Period HealthPleasure & IntimacyRelationshipsSex EducationSexual Health Audience All Audiences General AdultLGBTQ+ CommunityParents & EducatorsProfessionals Topic All Topics AnatomyBody PositivityCommunicationConsentDesireDisability & AccessEmbodimentHealingKink & BDSMLGBTQ+Long-term RelationshipsNon monogamyPleasureScience-BasedSelf-LoveSocial JusticeTrauma-Informed Book A Quick & Easy Guide to Sex & Disability A. Andrews (2020) Pleasure & Intimacy A quick, easy, and educational comic book guide that will help change the way we talk about sex and sexuality for all bodies. This guide can help disabled people (and their partners) on their journey toward self-love, better communication, and confidence. Disability & Access 0. 0 (0 reviews) Buy Now Book Ace & Aro Journeys The Ace & Aro Advocacy Project (2023) Gender & Identity A collection of personal stories from asexual and aromantic people sharing their experiences. LGBTQ+ 0. 0 (0 reviews) Buy Now Amazon Book ACE: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex Angela Chen (2022) Gender & Identity An exploration of asexuality that challenges assumptions about desire, relationships, and what it means to live a fulfilling life. LGBTQ+ 0. 0 (0 reviews) Buy Now Amazon Book All Bodies Are Good Bodies Charlotte Barkla (2021) Bold and beautiful, loud and proud, All Bodies are Good Bodies is an uplifting book about different body features and types. Body Positivity Self-Love 0. 0 (0 reviews) Buy Now Amazon Book All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life Gigi Engle (2019) Pleasure & Intimacy Come As You Are meets How to Date Men When You Hate Men in this sex handbook for the millennial feminist on how to own your body and sexuality, and use that confidence to take charge of your life Communication Consent Desire Long-term Relationships Pleasure 0. 0 (0 reviews) Buy Now Amazon Book Bang! : Masturbation for People of All Genders and Abilities (Good Life) Vic Liu (2021) Pleasure & Intimacy Want to know how to masturbate? Here's your guide. Whether you're choking the chicken, flicking the bean, or something in between, masturbation doesn't have to be a taboo topic. This straightforward, unapologetic illustrated guide to self-pleasure will teach you what you need to know to get to know your own body. 0. 0 (0 reviews) Buy Now Amazon Book Beyond Bananas and Condoms Dee Whitnell (2025) Sex Education The LGBTQIA+ Inclusive Sex Education You Never Got at School. 0. 0 (0 reviews) Buy Now Amazon TV Show Big Mouth Nick Kroll & Andrew Goldberg (2017) Comedy An anarchic animated comedy about a group of teens navigating puberty, desire, body changes and consent with raw, hilarious candour and heart. Honestly, so many amazing lessons in this. Anatomy Consent LGBTQ+ Pleasure 0. 0 (0 reviews) Watch Now Book Body Happy Kids: How to help children and teens love the skin they’re in Molly Forbes (2021) No parent wants their child to grow up with anything less than wholehearted confidence in themselves. Sadly research shows that children as young as five are saying they need to 'go on a diet' and over half of 11 to 16-year-olds regularly worry about the way they look. Campaigner and mum-of-two-girls Molly Forbes is here to help. 0. 0 (0 reviews) Buy Now Amazon TV Show Bonding Rightor Doyle (2019) Comedy This dark comedy follows a NYC grad student who runs a side gig as a dominatrix and recruits her gay best friend as her assistant - a playful, sex-edged look at friendship, kink, identity and consent. Consent Desire Kink & BDSM LGBTQ+ Pleasure 0. 0 (0 reviews) Watch Now Book C is for Consent Eleanor Morrison (2018) Sex Education The book teaches that it is okay for kids to say no to hugs and kisses, and that what happens to a their body is up to them. This helps children grow up confident in their bodies, comfortable with expressing physical boundaries, and respectful of the boundaries of others. Full color. 0. 0 (0 reviews) Buy Now Amazon Book Can I Give You a Squish? Emily Neilson (2020) An important lesson on consent for over-exuberant little huggers, nestled inside this lighthearted, summery story about expressions of love and friendship. Communication Consent 0. 0 (0 reviews) Amazon Load More Showing 12 of 59 No media found Try adjusting your filters to see more results Media Reviews Reviews × 0. 0 No reviews yet Write a Review Sign me up for the Cliterally The Best newsletter! Submit Review Recent Reviews No reviews yet. Be the first to review! Suggest a book, film, or TV show Know a sex-positive book, film, or TV show that should be in our library? Share it with us! Media Type * Select type... Book Film TV Show Title * Author / Director / Creator * Year (Optional) Why do you love it? * Where to Watch/Buy (Optional) Your Name * Your Email * Sign me up for the Cliterally The Best newsletter! Submit Suggestion FAQs What is sex-positive media? Sex-positive media includes books, films, and TV shows that celebrate healthy sexuality, consent, pleasure, and body positivity. These resources provide real messaging or examples of sex, relationships, intimacy, and sexual wellness. Sex-positive content respects diverse experiences, identities, and... --- Please specify a therapist slug or ID in the URL (? slug=name) or shortcode. --- What is your Love Language? Find your love language with an inclusive quiz made for real brains. Choose a standard version or a neurodivergent-friendly option designed to feel clearer and kinder. What's Your Love Language? | Cliterally The Best The Love Language Quiz Important: Love languages are a therapeutic theory, not scientific fact. They're one framework among many. Use this as a conversation starter, not a rulebook. This quiz explores how you express and receive love. Understanding your love language can help you communicate your needs more clearly. Choose your quiz version: Standard: Traditional 5 love languages (Words, Time, Touch, Acts, Gifts) Neurodivergent: Adapted for autistic, ADHD experiences (Info-dumping, Parallel play, Sensory touch, Direct communication, Routines, Accommodations) Email Address * Please enter your email Join the Cliterally The Best mailing list (optional) Choose Quiz Version * Standard Traditional 5 love languages Neurodivergent Adapted for neurodivergent experiences Please select a version By continuing, you agree to our Privacy Policy. Email only used if you opt in. Start Quiz → Question 1 of 10 ← Back Next → Your Primary Love Language: Your Love Language Breakdown: What This Means for You: Share Your Results Copy this message to share your results with your partner: Copy to Clipboard Remember: You're complex and unique. Use this as a conversation starter, not gospel. Your needs can differ by situation and person. Take Quiz Again Love Language FAQs What is a love language quiz? A love language quiz helps you understand how you give and receive love in relationships. It explores different ways people feel most cared for, such as words, time, touch, practical support, or gifts. Knowing your love language can support better communication and stronger emotional connection. How is this love language quiz different from other quizzes? This love language quiz includes both a standard version and a neurodivergent version. The neurodivergent version shows how love languages can look different for people with ADHD and autism, reflecting real experiences like sensory needs, energy levels, routines, and shared focus rather than only traditional romantic behaviours. Is this love language quiz suitable for people with ADHD? Yes. The neurodivergent version is designed to show how ADHD can shape love languages, including the need for reassurance, flexibility, shared dopamine, and practical support. It helps people with ADHD understand their needs and communicate them more clearly in relationships. Is this love language quiz suitable for autistic people? Yes. The quiz explores how autistic love languages often centre around consistency, clarity, shared interests, sensory comfort, and reliable presence. It avoids vague language and social assumptions, making it more supportive for autistic people and autistic relationships. Can couples take this love language quiz together? Yes. Many couples take the quiz together to better understand each other’s love languages, especially in neurodivergent and mixed neurotype relationships. Seeing how love is expressed differently can reduce misunderstandings and support more compassionate communication. Can neurodivergent and neurotypical partners use this quiz together? Absolutely. Many couples use the quiz to understand differences rather than framing them as problems. Seeing how love languages can show up differently for ADHD and autistic partners can reduce conflict, build empathy, and support more realistic expectations on both sides. Will this quiz tell me what’s wrong with my relationship? Nope, and we’re very intentional about that. This quiz isn’t about fixing you or diagnosing your relationship. It’s about understanding yourself more clearly and having kinder, more informed conversations with the people you care about. A love language quiz helps you understand how you give and receive love in relationships. It explores different ways people feel most cared for, such as words, time, touch, practical support, or gifts. Knowing your love language can support better communication and stronger emotional connection. This love language quiz includes both a standard version and a neurodivergent version. The neurodivergent version shows how love languages can look different for people with ADHD and autism, reflecting real experiences like sensory needs, energy levels, routines, and shared focus rather than only traditional romantic behaviours. Yes. The neurodivergent version is designed to show how ADHD can shape love languages, including the need for reassurance, flexibility, shared dopamine, and practical support. It helps people with ADHD understand their needs and communicate them more clearly in relationships. Yes. The quiz explores how autistic love languages often centre around consistency, clarity, shared interests, sensory comfort, and reliable presence. It avoids vague language and social assumptions, making it more supportive for autistic people and autistic relationships. Yes. Many couples take the quiz together to better understand each other’s love languages, especially in neurodivergent and mixed neurotype relationships. Seeing how love is expressed differently can reduce misunderstandings and support more compassionate communication. Absolutely. Many couples use the quiz to understand differences rather than framing them as problems. Seeing how love languages can show up differently for ADHD and autistic partners can reduce conflict, build empathy, and support more realistic expectations on both sides. Nope, and we’re very intentional about that. This quiz isn’t about fixing you or diagnosing your relationship. It’s about understanding yourself more clearly and having kinder, more informed conversations with the people you care about. Latest guides on Sexual Health & Contraception Abortion Care Post Roe V. Wade (US) June 30, 2022 How to find your perfect condom fit May 7, 2023 Managing Sexual Side Effects of Antidepressants: Your Guide to Feeling Like Yourself Again April 19, 2024 Condom excuses (debunked)... --- "Is my period normal? " Quiz Check if your menstrual cycle, flow, pain and symptoms are normal. Evidence-based guidance from The Lowdown and NHS. No shame, just facts. Is My Period Normal? Quiz | Cliterally The Best The Period Quiz Take our evidence-based quiz to understand if your cycle, flow, and symptoms are within typical ranges. We'll give you personalized, shame-free guidance to help you advocate for your health. Why we ask for your email: Your results stay private on your screen, but if you'd like to join our mailing list for sex-positive education and period tips, you can opt in! Email Address * Please enter a valid email address Yes! I'd like to join the Cliterally The Best mailing list for sex-positive education, period tips, and updates. You can unsubscribe anytime! By continuing, you agree to our Privacy Policy. Your email is only used if you opt into our mailing list. Start Quiz → We respect your privacy. Your email is only used if you opt into our mailing list. Read our Privacy Policy. Question 1 of 11 ← Back Next → What to do next: Important: This quiz is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice. If you're concerned about your period, please speak with a healthcare professional. Learn More About Periods Want to understand your cycle better? Check out our comprehensive period health guide with articles on everything from heavy periods to irregular cycles. Explore Period Health Guides → Take Quiz Again Information based on guidance from The Lowdown and NHS. This quiz is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice. Always consult a healthcare professional about your concerns. Latest guides on Period Health Endometriosis & Adenomyosis: Explained August 18, 2025 What Is PCOS? Symptoms, Diagnosis, and Support Explained January 14, 2026 Early Signs of Menopause: What to Look Out For January 16, 2026 Missed a period? Here’s what might be going on... February 2, 2026 --- Contraceptive Effectiveness Tool See how human error affects contraception effectiveness. Compare perfect vs. typical use rates for 12 methods with NHS-verified data. Make informed choices. Contraception Effectiveness Comparison | Perfect Use vs Typical Use Rates Understanding Effectiveness Rates Contraceptive effectiveness is measured by how many people get pregnant within one year of using that method. We show two rates: Perfect Use Used correctly every single time - No mistakes, no missed pills, no user error. This shows how effective the method can be when used flawlessly. Typical Use Real-world usage - Includes human error like forgetting pills, incorrect condom use, late appointments. This reflects actual effectiveness for most people. The gap between these rates shows how user-dependent the method is. Methods with a small gap (like implants) are less affected by human error. Methods with a large gap (like pills) require consistent, correct use. Filter by type: All Methods Hormonal Barrier IUD Natural Implant HORMONAL Perfect Use Over 99% Typical Use Over 99% Small rod inserted under skin of upper arm. Releases hormones for up to 3 years. Virtually no user error possible. IUS (Hormonal Coil) IUD Perfect Use Over 99% Typical Use Over 99% T-shaped device inserted into uterus. Releases hormones. Lasts 3-8 years depending on brand. No user error once placed. IUD (Copper Coil) IUD Perfect Use Over 99% Typical Use Over 99% Non-hormonal IUD. Copper prevents pregnancy. Lasts up to 10 years. Can be used as emergency contraception. Contraceptive Injection HORMONAL Perfect Use Over 99% Typical Use 94% Hormonal injection every 3 months. Typical use lower because people miss appointments or are late for next shot. Combined Pill HORMONAL Perfect Use Over 99% Typical Use 91% Daily pill containing oestrogen and progestogen. Large gap shows impact of forgetting pills, taking late, or medication interactions reducing effectiveness. Progestogen-only Pill HORMONAL Perfect Use Over 99% Typical Use 91% Daily pill containing only progestogen (mini pill). Must be taken at same time daily. Gap due to forgetting or taking late. Contraceptive Patch HORMONAL Perfect Use Over 99% Typical Use 91% Skin patch changed weekly. Typical use affected by forgetting to change, patch falling off, or incorrect placement. Vaginal Ring HORMONAL Perfect Use Over 99% Typical Use 91% Flexible ring inserted monthly. Changed every 3-4 weeks. Typical use affected by forgetting to change or ring falling out. Condoms BARRIER Perfect Use 98% Typical Use 82% Used during sex. Large gap due to incorrect use, breakage, slippage, or not using every time. Only method that prevents STIs. Internal Condoms BARRIER Perfect Use 95% Typical Use 79% Inserted into vagina before sex. Gap due to incorrect insertion, not using every time. Also prevents STIs. Natural Family Planning NATURAL Perfect Use 91-99% Typical Use 76% Tracking ovulation through temperature, cervical mucus, calendar. Large gap due to tracking errors, irregular cycles, lack of partner cooperation. Diaphragms and Caps BARRIER Perfect Use 92-96% Typical Use Unknown Silicone cup inserted before sex with spermicide. Gap due to incorrect placement, not using spermicide, removing too soon. Data Source: All effectiveness rates sourced from NHS - How well contraception works at preventing pregnancy Last reviewed by NHS: 31 January 2024 Contraceptive Effectiveness FAQs What is the contraception effectiveness calculator? This tool shows how effective different contraception methods are in real life. It compares perfect use and typical use effectiveness for 12 methods, helping you understand how human error can affect pregnancy risk. All data is based on NHS-verified sources. What is the difference between perfect use and typical use contraception? Perfect use shows how effective a method is when used exactly as instructed every time. Typical use reflects real life, including missed pills, late injections, or incorrect use. Typical use is often lower and gives a more realistic picture of pregnancy risk. Why does human error affect contraception so much? Many contraception methods rely on consistency, timing, or correct use. Forgetting pills, using condoms incorrectly, or delaying replacements can all reduce effectiveness. This tool helps visualise how small, very human mistakes can change how well contraception works. Which contraception method is most effective? Long-acting reversible contraception such as coils and implants are the most effective because they remove daily or monthly user error. This tool allows you to compare methods side by side so you can see which options fit your body, lifestyle, and needs. Is this contraception data accurate and trustworthy? Yes. The effectiveness rates used in this tool are based on NHS-verified data and widely accepted medical research. The aim is to support informed, realistic decision making rather than promoting one method over another. This tool shows how effective different contraception methods are in real life. It compares perfect use and typical use effectiveness for 12 methods, helping you understand how human error can affect pregnancy risk. All data is based on NHS-verified sources. Perfect use shows how effective a method is when used exactly as instructed every time. Typical use reflects real life, including missed pills, late injections, or incorrect use. Typical use is often lower and gives a more realistic picture of pregnancy risk. Many contraception methods rely on consistency, timing, or correct use. Forgetting pills, using condoms incorrectly, or delaying replacements can all reduce effectiveness. This tool helps visualise how small, very human mistakes can change how well contraception works. Long-acting reversible contraception such as coils and implants are the most effective because they remove daily or monthly user error. This tool allows you... --- Sexual Health & Contraception Look after your body and have the best sex - shame & worry free with Cliterally The Best's guides on sexual health and contraception. Reminder: The only contraception that protects you against STIs, are condoms & dental dams. Falling down the panic spiral about a potential STI? We're all human. Get out of the google hole and download our FREE shame-free, evidence-based step-by-step guide. Download The LGBTQ+ Safer Sex Guide Discover now How effective is your contraceptive? Use our free tool and see how effective your contraception choice is. Discover now Latest guides on Sexual Health & Contraception How to find your perfect condom fit May 7, 2023 Managing Sexual Side Effects of Antidepressants: Your Guide to Feeling Like Yourself Again April 19, 2024 Condom excuses (debunked) & their comebacks July 17, 2024 How Successful Are Vasectomy Reversals? September 11, 2024 Don’t Be Silly, Wrap Your Willy | 6 Essential Condom Tips January 11, 2025 The Truth About The Hymen & Virginity August 18, 2025 Can You Get Pregnant From Pre-Cum? September 11, 2025 What is Psychosexual & Relationship Therapy? September 11, 2025 The LGBTQ+ Safer Sex Guide September 11, 2025 STI Window Periods: When Should You Actually Get Tested? December 22, 2025 Find your nearest sexual health clinic or charity Discover now Sexual Health & Contraception FAQs Can you get pregnant on your period? Yes, you can get pregnant during your period, though it’s less likely. Sperm can survive in your body for up to 7 days, so if you have a shorter cycle and ovulate early, there’s a chance of pregnancy. If you don’t want to get pregnant, use contraception every time you have sex, including during your period. How effective is the contraceptive pill? The contraceptive pill is over 99% effective when taken perfectly (same time every day, no missed pills). In typical use, it’s about 91% effective because people sometimes miss pills or take them late. The pill doesn’t protect against STIs, so use condoms as well if you’re at risk. Can you get pregnant from pre-cum? Yes, you can get pregnant from pre-cum (pre-ejaculate). While pre-cum itself doesn’t contain sperm, it can pick up leftover sperm from previous ejaculations in the urethra. This is why the withdrawal method is only about 78% effective with typical use. Use proper contraception if you want to avoid pregnancy. Do condoms protect against all STIs? Condoms significantly reduce the risk of most STIs including HIV, chlamydia, and gonorrhoea, but they don’t provide 100% protection. STIs that spread through skin-to-skin contact (like herpes, HPV, and syphilis) can still be transmitted if the infected area isn’t covered by the condom. Using condoms consistently and correctly is still the best way to reduce STI risk during sex. How long after unprotected sex can you take emergency contraception? It depends on the type. The emergency contraceptive pill (morning after pill) works best within 24 hours but can be taken up to 72 hours (3 days) after unprotected sex for levonorgestrel, or up to 120 hours (5 days) for ulipristal acetate (ellaOne). The copper IUD can be fitted up to 5 days after unprotected sex and is the most effective form of emergency contraception. What's the best contraception method? There’s no single “best” contraception. It depends on your lifestyle, health, and preferences. The most effective methods are long-acting reversible contraception (LARC) like the implant, IUD, or injection, which are over 99% effective. However, the best method for you is one you’ll actually use consistently. Speak to a healthcare provider about your options. Does birth control cause weight gain? Most people don’t gain significant weight from hormonal contraception. Research shows that the pill, patch, and ring don’t cause weight gain for most users. The contraceptive injection (Depo-Provera) may cause weight gain in some people. If you’re concerned about weight changes, track them and speak to your healthcare provider. They can help you find a method that works for you. Can you get an STI from oral sex? Yes, you can get STIs from oral sex including chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis, herpes, and HPV. While the risk is generally lower than vaginal or anal sex, it’s not risk-free. Using condoms or dental dams during oral sex significantly reduces STI transmission. Get tested regularly if you’re sexually active, including oral sex. Yes, you can get pregnant during your period, though it's less likely. Sperm can survive in your body for up to 7 days, so if you have a shorter cycle and ovulate early, there's a chance of pregnancy. If you don't want to get pregnant, use contraception every time you have sex, including during your period. The contraceptive pill is over 99% effective when taken perfectly (same time every day, no missed pills). In typical use, it's about 91% effective because people sometimes miss pills or take them late. The pill doesn't protect against STIs, so use condoms as well if you're at risk. Yes, you can get pregnant from pre-cum (pre-ejaculate). While pre-cum itself doesn't contain sperm, it can pick up leftover sperm from previous ejaculations in the urethra. This is why the withdrawal method is only about 78% effective with typical use. Use proper contraception if you want to avoid pregnancy. Condoms significantly reduce the risk of most STIs including HIV, chlamydia, and gonorrhoea, but they don't provide 100% protection. STIs that spread through skin-to-skin contact (like herpes, HPV, and syphilis)... --- Share your story Share your real sex and relationship stories anonymously or read others' experiences. A safe, judgment-free space to learn from real people's experiences, and help others navigate their own sexual health and relationship journeys. Your name (or anon) Your email Your Story (optional) Δ ‘Most Myself’ by Danielle Bezalel (DB) “It’s no more shameful than having a common cold” – Dan “My Coming Out Story” – Lottie “To say that I experienced sexist and racist gaslighting from my doctors would be an understatement. ” – Ratha “My Lichen Sclerosis Story” – Kiki, 22 “We learn to live with herpes, but it does not define us. ” – Ciara “My Bartholin Cyst Story” – Joy “My Vulvodynia Story” – Lucianna, 21 “The idea I could be gay was so alien to me” – Kira, 18 “Am I the only one out there who masturbates with my legs crossed? ” – Julia, Poland “My First Sex Party” – Emilie, London “I had my first smear test, then received a letter saying that I had HPV” – Mel ‘Some of You Guys Suck at Being Dominant’ – Quinn Gray --- Consent Learn what consent really means, how to ask for it, and why it matters. Clear, practical guidance on enthusiastic consent and respecting boundaries. "Consent is not a lightswitch. It's not something you flip on at the start of a sexual encounter and assume will stay on until you're done. " - Emily Nagoski Consent is a clear, enthusiastic agreement to engage in any sexual activity. It must be freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific (FRIES). Consent isn't just the absence of "no" – it's an active, ongoing "yes" that can be withdrawn at any time. It requires clear communication between all people involved and must be given without pressure, manipulation, or coercion. It's time to take the responsibility off potential victims. Download our FREE poster on consent to stick wherever you think would benefit from it. Download Consent Checklist - Survivor Informed Consent Checklist Consent doesn't have to be difficult - it's about mutual respect and caring for each other Consent is... an ongoing, enthusiastic agreement that can be withdrawn at any time. True consent is freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific (FRIES). Freely given without pressure or coercion No one is using guilt, manipulation, threats, or pressure. Both people feel safe to say no without consequences. Enthusiastic and clear You're both saying "yes" because you genuinely want to, not because you feel you should. Silence, uncertainty, or lack of resistance is NOT consent. Specific to each activity Consenting to one thing (like kissing) doesn't mean consenting to everything. Each new activity needs its own "yes". Informed Both people understand what they're agreeing to, including any risks. This includes disclosing STI status, boundaries, and what will happen. Reversible at any time Anyone can change their mind before or during, for any reason. "Yes" can become "no" or "stop" at any moment, and that must be respected immediately. Given by someone who has capacity Both people are sober enough to make clear decisions. Intoxication, sleep, or unconsciousness means someone cannot consent. Ongoing throughout Consent isn't just given at the start. Check in during sexual activity: "Is this still okay? ", "Do you want to keep going? ", "How are you feeling? " Communicated clearly Ask directly: "Do you want to... ? ", "Are you comfortable with... ? ", "Is this okay? " Listen to verbal AND non-verbal cues. Trauma Response Awareness Survivors of sexual trauma may experience freeze, fawn, or dissociation responses during sexual situations. These are involuntary trauma responses, NOT consent. Going quiet or still Seeming "checked out" or distant Agreeing but seeming distressed Not responding or engaging Always check in if you notice these signs. Stop and ask if they're okay. Boundaries are respected If someone says "no", "stop", or expresses discomfort, that's respected immediately without pressure, guilt, or negotiation. Safe to withdraw consent Both people feel emotionally and physically safe to say "no" or "stop" without fear of anger, violence, abandonment, or punishment. Remember Consent is sexy. Checking in shows care and respect. When in doubt, ask. It's always better to communicate clearly. Absence of "no" is not "yes". Look for enthusiastic, verbal agreement. Consent FAQs What if someone seems into it but hasn't said yes? Ask them. Don’t guess or assume. Consent should be clear and unambiguous. Body language can be misleading – someone might seem physically aroused but not actually want to continue, or they might be frozen in fear. Use your words. Ask “is this okay? ” or “do you want to keep going? ” or “what do you want to do? ” The worst that happens is you have a brief conversation that makes sure everyone is on the same page. That’s much better than the alternative. How do you ask for consent without killing the mood? Asking for consent doesn’t kill the mood – it creates trust, shows respect, and actually makes sex better. You can ask in ways that feel natural and even sexy: “I really want to , are you into that? ” or “Can I ? ” or “What do you want to do? ” Enthusiastic responses like “yes please” or “I want that too” are incredibly hot. If asking for consent kills the mood, maybe there wasn’t genuine desire to begin with. What is coercion and how is it different from consent? Coercion is using pressure, manipulation, guilt, threats, or intimidation to get someone to agree to sex. This isn’t consent – it’s forcing someone to say “yes” when they don’t want to. Coercion includes things like: repeatedly asking after someone says no, making someone feel guilty (“if you loved me you would”), threatening to end the relationship, using their financial dependence, making threats, or wearing someone down until they give in. Coerced “consent” isn’t real consent. Can married people or people in relationships be raped? Yes. Being in a relationship or marriage doesn’t mean consenting to all sexual activity all the time. Relationship rape and marital rape are real and serious crimes. Your partner doesn’t have automatic access to your body just because you’re together. You still need consent for every sexual encounter, and you can always say no. Forcing or coercing your partner to have sex is sexual assault, regardless of relationship status. What if you regret sex afterwards – is that lack of consent? Regret after consensual sex isn’t the same as lack of consent. If you genuinely consented at the time –... --- Coming Soon... We are nearly ready, we are just looking for a few more amazing therapists, educators, brands and charities. Apply below or email me with any questions: Are you a Sex Positive Educator or Creator? We’re always welcoming new applications to the Sex Positive Directory. Apply Now Are you a Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist? 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A Bloody Honest Flow Chart Search Keywords Clear All Filters All Reviews Showing 0 reviews @reedamberx' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Dec 2025 My gorgeous gals independant business creating super natural, water-based lube! My absolute fave natural lube! My gorgeous gals independant business creating super natural, water-based lube! My absolute fave natural lube! Martha Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Nov 2025 Fast delivery. Great product! A repeat customer! Customer service is great as well! Fast delivery. Great product! A repeat customer! Customer service is great as well! @milliemay. uk' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Nov 2025 Love how accessible this lube is with its pump, compared to most lubes that have annoying tubes. Super silky smooth... Love how accessible this lube is with its pump, compared to most lubes that have annoying tubes. Super silky smooth and hydrating on my skin and not sticky at all! ! Oh and the packaging feels super high-quality. @mydisabledsexlife' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Oct 2025 Absolutely beautiful! ! So Silkyyy Absolutely beautiful! ! So Silkyyy @hannahgotthe_d' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Sep 2025 The first lube I didnt react to and not horrible in my mouth either - plus the packaging bangs! The first lube I didnt react to and not horrible in my mouth either - plus the packaging bangs! @uneasytia' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Aug 2025 It's so great, it didn't leave a weird residue like the other ones i've tried and its not sticky at... It's so great, it didn't leave a weird residue like the other ones i've tried and its not sticky at all! ! 1000/10! ❤️ AK Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Aug 2025 The lube is amazing to use and great for sensitive people like myself. Posted quickly too. Great service. The lube is amazing to use and great for sensitive people like myself. Posted quickly too. Great service. @hannahwitton' The Sex & Health Awareness Days Calendar Aug 2025 I am so excited to put this up in my office! I am so excited to put this up in my office! @emilychadwickxx' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Jun 2025 Loved the cliterally the best lube! Not sticky at all and lasted ages, will definitely be repurchasing! Loved the cliterally the best lube! Not sticky at all and lasted ages, will definitely be repurchasing! Charly Murmann Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube May 2025 Yes great delivery and amazing lube soft and smell nice and amazing use of it works well for everyone that... Yes great delivery and amazing lube soft and smell nice and amazing use of it works well for everyone that I know @weesuzyw' The Sex & Health Awareness Days Calendar Apr 2025 So cute, thank you so much and super speedy turnaround! So cute, thank you so much and super speedy turnaround! @redmoongang' The Sex & Health Awareness Days Calendar Apr 2025 It's perfect for something like me who works both as a sex educator and social media manager! It's perfect for something like me who works both as a sex educator and social media manager! Lucie Apr 2025 Love this company, my order was delayed and I was given a free item to make up for it -... Love this company, my order was delayed and I was given a free item to make up for it - great customer service :) MC Mar 2025 Quick delivery and satisfying products. The bookmark product is very cute and unique! I like... --- Porn Cliteracy Porn literacy isn't about shame, it's about empowerment. Explore our guides on ethical consumption, consent, media literacy, and developing a healthy relationship with adult content. If the porn is free, it probably isn't ethical . While many of us, regardless of gender, watch porn (which is totally normal), it’s important to remember that porn isn’t real life and it wasn't made for education, it was made for entertainment - much like you're favourite movie. Because many of us received limited or inadequate sex education, porn often became a default way of learning about sex. The problem? Porn rarely shows realistic sex, including conversations about consent, STI protection, boundaries, or what pleasure actually feels like in real bodies. Real-life sex can be awkward, messy, funny, intimate, and deeply human. This resource has been created to help you navigate the world of porn and consume it in a more healthy, informed way. Porn vs Real Life: Because porn isn’t sex education Learn the real differences between porn performance and actual sex so you can have better, more realistic expectations. Learn more Checklist: Avoiding Harmful Porn Use this checklist to make more informed, ethical choices about your porn consumption. Avoiding Harmful Porn - Accordion Checklist 0 of 31 items checked Before You Watch ▼ Is this content paid or from an ethical producer? Free tube sites often host pirated/stolen content and don't compensate performers Does the site have clear age verification? Protects minors and ensures performer legal age Are performers clearly credited? Allows you to verify consent and support specific performers Does the production company have transparent consent policies? Check their "About" or "Ethics" page Is the site transparent about who's filming/behind the camera? Ethical companies show who's creating the content Evaluate the Website Critically ▼ What kind of language are they using? Does the website use sexist, racialized, discriminatory buzzwords including in advertisements? Does their website mission align with ethical values? Check their About page for stance on consent, performer rights, diversity Is there a variety of body types, body hair, race, sexuality? Diversity without fetishising is a good sign Are the advertisements promoting sex-positive messages? Avoid sites with "shamey" ads like "CLICK 4 PENIS ENLARGEMENTS" - not sex-positive! Content Red Flags to Avoid ▼ Avoid content depicting intoxication or unclear consent Even if staged, normalises harmful behaviour Skip "hidden camera" or "surprise" themed content Eroticises consent violations Avoid titles using racist, sexist, or dehumanizing language Reinforces harmful stereotypes Skip content labeled "teen" that fetishizes youth Even if performers are 18+, problematic framing Avoid revenge porn or "leaked" content Non-consensual distribution Skip content showing pain without visible consent/check-ins Distinguish BDSM performance from actual harm Support Ethical Alternatives ▼ Subscribe to ethical porn sites Examples: Make Love Not Porn, Lust Cinema, Erika Lust, Bellesa, Crashpad Series, Four Chambers Grab exclusive discounts on ethical porn sites Check out our sex-positive discounts page → Buy directly from independent performers OnlyFans, ManyVids, etc. where performers control content Look for "feminist porn" or "ethical porn" certifications Feminist Porn Awards, Fair Trade Porn indicators Follow performers on social media Verify they're happy with their work and actively involved Stick to recommended sites and individual performers when starting out Build a trusted list of ethical sources Mindful Consumption ▼ Ask yourself: Would I feel comfortable if someone I knew performed in this? Tests your comfort with conditions Check if the scenario depicted would require extensive consent negotiation IRL If yes, is that shown? Notice if you feel uncomfortable or guilty That feeling is information worth exploring Reflect on whether your consumption aligns with your values Does free tube site use conflict with sex worker rights support? Downloaded the Healthy Porn Workbook Get your evidence-based guide to healthy porn consumption → Sex Work vs Sex Trafficking: understanding the crucial difference Understanding the difference is crucial for protecting vulnerable people. Read more Are you consuming porn in a healthy way? Download our FREE shame-free, evidence-based guide to understanding your relationship with porn. Download Ethical Porn Supporting ethical porn creators is just as important as paying for any other streaming service. To make it easier on your wallet, here are discounts from our favourite reputable sites. Grab your discount What is Ethical Porn? Latest guides on Porn What is ‘Ethical Porn’? December 16, 2025 Porn vs Real Life: Because porn isn’t sex education December 16, 2025 Sex work vs sex trafficking: understanding the crucial difference December 16, 2025 The porn shame cycle, explained December 16, 2025 Why Porn literacy has to be included in Sex Ed? December 16, 2025 Breath Play: What is it? And can it ever be done safely? March 4, 2025 Labiaplasty & vaginal tightening: the global rise November 7, 2024 Porn FAQs Is watching porn always a problem? No. Lots of people watch porn without it negatively affecting their lives. Issues arise when porn use feels compulsive, gets in the way of things that matter to you, or causes you distress. And even then, it’s often the shame cycle keeping you stuck, not the porn itself. How do I know if I need to talk to someone professional about this? Consider getting support if porn use is causing you significant distress, affecting your relationships or responsibilities, taking up loads of your time, or if you’ve tried to change your patterns but can’t seem to. A COSRT therapist can help you explore these concerns without making you... --- Sex Positive Discounts We all love a discount and sex tech and toys usually come with a hefty price tag! Save money on sex-positive products and services with these exclusive codes! All Sex Toys/Aids Ethical Porn/Erotica Apps/Services Beducated Beducated brings pleasure-based sex education right to your bedroom. Grab 50% off. CLITERALLYTHEBEST Copy Code Grab Your Discount → Crash Pad Series Cinematic queer porn. Grab 15% off. CLITERALLYTHEBEST Copy Code Grab Your Discount → Pink Label TV Streaming platform for indie adult films from around the world. Grab 15% off. CLITERALLYTHEBEST Copy Code Grab Your Discount → Erika Lust Pleasure-forward storytelling. 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CLITERALLYTHEBEST Copy Code Grab Your Discount → Hertility Founded by scientists and powered by an (all Women) research team, Hertility is a fertility company, bringing the latest reproductive science out of the lab direct to your home. 15% off. CLITERALLY15 Copy Code Grab Your Discount → Hot Octopus We are Hot Octopus. We try and do things differently. We combine imaginative designs with an original, playful outlook. 15% off. CLITERALLY15 Copy Code Grab Your Discount → Lovehoney Lovehoney is the UK’s most popular online shop for buying adult toys and sexy lingerie online. CLITERALLYTHEBEST Copy Code Grab Your Discount → What is Ethical Porn? What does this buzzword mean? Can any porn be ethical? Hear our thoughts and find the safest options. Learn more Latest guides Period Tracking for Dummies Period Health February 6, 2026 byKathryn King0 Latest Missed a period? Here’s what might be going on... Gynae HealthPeriod HealthReproductive Health & Fertility February 2, 2026 Smells Down There: What Your Genitals Are Trying to Tell You Gynae HealthPenis HealthSexual Health & Contraception January 26, 2026 Disabled People Have Sex Too: Breaking Down Barriers to Pleasure Relationships & DatingSex 101Sex PositivitySexuality & GenderToys & Pleasure January 25, 2026 Instagram Feed @cliterallythebest Visit on Instagram → @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 2 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 --- Coming Soon... Sign up to our mailing list to be the first to know! E-mail Subscribe Subscribe --- The Sex Ed you Needed Growing Up No shame. No stigma. Just honest, empowering education about bodies, pleasure, and health. Our Story Cliterally The Best started because I was tired of the same old narrative around sexual health. You know the one. Sex education that’s either so clinical you need a medical degree to decipher, or so full of shame that you’d rather google your symptoms at 2am than ask for help. I believe everyone deserves judgement free, accurate, inclusive and colourful information about their sexual health and pleasure. Whether you’re figuring things out for the first time or you already know your sh*t, you deserve resources that speak to you like the capable human you are. So I took my love of illustration, mixed it with my background in marketing and psychosexual therapy, and built a space where you can learn, explore and get real answers. No awkwardness, no shame, and no outdated advice. Trusted by Leading Organisations We've partnered with incredible brands and organizations who share our vision. Sex Positive press The latest Cliterally The Best press features and interviews. Press Carousel The relationship expert on a mission to change the meaning of sex education For most people, sex education starts with being shown confusing medical diagrams of genitals and ends with awkwardly putting a condom on a cucumber while a teacher watches. However, it needn't be this way, says sex education activist, author and podcaster, Evie Plumb... Read full article What Is Ethical Porn? How to Jerk Off Responsibly Though there are a myriad of definitions out there, ethical porn is fundamentally porn that centers on the proper treatment of sex workers. "Simply put, porn that sticks to workers' rights," sex educator Evie Plumb explains. "The performer's pay, safety and treatment is put first and is fair. Consent, sexual health and credit are paramount. "... Read full article 'Choke Me Daddy': The Dangerous Truth About Breath Play Memes Purnell recommends a mixture of reputable online resources to get started: Jerk Magazine has a great 101 guide, and so does Cliterally the Best... Read full article How One Platform Is Changing Sex Positivity so perhaps it's a relief the report offers no evidence this actually happened. (The choking "advice" is taken from a blog by the self-styled sex-positive podcaster Evie Plumb, who says she has undergone professional RSHE training, but there's no claim it was ever taught in schools. )... Read full article Partners in Pleasure-Positive Education Although I do not teach under 18s, I am an ambassador for two amazing non-profits doing the important work that one day will mean I am no longer needed! Fumble Fumble began in 2017 when a group of young volunteers came together to tackle a root cause of gendered violence: the lack of relationships and sex education addressing the challenges young people face in the digital age. The Porn Conversation Without proper support, porn has become the new sex ed. With today’s online culture, we can’t stop young people from seeing sexualised content, but we can teach them to understand it. This project was created to give families free, accessible tools to start these conversations, beginning with porn literacy. Recent Creations & Collaborations i've LOVED doing. As well as creating my own illustrative content, I truly love collaborating with other brands and charities in the space. Thanks to widespread censorship of sexual health content, we all need to do what we can to spread these important messages, and collaboration is a powerful way to do that. CTB X @Feminist: Benefits of Self Pleasure CTB X The Lowdown: Pregnancy Myths CTB Sex Toy Horoscopes CTB Rainbow Magic (Adult Edition) Happy people @reedamberx' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Dec 2025 My gorgeous gals independant business creating super natural, water-based lube! My absolute fave natural lube! My gorgeous gals independant business creating super natural, water-based lube! My absolute fave natural lube! Martha Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Nov 2025 Fast delivery. Great product! A repeat customer! Customer service is great as well! Fast delivery. Great product! A repeat customer! Customer service is great as well! @milliemay. uk' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Nov 2025 Love how accessible this lube is with its pump, compared to most lubes that have annoying tubes. Super silky smooth... Love how accessible this lube is with its pump, compared to most lubes that have annoying tubes. Super silky smooth and hydrating on my skin and not sticky at all! ! Oh and the packaging feels super high-quality. @mydisabledsexlife' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Oct 2025 Absolutely beautiful! ! So Silkyyy Absolutely beautiful! ! So Silkyyy @hannahgotthe_d' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Sep 2025 The first lube I didnt react to and not horrible in my mouth either - plus the packaging bangs! The first lube I didnt react to and not horrible in my mouth either - plus the packaging bangs! @uneasytia' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Aug 2025 It's so great, it didn't leave a weird residue like the other ones i've tried and its not sticky at... It's so great, it didn't leave a weird residue like the other ones i've tried and its not sticky at all! ! 1000/10! ❤️ AK Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Aug 2025 The lube is amazing to use and great for sensitive people like myself. Posted quickly too. Great service. The lube is amazing to use and great for sensitive people like myself. Posted quickly too. Great... --- Coming Soon... We are nearly ready, we are just looking for a few more amazing educators & coaches. Apply below or email me with any questions Are you a Sex Positive Educator or Creator? We’re welcoming new applications to the Sex Positive Directory. Apply Now --- Sex Positive Educator & Coach Directory Application Form Censorship makes it incredibly difficult for sex-positive educators and coaches to share their work, promote their services, or reach the people who genuinely need them. There are so many brilliant creators offering life-changing (and often life-saving) education online - support that many people simply can’t access through their GP. I want to amplify that work as much as possible. This directory is designed to become a reliable, central place where anyone can search for the right educator for their specific concern. For example, if someone suspects they might have endometriosis, they’ll be able to filter by that topic and discover trusted experts who truly know their stuff. If you’d like to be included, just fill out the application form. We’ll get in touch once we’ve reviewed everything or if we need any clarifications. We simply want to ensure that every creator listed aligns with Cliterally’s ethics and values. The more creators who join, the easier it becomes for people to find the right expert for their needs. You must fit the 3 callouts below to apply. Once you’re approved, you’ll receive a link to complete your subscription. Your profile will go live once the payment is made, and it will be removed automatically if you cancel. Invoices will be provided via email. There’s also an optional article feed on your profile to help promote you even further. This automatically pulls through any pieces you’ve written for our website, giving you another way to increase your reach and connect people directly to your services. The fee is to cover all the coding, creating, promoting and admin work on my part but do let me know if you are on low income and we can sort something out. If you have any questions at all please email me! Inclusive AFAll of these educators and coaches make sure inclusivity is at the forefront of what they do. Purpose-drivenMost of these wonderful humans create content on the side of paid work. Passion for change is what drives their work. Free EducationOften working to produce free content because everyone deserves education. Support them in whatever ways you can. EARLY BIRD Yearly Subscription £59. 99 per year (2 months free! ) Dedicated Listing & Setup Article Feed Story shout out on Cliterally's Insta (106k) Email spotlight to a 4k (and growing) mailing list Unlimited Edits Monthly Subscription £5. 99 per month Dedicated Listing & Setup Article Feed Email announcement to a 4k (and growing) mailing list Unlimited Edits Apply to Join Sex-Positive Educators Directory Fill out this application to be considered for our sex-positive educator and creator directory. We'll review your application and get back to you within 5 business days. Personal Information Full Name * Pronouns Country Profile Photo (1080x1080px) * Please upload a square profile photo, 1080x1080px (JPG, PNG, max 5MB) Bio * Content Gallery (Optional) Gallery Image 1 Upload up to 3 images showcasing your content or work Gallery Image 2 Gallery Image 3 Contact & Social Media Email Address * Website Instagram URL TikTok URL YouTube URL Twitter/X URL LinkedIn URL Your Specialisms/Topics What topics do you create content about or educate on? Separate each topic with a comma I confirm that all information provided is accurate and that my content is sex-positive, inclusive, and evidence-based * Submit Application --- Sex Positive Tools Discover Cliterally The Best’s sex-positive downloads shop. Explore our latest anatomical diagrams, a fun calendar, free mobile wallpapers, and more, all designed in-house! Sex Positive Workbooks & Worksheets Instantly downloadable sex education and relationship workbooks for self-reflection, communication, and personal growth. Inclusive, evidence-based resources you can print at home and work through at your own pace. " Sex Positive Quizzes & Tools Sex positive tools and quizzes to help you understand your body, relationships, and contraception. From love languages to periods and real-life contraception effectiveness. Contraception effectiveness tool What is your love language? quiz "Is my period normal? " quiz Sex Positive Downloads Miscellaneous sex positive downloads, from me to you. For Educators Downloadable resources and printable guides for inclusive sexual health practice. Tools for therapists, healthcare providers, and educators to support clients, discuss consent, and provide shame-free sexual health care. Happy people @reedamberx' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Dec 2025 My gorgeous gals independant business creating super natural, water-based lube! My absolute fave natural lube! My gorgeous gals independant business creating super natural, water-based lube! My absolute fave natural lube! Martha Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Nov 2025 Fast delivery. Great product! A repeat customer! Customer service is great as well! Fast delivery. Great product! A repeat customer! Customer service is great as well! @milliemay. uk' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Nov 2025 Love how accessible this lube is with its pump, compared to most lubes that have annoying tubes. Super silky smooth... Love how accessible this lube is with its pump, compared to most lubes that have annoying tubes. Super silky smooth and hydrating on my skin and not sticky at all! ! Oh and the packaging feels super high-quality. @mydisabledsexlife' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Oct 2025 Absolutely beautiful! ! So Silkyyy Absolutely beautiful! ! So Silkyyy @hannahgotthe_d' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Sep 2025 The first lube I didnt react to and not horrible in my mouth either - plus the packaging bangs! The first lube I didnt react to and not horrible in my mouth either - plus the packaging bangs! @uneasytia' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Aug 2025 It's so great, it didn't leave a weird residue like the other ones i've tried and its not sticky at... It's so great, it didn't leave a weird residue like the other ones i've tried and its not sticky at all! ! 1000/10! ❤️ AK Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Aug 2025 The lube is amazing to use and great for sensitive people like myself. Posted quickly too. Great service. The lube is amazing to use and great for sensitive people like myself. Posted quickly too. Great service. @hannahwitton' The Sex & Health Awareness Days Calendar Aug 2025 I am so excited to put this up in my office! I am so excited to put this up in my office! @emilychadwickxx' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Jun 2025 Loved the cliterally the best lube! Not sticky at all and lasted ages, will definitely be repurchasing! Loved the cliterally the best lube! Not sticky at all and lasted ages, will definitely be repurchasing! Charly Murmann Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube May 2025 Yes great delivery and amazing lube soft and smell nice and amazing use of it works well for everyone that... Yes great delivery and amazing lube soft and smell nice and amazing use of it works well for everyone that I know @weesuzyw' The Sex & Health Awareness Days Calendar Apr 2025 So cute, thank you so much and super speedy turnaround! So cute, thank you so much and super speedy turnaround! @redmoongang' The Sex & Health Awareness Days Calendar Apr 2025 It's perfect for something like me who works both as a sex educator and social media manager! It's perfect for something like me who works both as a sex educator and social media manager! Lucie Apr 2025 Love this company, my order was delayed and I was given a free item to make up for it -... Love this company, my order was delayed and I was given a free item to make up for it - great customer service :) MC Mar 2025 Quick delivery and satisfying products. The bookmark product is very cute and unique! I like how the website educates and... Quick delivery and satisfying products. The bookmark product is very cute and unique! I like how the website educates and liberates the concept of sexual experience and sexual health. @armandocabba' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Mar 2025 I can finally use the Eiffel Tower as my personal toy thanks to your lube! ! I can finally use the Eiffel Tower as my personal toy thanks to your lube! ! Millie Beckles-Mitton Feb 2025 I really appreciate websites like these existing and love the merch so so much. Just a grateful customer. And really... I really appreciate websites like these existing and love the merch so so much. Just a grateful customer. And really loved the free PDF downloads - such a great idea, such a positive site. @kaleidoscopecounselling' Penis & Clitoris Sex Positive Diagram Print Feb 2025 Can't wait to get this masterpiece framed and on our office walls! Can't wait to get this masterpiece framed and on our office walls! Sex Debbie The Sex & Health Awareness Days Calendar Jan 2025 Really handy resource as a sex educator to use as a prompt for social media. Set as desktop background! Really handy resource as a... --- The Sex Positive Calendar Celebrate sex positive awareness days, plan events, create meaningful content, and promote positive sexual and reproductive health education with this comprehensive global calendar of dates related to sex, sexuality, and identity. This Month - February HIV Testing Awareness Month February is HIV Testing Awareness Month, dedicated to promoting HIV testing, reducing stigma, and encouraging people to know their status. The month emphasizes that early detection leads to better health outcomes and prevention of transmission. LGBT+ History Month (UK) LGBT+ History Month celebrates LGBTQ+ heritage, honors activists and pioneers, and educates about LGBTQ+ contributions to society. The month promotes understanding, acceptance, and visibility of LGBTQ+ history and culture. Today - February 6 World FGC Awareness Day World FGC Awareness Day raises awareness about female genital cutting/mutilation, advocating for the end of this harmful practice. The day promotes education, supports survivors, and works toward global elimination of FGC. ← Previous February 2026 Next → Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat 1 2 3 4 5 6 World FGC Awareness... 7 8 9 10 11 12 Sexual and Reproductive... 13 International Condom Day Galentine's Day 14 Valentine's Day 15 Single Awareness Day 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 Awareness Days Physical Events February 2026 - All Events & Awareness Days ▼ All Month Awareness Day HIV Testing Awareness Month February is HIV Testing Awareness Month, dedicated to promoting HIV testing, reducing stigma, and encouraging people to know their status. The month emphasizes that early detection leads to better health outcomes and prevention of transmission. All Month Awareness Day LGBT+ History Month (UK) LGBT+ History Month celebrates LGBTQ+ heritage, honors activists and pioneers, and educates about LGBTQ+ contributions to society. The month promotes understanding, acceptance, and visibility of LGBTQ+ history and culture. February 6 Awareness Day World FGC Awareness Day World FGC Awareness Day raises awareness about female genital cutting/mutilation, advocating for the end of this harmful practice. The day promotes education, supports survivors, and works toward global elimination of FGC. February 12 Awareness Day Sexual and Reproductive Health Day Sexual and Reproductive Health Day promotes access to comprehensive sexual and reproductive healthcare services. The day advocates for sexual and reproductive rights as fundamental human rights for all people. February 13 Awareness Day International Condom Day International Condom Day promotes safer sex practices, STI prevention, and the importance of consistent condom use. The day provides education about proper condom use and encourages open conversations about sexual health. February 13 Awareness Day Galentine's Day Galentine's Day celebrates female friendship, sisterhood, and platonic love. The day honors meaningful connections between women and friends, emphasizing that love comes in many forms beyond romantic relationships. February 14 Awareness Day Valentine's Day Valentine's Day celebrates love, romance, and intimate connections. The day honors all forms of love and relationships, from romantic partnerships to self-love and platonic bonds. February 15 Awareness Day Single Awareness Day Single Awareness Day celebrates being single and promotes self-love and independence. The day challenges societal pressure around relationships and emphasizes that being single is a valid and fulfilling life choice. Submit Your Event Have a sex-positive event or workshop? Share it with our community! Event Type * Select event type Awareness Day Physical Event Choose "Physical Event" if your event has a location and time Event Title * Month * Select month January February March April May June July August September October November December Day * Description * Year * 2026 2027 2028 What year is this event happening? Location * Where is this event taking place? Event Link/URL Link to registration, tickets, or more information Your Email * We'll use this to contact you about your submission Submit Event for Approval × Events Sex Awareness Days Calendar Set it as your desktop background or print it on your wall for just £4. 99. Can be re-used every year! Add to Cart Latest guides Why Porn literacy has to be included in Sex Ed? December 16, 2025 byEleonora Ranuzzi When Intimacy Becomes a Product: AI, Sex Tech, and the Loss of Human Connection December 8, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) How to Know What Therapy Modality is Right For Me December 1, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) How to know if your Therapist is Legit December 1, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) --- Therapist Directory Application Form This directory is designed to become a reliable, accessible place where anyone can search for the right therapist for their specific concern and not have to worry about if they have the right qualifications. If you’d like to be included, just fill out the application form. I will get in touch once we’ve reviewed everything or if we need any clarifications. Once you’re approved, you’ll receive a link to complete your subscription. Your profile will go live once the payment is made, and it will be removed automatically if you cancel. Invoices will be provided via email. There’s also an optional article feed on your profile to help promote you even further. This automatically pulls through any pieces you’ve written for the website, giving you another way to increase your reach and connect people directly to your services. If you have any questions at all, or are on low income, please email me! All applying therapists must be members of the following governing bodies: COSRT, AASECT, CASAT, SAS or EFSRT, ESSM, IAPST, ISSM, ISSWSH, SSTAR, WAS. You must also tick the below features as a therapist. Culturally in-tuneAll of these therapists have undergone in-depth training that centres inclusivity across cultures, races, identities, and lived experiences. Licensed to call Legally anyone can label as a 'therapist' so it's important to find one thats actually qualified. All of these therapists are registered with COSRT (recognised by the NHS) or the equivalent body in their country. Accessible AFAll therapists listed here offer sliding-scale or low-cost sessions, making therapy more accessible for people on lower incomes - because support shouldn’t be a luxury. EARLY BIRD Yearly £99 (early bird 3 months free) Dedicated Listing & Contact Form Story shout out on Cliterally's Insta (106k) Email spotlight to a 4k (and growing) mailing list Unlimited Edits Optional blog articles Monthly £9. 99 per month Dedicated Listing & Contact Form Email announcement to a 4k (and growing) mailing list Optional blog articles Unlimited Edits Apply to Join Our Therapist Directory Fill out this application to be considered for our sex and relationship therapist directory. We'll review your application and get back to you within 5 business days. Personal Information Full Name * Pronouns Job Title * Profile Photo * Please upload a professional headshot (JPG, PNG, max 5MB) Contact Information Email Address * City/Location * Website Social Media (Optional) Facebook URL Twitter/X URL Instagram URL TikTok URL LinkedIn URL YouTube URL Professional Information About You * This will be displayed on your profile (200-500 words recommended) Qualifications * Therapy Approaches * Client Focus Types of Therapy You Offer Select all that apply Individual Couples Multi-partnered Session Formats Select all that apply Online In-person Presenting Problems You Can Help With Select all that apply Affairs/Infidelity Body Image Concerns Communication Problems Compulsive Sexual Behaviour ('Addiction') Delayed Ejaculation Desire Discrepancies Desire Problems Exploring Gender Identity Exploring Sexuality Fear of Intimacy Fertility Issues Gynae Issues (Endo, Adeno, PCOS etc) Intimate Partner Violence Menopause Issues Orgasm Problems Polyamory / Multi-Partnered Relationship Support Pornography-Related Concerns Premature Ejaculation Problematic Sexual Behaviours Reduced/High Desire Concerns Vaginismus Sex & Relationships with Disability Sex & Relationships with Neurodivergence Sexual Pain Sexual Trauma Unreliable Erections Fees & Availability Session Fee * Additional Fee Information I confirm that all information provided is accurate and I hold appropriate professional qualifications and insurance * Submit Application --- Support Links Need support? Find trusted organisations and helplines for LGBTQ+ communities, domestic abuse survivors, sex workers, and mental health across the UK, Europe, USA and worldwide. You're not alone. LGBTQ+ Support UK Stonewall UK – Leading LGBTQ+ rights charity campaigning for equality and acceptanceMermaids – Supporting transgender, nonbinary and gender-diverse children, young people and their familiesSwitchboard LGBT+ Helpline – Free confidential listening service and information for LGBTQ+ peopleGendered Intelligence – Trans-led organization working to improve trans people’s quality of lifeLGBT Foundation – Health, wellbeing and community support for LGBTQ+ peopleGalop – LGBTQ+ anti-violence charity providing support for hate crime and domestic abuse survivorsMetro Charity – Equality and diversity organization supporting LGBTQ+ health and wellbeingThe Albert Kennedy Trust – Supporting LGBTQ+ young people aged 16-25 facing homelessness or living in hostile environments Europe ILGA-Europe – European region of the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex AssociationTransgender Europe (TGEU) – Voice for the trans community across Europe and Central AsiaAll Out – Global movement for love and equality, mobilizing people everywhereCOC Netherlands – Oldest existing LGBTQ+ organization in the world, advocating for equalityL’Autre Cercle (France) – Professional network fighting discrimination in employmentRFSL (Sweden) – Swedish Federation for LGBTQ Rights working for equal rights and opportunitiesLambda Warsaw (Poland) – Supporting LGBTQ+ community in Poland with counseling and advocacy USA The Trevor Project – Suicide prevention and crisis intervention for LGBTQ+ young peopleGLAAD – Accelerating acceptance through media representation and cultural changeHuman Rights Campaign (HRC) – America’s largest civil rights organization for LGBTQ+ equalityPFLAG – Supporting families, allies and LGBTQ+ individuals through advocacy and educationNational Center for Transgender Equality – Leading advocacy organization for transgender rights and policy changeGLSEN – Creating safe and inclusive schools for LGBTQ+ studentsLambda Legal – Legal advocacy and education for LGBTQ+ rights and people with HIVThe Transgender Law Center – Largest national trans-led organization advocating for self-determinationIt Gets Better Project – Uplifting, empowering and connecting LGBTQ+ youth around the worldSAGE – Advocacy and services for LGBTQ+ elders Rest of the World ILGA World – International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association representing over 1,900 organisationsOutRight Action International – Advancing human rights and equality for LGBTQ+ people globallyIGLYO – International network of LGBTQ+ youth and student organizationsRainbow Railroad – Helping LGBTQ+ people escape persecution and find safetyKaleidoscope Trust – Fighting for the human rights of LGBTQ+ people internationallyGlobal Interfaith Network – Faith-based advocacy for sexual orientation, gender identity and expression equalityAustralia & New ZealandMinus18 – Australia’s largest youth-led organization for LGBTQ+ young peopleACON – Health promotion organization for LGBTQ+ communities in New South WalesRainbow Youth (New Zealand) – Supporting queer and gender diverse young peopleQLife – Anonymous and free LGBTQ+ peer support and referral for AustraliaAfricaThe Other Foundation – Supporting LGBTI rights and social justice in Southern AfricaAMSHeR – African Men for Sexual Health and Rights, promoting health and rights for MSM communitiesAsiaPurple Roof (Hong Kong) – Supporting LGBTQ+ individuals and familiesKalyanamitra (Thailand) – Supporting LGBTQ+ health rights and social acceptanceHumsafar Trust (India) – Sexual health services and LGBTQ+ community supportLatin AmericaILGA LAC – Regional network for LGBTI rights across Latin America and the CaribbeanFundación Iguales (Chile) – Working toward LGBTI equality through advocacy and education Stonewall UK - Leading LGBTQ+ rights charity campaigning for equality and acceptanceMermaids - Supporting transgender, nonbinary and gender-diverse children, young people and their familiesSwitchboard LGBT+ Helpline - Free confidential listening service and information for LGBTQ+ peopleGendered Intelligence - Trans-led organization working to improve trans people's quality of lifeLGBT Foundation - Health, wellbeing and community support for LGBTQ+ peopleGalop - LGBTQ+ anti-violence charity providing support for hate crime and domestic abuse survivorsMetro Charity - Equality and diversity organization supporting LGBTQ+ health and wellbeingThe Albert Kennedy Trust - Supporting LGBTQ+ young people aged 16-25 facing homelessness or living in hostile environmentsILGA-Europe - European region of the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex AssociationTransgender Europe (TGEU) - Voice for the trans community across Europe and Central AsiaAll Out - Global movement for love and equality, mobilizing people everywhereCOC Netherlands - Oldest existing LGBTQ+ organization in the world, advocating for equalityL'Autre Cercle (France) - Professional network fighting discrimination in employmentRFSL (Sweden) - Swedish Federation for LGBTQ Rights working for equal rights and opportunitiesLambda Warsaw (Poland) - Supporting LGBTQ+ community in Poland with counseling and advocacyThe Trevor Project - Suicide prevention and crisis intervention for LGBTQ+ young peopleGLAAD - Accelerating acceptance through media representation and cultural changeHuman Rights Campaign (HRC) - America's largest civil rights organization for LGBTQ+ equalityPFLAG - Supporting families, allies and LGBTQ+ individuals through advocacy and educationNational Center for Transgender Equality - Leading advocacy organization for transgender rights and policy changeGLSEN - Creating safe and inclusive schools for LGBTQ+ studentsLambda Legal - Legal advocacy and education for LGBTQ+ rights and people with HIVThe Transgender Law Center - Largest national trans-led organization advocating for self-determinationIt Gets Better Project - Uplifting, empowering and connecting LGBTQ+ youth around the worldSAGE - Advocacy and services for LGBTQ+ eldersILGA World - International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association representing over 1,900 organisationsOutRight Action International - Advancing human rights and equality for LGBTQ+ people globallyIGLYO - International network of LGBTQ+ youth and student organizationsRainbow Railroad - Helping LGBTQ+ people escape persecution and find safetyKaleidoscope Trust - Fighting for the human rights of LGBTQ+ people internationallyGlobal Interfaith Network - Faith-based advocacy for sexual orientation, gender identity and expression equalityAustralia & New ZealandMinus18 - Australia's largest youth-led organization for... --- The Sex & Relationship Therapist Directory A global directory for trustworthy and inclusive psychosexual and relationship therapists. Culturally in-tuneAll of these therapists have undergone in-depth training that centres inclusivity across cultures, races, identities, and lived experiences. Licensed to call Legally anyone can label as a 'therapist' so it's important to find one thats actually qualified. All of these therapists are registered with COSRT (recognised by the NHS) or the equivalent body in their country. Accessible AFAll therapists listed here offer sliding-scale or low-cost sessions, making therapy more accessible for people on lower incomes - because support shouldn’t be a luxury. Find Your Therapist Presenting Problems All Problems Affairs/InfidelityBody Image ConcernsCommunication ProblemsCompulsive Sexual Behaviour ('Addiction')Delayed EjaculationDesire DiscrepanciesDesire ProblemsExploring Gender IdentityExploring SexualityFear of IntimacyFertility IssuesGynae Issues (Endo, Adeno, PCOS etc)Intimate Partner ViolenceMenopause IssuesOrgasm ProblemsPolyamory / Multi-Partnered Relationship SupportPornography-Related ConcernsPremature EjaculationProblematic Sexual BehavioursReduced/High Desire ConcernsSex & Relationships with DisabilitySex & Relationships with NeurodivergenceSexual PainSexual TraumaUnreliable ErectionsVaginismus Type of Therapy All Types CouplesMulti-partneredSolo Session Format All Formats In-personOnline Alex Musto she/her Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist Location: Leamington Spa, UK Bima Loxley they/them Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist Location: Glasgow, UK Dr Kahverry Rajeswaran she/her Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist Location: Swindon Dr. Ray O’Neill he/him Psychosexual Relationship Therapisy Location: Dublin/Castletownbere, Ireland Evie Plumb she/her Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist Location: Brighton, UK Laura Stannard she/her Clinical Sexologist & Relationship Therapist Location: London Naomi Rees She/her Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist & Menopause Specialist Location: Ipswich, UK Teodora Dascal Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist Location: London & Leigh-on-Sea Please note: These therapists operate independently of Cliterally The Best, and we are not involved in or responsible for the services they provide. Therapy FAQs What even is psychosexual and relationship therapy? Sex and relationship therapy, also called psychosexual therapy, is a talking-based therapy that helps individuals and couples address sexual, emotional, and relational difficulties in a safe, non-judgemental space. According to COSRT, it is a professional therapy aimed at exploring the causes of sexual and relationship challenges, understanding patterns of thought, emotion, and behaviour, and supporting positive change. It does not involve physical touch and can help with issues such as sexual difficulties, intimacy problems, communication challenges, identity questions, and the impact of trauma. It works with both solo individuals and people in relationships to improve sexual wellbeing, emotional connection, and overall confidence in their sexual and relational lives. How do I know my therapist is regulated? Good question! Not all people who call themselves “sex therapists” have formal training. To make sure your therapist is qualified:Check professional registers: Look for therapists listed on recognised national or international registers. Some examples:UK: COSRT (cosrt. org. uk)US: AASECT (aasect. org)Canada: CASAT (caset. ca)Australia: AASECT Australia / AAS (aasr. com. au)Europe: EFSRT (efsrt. eu)Check qualifications: Accredited therapists should have formal training in psychosexual or relationship therapy and usually list their certifications on their profile. Ask directly: Don’t be afraid to ask a therapist about their training, experience, and accreditation. A professional therapist will answer these questions clearly. Referral options: If private therapy isn’t possible, your GP can sometimes refer you for limited NHS sessions in the UK. Remember: being on a recognised register is the safest way to ensure your therapist is properly trained and regulated. Everyone on this directory is registered with the above governing bodies. If you have any questions about this, I am happy to help – evie@cliterallythebest. com What can I expect from my first session? Your first session might feel a little different from later sessions. Many therapists use it as an assessment to understand your history, why you’ve come, and what you hope to work on. There will typically more note taking than usual sessions. It’s also a chance for you to ask any questions you have about the therapy process – no question is too big or too small. You don’t have to answer anything you’re not comfortable with, and you can go at your own pace. The goal is to help you feel safe, heard, and supported from the very beginning. What if I can't afford therapy? I have written a handy article for this for wherever you are in the world. Read here. Sex and relationship therapy, also called psychosexual therapy, is a talking-based therapy that helps individuals and couples address sexual, emotional, and relational difficulties in a safe, non-judgemental space. According to COSRT, it is a professional therapy aimed at exploring the causes of sexual and relationship challenges, understanding patterns of thought, emotion, and behaviour, and supporting positive change. It does not involve physical touch and can help with issues such as sexual difficulties, intimacy problems, communication challenges, identity questions, and the impact of trauma. It works with both solo individuals and people in relationships to improve sexual wellbeing, emotional connection, and overall confidence in their sexual and relational lives. Good question! Not all people who call themselves “sex therapists” have formal training. To make sure your therapist is qualified:Check professional registers: Look for therapists listed on recognised national or international registers. Some examples:UK: COSRT (cosrt. org. uk)US: AASECT (aasect. org)Canada: CASAT (caset. ca)Australia: AASECT Australia / AAS (aasr. com. au)Europe: EFSRT (efsrt. eu)Check qualifications: Accredited therapists should have formal training in psychosexual or relationship therapy and usually list their certifications on their profile. Ask directly: Don’t be afraid to ask a therapist about their training, experience, and accreditation. A professional therapist will answer these questions clearly. Referral options: If private therapy isn’t possible,... --- The Global Sexual Health & Charity Directory Connecting you with verified charities and services worldwide for sexual health education, support, and care. All Charities Sexual Health Services All Regions UK USA Europe Australia Asia Africa Latin America Global Filter by Tag (Optional) Gynae Health Sexual Health Education VAWG Chronic Illness Disability & Sex Cancer & Sex Reproductive Health & Fertility LGBTQ+ Support Trans+ Support Sex Work Support Menopause & Sexual Health Mental Health & Sexuality Trauma & Abuse Recovery Relationship Counselling Sex Therapy Services STI Testing & Treatment Contraception Abortion Care Free Condoms PrEP/PEP Sexual Assault Support Postal STI Kits Region: All Regions UK USA Europe Australia Asia Africa Latin America Global Filter by: Gynae Health Sexual Health Education VAWG Chronic Illness Disability & Sex Cancer & Sex Reproductive Health & Fertility LGBTQ+ Support Trans+ Support Sex Work Support Menopause & Sexual Health Mental Health & Sexuality Trauma & Abuse Recovery Relationship Counselling Sex Therapy Services STI Testing & Treatment Contraception Abortion Care Free Condoms PrEP/PEP Sexual Assault Support Postal STI Kits Gynae Health Sexual Health Education VAWG Chronic Illness Disability & Sex Cancer & Sex Reproductive Health & Fertility LGBTQ+ Support Trans+ Support Sex Work Support Menopause & Sexual Health Mental Health & Sexuality Trauma & Abuse Recovery Relationship Counselling Sex Therapy Services STI Testing & Treatment Contraception Abortion Care Free Condoms PrEP/PEP Sexual Assault Support Postal STI Kits 1800RESPECT CHARITY National sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service. VAWG Trauma Recovery Australia-wide Visit Website → 56 Dean Street SERVICE Walk-in sexual health clinic in Soho. Fast STI testing and PrEP services. STI Testing PrEP/PEP London (Soho) Visit Website → AASECT CHARITY American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Professional directory. Sex Therapy Sexual Health Education USA-wide Visit Website → ACON CHARITY Health organisation for LGBTQ+ communities providing support and services. LGBTQ+ Support Sexual Health Education New South Wales Visit Website → African Alliance CHARITY African Alliance for Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights. Sexual Health Education Reproductive Health Africa-wide Visit Website → AIDS-Hilfe (Germany) SERVICE German AIDS charity providing testing, support and prevention services. STI Testing PrEP/PEP Germany Visit Website → American Cancer Society CHARITY Comprehensive cancer support including information on sexual health after cancer treatment. Cancer & Sex USA-wide Visit Website → Anova Health Institute SERVICE South African health organization providing comprehensive sexual health services. STI Testing PrEP/PEP Contraception South Africa Visit Website → Asia Pacific Alliance CHARITY Regional alliance for sexual and reproductive health and rights. Sexual Health Education Reproductive Health Asia-wide Visit Website → Bangalore Baptist Hospital Sexual Health Clinic SERVICE Sexual health services in Bangalore, India. Reproductive Health STI Testing Contraception Bangalore, India Visit Website → Better2Know Australia SERVICE Private sexual health testing services across Australia. STI Testing Postal STI Kits Australia-wide (paid) Visit Website → British Pregnancy Advisory Service (BPAS) SERVICE Leading abortion care provider across the UK. Confidential, non-judgmental support and services. Abortion Care Contraception England, Wales, Scotland Visit Website → Brook CHARITY Leading sexual health charity providing free, confidential advice and services for young people under 25. Gynae Health Sexual Health Education Reproductive Health LGBTQ+ Support STI Testing Contraception Abortion Care Free Condoms PrEP/PEP Sexual Assault Support Postal STI Kits UK-wide Visit Website → Callen-Lorde Community Health Center SERVICE LGBTQ+-focused health centre providing comprehensive sexual health services. STI Testing PrEP/PEP New York City Visit Website → Cancer Council Australia CHARITY Peak national body for cancer control including sexual health information. Cancer & Sex Australia-wide Visit Website → CliniQ+ SERVICE Specialist sexual health services for trans, non-binary, and gender-questioning people. STI Testing PrEP/PEP Free Condoms London (King's Cross) Visit Website → Colectivo Hombres Trans México CHARITY Mexican collective supporting trans men and transmasculine people. LGBTQ+ Support Trans+ Support Mexico Visit Website → Desmond Tutu HIV Foundation SERVICE HIV research and care organization based in Cape Town. STI Testing PrEP/PEP Cape Town, South Africa Visit Website → Endometriosis Association CHARITY Support and education for those living with endometriosis. Gynae Health Chronic Illness USA-wide Visit Website → Endometriosis Australia CHARITY Supporting Australians affected by endometriosis through awareness and advocacy. Gynae Health Chronic Illness Reproductive Health Australia-wide Visit Website → Endometriosis UK CHARITY Support, information and advice for those affected by endometriosis. Campaigns for better healthcare. Gynae Health Chronic Illness Reproductive Health UK-wide Visit Website → European Society of Contraception CHARITY Promoting contraception and reproductive health across Europe. Reproductive Health Sexual Health Education Europe-wide Visit Website → Family Planning NSW SERVICE Sexual and reproductive health services in New South Wales. Sexual Health Education Cancer & Sex Reproductive Health LGBTQ+ Support STI Testing Contraception Abortion Care New South Wales Visit Website → FEMNET CHARITY African Women's Development and Communication Network. VAWG Reproductive Health Africa-wide Visit Website → Fenway Health SERVICE Health care for LGBTQ+ community including sexual health and HIV services. STI Testing PrEP/PEP Boston Visit Website → Fertility Network UK CHARITY National fertility charity providing support and information for anyone affected by fertility issues. Reproductive Health UK-wide Visit Website → FreeTestMe SERVICE Free postal STI testing for Brighton & Hove residents. STI Testing Postal STI Kits Brighton & Hove Visit Website → Fumble CHARITY Fumble is an award-winning youth charity in the UK, leading the way in supporting young people with their mental health, sexual health and relationships in the digital age. A happy, healthy digital world of free sex ed: created with young people, for young people. Sexual Health Education LGBTQ+ Support... --- Content Disclaimer At Cliterally The Best, we’re passionate about creating a shame-free, inclusive space for learning about sex, relationships, and pleasure. Our mission is to make sex education accessible, evidence-based, and empowering for everyone. However, while the information we share is written and reviewed with care, it’s important to understand what our content is — and what it isn’t. 1. Not Medical or Therapeutic Advice The information provided on this website — including articles, resources, videos, and downloads — is for educational and informational purposes only. It should not be considered medical, therapeutic, or psychological advice, nor a replacement for professional diagnosis, treatment, or care. Always seek the guidance of a qualified healthcare provider, doctor, or licensed therapist regarding any medical or mental health concerns. Never disregard, delay, or stop medical treatment because of something you’ve read on this site. 2. Authorship and Expertise Our articles are created by guest experts, sexual health professionals, and qualified contributors, including a certified sex educator and psychosexual and relationship therapist. We strive to ensure that all information shared is accurate, inclusive, and up to date with current best practice. Where possible, our content is based on reputable sources, research evidence, and established sex education frameworks. However, knowledge and understanding around sexuality, gender, and health continue to evolve — and so does our content. 3. Continuous Review and Updates We regularly review and update our posts to maintain accuracy and relevance. Despite our best efforts, errors or outdated information may occasionally occur. If you notice something that could be improved, we welcome your feedback and corrections. You can contact us anytime at evie@cliterallythebest. com. 4. Individual Experiences May Vary Every body, mind, and relationship is unique. What works for one person may not work for another. Our goal is to offer general educational guidance to help you make informed, confident decisions — not to prescribe specific treatments, products, or courses of action. 5. External Links and Resources From time to time, we may link to external websites or recommend resources. These are shared for convenience and further learning, but we are not responsible for the content, claims, or accuracy of third-party sites. 6. Acceptance of Terms By using this website, you acknowledge that you have read, understood, and agreed to this disclaimer. If you do not agree with these terms, please discontinue use of the site. --- The Sex Positive Blog Find the latest sex positive guides on sex, sexual health, relationships, consent and more. More Info This sex positive resource is a shame-free space for exploring everything from sexual health and relationships to dating, and pleasure. We believe sex education is a human right, and it’s never too late to learn (or unlearn). All our content is all written by experts, qualified sex educators and psychosexual and relationship therapists. All of our material is designed to support your confidence and curiosity but it’s for educational purposes only and not a substitute for medical advice or therapy. This sex positive resource is a shame-free space for exploring everything from sexual health and relationships to dating, and pleasure. We believe sex education is a human right, and it’s never too late to learn (or unlearn). All our content is all written by experts, qualified sex educators and psychosexual and relationship therapists. All of our material is designed to support your confidence and curiosity but it’s for educational purposes only and not a substitute for medical advice or therapy. All guides Loading categories... Your Stories ‘Most Myself’ by Danielle Bezalel (DB) Share Your Story November 4, 2025 byDanielle Bezalel, MPH (she/her)0 “It’s no more shameful than having a common cold” – Dan Share Your Story November 4, 2025 “My Coming Out Story” – Lottie Share Your Story November 4, 2025 “To say that I experienced sexist and racist gaslighting from my doctors would be an understatement. ” – Ratha Share Your Story November 4, 2025 Never miss a sex positive learning or discount! 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Overview Our refund and returns policy lasts 30 days. If 30 days have passed since your purchase, we can’t offer you a full refund or exchange. To be eligible for a return, your item must be unused and in the same condition that you received it. It must also be in the original packaging. Several types of goods are exempt from being returned. Perishable goods such as food, flowers, newspapers or magazines cannot be returned. We also do not accept products that are intimate or sanitary goods, hazardous materials, or flammable liquids or gases. Additional non-returnable items: Gift cards Downloadable software products To complete your return, we require a receipt or proof of purchase. Please do not send your purchase back to the manufacturer. There are certain situations where only partial refunds are granted: Book with obvious signs of use CD, DVD, VHS tape, software, video game, cassette tape, or vinyl record that has been opened. Any item not in its original condition, is damaged or missing parts for reasons not due to our error. Any item that is returned more than 30 days after delivery Refunds Once your return is received and inspected, we will send you an email to notify you that we have received your returned item. We will also notify you of the approval or rejection of your refund. If you are approved, then your refund will be processed, and a credit will automatically be applied to your credit card or original method of payment, within a certain amount of days. Late or missing refunds If you haven’t received a refund yet, first check your bank account again. Then contact your credit card company, it may take some time before your refund is officially posted. Next contact your bank. There is often some processing time before a refund is posted. If you’ve done all of this and you still have not received your refund yet, please contact us at evie@cliterallythebest. com. Sale items Only regular priced items may be refunded. Sale items cannot be refunded. Exchanges We only replace items if they are defective or damaged. If you need to exchange it for the same item, send us an email at evie@cliterallythebest. com Gifts If the item was marked as a gift when purchased and shipped directly to you, you’ll receive a gift credit for the value of your return. Once the returned item is received, a gift certificate will be mailed to you. If the item wasn’t marked as a gift when purchased, or the gift giver had the order shipped to themselves to give to you later, we will send a refund to the gift giver and they will find out about your return. Shipping returns To return your product, you should email for the address to return it to. You will be responsible for paying for your own shipping costs for returning your item. Shipping costs are non-refundable. If you receive a refund, the cost of return shipping will be deducted from your refund. 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Set as desktop background! @lea_sexpositive' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Dec 2024 It also came with a cute reminder on the business card of why shopping small is the best - Amazon... It also came with a cute reminder on the business card of why shopping small is the best - Amazon never wished me mind-blowing... --- Get in Touch Got questions about sexual health? Want to collaborate? Need support finding a therapist? Drop me a message and i'll get back to you within 2 working days. Your name Your email Subject Your message (optional) Δ --- Got Questions? We’re Here to Help Get You Started With Our Product. Frequently Asked Questions What if I change my mind? No problem! We're confident you'll love our product. We offer a 14-day money-back guarantee, no questions asked. Is your product eco-friendly? It sure is. We're 100% biodegradable and sustainable. Plus, we're Leaping Bunny certified. Do you offer any discounts? Although we don't currently have any active coupon codes, we occasionally run seasonal sales - join our newsletter to stay updated! Still Need Help? We're Here! Contact Us Now --- The Home of Sex Positivity The sex & relationship education you needed growing up - without the myths, shame or censorship. Begin unlearning Shop As seen in... Latest sex positive guides How to Squirt: The Spider-Man Method How to send nudes safely with #NotYourPorn January 25, 2026 byNotYourPorn What is ‘Sex Positivity? ’ byEvie Plumb (she/her) Your Stories ‘Some of You Guys Suck at Being Dominant’ – Quinn Gray “I had my first smear test, then received a letter saying that I had HPV” – Mel “My First Sex Party” – Emilie, London Our Bestsellers Most loved by the community - see why everyone's talking about these! Sex Positive Resources Free sex-positive resources: find therapists, awareness calendars, educational library, and events. Shame-free sexual health education for all. The Sex Positive Library The Sex Positive Calendar The Sex & Relationship Therapist Directory Sex Positive Workbooks & Downloadables Download now Never miss a Sex Positive learning or discount! E-mail Subscribe Subscribe By pressing the Subscribe button, you confirm that you have read and are agreeing to our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use Brand FAQs Is Cliterally The Best for Adults or Children? Despite the colourful cartoons, Cliterally The Best was created for adults to access the sex education they never received at school and to correct the myths they picked up down the pub. That said, much of this content can be useful for non-adults, and we’re happy for parents and guardians to share chosen resources in an age-appropriate way. However, like the rest of the internet, we cannot be responsible for children accessing the site. That responsibility lies with the parents or guardians. CTB has never delivered lessons in schools, despite politicians misrepresenting our content to push harmful narratives. How do we know the information is correct? All material is fact-checked and referenced accordingly. The guest writers for the sex positive guides are always vetted and have the relevant experience and/or credible qualifications in this field. That being said, we are human (not AI) so if you do spot an error, please email evie@cliterallythebest. com – we welcome feedback! What even is 'Sex Positivity'? Good question! I am super conscious of Sex Positivity becoming the next toxic positivity movement. Where you are told you should be loving your body all the time or you should be constantly working on your self-care. When really, it can be hard sometimes to even accept your body let alone love it + some days it can be hard to shower or want to have sex – and this is okay too! Sex positivity isn’t about being this super sexual being (although if that’s you that’s cool too! ), it’s about being open to learning and understanding other yours and other people’s experiences surrounding sexuality without judgement – this doesn’t need to involve anything physical, at all. I want you to know that although I bang on about sex online A LOT, it doesn’t mean you SHOULD be doing these things and if you don’t that you’re not ‘liberated’ – it’s that, if you do enjoy sex, that’s ok and you are deserving of these experiences regardless of who you are! Read more here. Start your sex positive journey. I'm a brand and i'd love to work together. Amazing! I’m always looking to work with like-minded brands. Please email me with what you had in mind and we can chat! Do you deliver outside of the UK? I do indeed! You can find shipping prices here. Sadly since brexit, shipping prices have shot up – but i’m constantly on the look out for cheaper suppliers to send you your sex positive goodies. I ship directly from my home currently & all orders are dispatched within 3 working days with tracking numbers. Who illustrates the images at Cliterally? Evie Plumb (she/her) who is the founder and sole team member of CTB illustrates all the images and diagrams found on the site and the instagram. Despite the colourful cartoons, Cliterally The Best was created for adults to access the sex education they never received at school and to correct the myths they picked up down the pub. That said, much of this content can be useful for non-adults, and we’re happy for parents and guardians to share chosen resources in an age-appropriate way. However, like the rest of the internet, we cannot be responsible for children accessing the site. That responsibility lies with the parents or guardians. CTB has never delivered lessons in schools, despite politicians misrepresenting our content to push harmful narratives. All material is fact-checked and referenced accordingly. The guest writers for the sex positive guides are always vetted and have the relevant experience and/or credible qualifications in this field. That being said, we are human (not AI) so if you do spot an error, please email evie@cliterallythebest. com - we welcome feedback! Good question! I am super conscious of Sex Positivity becoming the next toxic positivity movement. Where you are told you should be loving your body all the time or you should be constantly working on your self-care. When really, it can be hard sometimes to even accept your body let alone love it + some days it can be hard to shower or want to have sex - and this is okay too! Sex positivity isn't about being this super sexual being (although if that's you that's cool too! ), it's about... --- GDPR Compliance StatementThis Privacy Policy is written to comply with the UK General Data Protection Regulation (UK GDPR), the Data Protection Act 2018, and the Privacy and Electronic Communications Regulations (PECR). We process personal data lawfully, fairly, transparently, and only for specific, legitimate purposes. Last updated: January 2026 Who we are This website is operated by Pink Taco Ltd, trading as Cliterally The Best ("we", "us", "our"). Our website address is: www. cliterallythebest. co. uk. Pink Taco Ltd is registered with the Information Commissioner’s Office (ICO) as a data controller. What personal data we collect and why Under UK GDPR, we must have a lawful basis for collecting and using personal data. 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In actual fact, it’s simply the process of tracking the stages and symptoms of your menstrual cycle. You can identify roughly when each of the phases are (a little more on those later), and log the dates and symptoms that occur throughout. Now, I used to be one of those people who would be asked “when was your last period? ” at the doctor, and I’d laugh and say, with my full chest, “no-one actually knows that right? ”. Turns out, I was the fool, and tracking your cycle is quite important. Why is it important to track your periods? When you hear about cycle tracking and you’re not someone who’s already logging on their app of choice religiously, you probably sit in one of two camps. Either you don’t know much about it full stop, or you do know about it, but you assume it’s only for fertility tracking and trying to conceive. Let me be the one to tell you, you could not be more wrong. Aside from family planning, it’s non-negotiable for understanding yourself and your cycle fully, it helps establish what’s ‘normal’ for you, and it can highlight areas that are worth getting checked. It’s also vital data to have should you ever want to investigate period-related issues with a doctor. Plus, you won’t have to pull a date out of your ass the next time someone asks when your last period was. Where can I track my period? These days, tech is on our side and there are plenty of apps that do the heavy lifting for you. They can predict your next cycle, identify patterns, suggest when particular phases might be, the list goes on. There are plenty of apps to choose from; Clue and Flo are top tier all-rounders. If peace of mind for your data security is what you’re after then Drop, Euki and Periodical are the strongest1. You don’t have to use an app though. If you feel more comfortable with something a bit more analog, you can download printable trackers where you log everything manually - like our very own one here! You can always use an actual calendar or diary, a regular notebook, or the good old notes app on your phone too. As long as you can log the date and any symptoms, use whatever feels the most intuitive for you. The menstrual phases. First thing’s first, to track your menstrual cycle it’s good to have an understanding of the phases of it. Spoiler alert, it’s not just your period! ! The full menstrual cycle is actually made up of two separate cycles which happen simultaneously - one relating to changes in the ovaries (ovarian), and the other relating to the uterus (endometrial or uterine)2.   To save all of us a headache, when it comes to tracking, it’s most common to amalgamate the two and consider the ‘menstrual cycle’ as 4 phases; Menstruation, Follicular, Ovulation, Luteal.   Menstruation is the bleed or period, where the uterus sheds its lining. It usually lasts around 2-7 days3. Follicular is the body preparing to release an egg. This phase is happening simultaneously to your period, and continues after your period, up until ovulation. It can vary from 10-22 days long4. Ovulation is when your body releases an egg. Although often referred to as a ‘phase’, this is actually just one day and can sometimes differ when exactly in your cycle it is5. Confusing, I know! Finally, Luteal rounds it off with that often hellish time in the lead-up to your period6. That’s the one responsible for most PMS symptoms. Cheers. To avoid making this biblically long, there is another article going into more detail about the phases and what the impact is on our bodies HERE. How do you actually track your cycle? You’ll be relieved to know that while there’s lots of stuff it’s handy to know, the actual tracking is relatively straight forward. For the first cycle you track, I’d recommend keeping it super simple. The potential with tracking is endless and can feel quite overwhelming. You start by making a note, however you choose, of the first day of your period, then record the days you bleed for. This, after a couple of cycles, will hopefully show you the length of your entire menstrual cycle, and your period respectively. From there, you can go into as much or as little detail as you like. Here are some top areas people find helpful to log: Heaviness of flow Pain (where in your body, type of pain and severity) Energy levels Mood Toilet habits Sex drive If you’re someone who struggles with periods, the more detail you can capture, the better. It will essentially act as your evidence folder if you decide to see a doctor. Remember that the key isn’t just what you're experiencing, but when you’re experiencing it. So be sure to log each day’s details separately. Congratulations, you’ve successfully completed a crash course in period tracking! We’ve made it super easy for you to action too, with this printable tracker download which is a great place to start, before you go all super-tracker (which is a canon event for most people! ). A collaboration: This article was created by Bloody Honest, as part of an ongoing content series... --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Period Health, Reproductive Health & Fertility Period late? Don't panic. Discover the most common reasons for a missed period, from tracking errors to stress, plus when to see your GP. Honest period advice. So, your period is late? There’s no need to hit panic stations just yet. It can feel worrying when your period doesn’t arrive when you expect but the good news is, it’s usually totally normal. Menstrual cycle variation. Firstly, contrary to what we’re often told, our periods aren’t actually - and don’t need to be - like clockwork. Some lucky folk can pinpoint pretty accurately when theirs will arrive, but variation within the menstrual cycle of up to 7 days is considered normal1. This means that if your period arrives up to 7 days late or early, it’s not immediately seen as a red flag on its own. However, it can be very annoying and rather inconvenient. Especially if you feel like you’re playing russian roulette with your underwear drawer, second-guessing when it’s arriving. We’ve all lost that battle before. Consider this your guide to troubleshooting your missed period, as well as words of wisdom and reassurance on what might be going on. Inaccurate cycle tracking. This seems blindingly obvious but you’d be surprised how common it is - are you sure you’re tracking your menstrual cycle correctly? We’re used to hearing periods referred to as ‘monthly’ cycles, so a lot of us just assume we’ll get a period a month, around the same time, and that’s that. Turns out, that’s not how it works. In fact, only around 16% of us have the magic, monthly 28-day2 cycle. The range of cycle length considered ‘normal’ is anything from 21-35 days2. The majority of us aren’t looking for that mythical, monthly bleed, and don’t think to track our periods accurately to check. A quick how-to; the length of your menstrual cycle goes from day 1 of your period, to the day before your next period. If you track that consistently and it’s always the same - give or take a day or two - that’s your menstrual cycle length. Congratulations! You can start anticipating when your period will arrive and not worry you’re going to get ambushed quite so often. But remember, a bit of variation is normal, so don’t be alarmed if it’s not bang on every single time. While I’m on the subject, if you want to know more about cycle tracking; how to do it, what to track and why it’s important, you can head to our Period Tracking for Dummies page. Pregnancy. A missed period is one of the first signs of pregnancy. Groundbreaking information, I know! So it should come as no surprise that I’m telling you; if you are someone with a vagina, who has sex with people with penises, and you have missed your period, and there is any chance you could be pregnant (remembering that contraception is never 100% effective) - take. a. test. If you take one, and it’s negative, by all means come back and continue reading. That’s kind of it for this one, pretty self-explanatory really. If you’re in a rush and looking for the TL;DR version, you can check out our ‘why is my period late? ’ quick-fire quiz, which is also free to download if you want a recap to hand should it happen again. Or, if you’ve got a few minutes and are curious for more info, stick around here and carry on reading. Hormonal contraception. Now as well as not always being 100% effective, the other thing about some contraception methods is that they can do a number on our periods. Sometimes it makes them lighter, sometimes it makes them heavier, and sometimes it stops them all together4. To add to the confusion, everyone responds differently to contraception so one person’s experience could be entirely different to the next. Although this sounds like the ultimate head-scratcher, it’s nothing to worry about. It’s totally normal and expected for some people’s periods to change when using hormonal contraception.   As a little reminder too; if you don’t get on with your contraception for whatever reason - including inconvenient changes to your menstrual cycle - it’s worth trying out others to see if there’s one better suited to you. Stress. If your period appears to be on its own schedule, it’s worth asking yourself if you’ve been particularly stressed recently - especially around the first stage of your menstrual cycle (the couple of weeks following your previous period). Stress releases its own pesky hormone: cortisol. When this happens, the cortisol interferes with some of our other hormones, including the ones responsible for our menstrual cycle. It can essentially delays ovulation5, and if ovulation is late, the knock-on effect means your period is likely to be late too. While ideally we don’t want anyone experiencing stress full stop, the impact on your period should be temporary. Once your nervous system is slightly more regulated, you can expect your cycle to go back to normal6. Honourable mentions. To round-up, some other common causes of delayed or missed periods are if you have just started your periods (6-12 months), if you’re breast feeding, or if you’re experiencing peri-menopause7. These are instances where it’s expected for periods to be a bit AWOL because of hormonal changes in the body. It’s worth mentioning that the above isn’t an exhaustive list of every possible reason you might miss your period, ever. That would be a very long list. But it is a list of some of the most common, which are nothing to worry about, to... --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Penis Health, Sexual Health & Contraception Wondering what's normal when it comes to genital smells? Learn what different vaginal and penis smells mean, when to worry, and how to keep things healthy without shame. Evidence-based info from a psychosexual therapist. You're in the shower, or pulling on clean underwear, or having sex, and you catch a whiff of something. Your brain immediately goes into panic mode: is that normal? Should I be worried? Does everyone else's genitals smell like this? Welcome to the 2am Google search spiral we've all been on. Here's what nobody tells you growing up: your genitals are supposed to have a smell. They're body parts with sweat glands, natural bacteria, and various secretions. Expecting them to smell like nothing (or worse, like synthetic strawberries) is like expecting your armpits not to produce any odour after a workout. The thing is, those smells can actually tell you loads about your health. Your vulva, vagina, or penis is constantly sending you little updates about what's happening internally. Sometimes it's just saying "hey, you've had a long day," and sometimes it's more like "oi, something needs attention here. " So let's demystify genital smells, shall we? No shame, no euphemisms, just straight-talking info about what's normal, what's not, and when you might want to check in with a healthcare professional. Why Do Genitals Have a Smell Anyway? Before we dive into specific scents, let's get one thing crystal clear: genitals are meant to smell like genitals. Your vulva and vagina have their own ecosystem (hello, vaginal microbiome), and your penis has sweat glands and skin folds. All of these produce natural scents that are completely normal. The problem isn't that genitals have a smell. The problem is that we've been taught to feel ashamed about it. Thanks to centuries of stigma and a thriving intimate hygiene industry that profits from our insecurity, many of us grew up believing our genitals should smell like lavender fields or fresh linen. Spoiler: they shouldn't. Your genital scent is influenced by loads of factors including your diet, hydration levels, where you are in your menstrual cycle (if you have one), what medications you're taking, how much you've been sweating, and what kind of sex you've been having. All of these create subtle variations that are completely normal. Normal Vulva and Vagina Smells If you have a vulva and vagina, here's what's typically considered within the range of normal when it comes to scent: Tangy or Sour (Like Yoghurt or Sourdough) This is one of the most common vaginal scents and it's actually a sign of good health. Healthy vaginas contain loads of Lactobacilli bacteria (the same helpful bacteria in yoghurt and some sour beers), which produce lactic acid. This keeps your vaginal pH slightly acidic (around 3. 8 to 4. 5), which protects against infections. So if your vagina smells a bit like a sourdough starter, that's genuinely a good thing. It means your vaginal microbiome is doing its job. Slightly Musky or Earthy Your vulva contains apocrine sweat glands (the same type you have in your armpits), which produce a thicker type of sweat. When this mixes with the bacteria on your skin, it can create a slightly musky, earthy scent. This is completely normal, especially after exercise or at the end of a long day. Metallic (Like Pennies or Copper) Notice a metallic smell during or after your period? That's just blood. Blood contains iron, which has that distinctive metallic scent. You might also notice this smell after penetrative sex if there's been any friction that caused light bleeding (which is why lube is your friend, people). This smell typically goes away once menstruation ends or the bleeding stops. Different After Sex Had penis-in-vagina sex recently? You might notice your vaginal smell is a bit different afterwards. Semen has a higher pH than vaginal fluid (around 7. 2 to 8), so when it mixes with your vagina's natural acidity, it can temporarily alter the smell. This usually sorts itself out within a day or so as your vagina's pH rebalances. Slightly Bleach-Like or Ammonia-Like A faint bleach or ammonia smell can happen for a couple of reasons. If you're dehydrated, your urine becomes more concentrated, which can create this scent. It might also happen if you've got a bit of urine on your vulva (completely normal given the anatomy of the area). However, if this smell is strong and accompanied by other symptoms like a fishy odour, unusual discharge, or irritation, it could indicate bacterial vaginosis (BV). More on that in a bit. Normal Penis Smells For those with penises, here's what's typically within the normal range: Sweaty or Similar to Your Armpits Just like vulvas, penises have apocrine sweat glands in the groin area. After a long day, especially if you've been active or it's been warm, your penis might smell a bit like body odour or your armpits. This is completely normal and just means you're a human who produces sweat. The penis and scrotum are often covered by clothing, which means they're in a warm, enclosed environment where sweat can't evaporate easily. Add in some pubic hair, and you've got the perfect conditions for some natural musk. Slightly Musty (Like Feet After a Long Day) Your penis is basically living in a confined space all day with limited airflow, much like your feet in shoes and socks. The combination of warmth, moisture from sweat, and lack of ventilation can create a slightly musty smell. Nothing to panic about, just your penis being a normal body part that gets sweaty. Urine or Ammonia Scent If there's residual urine on... --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure Discover 5 fascinating facts about the clitoris, from its 10,000+ nerve endings to why most of it is hidden. Shame-free, science-backed clitoral anatomy explained. Let's talk about the clitoris, shall we? Despite being the only organ in the human body designed purely for pleasure (yes, really! ), the clitoris has been woefully misunderstood, under-researched, and frankly, ignored for far too long. As a sex and relationship therapist, I've lost count of the number of people who come to me confused about their own anatomy or their partner's. And honestly? That's not surprising when you consider that comprehensive research into clitoral anatomy only really kicked off in the late 1990s. The 1990s. We've been to space, invented the internet, and yet we're still catching up on understanding half the population's pleasure anatomy. So let's change that. Here are five essential facts about the clitoris that everyone should know, whether you have one, you're intimate with someone who has one, or you're just curious about human anatomy. Because knowledge is power, and when it comes to pleasure and sexual health, we all deserve to be properly informed. 1. The Clitoris Has Over 10,000 Nerve Endings You've probably heard that the clitoris has around 8,000 nerve endings, roughly double that of the penis. Well, here's the thing: that "fact" was based on research conducted on cows. Yes, you read that correctly. For decades, our understanding of human clitoral sensitivity was extrapolated from bovine anatomy because, apparently, researching actual human clitorises wasn't a priority. Thankfully, Dr. Blair Peters (also known as The Queer Surgeon) from OHSU Department of Urology decided that wasn't good enough. In 2022, they conducted the first proper anatomical study using human clitoral tissue and discovered that the clitoris actually has over 10,000 nerve endings. That's not just "more than we thought," that's an entire 25% more nerve endings than previously believed. Why does this matter? Because it highlights both the incredible capacity for pleasure that clitoral stimulation can provide and the shocking lack of research into reproductive anatomy. It also explains why clitoral stimulation feels so intense and why around 70-80% of people with vulvas need some form of clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Those nerve endings aren't there for decoration, they're there to make you feel bloody good. This also means that everyone's clitoral sensitivity can vary quite dramatically. Some people find direct clitoral touch overwhelming (hello, 10,000+ nerve endings in a tiny space), whilst others need firmer pressure. There's no "normal" when it comes to what feels good, and that's perfectly fine. 2. The Clitoris Is Like an Iceberg: Most of It Is Internal Here's where things get really interesting. When most people think about the clitoris, they're only thinking about the glans (the visible external bit). But that's just the tip of a much larger structure. The clitoris is actually an internal organ that can range from 7-12cm in length, with most of that hidden beneath the surface. Think of it like an iceberg: what you can see is only about 10-20% of what's actually there. The clitoris extends internally in a wishbone shape, with two "legs" (called crura) and two bulbs (the vestibular bulbs) that run alongside the vaginal opening and swell with blood during arousal. This changes everything. Understanding the full structure of the clitoris helps explain why different types of touch and stimulation can feel pleasurable. When someone experiences pleasure from penetration, it's often because the internal structures of the clitoris are being stimulated indirectly through the vaginal walls. The elusive "G-spot"? It's likely the internal portion of the clitoris being stimulated from inside the vagina. This also explains why approximately 10-15% of people with vulvas can orgasm from penetration alone. It's not that they're anatomically "different" or more sexually advanced, it's simply that their internal clitoral structures may be positioned in a way that makes them more easily stimulated during penetration. For the remaining 85-90%, external clitoral stimulation is perfectly normal and necessary. The full clitoral structure wasn't even properly mapped using modern imaging techniques until 2005 by Australian urologist Dr. Helen O'Connell. Two thousand and five. Let that sink in. We've known more about the surface of Mars than we have about the clitoris for most of modern history. 3. The Clitoris Grows When Aroused and Throughout Your Lifetime Just like a penis, the clitoris becomes engorged with blood and increases in size when you're aroused. This is called tumescence, and it's the clitoral equivalent of an erection. The clitoral glans can double or even triple in size during arousal, whilst the internal structures also swell significantly. But here's something many people don't know: the clitoris never stops growing throughout your life. Unlike most of your body parts, which reach their full size by the end of puberty, the clitoris continues to grow (albeit slowly) throughout your entire lifespan. Research has shown that by the time someone reaches their 90s, their clitoris could be 2. 5 times the size it was when they were 18. This happens regardless of hormone levels or sexual activity, it's just a natural part of ageing. What does this mean practically? A few things: What felt good at 20 might feel different at 40 or 60, not just because of life changes or hormones, but because your anatomy has literally changed Clitoral sensitivity can change over time, which is completely normal If you notice your clitoris looking or feeling different as you age, that's expected and healthy It's also worth noting that hormone therapy (particularly testosterone) can cause the clitoris to... --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex 101, Sex Positivity Learn how to share nudes safely and consensually. Expert advice on consent, digital safety, platform security, and what to do if things go wrong. Shame-free guidance. Exchanging nudes are an important part of the way we experience intimacy with other people. There is nothing wrong with sharing nudes as long as it is done consensually. Here is a breakdown of what you need to know to have the best time and to keep yourself safe.   Before You Press Send: Essential Things to Consider Who are you exchanging nudes with? It is very difficult to determine what someone is or isn’t capable of, regardless of whether you have met them in person or online, you have known them a long time or a short time. There are warning signs, however. Consent is absolutely key to exchanging nudes with someone so if you do not consent 100% then this is a red flag. You do not have to share nudes to make the interaction/relationship interesting, and being pressured is a big warning sign.   If you consent and you are both happy to exchange nudes, set your boundaries and be clear about what you are and aren’t okay with.   It is worth having a discussion about deleting photos once your relationship/interaction has ended. Obviously, a conversation in the early days is no guarantee for what someone will be like at the end of the relationship, but your partner’s reaction to this conversation might raise a red flag which suggests he/she/they aren’t someone trustworthy enough to exchange nudes with.   Protecting Your Identity: Why Anonymity Matters Cropping your head or other identifying features (tattoos or piercings) out of the nude are a good way to protect your anonymity. Also be mindful that your home decor or anything in the background of the photo may be able to identify you, so it's sensible to opt for a plain background. It is wise to think about what information you share along with your nudes, either intentionally or unintentionally. Your full name, the sports teams you play for, the area you live in, your social media handles, what schools/university you went to, your employment - these are all things that may come up quite innocently and casually while getting to know someone. Just be aware that this information can be used to identify you online. Especially important in the early stages, think about who you are sharing this information with and how much you want to share with them at each stage of getting to know each other. Please be careful about tagging your location and using your location services. It’s common for us to tag our location in social media posts and it’s even a necessary feature of online dating apps, where you find people close to you. You still need to be aware of who you are sharing your location with and that can potentially use that information against you. At #NotYourPorn, we have seen many instances of perpetrators using a survivor’s location to harass them and to share non consensual content of them with people in their social and professional circles. Check your dating app profiles to make sure the location settings are ones that make you comfortable. When posting on social media, if you want to tag your location there are a number of things you can do to stay safe. For example, post a few days after you’ve been to a place so people don’t know where you are in real-time, post general areas rather than specific places especially if they are places you go often or try not to tag places personal to you that can identify you (like your gym or your place of work) - especially if your profile is public. Remember you can also put your profile on private and be selective about who follows you. Additionally, you should turn off your location features when taking nudes. Images can be traced back to their IP address, if you turn them off then your personal information is secure even if your image is later shared non consensually. Choosing the Right Platform: Where to Share (and Where Not To) Think about what platform to use. Apps like WhatsApp, although encrypted and very safe from hacking, allow images to be downloaded, saved and shared without notifying you which poses a safety risk. Facebook and Instagram pose huge risks to your safety as these platforms are easily hackable because they aren’t very secure. It is also easy to save/download content without your knowledge. Therefore, they are not the best platforms to exchange nudes. SnapChat, although it has its own cloud feature, doesn’t automatically download your images and it notifies you when someone takes a screenshot. Also, while using dating apps, look at their reporting policies for when you have been sent unsolicited nudes or you feel someone isn’t behaving respectfully. All of the major dating apps allow you to unmatch, report and block them. Storage Safety: Keeping Your Nudes Private on Your Device When exchanging nudes, it is important to turn off iCloud and other automatic uploads/downloads. For example, iPhone users - to stop your iCloud account being hacked, it is a good idea to turn off automatic uploads to keep your nudes private on your device. Otherwise every picture you take is automatically stored in your iCloud account. If you have a shared Apple account it might also mean that your family members can accidentally access your nudes which would be less than ideal... Voluntarily turning off automatic downloads is a good idea, like... --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex 101, Sex Positivity, Sexuality & Gender, Toys & Pleasure I’m Ginny from My Disabled Sex Life. You may think or have been told that due to disabilities you can't or shouldn’t have sex – I'm going to tell you why this is entirely wrong and how to get the most out of your pleasure! Sex & Disabilities It may seem like a scary thing to think about, how to start having good sex with disabilities. I know I found it very difficult. I didn’t know what to tell my partners about my disability, I struggled with painful symptoms and didn’t speak up about it and found sex a confusing world. But since learning and reading helpful tips and sharing my experience with others, sex has become a hugely important part of my life again. If you have taken a break from sex because of disability or weren’t really sure where to start, let me reassure you. You’re welcome in this space. Disabled people are sexy. Disabled people deserve to have pleasure and fun sex lives. Sex is for everyone to enjoy!   You may think or have been told that due to disabilities you can't or shouldn’t have sex, or maybe even experienced comments from people that no one will want you because of your disability. This is entirely wrong! There has been a long-standing assumption that sex isn’t for disabled people. This has stemmed from Ableist views that only non-disabled people that are “pretty” and thin should be experiencing sex and relationships. Boring! The reality is that so many disabled people across the world with a range of abilities, who all look and experience themselves very differently are having great sex and relationships.   It’s so important to know that you are special and individual and you can experience the joy of sex like everyone else.  I asked disabled people to come forward and talk to me about their sex lives and there was a huge range of different disabilities. Yes, there can be problems that arise when having sex with disabilities but there are lots of ways to adapt and overcome issues. Communicating thoughts and feelings with partners and having an open relationship with a disability can lead to huge improvements. How To Have Good Sex With Disabilities Look at your body in the mirror Take photographs, study all of your beautiful curves, look at the way your body moves, name the things you like, dress up in nice underwear and embrace all of your beauty and power. Masturbate Getting to know your body is so important. Learning what gives you pleasure means that when you have sexual activity, you can communicate what you like and what your limitations may be to your partners. You will learn what pressure and sensations you enjoy and what areas may be painful or not accessible due to your disability. It’s important to know your body to limit painful experiences and avoid injury or other symptoms flaring. Become comfortable with disclosing disability. It may be tricky at first or you may feel like the word disabled doesn’t feel right. But disability isn’t a dirty word and understanding your condition and talking about your disability will help to improve relationships and sex. You may of experienced rejection or hurt after disclosing a disability, but you’re better off without them. You know your worth and if someone is uncomfortable with your disability they aren’t worth your time and sexual energy.   Don't be afraid to be creative and try something new So we’ve explored our bodies, we love them fiercely and we know what we like its time to get out there and enjoy some safe, consensual and passionate sex. Don’t be afraid to try new things! Often when having sex with disabilities things might not go to plan, but don’t be disheartened trying again is part of the fun. Due to physical limitations or differences in our body's abilities positions or techniques might not work for you and that’s ok, write it off and move on to another position. I recommend positions that are low impact on joints and strenuous. For example, my favourite is prone to the bone where I lie on my front and prop up my pelvis on pillows, this means I can position a toy in between my legs for stimulation, but none of my joints is holding my weight. I also enjoy positions where I’m lying on my side with my partner in front or behind me and then we get to explore each other bodies without too much movement. Get creative and come up with new ideas together!   Don't forget to include mobility or positioning aids If you use a chair, walker, frame, crutches, perching stool, hoist or any other mobility aid don’t be afraid to incorporate this into sex. There’s an assumption that mobility aids aren’t sexy and shouldn’t be brought into intimate moments. I’m here to tell you to throw that assumption out the window, imagine your lap is pulled onto a wheelchair and your lovely person is embracing all of you. YUM. There are many pricey versions that you can buy online but fear not if that isn’t in your budget you can adapt mobility aids around your house or just use blankets and pillows to make things more comfortable.   For example, you can buy a sex swing online for £80-£300, or you can use your existing hoist equipment, just because an item... --- - Categories: Sexuality & Gender Navigating sex and gender dysphoria as a trans or non-binary person? Learn practical strategies for intimacy, communication, and finding what feels affirming for your body and identity. Sex can feel complicated when you're trans, non-binary, or questioning your gender identity. Some days you might feel completely comfortable with intimacy, while other days the thought of being touched feels overwhelming. That's completely normal, and you're not alone in experiencing these feelings. Gender dysphoria affects everyone differently. For some people, it shows up most intensely during intimate moments. For others, sex can actually be a source of gender euphoria and affirmation. There's no single "right" way to experience your gender or your sexuality, and your feelings about both can shift over time. This guide explores how dysphoria intersects with intimacy, offering practical strategies to help you feel more comfortable and affirmed during sex. Whether you're navigating these feelings on your own or with a partner, there are ways to make intimacy feel safer and more enjoyable. Understanding Gender Dysphoria and Sex Gender dysphoria is that uncomfortable feeling of mismatch between your body and your gender identity. It's important to note that not every trans or non-binary person experiences dysphoria, and you don't need to experience it to be trans or non-binary. There are also other reasons you might feel uncomfortable in your body, like body dysmorphia (a mental health condition that causes persistent worry about your appearance). When it comes to sex, dysphoria can show up in different ways. You might feel uncomfortable with certain body parts being seen or touched. Specific sexual acts might trigger difficult feelings. Even the language used to describe your body during intimacy can cause distress. But here's the thing: dysphoria isn't static. How you feel can genuinely change from day to day. You might be absolutely fine with certain kinds of sex one day and want to avoid them completely the next. Some people don't want to explore intimacy until they've started hormones or had surgery, while others want to experiment with different ways of affirming their gender during sex right now. Some non-binary people pursue medical transition, others don't, and both approaches are equally valid. None of these choices is more legitimate than the others. What You Need to Know Before Having Sex Sex should always be something you actively want to do, not something you feel obligated to participate in. Before getting intimate with someone, it's worth checking in with yourself about a few things: Do you actually want to have sex, or are you doing this because you think you should? Sometimes we feel pressure from society, partners, or even ourselves to be sexual in ways that don't feel right. Your desires (or lack thereof) are valid, including if you're asexual or simply not interested in sex right now. Is this person kind and respectful? Can you both communicate honestly about what you want to try together? Good sex requires trust and open conversation, especially when you're navigating dysphoria. Do you know how to practise safer sex and access support if you need it? Knowing where your local sexual health services are and how to contact them gives you peace of mind. Non-Medical Ways to Manage Dysphoria During Sex Medical interventions like hormones and surgery are important for many trans and non-binary people, but they're not accessible to everyone immediately (or ever, if that's your choice). Many non-binary people choose not to pursue medical transition, or only pursue certain aspects of it. The good news is there are lots of non-medical strategies that can help you feel more comfortable during intimacy. Using Packers, Binders, Breast Forms and Other Affirmation Tools These tools can be genuinely life-changing for managing dysphoria during sex, but they need to be used safely. Non-binary people might use any combination of these tools depending on what feels affirming for their particular gender expression. Binders flatten your chest for a more masculine or gender-neutral appearance. Some people choose to wear their binder during sex because it helps them feel more comfortable. However, binders restrict movement and breathing, so you need to balance affirmation with safety. If you're planning to keep your binder on during sex, try wearing it for less time beforehand so your body isn't under prolonged compression. Choose a binder that isn't too tight, or opt for a looser, stretchier option rather than a highly compressive one. Pay attention to how your body feels throughout. If you're having trouble breathing, feeling dizzy, or experiencing pain, take a break and remove your binder immediately. Some people find that alternatives like sports bras, compression tops, or layering clothes offer some chest compression while allowing more freedom of movement. You could also try dimming the lights or keeping a shirt on instead. Tucking reduces the visibility of your penis and testicles by positioning them in a less visible, flatter way. You can use tucking tape, a gaff (special underwear designed for tucking), or move your testicles into the inguinal canal if you have them. Some non-binary people tuck regularly, others only on certain occasions, and some never tuck at all. When you're new to tucking, give yourself time to practise and be gentle with your body. You may experience some discomfort at first, but it should never actually hurt. If you're in pain, stop what you're doing. Take regular breaks, stay hydrated, and go to the bathroom when you need to. Only use tape that's suitable for skin, like medical tape or sports tape. Wash gaffs and underwear regularly to prevent skin irritation and health problems. Packers create... --- - Categories: Sexuality & Gender Starting hormone therapy? Learn how testosterone and oestrogen can affect your sex drive, arousal, pleasure, and relationships. Evidence-based guide for trans people on HRT. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) can be genuinely life-changing for trans people. As part of your transition, you might take hormones like oestrogen, testosterone, anti-androgens, or progesterone. These can affect everyone differently, and their impact on your sex life might surprise you. Some changes happen gradually over months, while others might feel quite sudden. Both experiences are completely normal. Understanding what might happen to your body and your feelings about sex can help you navigate this period with more confidence. This guide explores how different hormones can affect your sex drive, arousal, physical sensations, and emotional relationship with intimacy. Remember that everyone's journey is unique, and if you're not comfortable with the changes you're experiencing, you can always talk to your healthcare provider about adjusting your dosage or trying a different form of HRT. How Hormones Affect Your Sex Drive It's really common for your sex drive to shift when you start hormone therapy. Some people notice an increase in libido, while others experience a decrease. Neither response is "better" or more "correct" than the other. If you find yourself wanting sex more often, it could be linked to feeling more at home in your body. When you're finally living as your authentic self, desire can increase naturally. That said, it's important to take your time and ease into these changes rather than rushing into new experiences before you feel ready. If your sex drive decreases, that's equally valid. Sometimes hormones affect libido directly. Other times, you might be so focused on other aspects of transition that sex simply isn't a priority right now. Your feelings about sex can also shift throughout your transition journey, so what you're experiencing today might not be how you feel in six months or a year. Understanding Physical Arousal vs Mental Readiness Your relationship with arousal might feel a bit confusing when you first start HRT. Here's something important to understand: physical arousal (like erections or getting wet) doesn't always mean you're mentally ready for sex. Just because your body responds in a certain way doesn't mean you have to act on it. Physical arousal is often an automatic response that doesn't necessarily reflect your actual desires in that moment. If you're experiencing physical signs of arousal but don't actually want sex, that's completely okay. Listen to what your mind is telling you, not just your body. This disconnect between physical and mental arousal can feel particularly intense when you're adjusting to new hormone levels. Be patient with yourself as you learn how your body responds now. Changes on Testosterone Testosterone affects everyone differently, but there are some common changes that many people experience. These might include: Bottom growth: Your clitoris and clitoral hood grow in length or width. This can genuinely change the way you experience pleasure. Some people find their orgasms become shorter and less intense, while others discover new kinds of pleasure. There's no "normal" here, just your body's unique response. Changes in genital sensation: You might experience increased or decreased sensitivity in your genitals. What felt good before might feel different now, so you'll need to explore and discover what works for your body currently. Vaginal changes: Testosterone can decrease vaginal lubrication, which sometimes causes pain or discomfort during penetrative sex. The vaginal tissue can also become thinner and dryer (this is called atrophy). Using plenty of water-based or silicone-based lubricant can really help. If pain persists, talk to your GP, who might prescribe a topical oestrogen cream. Body changes: You'll likely notice your body hair growing thicker, fat redistributing, and possibly changes in body odour. These physical changes are often affirming, but they take some getting used to. Libido shifts: Some people experience a significant increase in sex drive on testosterone, while others notice a decrease. Both are normal responses to hormones. Fertility changes: Your fertility can decrease on testosterone, but you can still become pregnant even if you're using T and have no periods or bleeding. Testosterone is not contraception. If you're having vaginal sex, you still need to use birth control. Emotional changes: Testosterone can cause intense and sudden emotional shifts. You might feel more irritable, emotional, or experience mood swings. These feelings can be challenging, and you might need additional support from partners, friends, or a psychosexual therapist during this adjustment period. Physical discomfort: Some people experience pain with orgasm, cramps after orgasm, or occasional bleeding and spotting. If this happens to you and it's more than mild discomfort, speak to your doctor. One particularly affirming change for many people is increased confidence. Feeling more aligned with your gender identity can make you feel more comfortable initiating sex, asking for what you want, and exploring your desires. Changes on Oestrogen, Anti-Androgens and Progesterone If you're taking oestrogen, anti-androgens, or progesterone as part of your transition, here are some common changes you might experience: Libido shifts: Just like with testosterone, your sex drive might increase or decrease. There's no predictable pattern, so don't worry if your experience doesn't match what others describe. Genital changes: You might notice changes in skin sensitivity, softness, and genital size. Some people experience loss of sensation. Your ability to get or maintain erections may change. Some people find it more difficult or lose this ability entirely. Many people who take oestrogen adopt a "use it or lose it" approach. They find it helpful to masturbate regularly to maintain their ability to get erections... --- - Categories: Sexuality & Gender Practical guide to dating while trans including when and how to disclose, staying safe on dating apps, navigating intimacy, and protecting yourself online and in person. Dating can feel complicated when you're trans or questioning your gender identity. Along with the usual nerves about whether someone will like you, there's the added dimension of when and how to tell potential partners about your gender identity. Online dating apps can be a great way to meet people, but they also come with risks, particularly for trans people who may face discrimination, fetishisation, or even violence. The good news is there are practical steps you can take to stay safer while dating. This guide covers how to navigate disclosure, protect yourself when using dating apps, meet new people safely, and build the kinds of relationships that feel affirming and respectful. When and How to Tell People You're Trans Sharing that you're trans is a deeply personal decision. There's no single "right" time or way to disclose, and you have every right to decide when and how to share information about your body or gender identity. That said, honesty with sexual partners is important for mutual trust, consent, and safety. At some point before getting physically intimate, most people choose to have this conversation. Different Approaches to Disclosure Some people choose to disclose early in conversations, even in their dating profile or first messages. This approach means you're only spending time with people who already know and are comfortable with your identity. It can save emotional energy and reduce anxiety about "the conversation. " Others prefer to wait until they've got to know someone a bit and feel safer. This approach lets you gauge someone's character before revealing personal information. Neither approach is inherently better. Choose what feels safest and most comfortable for you in each situation. How to Disclose There's no perfect script, but being clear and confident often works well: "Before we meet up, I wanted to let you know I'm trans. Is that okay with you? " "I'm transgender. I wanted to tell you before we go any further. " "Just so you know, I'm a trans woman/man/person. " Some people prefer messaging first to gauge reaction before meeting in person. Others feel more comfortable having the conversation face-to-face in a public place. Do what feels right for you. Dealing with Negative Reactions Unfortunately, not everyone reacts positively to disclosure. Some people might unmatch, stop responding, or even react with hostility. While this feels horrible, it's actually protective information. Anyone who responds negatively to your identity isn't someone you want to date anyway. If someone reacts badly or makes you feel unsafe, block and report them immediately. You never owe someone a response or explanation if they're being transphobic. Staying Safe on Dating Apps Online dating requires some caution for everyone, but trans people face additional risks. Taking practical safety steps doesn't mean you're being paranoid; it means you're being sensible. Before Meeting Someone Verify they're real: Check if they have other social media accounts with photos and connections to other people. This helps confirm they're a real person and not a fake profile. Trust your instincts: If something feels off about someone's messages or behaviour, listen to that feeling. You don't need concrete proof that something's wrong to decide not to meet someone. Don't feel pressured to share personal information or pictures: It's normal to want to share things as you get close to someone, but only do this when you feel genuinely safe. If someone is pressuring you or making you uncomfortable, stop talking to them, block, and report them. Use the app's safety features: Many dating apps let you block, report, or verify users. Make use of these tools if someone makes you uncomfortable. When Meeting in Person Meet in public first: Always choose a busy, public place for first dates like a café, restaurant, or bar. Avoid meeting at someone's house or in isolated locations until you know them well. Tell a trusted friend: Let someone know where you're going, who you're meeting, and when you expect to be back. Share the person's profile or photos with your friend. Share your location: Use your phone's location-sharing feature so a friend can see where you are during the date. Have an exit plan: Think about how you'll leave if you need to. Have money for transport, know where exits are, and don't let someone pressure you to stay if you want to leave. Stay sober enough to make decisions: It's fine to have a drink, but stay alert enough to assess the situation and leave if needed. Trust your instincts about going home with someone: You don't have to go home with someone just because you've agreed to a date or even if you intended to have sex. If something doesn't feel right, it's absolutely okay to change your mind and leave. Protecting Yourself from Image-Based Abuse It's illegal in the UK to share intimate images or videos without someone's consent. Despite this, image-based abuse (sometimes called "revenge porn") does happen, and it can be particularly weaponised against trans people. Before Sending Intimate Images Think carefully before sending nude or intimate photos or videos, even to someone you trust. Once you've sent an image, you can't control what happens to it. While you should never have to worry about this, the reality is that some people misuse intimate images. If Someone Shares Your Images Without Consent This is a crime. If this happens to you, you can: Report it to the police Contact... --- - Categories: Neurodivergence & Sex Learn how sensory sensitivities affect sex and intimacy for autistic and ADHD people. Practical, shame-free tips for managing touch, sounds, smells, and textures during sex. So, you're autistic or have ADHD and you're navigating sex and intimacy. First things first: your nervous system processes sensory stuff differently, and that's absolutely fine. It's not a flaw. It's just how you're wired. Maybe certain textures make your skin crawl. Or specific sounds pull you right out of the moment. You might find some touches completely overwhelming while desperately wanting firmer pressure elsewhere. Here's the thing though - none of this means sex isn't for you. It just means you get to figure out what actually works for your body. I work with loads of neurodivergent folks as a psychosexual therapist, and honestly? The people having the best sex are the ones who've stopped trying to force themselves to enjoy things that feel awful. They've gotten curious about what their bodies actually need instead of trying to fit into some neurotypical idea of what sex "should" be like. Understanding How Your Senses Work During Sex Okay, so research shows that many autistic and ADHD brains process sensory stuff differently. 1 You might experience things way more intensely (hypersensitivity) or way less intensely (hyposensitivity). And weirdly enough, you can be both at the same time - super sensitive to some things and barely registering others. Sex throws a lot at your senses all at once. Touch, movement, sounds, smells, what you're seeing, maybe taste. If your nervous system already processes things differently, this sensory buffet can either feel like way too much or not quite enough to really feel present. There's actually research on this - a 2021 study found that sensory stuff really does affect how autistic people experience sex and relationships. 2 Some people found it overwhelming, others needed more intensity. Both are completely valid experiences. When Everything Feels Like Too Much If you're hypersensitive, sex might sometimes feel overwhelming in ways that are hard to explain to partners. Here's what that can look like: Touch feels intense or uncomfortable. Light touches might tickle in an annoying way or even hurt a bit. Someone's skin against yours might feel claustrophobic. You might feel like you're drowning in sensation. Sounds become impossible to ignore. Their breathing, body sounds, the bed creaking, or any vocalisations might pull your attention away from pleasure or even make you feel uncomfortable. Smells are overpowering. Body smells, perfume, lube, room scents - things that wouldn't bother most people might make you feel nauseous or just completely distracted. Too much visual stuff. Bright lights, seeing your partner's face super close, or just too much to look at might make it impossible to relax. Textures matter massively. Certain fabrics, body hair, sweat, or moisture on skin might genuinely feel unpleasant rather than sexy. One client described it as "like having all my nerve endings on fire. " Another said intimate touch made them want to "crawl out of my skin. " These are real experiences. Your nervous system isn't broken - it's just processing things differently. When You Need More Intensity On the flip side, if you're hyposensitive, you might struggle to feel enough during sex: Getting and staying aroused is hard. Standard sex stuff might not provide enough sensation for you to really feel much of anything. Orgasms feel out of reach. The usual touching and stimulation might just not register strongly enough. You're drawn to intense sensations. Really firm pressure, strong vibrations, temperature play, or other heightened experiences might be what you need to actually feel pleasure. Feeling disconnected from your body. The sensations might be too subtle to hold your attention, leaving you feeling a bit checked out. Research shows that some autistic people actively seek out more intense sexual sensations because of hyposensitivity. 3 This is totally normal and valid. Your body is just telling you what it needs. What Actually Helps The good news? Once you know your sensory profile, you can create sexual experiences that work with your nervous system instead of against it. If You're Hypersensitive Sort out the lighting. Dimmer switches, candles, or complete darkness if that works better. Some people prefer keeping their eyes closed or even wearing a sleep mask. Control the sound environment. White noise, soft music, or earplugs can help. You can also ask your partner to be quieter if their sounds are pulling you out of the moment. Choose your fabrics wisely. Wear whatever feels good during sex - silk, satin, your comfiest t-shirt. If skin-on-skin contact feels like too much, that's fine. Some people keep their socks on because sensitive feet are a thing. Deal with smells proactively. Shower beforehand, stick to unscented products, skip the perfume. Fresh air from a window can help. Often, someone's natural smell (without added products) is less overwhelming than trying to mask everything. Try firmer touch. This sounds counterintuitive, but loads of people with hypersensitivity find that firm pressure feels way better than light stroking. Deep pressure can actually be calming and grounding. Take breaks when you need them. Seriously, it's completely okay to pause mid-sex if you're getting overwhelmed. Step away, regulate your nervous system, come back when you're ready. Actually communicate. Tell your partner stuff like "can you touch me more firmly here? " or "quieter sounds please" or "I need a minute. " Good partners want to know what helps. If You're Hyposensitive Get yourself some strong toys. Powerful vibrators can provide the intensity your nervous system needs. Zero shame in needing... --- - Categories: Neurodivergence & Sex Learn about consent, boundaries, and sexual communication for autistic and ADHD adults. Practical scripts and strategies for navigating dating and intimacy safely. If you're autistic or have ADHD, you might find the unspoken rules of dating and sex confusing. You're not alone. Traditional sex education assumes everyone naturally picks up on subtle social cues, body language, and implicit communication. For many neurodivergent people, this approach leaves huge gaps in understanding. The good news? Explicit communication isn't just okay in sexual situations. It's actually the gold standard for consent. What neurotypical people call "reading the room" is often just guesswork. Direct communication is clearer, safer, and more reliable for everyone involved. As a COSRT-registered psychosexual therapist, I've worked with many neurodivergent clients who worry they're "bad at" sex or dating because they don't understand the unspoken rules. Usually, once we practice explicit communication, they become excellent partners because they're actually asking what the other person wants instead of assuming. Why Social Cues Aren't Reliable for Consent Many autistic and ADHD people struggle with: Reading facial expressions accurately Interpreting tone of voice Understanding indirect language or hints Picking up on subtle body language changes Knowing when someone is being polite vs genuinely interested If you relate to any of this, relying on nonverbal cues for sexual consent is risky. Research shows that autistic people often report difficulty understanding the social nuances of dating and intimacy, which can lead to confusion about whether someone is consenting. Here's what neurotypical people won't always tell you: they're often confused too. The difference is they've learned to pretend they understand social situations even when they don't. The Problem with "Reading the Mood" You might have heard that asking for consent "ruins the mood" or that you should "just know" when someone wants to be kissed or touched. This is harmful advice for everyone, but especially for neurodivergent people. The truth is that explicit verbal consent is the clearest, safest way to make sure everyone is comfortable and enthusiastic about what's happening. Anyone who gets annoyed when you check in about consent probably isn't someone you want to be intimate with anyway. What Good Consent Actually Looks Like Consent isn't just saying "yes" once at the start of the evening. It's an ongoing conversation throughout any sexual encounter. Freely given: No pressure, guilt trips, coercion, or manipulation. You can say no without negative consequences. Enthusiastic: Not just absence of "no," but an actual, clear "yes. " Silence, uncertainty, or lack of resistance isn't consent. Specific: Saying yes to kissing isn't saying yes to everything else. Each activity needs its own yes. Informed: Everyone knows what they're agreeing to, including any risks (like STI status, what type of contact will happen, using protection). Reversible: Anyone can change their mind at any point, even mid-activity. "Yes" can become "no" or "stop" and that must be respected immediately. Ongoing: Keep checking in throughout. "Is this okay? " "Do you want to keep going? " "How does this feel? " For neurodivergent people, this explicit model of consent is often more comfortable than trying to interpret unclear signals. You don't have to read minds. You just have to ask. Practical Scripts for Sexual Communication Here are actual phrases you can use. Practice them so they feel natural. Starting Something "Can I kiss you? " "I'd like to . Is that something you're interested in? " "Would you like to come back to my place? " "I'm attracted to you and I'm wondering if you feel the same way? " Checking In During "Is this still feeling good? " "Do you want me to keep doing this? " "How are you feeling? " "Should I do more of that, or try something different? " "Is there anything you'd like me to do differently? " Sharing Your Preferences "I prefer firmer touch. " "Can we slow down a bit? " "I need you to ask before . " "That doesn't feel good for me, but I'd enjoy . " "I need to pause for a moment. " Saying No "I'm not comfortable with that. " "I'm not interested in , but I'd be happy to . " "I need to stop now. " "I'm not feeling this anymore. " "No, thank you. " Remember: you never have to give reasons for your no. "No" is a complete sentence. Understanding Boundaries Boundaries are the limits you set about what you're comfortable with. Everyone has different boundaries, and they can change depending on the situation, person, or how you're feeling that day. Common Sexual Boundaries What activities you're willing to do Use of protection or safer sex methods When you disclose your neurodivergence or other personal information How rough or gentle you prefer touch Words or names that are okay or not okay to use Whether you want the lights on or off If you're comfortable with certain positions How much noise you're comfortable making or hearing Many neurodivergent people benefit from thinking about their boundaries before sexual situations arise. You can write them down, discuss them with potential partners ahead of time, or keep a mental list. When Someone Crosses Your Boundaries If someone does something you haven't consented to: Say something immediately if you can: "Stop," "I didn't say yes to that," "That's not okay. " Leave the situation if you feel unsafe Know that boundary violations are never your fault, even if you "didn't say no clearly enough" Consider ending any relationship with someone who repeatedly ignores your boundaries Some people with a history... --- - Categories: Neurodivergence & Sex Neurodivergent sexual desire isn't one-size-fits-all. Learn about hypersexuality, hyposexuality, asexuality, and fluctuating libido in ADHD and autism. Shame-free, evidence-based guidance. There's a persistent myth that autistic people aren't interested in sex, or that ADHD automatically makes you hypersexual. The reality is far more nuanced. Neurodivergent people experience the full spectrum of sexual desire, from hypersexuality to low libido to asexuality and everything in between. Your experience with sexual desire might not match what you see in media or hear from neurotypical friends. That doesn't make it wrong. As a psychosexual therapist working with neurodivergent clients, I've learned that there's no "typical" neurodivergent sexuality. The variety is enormous and all of it is valid. The Full Spectrum of Neurodivergent Desire Research shows that both autistic and ADHD people can experience extremes of sexual desire in ways that differ from the general population. Some people experience intense, frequent sexual desire. Others experience little to no sexual interest. Many find their desire fluctuates dramatically. What matters isn't where you fall on this spectrum, but whether your relationship with sexuality feels okay for you and isn't causing distress or problems in your life. ADHD and Hypersexuality What It Looks Like Some people with ADHD experience hypersexuality, which might show up as: Frequent, intense sexual thoughts that are hard to push away High sex drive that feels difficult to manage Frequent masturbation (sometimes multiple times daily) Strong urges to seek out sexual activity or stimulation Using sex as a way to regulate emotions or cope with stress Hyperfixating on sex, pornography, or sexual relationships Engaging in risky sexual behaviours impulsively Research from 2023 found that people with ADHD reported higher sexual desire and more frequent masturbation compared to controls, though they also reported lower sexual satisfaction. Why It Happens ADHD affects dopamine regulation in the brain. Sex is a powerful dopamine hit, which can make it particularly compelling for ADHD brains seeking stimulation and reward. Other factors include: Impulsivity. Acting on sexual urges without thinking through consequences. Sensation-seeking. Craving novel, intense experiences, which sex provides. Emotional dysregulation. Using sex to cope with difficult emotions, boredom, or stress. Hyperfocus. When your ADHD brain latches onto sex or a new relationship, it can become all-consuming. Difficulty with delayed gratification. Wanting pleasure now rather than waiting. One client described it as "sex is the only thing that makes my brain quiet down. " Another said "when I'm hyperfixated on someone sexually, it's like nothing else exists. " Is It a Problem? Hypersexuality isn't inherently problematic. A high sex drive is fine if: It's not causing distress for you You're making safe, consensual choices It's not interfering with work, relationships, or daily functioning You're not using it to avoid dealing with other issues It becomes concerning when it: Leads to risky behaviours (unprotected sex with strangers, cheating, illegal activities) Causes relationship problems Feels compulsive rather than pleasurable Interferes with other areas of your life Is tied to self-destructive coping patterns If your sexual behaviour feels out of control or is causing problems, speaking with a therapist who understands both ADHD and sexuality can help. ADHD and Hyposexuality What It Looks Like Many people with ADHD experience the opposite end of the spectrum: Low or absent sex drive Difficulty initiating sex even when you want to Forgetting about sex entirely for weeks or months Finding it hard to switch from other activities to sexual activity Feeling too mentally exhausted for sex Struggling to focus during sexual activity Executive dysfunction making sex feel like too much effort This is less talked about than ADHD hypersexuality, but it's just as common. Research shows that ADHD is associated with various sexual dysfunctions, not just increased desire. Why It Happens Medication side effects. Many ADHD medications can decrease libido, affect arousal, or make orgasm more difficult. Executive dysfunction. Initiating sex requires planning, mental energy, and task-switching, which ADHD makes harder. Sensory overload. If you're already overstimulated, adding sexual stimulation might feel like too much. Depression and anxiety. Common co-occurring conditions that affect desire. Mental exhaustion. After a day of masking or managing ADHD challenges, you might have no energy left for sex. Task-switching difficulty. Getting from "working on a project" to "having sex" requires mental gear-shifting that's genuinely difficult with ADHD. "sex sounds great in theory, but by the time I remember to think about it, I'm too tired. " Another said "I want to want sex, but my brain just won't shift into that mode. " Autism and Asexuality Research consistently shows higher rates of asexuality in the autistic community compared to the general population. 5 Some estimates suggest 15-30% of autistic people identify somewhere on the asexuality spectrum, compared to around 1% of the general population. Understanding Asexuality Asexuality is a sexual orientation, but it's crucial to understand that it's a spectrum, not a binary. Being asexual doesn't necessarily mean you never want sex, never masturbate, or don't desire relationships. The experience is far more varied than that. At its core, asexuality is about sexual attraction (or lack thereof), not sexual behaviour. You can be asexual and still: Masturbate and have a libido Have and enjoy sex Be in romantic relationships Experience arousal The key distinction is that asexual people generally don't experience sexual attraction to other people - that pull towards wanting to have sex with a specific person. Their sexual feelings (if they have them) aren't directed at others in the same way. It's important to understand what asexuality is and isn't: Asexuality is a sexual orientation, not a choice,... --- - Categories: Neurodivergence & Sex Navigate dating and relationships as an autistic or ADHD person. Practical advice on social rules, apps, rejection sensitivity, disclosure, and finding compatible partners. Dating as a neurodivergent person often feels like everyone else got a rulebook you never received. The unspoken rules of flirting, texting etiquette, "playing it cool," knowing when someone likes you, understanding when to make a move... it can feel overwhelming and confusing. Here's what they don't tell you: lots of neurotypical people find dating confusing too. They're just better at pretending they understand the rules. As a COSRT-registered psychosexual therapist who works with neurodiverse clients, I've learned that being direct about what you want is often more effective than trying to decode mysterious social signals. You're not bad at dating because you're autistic or have ADHD. The dating world just wasn't designed with neurodivergent communication styles in mind. This guide will help you navigate relationships in ways that actually work for how your brain functions. The Unspoken Rules Nobody Explains Neurotypical dating culture is full of contradictions that make no logical sense: You're supposed to show interest, but not too much interest. How much is too much? Nobody will tell you. Text back quickly, but not immediately. Wait three hours? Three days? The "rules" change depending on who you ask. Be yourself, but also play games. Authentic expression is encouraged, except when it's not. Show vulnerability, but don't be needy. The line between these is apparently obvious to everyone but you. Read between the lines. If someone says they're "busy," does that mean they're actually busy or not interested? You're supposed to just know. For autistic and ADHD people who struggle with reading implied meanings or picking up on subtle cues, these contradictory rules create constant anxiety. You might worry you're doing everything wrong. The reality is that there's no single "right" way to date. Different people have different preferences. The neurotypical dating rules are largely made up and constantly shifting. Finding Compatible Partners One of the biggest challenges neurodivergent people face in dating is finding partners who actually understand how you communicate and relate to the world. Consider Dating Other Neurodivergent People Many autistic and ADHD people find that dating other neurodivergent folks reduces communication stress significantly. When both people prefer direct communication, nobody is playing guessing games about what the other person means. Research shows that people with similar levels of autistic traits often report feeling more understood and accepted in their relationships. There's less pressure to mask, more acceptance of stimming or different sensory needs, and mutual understanding of executive function struggles. This doesn't mean you can only date other neurodivergent people. Plenty of ND/NT relationships work beautifully. But it's worth considering whether shared neurodivergence might make dating easier for you. Where to Meet People Dating apps can actually work well for neurodivergent people because they remove some of the pressure of face-to-face initial interactions. You can take your time crafting messages, there's less reliance on reading body language, and you can be explicit about what you're looking for. Some apps are specifically designed for neurodivergent people: Hiki is a friendship and dating app for the autistic community Bumble has features that accommodate different communication styles Standard apps like Hinge, OkCupid, or Tinder work fine too Tips for dating apps: Be direct about what you're looking for Mention being neurodivergent in your profile if you're comfortable (helps filter for accepting people) Take screenshots of conversations if you have working memory issues Set reminders to respond if you forget to check the app Don't force yourself to maintain conversations that feel like pulling teeth Interest-based groups where people bond over shared activities rather than small talk often feel more comfortable for neurodivergent folks. Look for: Gaming groups or board game meetups Activism or volunteer organizations Special interest communities (conventions, clubs, online forums) Exercise classes or sports teams Art or craft groups Red Flags to Watch For Research shows that autistic people are at higher risk for experiencing abuse and manipulation in relationships. This isn't because you're less capable, but because some people specifically target those they perceive as vulnerable or less likely to recognise manipulation tactics. Watch out for partners who: Get annoyed when you ask for clarification Tell you that you're "too sensitive" or "overreacting" to things that genuinely bother you Use your neurodivergence as an excuse for their bad behaviour ("you're just misunderstanding because you're autistic") Isolate you from friends or support systems Pressure you to stop masking when you're not comfortable Mock your stims, special interests, or sensory needs Push sexual boundaries you've clearly stated Love-bomb intensely at first then become cold and critical Good partners will respect your communication style, ask questions to understand you better, and make accommodations for your needs just as you do for theirs. Rejection Sensitivity and ADHD If you have ADHD, you might experience rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD), which makes perceived rejection feel absolutely devastating. Even small things like someone not texting back immediately or a date saying they're not interested can trigger intense emotional pain. RSD makes dating particularly difficult because: You might overanalyse every interaction looking for signs of rejection Small setbacks feel catastrophic You might avoid dating entirely to protect yourself from potential rejection You could misinterpret neutral interactions as rejection The fear of rejection might make you people-please or mask heavily Managing RSD While Dating Remind yourself that dating involves lots of rejection for everyone. Neurotypical people also get rejected constantly. It's not personal evidence that you're unlovable. Challenge catastrophic thinking. When you feel rejected,... --- - Categories: Menopause, Period Health Learn the early signs of menopause and perimenopause including period changes, hot flushes, sleep disruption, and mood changes. Understand when to see your doctor and get the support you need. Menopause doesn't just show up one day and announce itself. For most people, it's more like a slow fade than a sudden switch. The transition period before menopause, called perimenopause, can start years before your periods actually stop. Knowing what to look for means you can get support early and make choices that work for you. When Does Perimenopause Usually Start? Most people begin experiencing perimenopausal changes in their 40s, though it can start earlier or later. Some people notice changes as early as their mid-30s, while others don't experience anything until their late 40s or early 50s. There's no one-size-fits-all timeline, and that's completely normal. If you're experiencing symptoms before age 40, it's worth chatting with your doctor. Early menopause (before 45) and premature menopause (before 40) can happen and might need different support. Understanding the Hormonal Changes During perimenopause, your ovaries gradually produce less estrogen and progesterone. But this doesn't happen in a smooth, predictable way. Instead, hormone levels can fluctuate wildly from one cycle to the next, or even within a single cycle. Some months your ovaries might produce nearly normal amounts of hormones, while other months production drops significantly. This unpredictability is why symptoms can vary so much. You might have a terrible month followed by a few good weeks, then symptoms return with a vengeance. Estrogen affects many body systems beyond reproduction, including your brain, bones, heart, skin, and urinary tract. This is why menopause symptoms are so varied and can affect multiple aspects of your health simultaneously. Changes to Your Period One of the earliest signs is often a shift in your menstrual cycle. You might notice your periods becoming irregular, closer together, or further apart. Some months you might skip a period entirely, then have two in quick succession. The flow can change too. You might have heavier periods than usual, or lighter ones. Some people experience flooding (suddenly very heavy bleeding), while others find their periods become barely there. Both are common during this transition. Hot Flushes and Night Sweats These are probably the most talked-about symptoms, and for good reason. A hot flush can feel like sudden, intense heat spreading through your upper body and face. You might go bright red, start sweating, or feel your heart racing. Night sweats are the same thing but happen while you're asleep. You might wake up drenched, needing to change your pajamas or sheets. This can seriously mess with your sleep quality, which then affects everything else. Not everyone gets these symptoms, and if you do, they can range from mildly annoying to properly disruptive. The good news is there are loads of ways to manage them. Sleep Disruption Even without night sweats, many people find their sleep patterns change during perimenopause. You might struggle to fall asleep, wake up frequently, or find yourself wide awake at 3am for no apparent reason. Hormonal changes affect your sleep cycles, and poor sleep then impacts your mood, energy, concentration, and just about everything else. If sleep problems are affecting your daily life, don't just put up with it. There's help available. Mood Changes and Brain Fog Feeling more irritable, anxious, or low isn't all in your head. Fluctuating hormone levels genuinely affect your mood and mental wellbeing. Some people describe feeling more emotional, crying more easily, or experiencing mood swings they can't quite explain. Brain fog is real too. You might find yourself forgetting words mid-sentence, struggling to concentrate, or losing track of what you were doing. It can be frustrating, but it's a recognized symptom of perimenopause. Fatigue and Energy Changes Overwhelming tiredness is one of the most commonly reported but least discussed symptoms of perimenopause. This isn't just feeling a bit sleepy. It's a bone-deep exhaustion that doesn't improve with rest. You might wake up tired even after a full night's sleep, struggle to get through your normal daily activities, or find yourself needing to nap during the day. This fatigue can affect your work performance, your relationships, and your ability to enjoy life. The exhaustion often results from a combination of factors: disrupted sleep from night sweats, hormonal changes affecting your energy levels, and the physical and emotional toll of managing other symptoms. Some people also experience changes in their metabolism that leave them feeling sluggish. Physical Changes Your body might change in ways that feel unfamiliar. Some people notice weight gain, particularly around their middle, even if their diet and exercise habits haven't changed. Others experience joint aches, muscle tension, or general stiffness. Skin can become drier, and hair texture might change. Some people notice thinning hair on their head or new hair growth in unexpected places. Your metabolism can slow down, meaning you might need to adjust how you eat or move. Vaginal and Sexual Changes Declining estrogen levels can affect your vaginal tissue, making it thinner, drier, and less elastic. This can cause discomfort, itching, or pain during sex. Some people also notice they need to pee more frequently or experience bladder sensitivity. Your sex drive might change too. Some people find their libido decreases, while others actually experience an increase. Both are normal responses to hormonal shifts. These changes are treatable, so if they're bothering you, speak to your doctor about options like vaginal moisturizers, lubricants, or local estrogen treatments. Headaches and Migraines Hormonal headaches or migraines can worsen during perimenopause. If you've always been prone to headaches around... --- - Categories: Menopause Practical strategies for managing hot flushes and night sweats during menopause. Learn about triggers, lifestyle changes, HRT, non-hormonal treatments, and what actually works. Hot flushes and night sweats can be one of the most disruptive parts of menopause. That sudden wave of heat, the sweating, the racing heart, the interrupted sleep. It's not fun. But you don't have to just suffer through it. There are loads of practical strategies and treatments that can help. What Actually Happens During a Hot Flush? A hot flush happens when your body's temperature control system gets confused by changing hormone levels. Your brain thinks you're overheating when you're not, so it triggers a cooling response. Blood vessels near your skin dilate, your heart rate increases, and you start sweating. The whole thing usually lasts between 30 seconds and 5 minutes, though it can feel longer when you're in the middle of one. Some people get a few a day, others have dozens. The intensity varies too, from mildly warm to absolutely drenched. The Science Behind Hot Flushes Your hypothalamus (the part of your brain that regulates body temperature) has estrogen receptors. When estrogen levels drop or fluctuate, your hypothalamus becomes more sensitive to small changes in body temperature. What it used to consider normal, it now interprets as overheating. This triggers your body's cooling mechanisms: blood vessels dilate to release heat, sweat glands activate, and your heart rate increases to pump blood to the skin surface. This is why you might feel your heart racing during a hot flush, even though nothing stressful is happening. The good news is that your brain eventually adjusts to lower estrogen levels. For most people, hot flushes decrease in frequency and intensity over time, though this adjustment period can take years. Spotting Your Triggers While hot flushes can strike randomly, many people notice patterns. Common triggers include spicy food, caffeine, alcohol, stress, hot drinks, tight clothing, and warm environments. Some people find their flushes are worse at certain times of day. Keep a diary for a couple of weeks. Note when flushes happen, what you were doing, what you'd eaten or drunk, and how you were feeling. You might spot connections that help you avoid triggers or at least prepare for them. Dress in Layers It sounds obvious, but dressing in layers you can easily remove makes a huge difference. Natural fabrics like cotton, linen, and bamboo tend to breathe better than synthetics. Some people swear by moisture-wicking fabrics designed for exercise. Keep a cardigan or jacket you can whip off at your desk, in your bag, or in the car. At night, use lighter bedding and consider keeping a fan nearby. Some people find cooling pillows or moisture-wicking pajamas helpful. Temperature Control Keep your environment cooler than you normally would. Open windows, use fans, and don't feel embarrassed about asking to adjust the thermostat at work. Carry a small handheld fan in your bag for emergencies. For night sweats, try keeping your bedroom cool, using cotton sheets, and having a cold flannel or cooling spray by your bed. Some people keep a spare set of pajamas handy for quick changes in the middle of the night. Breathing Techniques Slow, deep breathing can help when you feel a hot flush coming on. Some research suggests it might reduce the frequency and severity of hot flushes too. Try breathing in slowly for four counts, holding for a moment, then breathing out for six counts. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system (the calming one), which can help counteract the stress response that sometimes makes hot flushes worse. Food and Drink Adjustments If you've identified food or drink triggers, you can experiment with reducing or avoiding them. Common culprits include spicy foods, caffeine, alcohol, and hot drinks. But don't eliminate things you love unless you're sure they're making a difference. Some people find that eating smaller, more frequent meals helps, as does staying hydrated throughout the day. Blood sugar crashes can trigger hot flushes in some people, so keeping your energy levels steady might help. Exercise and Movement Regular physical activity can help reduce hot flush frequency and intensity. You don't need to become a gym fanatic. Walking, swimming, cycling, yoga, or whatever movement you enjoy all count. Exercise can be tricky if you're already experiencing hot flushes, so choose cooler times of day, wear appropriate clothing, and don't push yourself too hard. The goal is consistency rather than intensity. Weight and Body Composition Some research suggests that body weight might influence hot flush severity, though the relationship is complex. Fat tissue produces estrogen, which you might think would help, but it can also act as insulation, making it harder to cool down during a hot flush. What's more important than your weight is your overall health and fitness. Regular exercise, good nutrition, and adequate sleep all support your body's ability to regulate temperature and cope with hormonal changes. Don't feel pressured to lose weight specifically to reduce hot flushes. Focus on habits that make you feel good and support your overall wellbeing rather than chasing a number on the scales. Manage Your Stress Stress doesn't cause hot flushes, but it can make them worse and more frequent. Finding ways to manage stress might help reduce symptoms. This might include mindfulness, meditation, therapy, creative activities, or just making time for things you enjoy. Some people find cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) specifically designed for menopause helpful. It can change how you respond to hot flushes, making them less distressing even if they don't disappear completely.... --- - Categories: Menopause How menopause affects sex and intimacy, from vaginal dryness to libido changes. Practical solutions including lubricants, local estrogen, and communication tips for better sex during menopause. Menopause can affect your sex life, but it doesn't have to spell the end of enjoyable intimacy. Yes, things might change, and some of those changes can be challenging. But with the right information and support, many people find their sex lives remain fulfilling or even improve during and after menopause. How Menopause Affects Your Body Falling estrogen levels cause physical changes to your vulva and vagina. The tissue can become thinner, drier, and less elastic. This is called vaginal atrophy or genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM). It affects around half of postmenopausal people but often goes untreated because people don't realize help is available. These changes can cause discomfort, itching, or pain during sex. The vagina might feel tighter or less lubricated, even when you're aroused. Reduced blood flow can also affect sensitivity and arousal. Your pelvic floor might weaken too, which can contribute to discomfort during sex or bladder issues. Some people notice they're more prone to urinary tract infections or thrush after menopause. Changes to Your Sex Drive Libido can shift during menopause, though not always in the direction you might expect. Some people find their sex drive decreases, while others experience an increase. Both responses are normal. Lower libido can result from hormonal changes, physical discomfort, poor sleep, mood changes, or a combination of factors. But it's not inevitable. And if your libido has changed in ways that bother you, there are things that can help. Some people actually feel freer sexually after menopause. No more worrying about pregnancy, no more periods, and sometimes a new sense of confidence that comes with age. Arousal and Orgasm Changes The physical process of arousal can change during menopause. You might take longer to become aroused, need more direct stimulation, or find that the types of touch that used to work don't have the same effect anymore. Orgasms might feel different too. Some people find them less intense or harder to achieve. Others notice changes in how orgasms feel physically, or find they need different kinds of stimulation to reach climax. These changes can be frustrating, but they don't mean satisfying sex is off the table. It might mean exploring different techniques, trying new things, or simply allowing more time for arousal. Many people find their sex lives remain fulfilling, just different from before. The Impact of Physical Symptoms It's hard to feel sexy when you're drenched in sweat, exhausted from poor sleep, or dealing with brain fog. Hot flushes during sex can be off-putting. Body changes might affect your confidence. Pain or discomfort obviously puts you off wanting sex. These practical barriers are real and valid. Addressing your other menopause symptoms often helps your sex life too. Don't feel like you need to fix your sex life separately from everything else that's going on. Lubricants Are Your Friend A good lubricant can make an enormous difference. Even if you used to produce plenty of natural lubrication, you might need extra now. This isn't a sign of failure or lack of arousal. It's just a normal response to hormonal changes. Water-based lubricants wash off easily and work with condoms and toys. Silicone-based ones last longer and feel more slippery, though they're harder to wash off. Oil-based lubricants feel lovely but damage latex condoms. Don't be shy about using generous amounts. More is better. And reapply as needed. Keep lube in easy reach so you don't have to stop and search for it. Vaginal Moisturizers Unlike lubricants (used during sex), vaginal moisturizers are used regularly, a bit like hand cream. They help maintain vaginal tissue health and reduce dryness day-to-day, not just during sex. You apply them every few days, regardless of whether you're planning to have sex. Many people find using both a regular moisturizer and lubricant during sex gives the best results. Local Estrogen Treatment This is one of the most effective treatments for vaginal dryness and discomfort. Local (vaginal) estrogen comes as creams, tablets, or rings that you insert into your vagina. Unlike HRT tablets or patches, very little hormone gets into your bloodstream. It helps thicken vaginal tissue, increase lubrication, and reduce discomfort. Most people notice improvement within a few weeks, with maximum benefit after about three months. It's generally considered safe, even for people who can't take systemic HRT. You need a prescription, so chat with your doctor if vaginal dryness or pain during sex is bothering you. Pelvic Floor Exercises Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles can improve sensation during sex and help with bladder control. It also increases blood flow to the area, which supports tissue health. The classic advice is to squeeze the muscles you'd use to stop yourself peeing, hold for a few seconds, then release. Do this regularly throughout the day. If you're not sure you're doing it right, a pelvic health physiotherapist can help. Sex Toys and Tools Vibrators and other sex toys can be particularly helpful during menopause. If sensitivity has decreased, a vibrator can provide stronger stimulation than manual touch alone. This applies to both solo and partnered sex. Vaginal dilators are medical devices that can help if penetration has become difficult or painful. They come in graduated sizes and are used to gently stretch vaginal tissue, often in combination with moisturizers or local estrogen. A pelvic health physiotherapist can guide you on how to use them properly. Clitoral suction toys, which use air pulse technology rather than... --- - Categories: Menopause Understanding menopause and mental health including anxiety, depression, mood swings, and brain fog. Learn about treatments, coping strategies, and when to seek help for emotional wellbeing. Menopause isn't just about physical symptoms. The hormonal changes happening in your body can significantly affect your mood, emotions, and mental health. This isn't weakness or overreacting. It's biology. And just like physical symptoms, mental and emotional changes deserve proper recognition and support. How Hormones Affect Your Mood Estrogen and progesterone don't just regulate your menstrual cycle. They also influence brain chemicals that affect mood, including serotonin and dopamine. When these hormone levels fluctuate and decline during perimenopause and menopause, your emotional regulation can take a hit. This is similar to how some people experience mood changes related to their menstrual cycle, pregnancy, or postpartum. Hormones have real effects on how you feel, think, and cope with daily life. Common Emotional Changes Many people notice increased irritability during perimenopause. Small things that wouldn't normally bother you might suddenly feel unbearable. You might snap at people you love, feel impatient, or have a shorter fuse than usual. Anxiety is common too. This might show up as general worry, panic attacks, health anxiety, or feeling on edge all the time. Some people describe feeling like something terrible is about to happen without knowing what. Low mood or depression can develop or worsen during menopause. You might feel flat, lose interest in things you usually enjoy, or struggle to see the point in activities that once mattered to you. Mood swings can leave you feeling all over the place emotionally, crying one minute and feeling fine the next, or swinging between irritability and sadness without obvious triggers. Rage and Intense Irritability Some people experience what can only be described as rage during perimenopause. This isn't just being a bit grumpy. It's intense, overwhelming anger that feels disproportionate to whatever triggered it. You might find yourself furious over minor inconveniences, snapping at loved ones, or feeling an urge to scream or throw things. This can be frightening, especially if it's completely unlike your normal temperament. This rage is a real symptom caused by hormonal fluctuations affecting neurotransmitters in your brain. It's not a character flaw or a sign that you're becoming an awful person. Many people find that treating other menopause symptoms, particularly sleep problems and hot flushes, helps reduce irritability and anger. Brain Fog and Concentration Cognitive changes are frustrating and often underestimated. You might forget words mid-sentence, struggle to concentrate on tasks, lose your train of thought, or find decision-making harder than it used to be. This isn't dementia or early-onset Alzheimer's. It's a recognized symptom of menopause, and for most people, it improves after the transition. But while you're experiencing it, brain fog can seriously affect your work, confidence, and daily functioning. Sleep Deprivation Makes Everything Worse Poor sleep is both a symptom of menopause and a major contributor to mental health problems. Night sweats, insomnia, and disrupted sleep patterns leave you exhausted, which then affects your mood, concentration, patience, and ability to cope with stress. When you're chronically sleep-deprived, everything feels harder. Small problems seem overwhelming. You're more likely to feel anxious or low. Your brain doesn't work as well. Addressing sleep problems often improves mental health symptoms significantly. The Compounding Effect Menopause doesn't happen in isolation. It often coincides with other major life changes: children leaving home, aging parents needing care, relationship shifts, career pressures, or health problems. These stressors can combine with hormonal changes to create a perfect storm for mental health difficulties. Some people also have a history of depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions. Menopause can trigger a recurrence or worsening of previous symptoms. If you've experienced postnatal depression or severe PMS in the past, you might be more vulnerable to mood changes during menopause. Identity, Purpose, and Self-Perception Menopause can trigger an identity crisis for some people. If your sense of self has been tied to fertility, youth, or certain physical attributes, the end of your reproductive years might feel like a loss. You might find yourself questioning your purpose, value, or place in the world. This can be particularly intense if you're also dealing with children becoming independent, career changes, or relationship shifts. Society's attitudes toward aging and menopause don't help. Cultural messages that equate women's value with youth and fertility can make this transition feel like becoming invisible or irrelevant. These are harmful narratives, not objective truths. Many people find that working through these feelings, whether through therapy, journaling, or conversations with trusted friends, helps them develop a new sense of identity that feels authentic and empowering. Menopause can actually be a catalyst for positive change and self-discovery. When It's More Than Menopause Sometimes mood changes that start during perimenopause develop into clinical depression or anxiety disorders. These need proper treatment, just like depression or anxiety at any other life stage. Signs that you need professional help include persistent low mood lasting more than two weeks, thoughts of self-harm or suicide, severe anxiety that stops you doing normal activities, panic attacks, or symptoms that significantly affect your work, relationships, or daily life. Don't wait until you're in crisis. If you're struggling, speak to your doctor sooner rather than later. Treatment Options Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) For many people, HRT significantly improves mood symptoms by stabilizing hormone levels. It's not a treatment for clinical depression, but it can help with irritability, anxiety, and low mood related to hormonal fluctuations. Some types of HRT include testosterone, which can help with mood, energy, and motivation.... --- - Categories: Abortion Care Understanding grief after abortion including relief, sadness, and complex emotions. Learn about processing feelings, getting support, and allowing yourself to feel whatever you feel without judgment. Having an abortion can bring up all sorts of feelings. For some people, it's straightforward relief. For others, it's more complicated. You might feel sad, guilty, or grieving even though you know it was the right decision. You might feel nothing at all. You might feel several conflicting emotions at once. All of these responses are valid. There's no right way to feel after an abortion. Your emotions are yours, and they deserve acknowledgment regardless of what they are. Relief Is Normal The most common emotion people report after an abortion is relief. Relief that the procedure is over, relief that they're no longer pregnant, relief that they can move forward with their lives. If relief is your primary feeling, that's completely fine. You don't need to manufacture sadness or guilt to prove the decision mattered to you. Feeling relieved doesn't make you callous or cold. It means the abortion was the right choice for you. Grief Is Also Normal Some people grieve after an abortion. This grief is real and deserves space, even if you're certain the abortion was necessary. You can grieve what might have been while simultaneously knowing you made the right choice for your circumstances. This grief might be about the pregnancy itself, about the timing being wrong, about life circumstances that made the pregnancy impossible to continue, or about the loss of a potential future you had to let go of. Grief doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. It means you're human and you're processing a significant experience. Complex and Contradictory Feelings Emotions aren't simple or binary. You can feel relieved and sad. Grateful and guilty. Confident in your decision and still mourn what you've lost. These contradictions don't cancel each other out or mean you're confused. Human emotions are complex, and major life decisions often bring up multiple feelings simultaneously. There's nothing wrong with experiencing ambivalence or holding seemingly opposite emotions at the same time. Guilt and Shame Many people feel guilt after an abortion, even when they're certain it was the right choice. This guilt often comes from external messages about abortion rather than your own values or beliefs. We live in a culture that stigmatizes abortion. You've likely absorbed messages your entire life about abortion being wrong, selfish, or shameful. These messages don't just disappear because you've made a thoughtful decision about your own body and life. Guilt is a feeling, not a fact. You can feel guilty and still have done nothing wrong. Processing guilt often involves separating internalized shame from your actual values and choices. Sadness About Circumstances Sometimes the grief isn't about the abortion itself but about the circumstances that made it necessary. Grief about financial instability, relationship problems, lack of support, timing, health issues, or any number of factors that meant continuing the pregnancy wasn't viable. This is legitimate grief. It's okay to wish your circumstances were different, to be angry about systemic issues that limit your choices, or to mourn the life situation that made abortion your best option. Feeling Nothing Some people don't feel much of anything after an abortion. It was a medical procedure, they made a clear decision, and they move on without significant emotional processing. This is also completely valid. You don't need to have big feelings to prove the decision was meaningful. Not everyone processes significant events through intense emotions, and that's fine. When Grief Feels Overwhelming If grief or other difficult emotions are significantly affecting your daily life, relationships, or mental health, that's a sign you might benefit from additional support. This doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. It means you're human and processing something difficult. Prolonged or intense grief, depression, anxiety, or intrusive thoughts deserve attention and care. These aren't inevitable consequences of abortion, but when they occur, they're treatable. Processing Your Feelings Allow Yourself to Feel Whatever you're feeling, let yourself feel it without judgment. Don't force yourself to feel differently or tell yourself you shouldn't feel a certain way. Emotions aren't right or wrong; they just are. Make space for your feelings. This might mean crying, journaling, talking to someone, or simply sitting with whatever emotion is present without trying to change it. Talk to Someone Talking about your feelings can help process them. This might be a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or a post-abortion support service. Choose people who will listen without judgment. You don't need someone to tell you how to feel or convince you that you made the right or wrong decision. You need someone who can hold space for whatever you're experiencing. Write It Out Journaling can be a powerful tool for processing complex emotions. You don't need to share it with anyone. Just getting thoughts and feelings out of your head and onto paper can provide clarity and relief. You might write letters you never send, stream-of-consciousness processing, or structured reflection. Whatever form works for you is the right approach. Rituals and Acknowledgment Some people find rituals helpful for processing grief. This might be as simple as lighting a candle, as personal as writing a letter and burning it, or as creative as making art that expresses your feelings. Rituals can provide a sense of closure or a way to acknowledge what happened. They're not necessary, but for some people, they're meaningful. Professional Support Therapy A therapist can provide a safe, non-judgmental space to process your feelings. Look for someone... --- - Categories: Abortion Care Abortion is common across all demographics. Learn about the diverse range of people who have abortions including mothers, married people, religious individuals, and people of all ages and backgrounds. If you've formed a picture in your mind of the "typical" person who has an abortion, it's probably wrong. Anti-abortion rhetoric and media stereotypes have created a narrow, often judgmental narrative about who has abortions and why. The reality is far more diverse. Abortion is incredibly common. One in four women will have an abortion by age 45. That's your friends, colleagues, family members, and people you see every day. Abortion happens across all demographics, all life circumstances, and all communities. People Who Already Have Children Nearly 60% of people who have abortions already have at least one child. These aren't people who don't want children or don't understand the responsibilities of parenting. They're parents who know exactly what raising children requires and have decided they can't manage another pregnancy right now. They might be struggling financially and unable to afford another child. They might have health conditions that make pregnancy dangerous. Their existing children might have additional needs that require their full attention. Their relationship might be unstable or abusive. They might simply be done having children and their contraception failed. Being a parent doesn't make someone more or less deserving of abortion access. If anything, parents often have the clearest understanding of what pregnancy, birth, and raising children actually involve. Married People and Those in Long-Term Relationships Around 14-25% of people who have abortions are married. Many more are in committed long-term relationships. These aren't just people who made a "mistake" with a casual partner. Married people have abortions for all the same reasons anyone else does. Financial instability, health concerns, relationship problems, already having enough children, career considerations, or simply not wanting to be pregnant right now. Being in a committed relationship or married doesn't mean you're required to continue every pregnancy. Relationship status doesn't determine whether abortion is acceptable or understandable. People Trying to Leave Abusive Relationships Some people in relationships seek abortion because they're trying to leave an abusive partner. Becoming pregnant or having another child can make it significantly harder to escape abuse, both practically and emotionally. Abusers often use pregnancy and children as tools of control. Having an abortion might be part of a safety plan to leave an abusive situation. Religious People People from all religious backgrounds have abortions. While some religious institutions oppose abortion, individual believers often hold more nuanced views or make decisions based on their specific circumstances rather than religious doctrine. Around 54% of people who have abortions identify with a religious tradition. This includes Catholics, Protestants, Muslims, Jews, and people from other faith backgrounds. Some religious traditions are explicitly pro-choice, while others have more complex theological positions than simple opposition. Many religious people who have abortions reconcile their decision with their faith. They might believe that a compassionate God understands their circumstances, that their religious tradition allows for abortion in certain situations, or that their personal relationship with their faith includes making difficult decisions about their own bodies. Teenagers and Young Adults Young people have abortions, though they make up a smaller percentage than you might expect. Around 11% of abortions are obtained by people under 20. Teenagers who become pregnant often lack the financial resources, family support, or life stability to continue a pregnancy. They might still be in school, living with parents who would react badly, or simply not ready for the massive responsibility of raising a child. Young people deserve access to abortion just as much as anyone else. Age doesn't determine whether someone is capable of making decisions about their own body and future. People in Their 30s and 40s The largest percentage of people having abortions are in their 20s and 30s, but people in their 40s also have abortions. These might be people who thought they were done having children, whose contraception failed, who have health conditions that make pregnancy risky, or who simply don't want to be pregnant. Getting older doesn't mean you're obligated to continue an unplanned pregnancy. People in their 30s and 40s often have established lives, existing children, careers, and clear knowledge of what they want and don't want. People of All Economic Backgrounds While people living below the poverty line are disproportionately represented among those seeking abortions, people across all income levels have abortions. Wealthy people have always had access to safe abortion, even when it was illegal or restricted. They could travel, pay private doctors, or access services unavailable to people with fewer resources. Middle-income people have abortions too. Financial stability is relative, and many people who appear comfortable are actually struggling. Even those who are genuinely financially secure might decide that another child would stretch their resources too thin or interfere with other life goals. People with Planned Pregnancies Some people who have abortions were actively trying to conceive. They might receive devastating medical news about fetal abnormalities incompatible with life or that would result in severe disability and suffering. They might develop serious health complications that make continuing the pregnancy dangerous. These are often the most heartbreaking abortion situations. People who desperately wanted a baby but are faced with impossible circumstances. These abortions are sometimes called "wanted but" abortions, and they deserve compassion and support, not judgment. People with Health Conditions People with chronic health conditions, disabilities, or mental health issues have abortions. They might know that pregnancy would exacerbate their condition, make it impossible to manage their health, or pose serious risks. Some... --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Period Health, Reproductive Health & Fertility PCOS is a common hormonal condition affecting millions worldwide. Learn what PCOS is, how it’s diagnosed, common symptoms, and where to find support. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, commonly known as PCOS, is one of the most common hormonal conditions affecting people with ovaries. It is estimated to affect around 8 to 13 percent of people of reproductive age globally, although many remain undiagnosed. For some, symptoms are mild. For others, PCOS can have a significant impact on physical health, mental wellbeing, and quality of life. If you are trying to understand PCOS, whether for yourself or someone you care about, it is okay to take this information slowly. PCOS is complex, and your experience is valid even if it does not match someone else’s. What is PCOS? PCOS is a condition related to how the ovaries function and how the body regulates hormones. People with PCOS often have higher levels of androgens, which are hormones present in all bodies but typically higher in people assigned male at birth. These hormone levels can interfere with ovulation and affect multiple systems in the body. Despite the name, PCOS does not always involve cysts. The so-called cysts are actually immature follicles that have not released an egg. Many people with PCOS never develop visible cysts at all. Common symptoms of PCOS PCOS presents differently from person to person. Common symptoms include irregular periods, missed periods, or no periods at all. Some people experience acne, excess facial or body hair, or thinning hair on the scalp. Weight changes can occur, though PCOS affects people of all body sizes. Other symptoms can include fatigue, sleep disruption, pelvic pain, headaches, and changes in mood. PCOS is also linked with insulin resistance, which can increase the risk of type 2 diabetes. Not everyone with PCOS experiences all of these symptoms. Some people may have very few outward signs. Diagnosis and delays There is no single test for PCOS. Diagnosis usually involves a combination of medical history, blood tests to assess hormone levels, and sometimes an ultrasound. Many people experience years of symptoms before receiving a diagnosis, often feeling dismissed or told their concerns are not serious enough. Delayed diagnosis is common and can be emotionally draining. Feeling frustrated or unheard is a valid response. PCOS and fertility PCOS can affect ovulation, which may make conception more difficult for some people. However, many people with PCOS conceive naturally. Others conceive with medical support such as ovulation-inducing medication. A PCOS diagnosis does not equal infertility. Equally, not everyone with PCOS wants children, and choosing not to pursue pregnancy is just as valid. Management and treatment options There is no cure for PCOS, but symptoms can be managed. Treatment is individual and may include hormonal contraception, medication to support ovulation, treatment for insulin resistance, or symptom-specific support such as acne treatment. Management is not about achieving a particular weight or lifestyle ideal. It is about supporting health, comfort, and autonomy. Emotional wellbeing and PCOS Living with PCOS can affect self-esteem, body image, and mental health. Anxiety and depression are more common among people with PCOS, particularly when symptoms are dismissed or misunderstood. Support can make a meaningful difference. You deserve care that takes both physical and emotional wellbeing seriously. You may find it helpful to explore trusted organisations and charities offering PCOS-specific information and peer support. You can find these collected on our support links page, which brings together charities and resources for PCOS and related conditions. FAQs How common is PCOS? PCOS affects roughly 1 in 10 people with ovaries worldwide, though many remain undiagnosed due to lack of awareness and inconsistent diagnostic criteria. Does PCOS always involve cysts? No. Many people with PCOS do not have cysts visible on ultrasound. Can PCOS be cured? There is no cure, but symptoms can often be managed effectively with personalised care. Does PCOS only affect people who want children? No. PCOS affects many aspects of health beyond fertility, regardless of reproductive goals. References World Health Organization – PCOS Facts and Guidancehttps://www. who. int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/infertility NHS – Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)https://www. nhs. uk/conditions/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos/ Endocrine Society – Clinical Practice Guidelines for PCOShttps://www. endocrine. org/clinical-practice-guidelines Office on Women’s Health (U. S. Dept of Health & Human Services) – PCOS Informationhttps://www. womenshealth. gov/a-z-topics/polycystic-ovary-syndrome Research, Prevalence, and Patient Education Guttmacher Institute – Reproductive Health Data Including PCOShttps://www. guttmacher. org PCOS Awareness Association – Comprehensive Patient Resourceshttps://www. pcosaa. org/ Centers for Disease Control and Prevention – PCOS Overviewhttps://www. cdc. gov/pcos/index. html Additional Support and Charities Monash University – Evidence-Based PCOS Lifestyle and Care Resourceshttps://www. monash. edu/medicine/pcos Fertility Network UK – PCOS Supporthttps://fertilitynetworkuk. org/pcos/ --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Penis Health, Reproductive Health & Fertility, Sex & Relationship Therapy, Sex 101, Sexuality & Gender, Toys & Pleasure A shame-free guide for trans, non-binary, and gender expansive people (and partners/allies). Most sex education wasn't made with you in mind. You've probably sat through classes or read articles that talked about bodies and sex in ways that just didn't fit. Maybe you felt invisible, or confused, or like you were the only one who didn't see yourself in the conversation. You're not alone, and you're not asking for too much by wanting information that actually relates to your body. This guide is for transgender, non-binary, genderqueer, and gender expansive people, and for our partners and lovers. Whether you're having sex with many partners, one partner, or you're going solo, you deserve information that respects your body and your needs. We'll cover safer sex practices, yes, but also pleasure, self-exploration, communication, and how transition affects sex. Some parts will resonate with you. Others won't apply at all. Take what helps, leave what doesn't. You're the expert on your own body. This guide is just here to support you. A Note on Language We use all kinds of words to describe our gender and our body parts, and these words are deeply personal. There's no one right way to refer to our bodies. For consistency in this guide, we've made some choices about terminology, but your words for your body are whatever feels right to you. The Terms We're Using Trans: Anyone and everyone who feels they are part of the transgender community, including folks who identify outside of the gender binary. Being trans does not necessarily mean that you have had surgery, want to transition or use specific pronouns. It's all about how you understand yourself. Transfeminine: Anyone who was assigned male at birth and now identifies with femininity. Transmasculine: Anyone who was assigned female at birth and now identifies with masculinity. Parts: We use this word when we're talking about genitals or sexual anatomy of any kind. Dick: We use this word to describe external genitals. Dicks come in all shapes and sizes and can belong to people of all genders. Front Hole: We use this word to talk about internal genitals, sometimes referred to as a vagina. A front hole may self-lubricate, depending on age and hormones. Strapless: We use this word to describe the genitals of trans women who have not had genital reconstruction (or "bottom surgery"), sometimes referred to as a penis. Vagina: We use this word to talk about the genitals of trans women who have had bottom surgery. Don't assume that every person you meet (trans or otherwise) will use or understand these words. In most cases, the best thing you can do is ask which words a person uses to describe their body. Remember: our bodies are our own to name and use. Get to Know Yourself: Masturbation There's plenty of advice out there about how to have "the best sex" or "the right kind of sex," but a lot of it simply doesn't work for our bodies. Sometimes we're working with parts that don't feel like they match our brains. Sometimes our bodies are hairier or curvier than we would like. Some of us have trouble tapping into pleasure because our bodies don't feel like they belong to us. One of the most laid-back ways to explore sexual pleasure (and incidentally, also one of the safest) is by yourself. Masturbation allows you to experiment with how your body responds to touch. Do your parts like vibration from a favorite toy? Do they like soft, light touches or firm pressure? Are other areas of your body, like your chest, your neck, or the creases of your elbows, also sensitive to touch? Taking the time to explore your own body can be liberating. There is no judgment from other people, no pressure to perform a certain way, and no rush. If you have ever felt shame about the way your body looks, masturbation is one way to slowly ease into self-acceptance. Take it at your own pace. There's no one specific goal, only opportunities to better learn what feels good to you. Talking About Sex With Your Partner(s) The first step toward having safer, more enjoyable sex with your partner(s) is to talk about it. Many of us are told from an early age that sex isn't something you should discuss. But talking to your partner(s) about the kind of sex you want to have and the steps you can take to protect yourself is an opportunity to build trust and lessen concerns. Talking about sex really comes down to 3 big things. Turn-Ons Talking to your partner(s) about what gets you excited can be great foreplay! There's such a wide menu of options in the world of sex, and giving your partner(s) some ideas about what turns you on will help you both have more enjoyable sex. Your partner(s) won't know unless you tell them. Boundaries Your boundaries are the things you don't feel comfortable with and want to establish as clear "no-go" zones. Boundaries might be things like "No sex without a dental dam" or "Don't use the words 'good girl' or 'baby' to describe me" or "Don't pull my hair. " Practicing consent means adopting the language that your partner(s) use to describe themselves and respecting the boundaries they set for their bodies. Thinking about and communicating boundaries might be particularly important with transactional sex partners. Boundaries might change over time with the same partner and might differ among partners, but it's always... --- - Categories: Abortion Care Supporting a partner through an abortion can feel overwhelming. This gentle guide offers practical ways to show care, respect autonomy, and navigate emotions together. Supporting a partner through an abortion can feel unfamiliar, emotional, and sometimes overwhelming. You might want to be helpful but worry about saying the wrong thing. You might be carrying your own feelings while trying to stay strong for them. If that sounds like you, it is worth saying this first: wanting to support your partner with care already matters. There is no single right way to show up. What matters most is respect, presence, and understanding that abortion is a deeply personal experience that can look different for everyone. Start with listening, not fixing One of the most supportive things you can do is listen. Many people instinctively want to reassure, problem-solve, or make the situation feel better. While this comes from a good place, it can sometimes feel dismissive. Try to listen without interrupting or jumping in with solutions. Simple responses like “I hear you”, “That sounds really hard”, or “I’m here with you as much as you need or want me to be” can feel grounding. You do not need to fully understand their experience to take it seriously. It is also okay if your partner does not want to talk much. Let them set the pace. Respect their autonomy and decision-making Even in loving relationships, abortion decisions can bring up complicated dynamics. It is important to remember that the pregnancy is happening in your partner’s body, and the final decision belongs to them. Supporting your partner does not require you to feel exactly the same way. It does mean respecting their choice and avoiding language that pressures, questions, or reframes the decision as something they owe you. Statements that centre autonomy include: “I trust you to know what’s right for you. ” “I’m here to support you in whatever you need. ” “This is your body and your decision. ” This kind of reassurance can significantly reduce stress and feelings of isolation. Offer practical support, and ask what helps Practical support can be just as meaningful as emotional support. Depending on the type of abortion and how your partner feels, this might include: Attending appointments if they want you there Helping with transport Picking up medication or supplies Preparing food Looking after children or pets Creating a calm, private space to rest Rather than guessing, it can help to ask open questions like: “What would feel most helpful right now? ” “Do you want company or space today? ” Needs can change from day to day, especially during recovery. Understand what they might be experiencing physically If your partner is having a medical abortion, they may experience cramping, bleeding, nausea, tiredness, diarrhoea or hormonal shifts. Surgical abortion often involves lighter bleeding afterwards but can still come with fatigue and emotional changes. Knowing that these experiences are normal can help you respond with reassurance rather than alarm. MSI Reproductive Choices explains that most people recover physically within a few days, though everyone is different. Encourage rest and help them avoid feeling like they need to “bounce back” quickly. Be mindful of emotional changes over time Some people feel immediate relief after an abortion. Others feel sadness, grief, or mixed emotions. Many feel fine one day and emotional the next. Hormonal changes can also affect mood. Try not to assume how your partner should feel. Avoid phrases like “at least it’s over now” or “you must feel better”. Instead, check in gently: “How are you feeling today? ” “Anything coming up for you emotionally? ” Support does not have a time limit. Checking in weeks or months later can mean a lot. Make space for your own feelings, safely Partners can also experience emotions such as sadness, relief, guilt, or confusion. These feelings are valid, but it is important not to place emotional responsibility on the person having the abortion. If you are struggling, consider talking to a trusted friend, counsellor, or support service. This helps you show up more steadily for your partner without asking them to hold your feelings as well as their own. Avoid stigma, even subtle forms Stigma can show up quietly, even when we do not mean it to. This might look like secrecy that feels heavy, language that implies wrongdoing, or avoidance of the topic altogether. Using neutral, respectful language and treating abortion as healthcare can help counter this. Following your partner’s lead on who knows and what is shared is also key. Remember that support looks different for everyone There is no checklist that makes someone a “good” partner during an abortion. What matters is care, respect, and willingness to learn. You are allowed to get things wrong and try again. Being present, kind, and open goes a long way. FAQs What if I feel unsure or conflicted about the abortion? It is possible to support your partner while holding your own complex feelings. Support means respecting their decision and avoiding pressure, even if you need separate space to process your emotions with someone else. Should I go to appointments with my partner? Only if your partner wants you there. Some people find it comforting, while others prefer privacy. Let them decide and know it is okay either way. How long should I keep checking in? There is no set timeline. Emotional responses can change over time, so gentle check-ins weeks or months later can be meaningful. What if my partner does not want to talk about it at all? That... --- - Categories: Abortion Care Deciding whether to have an abortion can feel overwhelming. This compassionate guide explores things to consider, pros and cons, and reminds you that only you can decide. Deciding whether to have an abortion is deeply personal. There is no test you can take, no checklist that gives you the right answer, and no timeline that suits everyone. Some people feel clear immediately, while others feel uncertain, conflicted, or pulled in different directions. If you are trying to make this decision, it is important to say this first and clearly. Only you can decide what is right for your body, your life, and your future. No partner, family member, friend, professional, or organisation can make this decision for you. Support can help, but the choice is yours. This guide is not here to push you in any direction. Instead, it offers space to reflect, information to ground you, and reassurance that whatever you decide deserves respect. It is normal to feel unsure or not Many people expect to feel one clear emotion, but in reality mixed feelings are very common. You might feel relief and sadness, certainty and doubt, fear and confidence all at once. Hormones, stress, stigma, and time pressure can intensify these feelings. It is also normal not to feel much emotion at all. Some people experience a calm, neutral response, and that is completely valid. Emotional intensity or lack of it does not mean your decision is right or wrong. It simply reflects your unique experience. Another important point to remember is that choosing an abortion now does not close doors for the future. It does not mean you will never want to become a parent later. Similarly, not wanting children ever is completely valid. Your reproductive choices are yours alone, and there is no timeline you must follow. Focusing on the facts about your current circumstances rather than feeling that fate or destiny is forcing a particular outcome can help you make a grounded decision. Things people often consider Everyone’s circumstances are different, but some themes come up repeatedly when people think about whether to continue a pregnancy. Your healthThis includes physical health, mental health, and emotional wellbeing. Pregnancy and parenting can be demanding, and it is okay to consider whether this is something you can or want to take on right now. Your life circumstancesPeople often think about housing, finances, work, education, immigration status, and stability. These are practical realities, not moral failings. Relationships and supportYou might consider whether you have support from a partner, family, or friends, and how safe or reliable that support feels. It is also okay if the answer is complicated. Existing children or responsibilitiesMany people who have abortions already have children. Wanting to protect the wellbeing of yourself or your family is a valid consideration. Your values and beliefsYour beliefs matter. It is okay if they are still evolving or if they do not fit neatly into what others expect. Pros and cons as a tool Some people find it helpful to write a pros and cons list. This is not about scoring points or proving anything. It is simply a way to see your thoughts laid out clearly. Possible reasons people choose abortion Feeling unable to parent at this time Wanting to protect physical or mental health Not feeling ready for the long-term responsibility of parenting Wanting to focus on existing children, education, or work Relationship instability or lack of support Not wanting children ever Possible challenges people think about Emotional responses such as sadness, grief, or guilt Feeling little emotion and wondering if that is normal Fear of judgement or stigma Navigating access, cost, or logistics Worry about how others may react It is important to remember that challenges do not mean a decision is wrong. They simply reflect that this is a significant life moment. Avoid pressure and focus on facts Pressure can come from many directions. Partners may have strong feelings. Family may have expectations. Cultural or religious messages may feel heavy. Sometimes pressure even comes from within, shaped by shame or fear of judgement. Focusing on the facts about your life right now can help you make a clear decision. This might include your health, financial situation, support network, and personal readiness. Avoid thinking that there is a predetermined outcome. Decisions based on your current reality and needs are valid. Non-directive counselling, such as that offered by many reproductive health organisations, can provide space to explore your feelings safely without being pushed in any direction. After making a decision There is no single way people feel after deciding to have an abortion. Some feel immediate relief. Others feel sadness or a quiet sense of peace. Many feel a mixture of emotions. Research consistently shows that most people who have abortions feel it was the right decision for them, even if the experience was emotionally complex. Emotional responses can change over time, and support is valid at any stage. Remember that choosing an abortion now does not limit your future. You retain full agency to choose if and when you want to become a parent. Not wanting children ever is also a valid choice, and not feeling strong emotion about the abortion is completely normal. You deserve care, whatever you decide Whether you decide to have an abortion or continue a pregnancy, you deserve accurate information, respectful care, and support without judgement. Making a decision about your own body is not something you need to justify. You are allowed to trust yourself. FAQs How do I know if abortion is the right choice for... --- - Categories: Kink & BDSM, Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure - Tags: Anal Sex Anal play can feel pleasurable for some people with clitorises and penises. Learn how to explore safely, comfortably, and consensually, without pressure, with tips on nerves, pelvic floor, and communication. Anal play can be deeply pleasurable for some people, but it is not enjoyable for everyone. The sensations depend on individual anatomy, nervous system connections, and comfort levels. There is no expectation that everyone should try it or enjoy it. Understanding how nerve pathways and pelvic muscles contribute to pleasure can help you explore safely, mindfully, and consensually. This guide explains why anal play can feel good for people with clitorises and penises, with diagrams to illustrate the anatomy involved. Pleasure for People with Clitorises For people with clitorises, anal play can stimulate pleasure indirectly through connections between the rectum, pelvic floor, and clitoral network. Movement or pressure in this area may create sensations that feel different from direct clitoral touch. Some people report feeling deep, internal, or full-body pleasure, while others may not experience much sensation at all. Both responses are completely normal. Anal play may also activate nerve endings in the perineum and vulvar vestibule. When combined with clitoral stimulation, some people notice increased arousal or more intense orgasms. Exploration should always be slow, mindful, and guided by comfort. There is never any requirement to enjoy these sensations. Pleasure for People with Penises For people with penises, anal play can stimulate the prostate, sometimes referred to as the “male G-spot. ” Gentle pressure, massage, or penetration may produce unique internal sensations. Some people find it pleasurable and even report full-body orgasms. Others may not enjoy it at all, and that is entirely normal. The anal sphincter can also add friction and pressure around the penis during penetration, which may feel pleasurable for some. Exploration should always be gradual, with clear consent and attention to comfort. There is no expectation that everyone will enjoy this type of stimulation. How Anal Play Can Enhance Sexual Experience Anal play can complement other forms of stimulation for some people. For those with clitorises, it may enhance sensations from direct stimulation. For those with penises, it may produce sensations different from penile stimulation alone. Many people experience full-body arousal or a sense of internal pressure that feels pleasurable, while others may not feel much at all. This variability is normal and expected. Key factors that help some people enjoy anal play include: Using plenty of lubricant to reduce friction Going slowly and pausing as needed Being relaxed and comfortable Open, ongoing communication with partners No one should feel pressured to try anal play, and consent should always be central. Safety and Communication Pleasure is safest when attention is given to consent, hygiene, and boundaries. Some practical tips include: Use condoms or barriers for toys and penetration Clean toys before and after use Respect pain or discomfort as a signal to pause or stop Communicate clearly with partners about comfort and limits Prioritising safety and consent helps make exploration enjoyable for those who want to try it while removing any pressure to participate. Possible Risks Even with careful practice, anal play can carry risks. These include small tears, irritation, or increased risk of STIs if barriers are not used. Pain, heavy bleeding, or signs of infection should be evaluated by a healthcare professional. Not everyone experiences pleasure, and that is completely normal. Listening to your body and stopping when something feels wrong is an essential part of sexual health. Anal Play in Healthy Relationships Anal play should never involve pressure, guilt, or obligation. Desire must be mutual, and boundaries respected. From a psychosexual perspective, emotional safety supports physical pleasure, but pleasure is optional and personal. You are allowed to be curious or say no at any time. Both choices are valid and healthy. Frequently Asked Questions Q: Can anal play feel pleasurable for everyone? No. Anal play can be pleasurable for some people, but not everyone enjoys it. Both responses are normal. Q: How does anal play feel for people with clitorises? It can stimulate pelvic nerves and connections to the clitoris, creating deep or full-body sensations for some people. Others may feel little or no sensation, which is also normal. Q: How does anal play feel for people with penises? It can stimulate the prostate and anal sphincter, producing unique internal sensations for some. Others may not enjoy it at all. Q: Is anal play safe for everyone? It can be safe when done slowly, with lubrication, attention to comfort, and use of barriers. No one should feel pressured to try it. Q: Should I feel pressure to try anal play? No. Anal play is optional, and consent is always required. Pleasure is personal and not guaranteed. References Healthline. Anal sex safety and risks. Medically reviewed. Planned Parenthood Toronto. Anal play and sexual health factsheet. B-Vibe. Guide to anal play safety and toy use. NHS. Sexual health and STI prevention guidance. Durex UK. Safe sex and barrier methods. --- - Categories: Sex & Relationship Therapy, Sex 101, Sexuality & Gender Learn about sexual anatomy in a sex-positive, inclusive way. Explore the vulva, clitoris, vagina, penis, prostate, pelvic floor, and intersex variations to better understand your body and pleasure. Navigating our connection with our sexual anatomy may present a nuanced journey. While it has the potential to unlock profound pleasure, for some individuals, it becomes a source of considerable shame and distress. Acquiring knowledge about our anatomy serves as an empowering tool, allowing us to understand our bodies better and give us the confidence we need to embrace our sexual anatomy . Why do we say ‘AMAB’ & ‘AFAB’? Assigned sex is a label you’re given at birth based on medical factors, including hormones, chromosomes and genitals. Some people call the sex we’re assigned at birth “biological sex. ” However, this term doesn’t fully capture the complex biological, anatomical, and chromosomal variations. Having only two options (biological male or biological female) might not describe what’s going on inside a person’s body. Using ‘Assigned sex’ acknowledges that someone else made the decision for that person and it may not align with how they feel & identify or what is going on in their body.  Learn more about gender and sex here. (All images hand-drawn by me - full ownership and rights to use) Vulva Not Vagina Often, when people discuss the vagina, they are actually referring to the vulva. The vulva is everything on the outside of the AFAB reproductive system, encompassing the outer and inner lips (labia majora and minora), clitoral hood, clitoris, vestibular bulbs, vaginal vestibule, and the vaginal opening. Remarkably diverse, vulvas exhibit variations in colour, shape, and size. Even one side may differ from the other. Societal expectations, fueled in part by the porn industry, have constructed a predefined notion of what a vulva "should" resemble. In reality, they are diverse, each unique - like a snowflake!   What is the Vagina? The vagina serves as the muscular passage situated between our vulva and cervix. Comprised of vaginal tissue, it features an opening just below the urethral opening. This orifice is not only where menstrual blood exits and daily discharge occurs but also where various objects, including fingers, sex toys, penises, and menstruation products, may be inserted.   Contrary to popular belief many people with vaginas cannot orgasm from penetration alone and most need clitoral stimulation. What is the Labia? The labia majora, commonly referred to as the 'outer lips,' consists of thick skin areas typically covered with pubic hair, extending from the mons pubis to the anus. Comprising sweat glands and primarily composed of muscle tissue, they play a crucial role in the AFAB anatomy. In contrast, the labia minora, known as the 'inner lips,' extend from the clitoris to below the vaginal opening. During sexual arousal, both labia may swell in response. Labia come in varying lengths, with one often longer than the other.   The colour spectrum ranges from very pink to dark brown, and regardless of shape, colour, or size, all labia are considered normal. Between the labia minora lies the vaginal vestibule, encompassing the skin surrounding the urethral and vaginal openings. What are the Bartholin Glands? The Bartholin's glands play a crucial role in generating fluid that aids in lubricating the vagina. While this typically occurs during sexual arousal, it can also happen without sexual arousal. The importance of the AFAB Pelvic Floor Extending across the base of the pelvis, the pelvic floor muscles provide support to the pelvic organs, including the bladder and bowel in both genders and additionally, the uterus (womb) in women. Weakness in these muscles can result in issues related to bladder and bowel control.   The pelvic floor muscles play a crucial role in sexual function, facilitating relaxation and contraction that contributes to enjoyable and pleasurable experiences.   The Clitoris? The clitoris stands as the epicenter of pleasure, previously believed to house around 8,000 nerve fibers but potentially exceeding 10,000, as suggested by @queersurgeon.   Externally, the clitoris goes by various names such as the pea, the bean, button, and clit, with the scientific term being the clitoral glans. Positioned at the top of the vulva, this visible part is partially covered by the clitoral hood, a protective skin fold. Similar to the labia, both the clitoris and its hood exhibit diverse sizes, all within the spectrum of normal. The internal aspects of the clitoris remain mostly concealed, comprising the body, crura, and vestibular bulb. The clitoral body connects to the glans, subsequently dividing into the vestibular bulb and crura. The erectile tissue in the vestibular bulb and crura swells during sexual arousal, leading to vaginal lubrication. It's essential to note that lubrication doesn't always indicate arousal, and its absence doesn't negate arousal. The clitoris undergoes continuous growth throughout life, potentially reaching two and a half times its size by the age of 90.   The Clitoris and Penis are very similar We all start the same, the diagram below highlights just how similar we are. Essentially, 'male' and 'female' sex embryos start with the same parts and develop into their respective sex organs later in the womb. The sexes are indistinguishable until about 9 weeks of development. At a certain point in development hormones called “androgens” stimulate the development of male or female sexual (genderis different) characteristics. As the fetus develops, the glans will either become the head of the penis or the clitoris, and the labioscrotal swellings will either become the outer labia (or lips) of the vulva or they will fuse to become the scrotum (which is why some scrotums have a little line down... --- - Categories: Sexual Health & Contraception Window periods are the time between exposure and when STIs show up on tests. Learn when to get tested after unprotected sex for accurate results. You've had unprotected sex. Maybe the condom broke, maybe things just happened, or maybe you're not sure if your partner has been tested. The responsible thing to do is get tested, right? Here's the thing: if you rush to get tested the day after (or even the week after) unprotected sex, there's a high chance the test won't pick up an infection even if you did get something. That's because of something called a window period. What Is a Window Period? A window period is the time between when you're exposed to an STI and when it will actually show up on a test. During this time, the infection might be in your body, but your immune system hasn't produced enough antibodies yet, or there isn't enough of the bacteria or virus for the test to detect. According to Brook, if you get tested too soon after exposure, the results might be negative even if you're infected. Testing too early is one of the most common reasons people get inaccurate results. Window Period vs. Incubation Period These are two different things, and it's easy to mix them up: Window period: The time between exposure and when a test can detect the infection. Incubation period: The time between exposure and when symptoms appear. Here's the catch: most STIs don't cause symptoms at all. Many people with chlamydia and gonorrhoea have no symptoms. So waiting for symptoms to appear before getting tested isn't a reliable strategy. Window Periods for Common STIs Different STIs have different window periods. Here's when you should get tested after potential exposure, according to Brook and NHS guidance. Chlamydia Window period: 2 weeks Brook recommends waiting at least 2 weeks after unprotected sex before testing for chlamydia. Tests look for the bacteria itself, not antibodies, so they can detect it relatively quickly. If you test earlier and get a negative result, you should retest after the 2-week mark if you had potential exposure. Gonorrhoea Window period: 2 weeks Like chlamydia, Brook advises waiting 2 weeks after potential exposure before testing for gonorrhoea. Tests detect the bacteria directly. Gonorrhoea can develop antibiotic resistance, so accurate testing and proper treatment are crucial. HIV Window period: 7 weeks (45 days) Brook and NHS services recommend waiting 7 weeks (45 days) after potential exposure before testing for HIV using modern 4th generation tests. If you've had high-risk exposure, the NHS may recommend testing at 7 weeks and retesting for complete accuracy. Post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) is also available within 72 hours of exposure if you think you may have been exposed to HIV. Syphilis Window period: 12 weeks (3 months) Brook recommends waiting 12 weeks after potential exposure before testing for syphilis. Syphilis tests look for antibodies, which your body takes time to produce. Early detection is important because untreated syphilis can cause serious health complications. Hepatitis B Window period: 12 weeks (3 months) The NHS recommends waiting at least 12 weeks after potential exposure before testing for hepatitis B. The infection can take this long to show up on blood tests. Vaccination is available for hepatitis B and is recommended for people at higher risk of exposure. Hepatitis C Window period: Up to 6 months According to the NHS, hepatitis C can take up to 6 months to show up on blood tests. Testing is usually recommended at 3 months and again at 6 months after potential exposure. There's currently no vaccine for hepatitis C, but it's curable with antiviral treatment. What About Other STIs? You might have heard about other STIs like herpes, trichomoniasis, or mycoplasma genitalium. Here's why these aren't included in routine STI screening: Herpes (HSV) The NHS explicitly states that there is no routine screening test for herpes. Herpes is only tested when you have visible symptoms (blisters, sores, or ulcers). If you have symptoms, a healthcare provider will take a swab from the affected area during an outbreak. Blood tests for herpes antibodies aren't routinely offered because many people have antibodies without ever having symptoms, and the test can't tell you where the infection is located (oral or genital). If you're concerned about herpes, speak to a sexual health clinic - but testing is only done if you have symptoms. Trichomoniasis Trichomoniasis is not part of routine home testing kits offered by Brook or most NHS services. However, sexual health clinics can test for it if you have symptoms like unusual discharge or irritation. If you have symptoms, visit a sexual health clinic in person rather than ordering a home test kit. Mycoplasma Genitalium Mycoplasma genitalium is only tested when you have symptoms or when you have persistent symptoms after being treated for other STIs like chlamydia or gonorrhoea. The NHS doesn't include this in routine screening because it's not as common, treatment options are limited, and antibiotic resistance is a growing problem. Testing is reserved for people with specific symptoms. What About HPV? Human papillomavirus (HPV) is different from other STIs. There's no routine blood test or STI screening for HPV. Instead, HPV is detected through: Cervical screening (smear tests): Available to people with a cervix aged 25-64 in the UK Anal screening: Sometimes offered to people at higher risk, including men who have sex with men, trans women, and anyone who engages in receptive anal sex HPV is incredibly common - the NHS estimates that about 8 in 10 people will have HPV at some point in... --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex 101 - Tags: Consent Learn why 'maybe' means no and what enthusiastic consent actually looks like. Understand the difference between genuine agreement and pressure, including trauma responses. We've all heard that "no means no," but what about all the grey area responses in between? What does consent actually look like when someone says "maybe," goes quiet, or just doesn't say no? Spoiler: if it's not a clear, enthusiastic yes, it's a no. What Is Enthusiastic Consent? Enthusiastic consent is exactly what it sounds like. It's a clear, voluntary, and excited agreement to sexual activity. It's not just the absence of a "no. " It's an active, ongoing "yes" that someone gives because they genuinely want to, not because they feel pressured, obligated, or too scared to refuse. The FRIES model breaks down what real consent looks like: Freely given: No pressure, manipulation, guilt, or coercion. Both people feel safe to say no without consequences. Reversible: Anyone can change their mind at any time, before or during. Informed: Everyone understands what they're agreeing to, including risks and boundaries. Enthusiastic: It's a genuine "yes," not reluctant agreement. Specific: Saying yes to one thing (like kissing) doesn't mean yes to everything. Why "Maybe" Means No When someone says "maybe," "I guess," or "if you want to," that's not enthusiastic consent. These responses often signal uncertainty, discomfort, or people-pleasing behaviour, not genuine desire. Here's what non-consent can sound like: "I don't know... " "Maybe... " "I suppose so... " "If you really want to... " "I guess that's okay... " Silence or no response Nervous laughter without a clear yes These responses might seem harmless, but they're red flags. If someone can't give you a confident yes, stop and check in. Ask directly: "Are you sure you want to do this? " or "You seem uncertain. Do you want to stop? " The Problem with "They Didn't Say No" Absence of a "no" is not the same as consent. Many people, especially survivors of sexual trauma, struggle to say no even when they're deeply uncomfortable. This isn't weakness. It's a survival response. There are several trauma responses that can prevent someone from saying no: Freeze response: Going still or silent, feeling unable to move or speak Fawn response: Trying to please the other person to avoid conflict or harm Dissociation: "Checking out" mentally, feeling detached from their body These are involuntary reactions. Just because someone didn't physically resist or verbally refuse doesn't mean they consented. In fact, research shows that many sexual assault survivors experience tonic immobility (freezing) during an assault, which makes it biologically impossible to fight back or say no (Möller et al. , 2017). What Enthusiastic Consent Actually Looks Like Real consent is obvious. It's not something you have to guess at or convince someone into. Here's what it sounds like: "Yes, I want to. " "That sounds great. " "I'd love to. " "Please, yes. " "I've been wanting this. " And here's what it looks like: Active participation and engagement Relaxed body language Eye contact and smiling Initiating touch or activity themselves Verbal communication throughout If you're not seeing these signs, pause and ask. Checking in doesn't ruin the moment. It shows you care about the other person's wellbeing more than your own gratification. How to Ask for Consent Asking for consent doesn't have to be awkward. In fact, it can be sexy. Here are some ways to check in: "Do you want to keep going? " "Is this okay? " "Can I ? " "How are you feeling? " "Are you comfortable? " "Do you like this? " And pay attention to the response. If it's not an enthusiastic yes, stop. You can say something like: "I want to make sure you're enjoying this. We can stop anytime" or "You seem a bit uncertain. Want to take a break? " Recognising When Someone Isn't Consenting Sometimes people can't or won't explicitly say no, but their body language and behaviour will tell you. Watch for these signs: Going quiet or still Not making eye contact Tense or stiff body language Not actively participating Seeming distant or "checked out" Looking uncomfortable or distressed Pulling away or creating distance If you notice any of these, stop immediately and ask if they're okay. Don't push for an explanation. Just respect that something isn't right and give them space to speak up or opt out. Why This Matters Understanding enthusiastic consent isn't just about avoiding sexual assault (though that's obviously crucial). It's about creating sexual experiences that are genuinely enjoyable and respectful for everyone involved. When both people are enthusiastically consenting, sex is better. There's less anxiety, more communication, and actual mutual pleasure. You're not guessing or hoping the other person is into it. You know they are. Plus, prioritising enthusiastic consent helps dismantle harmful myths like "playing hard to get" or "no means yes. " These ideas are dangerous. They teach people to ignore boundaries and push past resistance, which is how sexual violence happens. What If You've Crossed This Line Before? If you're reading this and realising you've had sexual encounters where your partner didn't give enthusiastic consent, that's uncomfortable to sit with. But awareness is the first step to doing better. You can't change the past, but you can commit to better behaviour going forward. That means: Always asking for clear consent Stopping if someone seems uncertain or uncomfortable Respecting "maybe" or silence as a no Checking in regularly during sexual activity Never using guilt, pressure, or manipulation to get someone to say yes If you've harmed... --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex 101 - Tags: Consent Why It Still Matters Meta Description: Consent doesn't stop after the first time. Learn why ongoing consent matters in relationships, how to maintain communication, and why checking in improves intimacy. There's a pervasive myth that once you're in a relationship, especially a long-term one, consent becomes automatic. The thinking goes: if you've had sex before, you don't need to ask anymore. You're together, so sex is just part of the deal. This is completely wrong. And it's a belief that leads to sexual coercion, resentment, and harm within relationships. Consent doesn't expire. It doesn't become optional just because you've been together for months or years. Every sexual encounter, regardless of relationship status, requires ongoing, enthusiastic agreement from everyone involved. Why Consent Doesn't Stop After the First Time Just because someone said yes yesterday doesn't mean they're saying yes today. People's feelings, boundaries, and desires change constantly. Someone might have loved a particular sexual activity last week but feel completely different about it now. That's normal and valid. Relationship status doesn't grant automatic sexual access. Being married, living together, or having been intimate before doesn't mean your partner owes you sex. Consent is still required every single time. Research backs this up. A study by Jozkowski and Peterson (2013) found that people in established relationships often rely on non-verbal consent cues, which can lead to misunderstandings about whether a partner actually wants to engage in sexual activity. Verbal consent, even in long-term relationships, reduces these miscommunications and ensures both people are genuinely on the same page. What Consent Looks Like in Relationships In long-term relationships, consent might look different than it does during casual encounters, but it's still necessary. You probably know your partner well enough to read their cues, but that doesn't replace communication. Healthy relationship consent includes: Checking in verbally: "Do you want to have sex? " or "Are you in the mood? " aren't mood killers. They're respectful. Reading and respecting non-verbal cues: If your partner seems tired, distracted, or uninterested, don't push. Ask if they're okay or if they'd rather not. Accepting "no" without sulking: If your partner says no, that's the end of the conversation. No guilt trips, no pressure, no making them feel bad. Discussing boundaries regularly: Talk about what you both like, what you're comfortable with, and what's off limits. Boundaries can change over time. The Problem with "Duty Sex" In some relationships, there's an unspoken expectation that one partner (often the one with a lower libido) should have sex even when they don't want to, just to keep the peace or "meet their partner's needs. " This is coercion, not consent. Sex that happens out of obligation, fear of conflict, or pressure isn't consensual. It doesn't matter if the person didn't explicitly say no. If they're only agreeing because they feel they have to, that's not freely given consent. Over time, duty sex erodes intimacy and trust. The person who doesn't want to have sex starts to resent their partner. The person initiating might feel guilty or disconnected. Nobody wins. Instead of expecting sex on demand, couples need to talk openly about mismatched libidos, find compromises that work for both people, and respect that sometimes the answer will be no. That's healthy. How to Maintain Consent in Your Relationship Keeping consent at the centre of your relationship doesn't have to be complicated. Here's how to do it: 1. Keep Communicating Don't assume you know what your partner wants. Ask. Talk about what you're both into, what feels good, and what doesn't. Make these conversations regular, not a one-time thing. You can say things like: "I'd love to try . How do you feel about that? " "Is there anything you've been wanting to explore? " "How are you feeling about our sex life lately? " 2. Don't Make Your Partner Guess If you're initiating sex, make it clear that your partner can say no without consequences. You can frame it as: "I'm in the mood, but totally fine if you're not" or "Would you like to have sex, or would you rather just cuddle tonight? " This removes the pressure and gives your partner genuine choice. 3. Pay Attention to Their Response If your partner says yes but seems unenthusiastic, check in. Ask if they're sure or if they'd rather do something else. Sometimes people agree out of habit or obligation, not genuine desire. Watch for signs of reluctance like: Not making eye contact Sounding hesitant or unsure Going along with it but not actively participating Seeming distracted or distant If you notice these, stop and ask: "You don't seem into this. Do you want to stop? " 4. Respect "No" Without Drama If your partner says no, accept it gracefully. Don't sulk, guilt trip, or make them feel bad for not being in the mood. A simple "That's totally fine, no worries" goes a long way. Pressuring your partner after they've said no is coercion. Even if you don't intend to be manipulative, making someone feel guilty for setting a boundary is harmful. 5. Talk About Boundaries Openly Sit down outside of sexual situations and discuss what you're both comfortable with. This might include: Activities you enjoy Things you're willing to try Hard boundaries (things you're not open to) How you like to be initiated with Safe words or signals if you want to stop Having these conversations when you're not mid-sex makes it easier to communicate honestly without pressure. Checking In Doesn't Ruin Intimacy One common pushback against ongoing consent is that it "kills the mood. " People worry that stopping... --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex 101 - Tags: Consent Struggling to say no? Learn practical scripts for setting sexual boundaries without guilt, how to handle pressure, and why you never owe anyone an explanation. Saying no should be simple. You don't want to do something, so you decline. Easy, right? Except for many people, it's not easy at all. Saying no to sex or sexual activity can feel terrifying, especially if you're worried about hurting someone's feelings, dealing with conflict, or facing consequences. And if you're a survivor of sexual trauma, saying no might feel impossible. But here's the thing: you always have the right to say no. You don't owe anyone sex. You don't owe anyone an explanation. And you definitely don't owe anyone access to your body just because they want it. This guide will give you practical language for setting boundaries, scripts for different situations, and strategies for handling pushback when someone won't take no for an answer. Why Saying No Is So Hard Before we get into the scripts, let's talk about why saying no feels so difficult for many people. Social Conditioning From a young age, many people (especially women and people socialised as women) are taught to be agreeable, polite, and accommodating. Saying no feels rude or selfish. We're conditioned to prioritise other people's comfort over our own boundaries. Fear of Conflict Saying no can lead to uncomfortable conversations, disappointment, or anger from the other person. If you're conflict-averse, you might agree to things you don't want to do just to avoid that discomfort. Trauma Responses For survivors of sexual violence, saying no can trigger trauma responses like freeze or fawn. Your body might shut down, making it hard to speak or move. Or you might automatically try to please the other person to keep yourself safe. These responses are involuntary. They're survival mechanisms, not choices. If this happens to you, it's not your fault. Fear of Consequences Sometimes saying no feels unsafe. You might worry about physical violence, emotional abuse, being dumped, losing housing, or facing other forms of retaliation. These fears are valid, especially in situations where there's a power imbalance. If you're in a situation where saying no could genuinely put you in danger, your safety comes first. Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or support service for help. You Don't Need a "Good" Reason to Say No One of the biggest barriers to saying no is feeling like you need a justification. You don't. "I don't want to" is a complete sentence. You don't have to be tired, stressed, busy, or unwell to decline sex. You can say no simply because you're not in the mood. That's valid. You also don't owe anyone an explanation. While it might feel polite to give a reason, doing so can open the door to negotiation or pushback. If someone argues with your reason ("But you're not that tired" or "We can be quick"), it becomes harder to hold your boundary. Saying "I'm not interested" or "I don't want to" without elaborating is perfectly acceptable. Scripts for Saying No Here are some practical ways to decline sexual activity in different situations. Use what feels natural to you, and adapt the language to fit your style. Direct and Simple Sometimes the best approach is straightforward. These scripts work well when you feel safe being direct: "No, I'm not interested. " "I don't want to. " "Not tonight. " "I'm not in the mood. " "I'd rather not. " Polite but Firm If you want to soften the message without undermining your boundary, try these: "I appreciate the offer, but I'm not interested. " "Thanks, but I'm not feeling it right now. " "I'm flattered, but no thank you. " "That's not something I want to do. " In Relationships If you're saying no to a partner, you might want to acknowledge their interest while still holding your boundary: "I love you, but I'm not in the mood tonight. " "I'm really tired. Can we just cuddle instead? " "I'm not feeling up for sex, but I'd love to spend time with you another way. " "Not tonight, but let's plan for another time when I'm more energised. " When Someone Is Pushing If someone won't take your first no and keeps asking or pressuring you, get firmer: "I've already said no. Please respect that. " "I'm not going to change my mind. Stop asking. " "No means no. I need you to drop this. " "This conversation is over. I said no. " When You're Mid-Activity You can withdraw consent at any time, even if you've already started. Here's how to do it: "I need to stop. " "I'm not comfortable continuing. " "Can we pause? This isn't working for me. " "I've changed my mind. I don't want to do this anymore. " When You Feel Unsafe If you're in a situation where saying no directly feels dangerous, you might need to use a softer exit strategy to protect yourself. This isn't about being dishonest. It's about survival. You can say: "I'm not feeling well. I think I need to go home. " "I just remembered I have to be somewhere. " "I need to use the bathroom. " (Then leave and don't come back. ) "Actually, I'm on my period. " (Even if you're not. ) Your safety is more important than honesty in these moments. Do what you need to do to get out. What to Do When Someone Won't Accept No Ideally, when you say no, the other person respects it immediately. But... --- - Categories: Porn Literacy, Sex Positivity Sex work and sex trafficking are not the same thing. Learn the crucial differences and why conflating them harms both sex workers and victims. Why This Distinction Matters There's a dangerous misconception that keeps popping up in conversations about the sex industry: the idea that sex work and sex trafficking are the same thing. They're not. And confusing them actively harms both consensual sex workers and actual trafficking victims. If you've found yourself unclear about the difference, you're not alone. Our society often lumps them together, which makes it nearly impossible to address the real issues in either situation. Let's break down what these terms actually mean and why getting them right matters so much. Sex Work vs Sex Trafficking - Know the Difference Sex Work Consensual Adults choose this work Autonomy Workers control their boundaries Payment Workers receive fair compensation Legal Protections In many jurisdictions, workers have rights Agency Can refuse clients or activities Safety Access to health services and support Sex Trafficking Non-Consensual Forced or coerced Exploitation No control over situation Unpaid/Withheld Money controlled by traffickers Criminal Activity Always illegal worldwide Violence Often involves threats or harm No Escape Victims trapped through force or fraud Supporting ethical porn means supporting consensual sex work — not exploitation. When you choose ethical porn sites and pay performers fairly, you're supporting workers who have chosen this profession and maintain full autonomy over their work and bodies. What Is Sex Work? Sex work is consensual adult labour involving sexual services. It includes a wide range of work like porn acting, camming, stripping, phone sex operating, escorting, and sugar baby arrangements. The key word here is consensual. Sex workers of all genders choose this profession. They maintain control over their boundaries, working conditions, and who they work with. They're paid for their labour. They can refuse clients or specific activities. They have agency over their work and bodies. Yes, like any job under capitalism, people often do sex work because they need money. But that doesn't make it trafficking. Most of us work jobs we wouldn't do if we didn't need money. That's how employment works. It doesn't mean we're being trafficked to our office jobs. “If you have a problem with someone doing something they otherwise wouldn’t for money, you don’t have a problem with sex work - you have a problem with capitalism. ” - Kaytlin Bailey What Is Sex Trafficking? Sex trafficking is exploitation through force, fraud, or coercion. It involves someone being threatened, abducted, or manipulated into non-consensual sexual acts. Victims have no control over their situation. They're not being paid fairly (or at all). Money is controlled by traffickers. They cannot leave or refuse. They face violence, threats, or manipulation. This is criminal exploitation. It's always illegal, regardless of local sex work laws. And it's a serious, prevalent global problem. Trafficking victims can be adults or children. They're often (but not always) trafficked across borders. And crucially, trafficking isn't unique to the sex industry. Agricultural trafficking, domestic servitude, and forced labour trafficking are also widespread. But we only seem to conflate the terms when sex is involved. The Key Difference: Consent and Agency The fundamental difference is simple. Sex work: Consensual adults engaging in labour they've chosen, with control over their work. Sex trafficking: Non-consensual exploitation where victims have no choice or control. One involves agency. The other involves coercion. One is work. The other is a serious crime and human rights violation. You wouldn't confuse a chef with someone forced to cook at gunpoint. You wouldn't say all construction workers are victims of labour trafficking. So why do we conflate consensual sex work with trafficking? Common Myths That Need Busting Let's address some of the most common misconceptions about sex work and trafficking, with insights from sex workers themselves. "Keeping Sex Work Illegal Keeps People Safe" Actually, criminalisation makes sex workers less safe. When sex work is illegal, workers can't report exploitation, abuse, or violence without risking arrest themselves. They work in more dangerous conditions because they have to hide from authorities. Decriminalisation allows sex workers to work more safely. It reduces exclusion and vulnerability. It helps destigmatise the work and resist social and political marginalisation. Most importantly, it lets sex workers report crimes against them without fear. "Sex Work Leads to Human Trafficking" No. Sex work and trafficking are two completely different things. In fact, criminalising sex work makes it harder to combat trafficking. When sex work is decriminalised, the relationship between police and sex workers improves. Sex workers can become key sources of information in uncovering actual trafficking. They see what's happening in the industry. They know when something isn't right. But currently, many sex workers are afraid to help authorities because they risk arrest themselves. Conflating sex work with trafficking makes it impossible to address either issue effectively. "All Sex Workers Are Victims Who Need Saving" This "rescue" mentality is harmful and patronising. It strips agency from adults who've chosen their profession. It assumes sex workers can't possibly want to do this work or make informed decisions about their own bodies and labour. Many sex workers report that their work provides sexual liberation, financial independence, and flexibility that other jobs don't offer. That doesn't mean sex work is always easy or that there aren't challenges. But neither is true for most jobs. Treating all sex workers as victims who need "saving" means actual trafficking victims get less support. Resources go toward "rescuing" people who don't want or need it, rather than supporting those who've been genuinely exploited. "We... --- - Categories: Porn Literacy, Sex 101, Sex Positivity, Toys & Pleasure Porn isn't sex education. Learn the real differences between porn performance and actual sex so you can have better, more realistic expectations. Why This Matters If you learned about sex from porn, you're absolutely not alone. Loads of us did. With sex education being basically non-existent or deeply unhelpful in most schools, many people turned to porn to figure out what sex was supposed to look like. Here's the problem with that. Porn is entertainment. It's a performance. It's as realistic as an action movie where someone gets punched fifty times and walks away with a sexy bruise. And when we use porn as our sex education textbook, we end up with some really warped ideas about what sex should look like, feel like, and be like. Real sex can be messy, awkward, funny, and sometimes a bit weird. And that's completely normal. But if your only reference point is professionally produced porn, you might not know that. Let's talk about the main differences between porn and real life sex. Not to shame anyone for watching porn (which is totally fine), but to help you separate performance from reality. Body Hair: The Great Deforestation Myth In porn: Performers tend to have little to no body hair. Everything is waxed, shaved, or lasered to hairless perfection. In real life: About 65% of people with vulvas and 85% of people with penises have body hair down there. It's normal. It's natural. It's literally what human bodies do. Why this matters How you manage your body hair is entirely your choice. Want to wax everything? Cool. Want to let it grow wild? Also cool. Want to shave some bits and not others? Still cool. The problem is when porn makes us think we have to look a certain way to be attractive or "normal. " Performers remove body hair because it's part of their job, part of the aesthetic that mainstream porn has decided sells. But you don't work in porn. You don't have to meet those standards. Your body hair choices should be about what makes YOU comfortable, not what you think someone else expects based on what they've seen in porn. If a partner has a problem with your body hair choices, honestly, get rid of the partner, not the hair. Vulva Appearance: The Myth of the "Perfect" Vulva In porn: Vulvas tend to look very similar. Neat, tucked-in labia, often lighter in colour, sometimes even bleached or surgically altered. There's a weirdly narrow range of what's considered "porn-worthy. " In real life: Vulvas are like snowflakes. Every single one is unique. They come in all different shapes, sizes, colours, and configurations. Some have prominent inner labia, some don't. Some are darker, some are lighter. All of this is completely normal. Why this matters The narrow representation of vulvas in porn has led to a massive surge in labiaplasty (surgery to alter the appearance of the labia) and vulva bleaching. People are literally having surgery on their genitals because they think they don't look "normal," when actually they look exactly as normal as any other vulva. Your vulva does amazing things. It's part of your pleasure, possibly your reproduction if you want that, and it's uniquely yours. It doesn't need to look like anything other than what it is. If you're curious about the diversity of vulva appearances, there are resources like the Labia Library that show just how varied vulvas actually are. Spoiler: the variation is huge, and porn represents only a tiny sliver of what's normal. Penis Size: The Big Lie In porn: Male performers' penises typically range from 6 to 9 inches. They're specifically selected for being larger than average because that's what the industry thinks audiences want to see. In real life: The average penis is between 5 and 7 inches when erect. That's just the reality of human anatomy. Why this matters Porn has created insane anxiety about penis size. People with penises worry they're not big enough. People who have sex with penises sometimes think that bigger is always better or that they should prefer bigger. Here's what actually matters: most people with vulvas (around 80%) cannot orgasm from penetration alone, regardless of penis size. Clitoral stimulation is what usually does the trick. So this whole obsession with penis size is mostly just... unnecessary anxiety created by porn. Your penis is fine. It does what it needs to do. Anyone who makes you feel bad about your body isn't worth your time. Orgasms: The Performance vs Reality Gap In porn: Performers seem to orgasm almost instantly from penetration. Female performers in particular always seem to have screaming orgasms from a few minutes of penetration. Male performers last for ages before finishing. In real life: The average time to ejaculation during penetrative sex is about 5. 4 minutes for people with penises. And 70-80% of people with vulvas cannot orgasm from penetration alone. They need clitoral stimulation. Why this matters This is huge. This is probably one of the most damaging misconceptions porn creates. When people think that penetration should make everyone orgasm, they end up disappointed, confused, or thinking something is wrong with them. People with vulvas feel broken because they "can't" orgasm from penetration (when actually that's completely normal). People with penises either worry about "lasting long enough" or just focus entirely on penetration and wonder why their partner isn't orgasming. If we know that porn orgasms are performed, not necessarily real, it changes everything. It means we can focus on what actually feels good, communicate... --- - Categories: Porn Literacy, Sex Positivity, Toys & Pleasure Ethical porn prioritises consent, fair pay, and safe working conditions. Learn what makes porn ethical and where to find it guilt-free. Understanding Ethical Porn You've probably heard the term "ethical porn" thrown around. Maybe you're wondering if it's just marketing speak, or if there's actually a meaningful difference between ethical porn and the free stuff on tube sites. Here's the short answer: yes, there's a massive difference. And understanding that difference matters if you care about the people making the content you consume. Ethical porn (also called fair-trade porn or feminist porn) is about treating sex work as legitimate work. It means performers are paid fairly, work in safe conditions, have control over their boundaries, and consent to how their content is distributed. It's the difference between supporting workers who've chosen their profession versus potentially consuming content where someone was exploited. If you wouldn't be comfortable buying clothes made in sweatshops or chocolate produced through child labour, you probably shouldn't be comfortable consuming porn where you don't know if performers were treated fairly. Let's break down what ethical porn actually means and why it matters. What Makes Porn "Ethical"? Ethical porn isn't just one thing. It's a set of production practices and values that prioritise people over profit. Here's what it typically includes: Fair Payment and Working Conditions Performers in ethical porn are paid fairly for their work. They're not coerced into scenes they don't want to do. They have proper contracts that protect their rights. They receive royalties if content continues to make money. They're treated like the professionals they are. Compare this to free tube sites, where performers often receive nothing for content that's been pirated or uploaded without permission. While some ethical creators do choose to post free content on these platforms as promotion, the problem is you can't easily tell which content was uploaded by the performer themselves and which was stolen. The sites profit from all of it, but most performers see nothing Comprehensive Consent Policies Ethical porn companies have clear, transparent consent policies. Performers know exactly what they're agreeing to before scenes. They can set boundaries about what they will and won't do. They can stop scenes if they're uncomfortable. There are check-ins during filming. This isn't just verbal consent either. Good ethical porn companies have written consent forms, negotiations before filming, and ongoing communication throughout. STI Testing and Health Protocols Performers have access to regular, comprehensive STI testing. There are clear protocols about testing requirements before scenes. Health and safety are prioritised over getting the shot. In places like the UK and US, legitimate porn production follows health and safety regulations similar to any other industry. Ethical companies take this seriously. Diverse Representation Without Fetishising Ethical porn features diverse body types, races, genders, sexualities, and abilities. But here's the key bit: it does so without fetishising or stereotyping. Mainstream porn is notorious for racist, fatphobic, and ableist content that reduces people to stereotypes. Ethical porn shows diverse people as full human beings deserving of pleasure, not as objects of fetishisation. Transparent About Who's Behind the Camera Ethical porn companies are upfront about who's filming, directing, and producing. You can usually find information about the company's values, their production practices, and the people running things. This transparency matters because it shows they're not hiding exploitative practices. Performer Attribution and Control Performers are credited by name (or their professional name). They have control over how and where their content is distributed. They have the right to have content removed if they change their mind. They often have their own social media where they promote their work, showing they're actively involved and happy with what they're doing. Realistic Depictions of Pleasure While not always the case, much ethical porn (particularly feminist porn) focuses on realistic pleasure. This means showing communication, consent negotiations, genuine arousal, and pleasure that doesn't just centre penetration. It's less about performing for the camera and more about actual enjoyment. Why Ethical Porn Matters You might be thinking, "Okay, but does it really make a difference if I pay for porn? " Yes. It absolutely does. Here's why. Supporting Workers' Rights Sex workers deserve labour rights like anyone else. When you pay for ethical porn, you're supporting an industry model where workers have rights, protections, and fair compensation. You're voting with your wallet for better working conditions. The challenge with free tube sites is that while some performers do choose to post there as promotion for their paid content, the vast majority of content on these platforms is uploaded without the performer's knowledge or consent. The sites profit from all of it, but most performers see nothing. When you're scrolling through a tube site, there's no easy way to tell which videos were posted by the actual performers and which are pirated. This makes it nearly impossible to consume ethically on these platforms. Reducing Demand for Exploitative Content Free tube sites don't just host consensually produced porn. They also host revenge porn, content filmed without consent, and potentially trafficking content. There's often no way to verify that everyone in a video consented to its distribution. While some performers do choose to upload their own content to these platforms as promotion, it's mixed in with everything else. When you choose ethical porn from verified platforms, you know the content was produced consensually and everyone involved is being fairly compensated. You're not accidentally consuming someone's trauma or exploitation. Better Representation and Diversity Mainstream porn has serious problems with representation. It perpetuates harmful stereotypes about race, body... --- - Categories: Porn Literacy, Toys & Pleasure Stuck in a cycle of watching porn, feeling awful, then doing it again? Learn why shame keeps you trapped and how to break free without judgment. Understanding the Porn Shame Cycle Ever found yourself in this loop: you watch porn, feel terrible about it, promise yourself you'll stop, maybe manage for a bit, then end up back where you started, feeling even worse? If that sounds familiar, you're definitely not alone. This pattern has a name: the porn shame cycle, and it affects loads of people. Here's the thing that might actually surprise you: the real problem usually isn't the porn. According to sex therapists and relationship experts who actually study this stuff (like Silva Neves and the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists), it's the shame that keeps the whole thing going. What Is the Porn Shame Cycle? The porn shame cycle is basically when feeling bad about watching porn actually makes you watch more porn. I know, it sounds backwards, but it's a real thing. Here's how it typically plays out: The cycle usually goes like this: Something triggers you. You're stressed, bored, anxious, lonely, or just having a rubbish day. You watch porn. You turn to it for relief, distraction, or just to feel better. Brief relief. For a moment, you feel okay (or at least distracted). The guilt hits. Cue the thoughts: "Ugh, why did I do that? " "I'm disgusting" "What's wrong with me? " You pull away from people. You keep it secret, feel alone with it, convinced no one else struggles like this. You feel even worse. Now you've got the original stress PLUS shame on top. Back to square one. Feeling rubbish again, you look for relief... often through porn. See the problem? Shame doesn't stop you watching porn. It actually pushes you back towards it. Why Feeling Bad Makes Everything Worse Research into sexual wellbeing shows that shame is actually one of the biggest drivers of feeling out of control with porn. When we feel ashamed, here's what happens: Shame Makes You Hide It When you can't talk about something, you can't get perspective on it. You can't figure out if it's actually a problem or if you're just being really hard on yourself. The secrecy makes it feel like this massive, dark thing. Bigger and more serious than it probably is. Shame Stops You Being Kind to Yourself Shame tells you you're fundamentally messed up, rather than just a normal human dealing with something tricky. And when you're beating yourself up all the time, you can't think clearly about what might actually help. Shame Creates More Stress The shame itself becomes another source of anxiety and bad feelings. If you're someone who uses porn to deal with difficult emotions, the shame about porn creates more of the very feelings that make you want to watch porn in the first place. Brilliant, right? Shame Clouds Your Thinking When you're drowning in shame, you can't honestly ask yourself important questions like: Is my porn watching actually causing problems, or have I just absorbed a lot of negative messages about sex? Shame doesn't let you think that clearly. How to Actually Break the Cycle So how do you get out of this? Here are some approaches based on what actually helps people (according to therapists who specialise in this): 1. Get Curious Instead of Critical Instead of "What the hell is wrong with me? ", try asking yourself "What am I actually looking for when I turn to porn? " Usually, porn is meeting some real need. Stress relief, connection, pleasure, escape from heavy feelings, even just boredom. There's nothing shameful about having these needs. We all have them. Understanding what you're actually seeking helps you find other ways to meet those needs too. 2. Be Kind to Yourself (Seriously) Being kind to yourself isn't about making excuses. It's about treating yourself like you'd treat a mate who was struggling. When you notice the urge to watch porn or feel guilty afterwards, try saying to yourself: "This is really hard right now, and that's okay. " "Loads of people deal with this. I'm not uniquely broken. " "I'm doing my best to cope with tough feelings. " Research actually shows that being kind to yourself makes positive change more likely, while beating yourself up makes it less likely. Counter-intuitive, but true. 3. Notice Your Patterns What usually happens before you watch porn? What situations, feelings, or thoughts tend to come first? Common ones include stress or feeling anxious, boredom or loneliness, relationship stress, being tired or burnt out, specific times of day (late at night, Sunday afternoons, etc. ), or procrastinating on something you don't want to do. Spotting these patterns isn't about avoiding them entirely (often impossible), but about knowing what's happening so you can respond differently. 4. Build Other Ways to Feel Better Once you know what you're seeking and what triggers you, you can start building other options. For stress, try movement, breathing exercises, calling someone, going for a walk. For boredom, do something you actually enjoy, connect with people, get stuck into a hobby. For loneliness, reach out to mates, join a group or class, or consider therapy if that's accessible. For heavy emotions, write things down, talk to someone, try mindfulness stuff, learn how to sit with feelings. The goal isn't "never watch porn again". It's having choices about how you deal with your feelings and needs. 5. Learn How Porn Actually Works Understanding porn as entertainment (not as a sex education documentary) can... --- - Categories: Porn Literacy, Sex Positivity This blog piece was written by Eleonora Ranuzzi, psychologist & intern for TPC. Why we need to have The Porn Conversation What happens exactly when we ignore porn and don’t speak about it? Why we need to have The Porn Conversation What happens exactly when we ignore porn and don’t speak about it? We don’t have the necessary porn literacy tools to critique and question the messages porn sends us.   Porn, as any other form of media, includes messages that even unconsciously influence our behaviours and ideas we hold about ourselves and others. By bringing porn literacy to sex education we learn the tools to take our power back! From an early age, children are regularly exposed to sexualised images. Providing age-appropriate comprehensive sex education for young people is fundamental for their development, yet it is absent in many school curricula. Although most parents agree that sex education is necessary (Kantor et al. , 2017), they often fail to talk about sex at home. It’s only natural that young people are curious about sex. When young people don’t have access to age-appropriate and evidence-informed sex education from trusted sources and adults, they are left to learn about sex through what they find online, which in many cases, is porn. And let’s be real - adults too go to porn for their own sex educational purposes as well.   Porn is everywhere - and we don’t say this in a fear-mongering way, but it’s clear that there is a sharp contrast between the dramatic presence of sexualised images online and the hesitation to have conversations about them. When we don’t have the tools to critique these messages, their meaning gets distorted and may send harmful messages on sex, bodies, respectful relationships, race, gender, to name a few. And since porn is oftentimes the only sex education available we understand there is a huge need for porn literacy in sex education.   Speaking about porn doesn’t have to be something we do once to simply tick a box. As human beings are fluid creatures and sexuality is often a big part of our lives, we should keep exploring the meaning of porn and the messages it sends as an ongoing discussion. There are three basic rules you should follow when having “The Porn Conversation”:  Whether you enjoy, are indifferent, or detest porn, keep an open and non-judgmental approach to the subject. Be prepared to have an ongoing and open conversation about it. Ensure that your relationship with porn aligns with your personal values. We need to have the Porn Conversation as a part of sex education because by speaking about the impact that porn has on our lives we give ourselves the opportunity to gain control over it and lead more fulfilling lives, both off and online. What is porn literacy? Porn literacy is a type of media literacy. Media literacy is a decades-long educational framework and approach to help us become more critical consumers of the media we are exposed to.   The five core concepts of media literacy are:  All media messages are ‘constructed. ’ Media messages are constructed using a creative language with its own rules. Different people experience the same media message differently. Media have embedded values and points of view. Most media messages are organized to gain profit and/or power. Porn literacy works in a similar way to media literacy by using the same core concepts and questions of media literacy as a framework from which people can critically examine and make sense of the sexual imagesthey see. It is used to encourage an understanding that porn as a form of sexualised media, whether consumed intentionally or not, has a message. The main goal of porn literacy is for individuals to critique porn and construct their own meanings from the content. What are the five key questions of porn literacy? The five key questions of media literacy are:  Who created this message? What creative techniquesare used to attract my attention? How might different peopleunderstand this message differently? What values, lifestyles, and points of view are representedin, or omitted from, this message? Why is this message being sent? You can use these questions as a start to begin questioning the content you are exposed to and have the Porn Conversation with whoever you want (yourself included! ), obviously adjusting the conversation according to your personal values. What are some messages free online porn sends? Free online porn is defined as the most easily accessible pornography on the internet. It is found on websites where you can access unlimited amounts of content for free.  People are led to believe the fictitious stories porn creates are real.   Most pornography found online is violently misogynistic, and leaves people of all ages, genders, and sexualities with a misunderstanding of what sex and respectful relationships look like - which further maintains the rape culture we live in. While focusing on a certain type of media or pornographic content, it’s particularly important to question what kind of messages and ideas they are conveying regarding to:  → Sex  → Body Image (size of sexual organs, presence of body hair, body type) → Rape Culture  → Objectification of Girls and Women  → Racism and the Fetishisation ofBlack, Indigenous, People of Colour (BIPOC)  → Sexualization of Teens  → Consent and Boundaries  → Online Safety  Having The Porn Conversation promotes consent culture, which is a respectful and nonviolent alternative to rape culture. You are the only one that should be entitled to control your own body, and any interaction with another person should always be received with their consent. Why Porn Literacy should be included in Sex Ed The reality is,... --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex Positivity I was in Berlin, wandering through the bright neon of a sex tech convention, when I found myself listening to a man describe his company’s ‘product’ - an AI sex robot they called an ‘Emotional Support Device’. . He smiled as he told a potential customer, “The best thing is... she won’t answer back. ” My stomach dropped and I felt instantly sick. As a psychosexual and relationship therapist, I spend my days helping people navigate the messy, beautiful, often uncomfortable realities of intimacy. Yet here I was, face-to-face with a future where intimacy could be purchased, programmed, and pre-loaded to never push back. It left me wondering: why do we treat loneliness as a problem of not having sex, and why are we hiding behind that narrative to sell sex robots - a narrative that risks pushing us closer to dystopia than to connection? Before I continue, I want to share more from that Berlin trip. It left me both fearful and motivated about where intimacy might be heading in an AI-driven world. What concerned me most was that the majority of people developing these tools were white, cis men. The way intimacy was being programmed felt narrow, transactional, and deeply concerning. The convention itself was largely sex positive. It celebrated conversations about pleasure, diversity, and inclusion. That is why it greatly disappointed me and many others attending to see a stall dedicated to sex dolls marketed not just as toys for pleasure but as a solution to the male loneliness epidemic. Male loneliness is an evergrowing issue globally, with one in five men in the UK alone reporting that they often or always feel lonely (Office for National Statistics, 2024). Sex dolls, like many forms of sex tech, can have their place. There is no shame in using them. For some people they may provide comfort, fantasy, or a safe outlet. The concern here was not their existence, but how they were being positioned. When I asked the exhibitor what problem these dolls were meant to solve, his answer was that they could “as well as provide emotional support for the elderly they can help young men’s confidence” by letting them practice before being with a “real woman. ” I pressed him on how this would address loneliness or what could possibly be learned about intimacy in the absence of consent, negotiation, or even a realistic body. The dolls all shared the same narrow look: slim, hairless, fair, and hypersexualised. Esther Perel has spoken about how we are losing the art of human connection in our pursuit of comfort and convenience (Perel, 2017). This felt like a perfect example. Far from building confidence, these dolls seemed to offer a shortcut that risked pushing people further away from real connection, replacing vulnerability and growth with programmed compliance, while simultaneously positioning women as objects once again. Later, I spoke to another attendee and he shared his invention, an AI WhatsApp “girlfriend”. With curiosity and concern, I tried it myself. You could customise everything, from her backstory to her tone of voice, and even generate very lifelike nude images and voicenotes. The version I created, alarmingly, looked like a teenager. When I pointed this out, the developer seemed surprised, muttering, “Oh sh*t, yeah she does. ” A friend tried the tool and had the same result. His explanation was simply that it “pulls what people want from the internet,” a sobering point in itself. He then demonstrated settings that allowed you to stop her “answering back” or “nagging”. I took a very deep breath and calmly challenged him on this. If this technology can be shaped by user choice, why not build in features that teach communication, boundaries, and consent? Why not make refusal part of the programme rather than erasing it? We are facing a crisis of male loneliness, but offering AI companions that can never say no risks reinforcing entitlement and fuelling the epidemic of gender-based violence. In England and Wales, one in three women experiences some form of domestic abuse or sexual assault in their lifetime (Home Office, 2025). It struck me most when I asked him if he would want his own daughters dating someone who had been “practising” on an AI girlfriend. He looked surprised and shared how he had not even considered this. For me, the most alarming part was not only the technology itself but how little the people creating it had thought about the consequences. Their focus (unsurprisingly) seemed to be market demand, not the psychological, relational, or ethical fallout. If these tools are here to stay, which seems inevitable, we urgently need expert voices at the table. Psychologists, therapists, ethicists, and policymakers must shape their development from the ground up. Otherwise, we risk designing a future of intimacy that deepens disconnection rather than healing it. What does this show us about the messages and beliefs we hold around intimacy and connection? To me, it highlights a troubling assumption: that intimacy is the same as sex, and that loneliness can be solved by access to bodies. When sex is offered as the “cure” for disconnection, we reduce intimacy to performance and release rather than recognising it as a complex process of vulnerability, communication, and trust. The narrow design of these products reinforces this idea. Their compliance is guaranteed. They embody a belief that intimacy means access and that connection is about receiving rather... --- - Categories: Sex & Relationship Therapy A friendly guide to spotting qualified therapists, understanding the difference between proper training and Instagram titles, and keeping yourself safe when seeking support. Finding a therapist should feel grounding, not like trying to work out whether someone is actually trained to support you. The online world is brilliant for finding help, but it also means anyone can create a website and claim to be a therapist, healer or expert. Some people genuinely know their stuff. Some don’t. And some mean well but have no idea how much harm they can unintentionally cause. So how do you figure out who’s properly qualified, who isn’t, and who you might want to politely back away from? Here’s what actually matters. Look at their training A legit therapist will tell you exactly what they studied, where they studied it and at what level. They’ll usually list things like a diploma, degree or postgraduate qualification, along with any specialist training. If their “training” sounds like a collection of retreats, your first question should be: where is the formal qualification? It’s also important to say that this isn’t about dismissing people who haven’t come through formal training routes. Plenty of educators, coaches and peer supporters do incredible work, especially around pleasure, communication and body confidence. Lived experience can be powerful. The key thing is recognising where the limits are. When you start exploring complex trauma, mental health, sexual function or long-term relational patterns, you’re stepping into territory that really does require clinical training to keep you safe. It’s not about mistrusting everyone without a diploma. It’s about being mindful of who you turn to for what, so you’re getting the right kind of support for the depth of the issue. Check their professional registration Qualified psychosexual and relationship therapists are registered with a recognised body. These are COSRT, BACP, UKCP in the UK which means they follow a code of ethics, work safely, maintain supervision and do ongoing training. If you can’t find a single mention of a regulatory body, that’s a reason to pause and investigate further. Expect clear boundaries A qualified therapist will never offer sexual touch, erotic massage, yoni healing, lingam work or anything involving genital contact. Psychosexual therapy is a talking therapy. Your therapist helps you explore, understand and reclaim your sexual wellbeing through conversation, reflection and evidence-based work. If someone suggests “hands-on work” as part of therapy, you’re not in psychosexual therapy. Hands-on work can absolutely be valid in certain settings, like sensual skills coaching or body-based education, but it’s not part of psychosexual therapy. COSRT (the governing body recognised by the NHS in the UK) is very clear that therapy itself is a talking process, not a touch-based one, so it’s important to know which kind of service you’re choosing and what its boundaries are meant to be. Pay attention to how they communicate Legitimate therapists don’t make wild promises. They won’t claim they can “heal your trauma in one session” or “fix your sexuality permanently”. They’ll talk about the process, your goals, and how therapy might help. They’ll explain things clearly, answer your questions openly and avoid anything that sounds like pressure or sales tactics. Go with your instincts, but always check the facts You’re allowed to ask questions. You’re allowed to say, “Can you tell me a bit more about your qualifications? ” You’re allowed to choose someone else. The right therapist won’t be defensive about their training or boundaries. If you want a safe place to start, the Cliterally Sex Positive Directory is curated to highlight people who are trained, ethical and transparent. You deserve support you can trust. --- - Categories: Sex & Relationship Therapy Confused by therapy jargon? Here’s an accessible explanation of common therapy modalities, why not every style suits every person and how integrative and pluralistic therapists tailor the work to you. Trying to understand different therapy modalities can feel a bit like reading a menu in another language. Humanistic, psychodynamic, CBT, systemic, integrative, pluralistic... it’s no surprise so many people come away thinking therapy “just doesn’t work” for them. In reality, it’s often not the therapy that’s the problem - it’s that the approach didn’t match how their mind, body or relationships actually function. For many people, the only type of therapy they’ve ever been offered is whatever’s available through funded services. In the UK, that’s usually CBT, simply because it’s the model with the most resources behind it. That means lots of people never get the opportunity to try something different that might fit them far better. And with private therapy being expensive or simply out of reach, it’s easy to decide therapy isn’t for you when, really, you’ve only had access to one style. Remember, lots of therapists (including the ones on our directory) offer sliding scale fees. Here’s a clear, friendly breakdown of the main approaches, without the jargon or overwhelm. Humanistic therapy Humanistic work focuses on your lived experience and natural capacity for growth. It’s gentle and warm, often chosen by people who prefer open exploration rather than structured tasks. Person-centred therapy A branch of the humanistic family. It’s based on feeling truly heard, understood and accepted. The relationship with the therapist is central, and you set the pace. Psychodynamic therapy Psychodynamic work explores how past relationships, early life experiences and unconscious patterns influence your present. It’s helpful if you’re curious about the deeper “why” behind behaviours and emotions. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) A structured, goal-focused therapy that looks at the connection between your thoughts, feelings and behaviours. It offers practical tools and is often used for anxiety and specific difficulties. Some people love the structure, others find it too tight. ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) ACT focuses on accepting difficult thoughts and feelings rather than battling them, while helping you move towards what matters to you. It’s often calming and values-led. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) A trauma-focused therapy that helps the brain process overwhelming events. It can feel unusual at first, but for many people it becomes a powerful way to reduce trauma responses. Somatic approaches Somatic work pays attention to the body and nervous system. These approaches help you understand physical cues, tension, shutdown, overwhelm and how your body stores past experiences. Great for people who struggle to “think their way out” of emotions. Systemic therapy Systemic work looks at relationship patterns and how people influence one another. It’s commonly used with couples and families and is brilliant for mapping out dynamics. Solution-focused therapy This modality looks at what’s working, not just what’s wrong. It’s practical and hopeful, and it’s often much shorter-term. Existential therapy This style explores meaning, identity, choices, purpose and the bigger questions about life. It’s grounding for people who feel stuck, lost or disconnected. Transpersonal therapy An approach that explores spirituality, identity and a sense of self that goes beyond the everyday. It isn’t religious and doesn’t have to be mystical, but it can be deeply reflective. Integrative therapy An integrative therapist draws from multiple approaches and adapts the work to you. It’s flexible and responsive rather than forcing you into a single theoretical box. Pluralistic therapy Pluralistic work is collaborative from the ground up. You and your therapist talk openly about what you want, what helps and what isn’t landing. It recognises that different people need different things at different times and tailors the work around your evolving needs. Why it’s not one-size-fits-all You’re a whole human being, not a diagram of symptoms. What works for your best friend might do nothing for you. Your nervous system, lived experience, cultural background and relationship patterns are all unique. Therapy feels most effective when the approach matches who you are. If you’ve tried therapy before and didn’t click with it, that doesn’t mean you “failed”. It usually just means you didn’t have the right modality or the right therapist. Finding someone who suits you This is where integrative and pluralistic therapists can be especially helpful. They don’t assume one approach fits every client. Instead, they shape the work around you, check in regularly and use whatever tools are most helpful for your goals. If you’re ready to find someone who genuinely fits your needs, you can browse the Cliterally Sex Positive Directory and explore therapists by modality, expertise and style. --- - Categories: Sex Positivity Sex positivity is the idea that we should embrace and celebrate consensual sexual expression and exploration without shame or stigma. It's all about embracing the idea that sexuality is a natural and healthy part of being human. In this article, we'll explore what sex positivity is and why it's important. Sex positivity is the idea that we should embrace and celebrate consensual sexual expression and exploration without shame or stigma. It's all about embracing the idea that sexuality is a natural and healthy part of being human. In this article, we'll explore what sex positivity is and why it's important. Sex positivity advocates for the normalisation and celebration of consensual sexual expression and exploration. It recognises that sexual desires, preferences, and identities are diverse and complex and that there is no one right way to be sexual.  Sex Positivity emphasises the importance of sex education, communication, and consent in order to promote healthy and fulfilling relationships. It's a positive and judgement-free attitude towards all things sexual. The idea that sex is pleasure-based and not just for procreation. Sex positivity doesn't demonise sex in any way or attempt to make anyone feel guilty for theirurges and desires. Sex positivity also acknowledges the social and cultural factors that can contribute to sexual shame and stigma, such as sexism, homophobia, transphobia and racism, and seeks to challenge and dismantle these oppressive systems. It aims to create a world where people can feel free to express their sexual desires and identities without fear of judgment or discrimination. A sex positive person constantly works on destigmatising and changing any areas of their sexuality that society has taught them to shame - no yucking someone else's yum just because it's not something you enjoy! What Sex Positivity isn't Being sex positive doesn't mean you're kinky AF (although you can be) - you can never have had sex and be sex positive! It doesn't mean you push sex on everyone. Being sex positive is respecting and understanding every bodies preferences. Whether it's abstaining or swinging, it's respecting how we are all different humans with different preferences, and that is okay. Why is Sex Positivity Important? Sex positivity is important because it challenges and transforms the negative attitudes and beliefs surrounding sexuality. It helps to create a culture of acceptance, respect, and celebration of diverse sexual experiences and identities. By promoting sex positivity, we can reduce the shame, guilt, and judgment that can come with sexual expression and exploration. We can also create a world where people feel free to express their sexual desires and identities without fear of discrimination or persecution. Message from Evie (Founder of Cliterally The Best) I want you to know that although I bang on about sex online A LOT, it doesn't mean you SHOULD be doing these things and if you don't that you're not 'liberated' - it's that, if you do enjoy sex, that's natural and you are deserving of these experiences regardless of who you are! --- - Categories: Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure - Tags: Lube Aloe vera lubricant is becoming a favourite choice for people looking for something gentler than the usual water or silicone-based options. If you have sensitive bits, prefer natural products, or just want a lube that feels genuinely soothing, aloe vera might be exactly what you’ve been after. Here’s why it’s worth adding to your sexual wellness routine. Soothes and Moisturises Sensitive Skin Aloe vera has a long-standing reputation for calming and hydrating the skin, and those same qualities work beautifully during sex. It helps reduce irritation, adds moisture where you need it, and keeps things feeling smooth. Many people who struggle with dryness or sensitivity find that aloe vera feels like their downstairs is getting a cool drink of water. If other lubes have ever left you stinging or uncomfortable, aloe can be a much gentler option. Made with Natural Ingredients If you’re the type of person who prefers natural skincare and pays attention to ingredients lists, aloe vera lubricant fits right in with that mindset. Most aloe-based lubes rely on plant-derived ingredients and avoid synthetic fragrances, harsh chemicals, or anything unnecessary. That can make a huge difference if you’re prone to irritation or want something kinder to your vaginal or penile pH. It’s essentially a cleaner, simpler choice that still does the job very well. Long-Lasting, Smooth, and Comfortable One of the nicest things about aloe vera lube is how long it stays smooth. Some water-based lubes dry out quickly or turn sticky, which can interrupt the moment. Aloe vera tends to stay silky for much longer because of its naturally hydrating qualities. It feels light and soft on the skin, without the tackiness that some lubricants leave behind. Whether you’re using it with a partner, solo, with toys, or for longer sessions, it keeps the glide going without fuss. Safe for Use with Condoms and Toys Aloe vera lubricant works well with condoms and most sex toys, including silicone ones, because it’s water-based. There’s no risk of damaging materials or affecting condom strength. It simply supports whatever you’re using and adds a comfy layer of lubrication on top. If you like keeping things simple and worry-free, aloe vera makes that easy. Supports Overall Sexual Wellness Because aloe is naturally moisturising and gentle, it can benefit your intimate skin outside of the moment too. People dealing with hormonal dryness, sensitivity, eczema, or general irritation often find that aloe-based lube feels kinder and more supportive. It helps protect delicate tissues and reduces friction, which can make sex (partnered or solo) more enjoyable and less stressful for your body. The Bottom Line: Should You Try Aloe Vera Lube? If you value natural ingredients, want something soft on sensitive skin, or just fancy a lube that feels smooth for longer, aloe vera is a brilliant option. It’s soothing, moisturising, and comfortable from start to finish. A small switch, but one that can make sex feel better and more relaxed. --- - Categories: Sex & Relationship Therapy Sex and relationship therapy is valuable, but therapy costs can be a real barrier for many people. We get it, therapy isn’t always affordable or accessible, especially in the current climate. If you’re on a tight budget, the good news is there are more accessible routes. Sex and relationship therapy is valuable, but therapy costs can be a real barrier for many people. We get it, therapy isn’t always affordable or accessible, especially in the current climate. If you’re on a tight budget, the good news is there are more accessible routes. Here’s how to find lower-cost or free support, plus a list of organisations that often run student‑placement or low-fee services. Why There Are Low-Cost Options Many therapy training programmes (especially for psychosexual and relationship therapy) require students to complete clinical placements, where they see clients under supervision. These trainee therapists often charge much less than fully qualified therapists. Non-profit or counselling centres may subsidise services or offer sliding-scale fees based on income. Some specialist sexual health clinics or relationship organisations run counselling services that are very affordable for low-income people. What to Ask When Looking for Low-Cost Sex Therapy When you contact a service, here are good questions to check if it's both affordable and safe: Do you have trainee psychosexual / relationship therapists? — These will often be cheaper. Are these trainees supervised by qualified psychosexual therapists? — Important for safety and quality. What is the fee structure? — Sliding scale? Fixed low rate? How many sessions are available at the lower rate? — Some places limit how many “cheap” slots there are. Will my case be private / confidential? — Even in placements, confidentiality matters. Do I need a referral? — Some services need a GP or sexuality clinic referral; others don’t. Low-Cost Sex & Relationship Therapy Providers (UK Examples) Here are some trusted services in the UK that offer lower-cost or trainee-based psychosexual and relationship therapy. (If you're outside the UK, skip to the International Options section. ) Your Time To Talk — They offer low-cost relationship and sex therapy with trainee therapists (student psychosexual and relationship therapists). Locations include Bath, Brighton, Bristol, London and more. Online sessions are £35 for individuals and £55 for couples. The Awareness Centre - They have a low-cost psychosexual & relationship counselling service in Clapham and Tooting. Sessions are run by trainee therapists and cost £50 for people on a low income. JKL Therapy Centre - Offers low-cost psychosexual therapy via their trainee therapists. For example, individual sessions start from £30. Sex Therapy Herts - Offers low-cost psychosexual therapy via their trainee therapists. Fees are based on income. The Therapy Yard - Their psychosexual therapy includes low-cost options with therapists in their final year of training. Online sessions from about £50. Local Counselling Centre (LCC) - They have a specialised sex and relationship therapy team with trainee counsellors. Their placement service offers very low-cost therapy. NHS / Specialist Clinics - According to this signposting directory, there are psychosexual counselling services via sexual health clinics such as Dean Street (fee £5–£20) via referral. International / Global Options (or Ideas to Explore) Finding discounted sex therapy outside the UK depends on where you live. Here are general strategies and types of places that might offer low-cost or sliding-scale therapy: University Training Clinics: Many universities running psychosexual therapy or counselling training will have clinics where trainees see clients. Look up local universities’ counselling or psychotherapy training programmes. Non-Profit Charities & Community Organisations: Local mental health / LGBTQ+ charities often run counselling services. Ask around for organisations in your city. Sexual Health Clinics / Public Health Services: In many countries, public sexual health clinics also have psychological services or can refer you. Sliding Scale Private Therapists: Some qualified therapists offer reduced rates for low-income clients. Ask potential therapists if they have a “low‑fee” or “concession” rate. Online Global Platforms: Some online therapy platforms allow therapists to offer different fee tiers; you can search for therapists who explicitly list “low-cost,” “sliding scale,” or “trainee. ” Tips to Maximise Your Chances of Finding Affordable Help Be upfront in your first email. Clearly state that you’re looking for low-cost or student-placement therapy. Schedule a free / low-cost consultation. Many places offer a first session or a short “get to know you” chat. Ask about waitlists. Low-cost services tend to be in demand, so ask whether there is a waitlist for trainees. Look locally. Sometimes there are hidden gems, community centres, university clinics, training institutes. Be flexible with modality. Online sessions are often cheaper, especially with trainees, than in-person ones. Final Thoughts It’s absolutely okay to need cheaper therapy. Wanting affordable support for your sexual or relationship wellbeing shouldn't be a luxury. Seeking out low-cost psychosexual or relationship therapy shows strength and self-awareness. There are options out there, especially through training services, public clinics, or sliding-scale programmes. --- - Categories: Share Your Story Domination in bed is something frequently done with poor technique. Spanking, choking, and spitting seem like standard aspects of sex nowadays; I can't remember the last time I had sex and it wasn't automatically assumed that being dominated is something I'd be into. Domination in bed is something frequently done with poor technique. Spanking, choking, and spitting seem like standard aspects of sex nowadays; I can't remember the last time I had sex and it wasn't automatically assumed that being dominated is something I'd be into. I should probably consider this to be concerning, and part of me does, but most of me just finds it eye-rollingly dull. I'm a bisexual woman that's had sex with a lot more men than I have women (much to my chagrin). The experiences I'm drawing from here will be referencing the men I've had sex with as I've never been dominated by a woman before. I also want to clarify that I don't intend to kink-shame here - if you're a man that likes being dominant in bed, then have fun, but don't be a moron about it. I'm not intending you to embarrass you with this article. I'm advising you here, pal. Dominance and submission are power dynamics. People don't always perform them for sexual purposes; that's going to sound alien to a lot of people, but some people who practice them are asexual. It's going to do you a lot of favours if you acknowledge and respect that it is a far more psychological phenomenon than it is sexual. I'm no expert about it, so please do take what I say and research it in more detail, but from my perspective I see it as a mental game that can greatly enhance a sexual experience. If played wrong, you can really damage the person you're playing with, regardless of your position as a dominant or submissive. I've read that professional dominants don't have sex with their clients; whilst their clients may receive sexual gratification from their services, meaning that domination falls under the umbrella of sex work, they themselves are there to dominate and dominate only, which does not have to include the act of sex. This is useful information to keep in mind when going forth in your own endeavours. Generally, those who practice dominance and submission are aware that it falls within the acronym of BDSM: bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. Practising dominance and submission doesn't necessarily mean you have to practice the other aspects of the acronym: you don't have to do bondage, being dominant doesn't mean you have to be sadistic, and being submissive doesn't necessarily mean you're masochistic. It can merely mean you enjoy having or giving away power over or to someone else. With this in mind, remember that because someone is consenting to a certain aspect of submission or domination, it doesn't necessarily mean they're consenting to more. Check before you do something kinky. Read your partner's body language. I find that when I have sex with men, they always spank me. his is annoying to me because I don't necessarily want them to. Is there a fly on my bum? No? Then just a gentle grab will suffice. Also, it really fucking hurts. Some people enjoy being spanked so hard it leaves a mark, but I don't. And I wish people would check with me before they do that, because it throws me off. I don't enjoy the sex as much when I'm in pain I didn't want to be in. This is something often forgotten - because acts like spanking can often be seen in pornography, or someone may have been advised by their friends that this is something women are really into, doesn't mean you have to do it every time you have sex. Being kinky doesn't make you good at sex; being considerate makes you good at sex. When you're in the heat of the moment and you really want to spank someone, you can just say, "fuck, I really want to spank you right now. " They might then say "oh fuck yes! Oh, spank me you sexy bastard! " and then, voila, you're spanking away. They might respond with "oh, just keep touching me like that," in which case you must refrain from the spanking and carry on as is. Sorry pal. A particular dominant act is seen a lot in porn and practiced a lot in sex now days: choking. Choking can very, very easily go wrong. Erotic asphyxiation can be fun, but you need to practice it with the knowledge that you are holding someone's life in your hands; hold them too hard in the wrong place for too long and yes, you could put them in the hospital, or potentially kill them. I think asphyxiation can easily be practiced in a safer way through simulation: where you hold their throat, but you don't actually press down on any vital airways. You just place you hand there, which can be enough for some people to go "wow! It's almost like I'm being choked! That's so fun and sexy! Heeheehee! " But, again, you need to check that your partner is comfortable with that. You can try placing your hand and then ask them "is this okay? " before continuing. Choking is something that could trigger someone's past trauma if they've experienced assault in the past, and having flashbacks midway through a sexual experience can really dampen the mood. People tend to go into a power play dynamic during sex without setting up a safe word beforehand. I cannot stress enough how reckless this is. See my earlier point about really damaging someone if play... --- - Categories: Share Your Story For people with vulvas, turning twenty five means that you’ll be invited to have your first smear test (unless you’ve been pregnant or had previous complications, then it would be earlier than this). Despite how scary it can be, I can not stress enough how important it is that you go. For people with vulvas, turning twenty five means that you’ll be invited to have your first smear test (unless you’ve been pregnant or had previous complications, then it would be earlier than this). Despite how scary it can be, I can not stress enough how important it is that you go. Smear tests (or pap smears) are to test us for Human Papillomavirus (HPV). I see a lot of sex ed accounts talk about HSV (herpes) but not many about HPV. So I want to talk about it and raise awareness. I had my first smear test, then a few weeks later received a letter saying that I did have HPV. Upon receiving this I had no prior knowledge to what HPV actually was. I had absolutely no idea how serious it was (or wasn’t) or what it meant. I had to educate myself and was able to find some amazing resources. I discovered that HPV can be in your body for years without ever amounting to anything. Therefore, I could’ve got it six years ago, or a few months before. It IS an STI. But condoms don’t always prevent transmission, as it is also transmitted through skin on skin contact. HPV causes warts in some cases, and in other cases can lead to abnormal cells resulting in cervical cancer. This is why it’s so important to get tested. However, there are over one hundred different kinds of HPV and the one that I had doesn’t pose much risk. I was just required to have another smear test in one years time, instead of three years time, to check if the virus had changed at all. In general, HPV is like a common cold, your body will get rid of it on its own. Obviously, my main concern was what to do regarding sexual partners. You are not required to inform people you have it. 70% - 80% of sexually active adults will have HPV sometime in their life. I decided that I would tell current and future partners that I have it and encourage them to research it themselves. If you want to reduce the possibility of transmission as much as possible, use condoms and dental dams. However, as always, education is the most important thing, and normalising STIs will help everyone to get treatment and reduce stigma. STIs are not dirty. As long as you get regular check ups and are honest to sexual partners then it is much easier to prevent the spread of them. From my extensive research, I also learnt that there isn’t really a test to find HPV in people with a penis, therefore you might go through your whole life without ever being aware you have HPV. After three smear tests I found out the virus had cleared on its own without me ever having symptoms or needing any form of medication. Luckily, I had a low risk kind of HPV, so it did not effect my life, but others may not be so lucky. So, if you have a vulva, please please get a smear test. And if someone tells you they have HPV, don’t worry, you should be safe. Just educate yourselves and if you don’t want an STI always use condoms and dental dams to be completely safe. Want to share your story? Whether it feels big or small, putting it into words can be incredibly therapeutic. Plus, reading others' experiences reminds us it's never just us going through something! --- - Categories: Share Your Story I’ve written all about my first big sexual adventure in poetic form. For some reason I find it easier to express myself in rhyming couplets 😂. Shout-out to anyone else who can related to being an awkward sexual being. I’ve written all about my first big sexual adventure in poetic form. For some reason I find it easier to express myself in rhyming couplets . Shout-out to anyone else who can related to being an awkward sexual being. My first I went to my first sex partyMission to tackle my shynessAnd release my inner freakWhether I achieved this noble aimI'll let you all critiqueI'll lay the facts out bare to youOr naked, so to speak Let me start from the beginningLet me set the sexy sceneThere's was a huge jacuzziAnd the sofas were wipe clean Drinking glasses were all plasticAnd the floor a little stickyA bit like Tiger Tiger CroydonBut with a lot more licky licky(I'll explain later) I arrived with my two friendsWho left me at the doorI was scared to be aloneBut excited to explore A couple sauntered up to meThey were a smidgen olderI tried to act all nonchalantSquint my eyes, so they would smoulder The woman asked about my kinkI blanked said "I don't know"I was worried I'd say something randomAnd end up sucking her big toe I saw that same couple laterFloating starkers in the tubThey waved at me conviviallyAs each other they did rub I waved politely backAnd awkwardly declinedWhilst looking for a seatWhich was difficult to find Why you ask, I'll tell you whyEach surface fully coveredIn bodies gyratingAnd faces getting smothered Licking seemed quite popularTongues lolling, genitals wetI sat on the edge of an armchairNext to a threesome drenched in sweat I tried to be a voyeurAll sophisticated and coolWhich was difficult to maintainWhilst being sprayed with specks of drool Bartenders were weaving in and outCollecting empty glassesDodging flying jets of spunkWhilst grazing jiggling asses Another couple sauntered up to meAnd thank god, I needed savingThey said that I was looking cuteAnd were up for misbehaving Things were going really wellTil’ they asked what porn I likeI mentioned feminismWhich went down like the Third Reich Penises went all floppyVaginas dry as sandI thought equal rights were hotThis has not gone as I’d planned And so the night went onIn a very similar veinExcept I stripped down to my pantsWhich was a significant gain Also, someone touched meRight there in the small of my backWhich I thought was an orgy inviteBut was just a friendly whack And that’s itThat’s the end of my sordid storyWe’ll see what happened next timeFingers, crossed something more whorey(P. S I’ve reclaimed the word whore) Want to share your story? Whether it feels big or small, putting it into words can be incredibly therapeutic. Plus, reading others' experiences reminds us it's never just us going through something! --- - Categories: Share Your Story Am I the only one out there who masturbates with my legs crossed instead of spread?" has been the question I've been asking myself for years. Am I the only one out there who masturbates with my legs crossed instead of spread? " has been the question I've been asking myself for years. I felt uncomfortable about my method of masturbation. It took me a while to start sharing this with my partners and realise there is nothing wrong with it. The only reason why it felt odd is because porn demonstrates only the "legs-spread" masturbation. Later on, when I started reading more sex educational literature and explored OMGYes, I realised that my method, despite being rather rare (some stats say it's only 3% of vulva owners who masturbate this way), is totally normal and just as pleasurable as any other techniques. Want to share your story? Whether it feels big or small, putting it into words can be incredibly therapeutic. Plus, reading others' experiences reminds us it's never just us going through something! --- - Categories: Share Your Story I think discovering your sexuality isn’t restricted to realising you are not cis/straight but also is about realising what turns you on, what you are comfortable with, how to please yourself. I think discovering your sexuality isn’t restricted to realising you are not cis/straight but also is about realising what turns you on, what you are comfortable with, how to please yourself. So despite this little story of mine being about how I realised I was a lesbian there a parts that could apply to anyone. looking back now I do realise i had an attraction towards women for as long as I remember... since about the age of 13 (around the time i started my period) I had many daydreams about engaging in sexual acts with other women. whether that be friends, teachers, celebrities. even girls that didn’t particularly like me. but the idea I could be gay was so alien to me. I was a feminine, considerably attractive girl who did gain attention from boys. and i think back then only women who where ‘butch’ and liked sport could be gay in my head and that was the complete opposite to me. so even though i was literally going out of my way to think about having sex with other girls because it made my vagina feel all tingly i still didn’t even acknowledge i could be queer. I had many boyfriends in the first few years of high school. all of which lasted about a week ending in me being dumped usually because i was ‘frigid’ and ‘had no tits’. Since realising I have no attraction to boys whatsoever I wonder wether the ‘frigidness’ came from me deep down being a lesbian. and i do think that plays a part but it was also confidence. i had no confidence at all until the last year of high school so i do think even if i was straight i probably would have still been reluctant to engage with boys in ways they wanted me to. My first memory of actually acknowledging my attraction to girls was a time in english. . we had pictures of celebrities on the wall next to quotes about why they love reading. one was ‘Zoella’ and a boy i sat next to asked me ‘would you like les off with Zoella’ (such a high school boy sentence) and i just simply said yes. . because i found her attractive and why wouldn’t i agree? why was it considered something i shouldn’t agree too? This boy now claims he was the first to know I was a lesbian. This same boy also asked me if I ever masturbated (or ‘flicked my bean’ as he put it) he said he knew many girls who did it so i shouldn’t be embarrassed if I did. I hadn’t at the time so i went home and thought i may as well try it . . there was a lot of prodding around my vagina entrance and i hadn’t even heard of a clitoris so it was uneventful but non the less the next day i went in to school and told him i had masturbated. he then went on to tell one of my best friends at the time which did make me very embarrassed and almost ashamed. . but to anyone reading this , there really is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to masturbation. it’s one of the greatest experiences in the world. i now have different friends one of which i actually compare wanking techniques with a we send each other recommended vibrators. so you shouldn’t just put up with being embarrassed about the discussion of self pleasure around friends. there are people out there who thrive if this sort of conversation. Back onto me discovering my being a lesbian (though i do think masturbating plays an important part of discovering sexuality). I first heard the term ‘bisexual’ when someone i sat with in geography told me he had a girlfriend who was bisexual. he explained to me what it meant and i do think it was somewhat of a revelation to me. It’s so bonkers thinking now how before then I had no idea someone could fancy both genders. I still didn’t click that i actually fancied girls for another almost two and a half years after this conversation but i do think it helped. In the summer between year 10 and 11 I found myself a best friend. she was a girl i had known since i was 4 but our lack of confidence meant we where never ourselves in school and didn’t know each other’s interests. until we started messaging each other and realised we both loved the band ‘arctic monkeys’. something so simple lead to me finding not only a best friend but someone who gave me confidence. i think she is an important part of my story. there is no one else in the world i could have confided in when i needed to about realising i liked girls. i don’t think i had it in me before i met her to think independent thoughts and take myself out of all the girls i was around and to realise what sexuality meant for me. There was a girl who only started in year 10. we didn’t speak at all the first year because of different classes and she gravitated towards a completely different friendship group but at the start of year 11 we started talking after i came across her on instagram and i really liked a jumper... --- - Categories: Share Your Story Hiya, I’m Lucianna, I’m 21 and have struggled with Vulvodynia for as long as I can remember, I properly realised there was something wrong at the start of puberty roughly 12/13. Hiya, I’m Lucianna, I’m 21 and have struggled with Vulvodynia for as long as I can remember, I properly realised there was something wrong at the start of puberty roughly 12/13. Now I know that might sound scary, the fact that I’ve had it for 8/9 years but the main reason for that is because I was aware of it from such a young age I just thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I was the only as I’d never heard of this kind of pain before and I was too scared to be checked as I was too embarrassed, worried and nervous. However, I am currently in the process of sorting it and I’m here to share my story, to help put people at ease and know you’re not the only one, it does get better, it can happen to people at any age, can last for various different lengths of time and there are many ways to try and resolve the problem if you have it. My first relationship was when I was 15 and we tried some things and that’s when my Vulvodynia first became a problem with another person. We both wanted to get intimate however I struggled to do this and was pretty much completely unable to due to the pain caused which he didn’t understand and of course neither did I at the time. This problem then snowballed into my next few relationships. My next boyfriend at 16 also didn’t understand the problem and I still didn’t have any idea as to what it was and by this time thought that maybe something was seriously wrong with me. However I believe that relationship did in turn make it worse, because due to my issues I was very reluctant to engage in foreplay as much as he wanted to and sex was a complete no go. But he wasn’t having it so was trying to mentally force me to do things by making me feel bad if I didn’t do what he wanted to do which was mentally abusive along with other things that I won’t go into. Anyway because of the pain, being forced into things that caused the pain and not feeling in control I spent a lot of that time in tears as I didn’t know what to do, which I’m sure didn’t help the soon to be discovered Vulvodynia. My first serious relationship was going really well to start with he understood the fact I could have sex and I believed for a long time that it wasn’t an issue for him. Now although sex isn’t the only factor in a relationship, without it I personally think it loses intimacy and after about two years he got fed up with waiting, he broke up with me and used it against me saying I didn’t try hard enough to sort it out and fix the problem (of course there was other factors but I’ll stick to the point). Maybe he was right, I wasn’t trying hard enough to find a solution but that was because I was terrified to find out what was wrong and I didn’t know how or where to start, besides it wasn’t exactly like he was trying to help me with it. Fast forward to the present, I fell in love with my best friend, he helped persuade me to go to my gp and see if there was anything wrong. It took a couple attempts they told me to try relaxing more through various means and tried to test through the dermatologists to see if there was any skin problems. Nonetheless my doctor was very good about it and figured out the problem rather quickly, diagnosing me with vulvadynia, at the age of 20 I finally had an explanation. He explained to me what it is and various methods of treatment I could go about to try to resolve it, he seemed very familiar with it and told me it was a common issue with girls/women of all ages. I was at that point prescribed Amitriptyline, which in simple terms is a type of painkiller that tries to numb your nerve signals, and lidocaine which is almost like a numbing cream (form of local anaesthetic). The lidocaine didn’t work out for me as it caused spotting so I stopped using that, and to start with the amitriptyline tablets weren’t working either, I began on 10mg and went up to 30mg and I had no results. I started to get very disheartened thinking even though I found an explanation, nothing was working to solve it. After some research and speaking to a friend of mine who informed me that perhaps I was taking the amitriptyline tablets too late in the evening, I started taking them a little earlier about a couple hours before bed. In doing that I began to see results I spoke to my doctor and he told me to keep up with the medication. As of around November last year the amitriptyline has been working slightly for the last 3/4 months, for the first time I was able to use a tampon and for the first time I was able to insert a finger (both of these things are still very uncomfortable) these things may not sound like a lot but to someone with these issues and having had them for so long... --- - Categories: Share Your Story They informed me that it was in fact a Bartholins Cyst and had gotten so bad because it was left untreated and agitated for weeks! I worked for Thomas cook as a holiday rep and every summer I would work seasons abroad, I was due to fly to Bulgaria in April 2019 so had a leaving party planned and leaving meal with my boyfriend. One morning my vagina was really swollen so I went to the doctors who diagnosed me with thrush however she did no physical exam on me. The only symptom I had was swelling, no discharge or itching. So I paid £15 for my treatment but realised it only got worse! I assumed I may have had an allergic reaction. So I tried to carry on as normal, I ended my party night early due to the pain (it was throbbing, a lot! ) and went for my meal the following evening. I couldn’t sit down and I had to wear baggy trousers. In the end I called 111 who sent me to a clinic, where the doctor took one look and rushed me straight away to hospital where I spent the night with no phone or belongings. I couldn’t eat or drink ANYTHING as the anaesthetic needed to work for the operation. They informed me that it was in fact a Bartholins Cyst and had gotten so bad because it was left untreated and agitated for weeks! They prodded at me all day waiting for my operation, which in the end never went ahead because they managed to burst it on its own (gross I know). I needed a fit to fly if I wanted to pursue my career abroad so I asked my doctors for it and they charged me £60. I refused to pay and threatened to take them to court so they kindly then gave it to me for free. I was advised it would come back, apparently all cysts come back at some point so I went prepared incase. It came back while I was away but I had researched how to treat myself using a sitz bath and witchhazel oil. If I had never called 111, I could’ve died from sepsis. It really was that serious and I had no idea. If anyone has questions please ask me because I wish I knew the symptoms! Want to share your story? Whether it feels big or small, putting it into words can be incredibly therapeutic. Plus, reading others' experiences reminds us it's never just us going through something! --- - Categories: Share Your Story Hi everyone, my name is Ciara, I am 22 and I have genital herpes, specially herpes simplex virus type 1. As many people know this virus is more commonly associated with oral herpes (cold sores). Hi everyone, my name is Ciara, I am 22 and I have genital herpes, specially herpes simplex virus type 1. As many people know this virus is more commonly associated with oral herpes (cold sores). I contracted and was diagnosed when I was 19, the week before I started college. I contracted it from boyfriend of 3 years through receiving oral sex. My boyfriend at time was my first boyfriend and the person I lost my virginity to, (and he lost his to me) so it was a huge shock when I got diagnosed. When I got diagnosed I felt extremely alone and isolated, as stigma around STI is huge where I'm from. Honestly for me it was freephone helplines that kept me sane. Even now 3 years later, my mental health does get affect when i experience outbreaks, but thats okay, cause I realise what its in relation too and I can mange it better. Physically, I do still experience outbreaks about every two months. Its usually my bodies reaction to being run down or stress. My period also usually brings on an outbreak too. I know alot of people who have herpes maybe asymptomatic or have very rare outbreaks, but I'm not one of them. I do hope in time the outbreaks will be less frequent. A side affect for me is that when I'm about to get an outbreaks is that I get high temperature and sweat so much when I sleep. Which is annoying except when your waiting in the cold for a bus. My dating life has had a dramatic change since I hot diagnosed since 2017. I am now single and have to disclose my HSV 1 status to anyone I might have sexual contact with. But in someways its a blessing in disguise. It makes me picker and I choose to open myself up to people who are open minded and that deserve me. My advice to my past self or anyone newly diagnosed is LOVE YOURSELF. You have contracted a very common virus, and it can make your life a little more awkward but thats manageable. We learn to live with herpes, but it does not define us. Its a permanent incurable virus, that will most likely be with us until we die, but we won't die from it. I am so proud of my beautiful sexy strong body that is resilient in coping with herpes simplex virus. Want to share your story? Whether it feels big or small, putting it into words can be incredibly therapeutic. Plus, reading others' experiences reminds us it's never just us going through something! --- - Categories: Share Your Story Most people will have never heard of this and I had never heard of it either. But I had this for multiple years and it really really bothered me. I believe I got it when I was about 18 years old and I only got rid of it 3 years later. Not because it is so difficult to get rid of, but because I didn't go to the doctor. Most people will have never heard of this and I had never heard of it either. But I had this for multiple years and it really really bothered me. I believe I got it when I was about 18 years old and I only got rid of it 3 years later. Not because it is so difficult to get rid of, but because I didn't go to the doctor. The definiton: "Lichen simplex is a localised area of chronic, lichenified eczema/dermatitis. There may be a single or multiple plaques. It is also called neurodermatitis. " For me it was a very itchy feeling on my outer labia and around the opening of my vagina. I would scratch it on a daily base, mostly during the night, getting loose skin flakes all over my bed. I knew that if I would just stop scratching it would probably get better, but I simply couldn't stop myself. I had tried to put Vaseline on it, because it was starting to hurt. But nothing took away the itch. I told my mom about it after I had it for over a year. She said it may be an infection and I should just take some pills for it. I tried that, but that wasn't it. I started googling my symptoms and after searching for quite some time I finally found something that resembled what I was feeling. I was in a vicious circle of scratching and itch. I saw that you would have to see a doctor when you had it, so I finally made an appointment to have it checked. I told her my symptoms and when she inspected my vulva she confirmed that it was lichen simplex. She prescribed me a hormone cream with a strict schedule to apply it and slowly decrease the use by starting to alternate using that cream with a simple vaseline based cream. For the first time in years I had more than one night in a row where I didn't scratch, which was such a relief. My vulva started looking much healthier as well. I did start scratching again a couple of times, but it never got back to that point of having skin flakes come off, because I would just use a new cream for a while and it would pass. I honestly wish I would've gone to the doctor much earlier. I understand why many people (younger me included) do not feel comfortable going to the doctor with vaginal problems, but please trust me when I say you should really really go. They see the weirdest stuff on a daily base, and there is no need to be ashamed of looking out for your own health. Want to share your story? Whether it feels big or small, putting it into words can be incredibly therapeutic. Plus, reading others' experiences reminds us it's never just us going through something! --- - Categories: Share Your Story I started my period at the age of 10, which was both unexpected and traumatic, as I had literally no idea what was happening, and my mum was unable to hide her distress at me starting so early. I started my period at the age of 10, which was both unexpected and traumatic, as I had literally no idea what was happening, and my mum was unable to hide her distress at me starting so early. My home was a fairly typical South Asian family growing up, in that the dominant culture was not speaking about our feelings and pretending everything was fine. And pretty much the only sex ed I got was at school. Menstrual pads were kept in the shared bathroom, but we basically never talked about periods, and there was a lot of shame surrounding sex and the body. So, when I started to get painful periods, I instinctively didn't really talk about it, and played down the pain. However, some things can't be hidden. From the age of 12, I would be in agony every month, and was frequently passing out in the bathroom (which to this day, my family don't know). At 12 my GP told me pain was normal, and he put me on the pill. The pill didn't work for me, and I had basically all the side effects, so we tried another pill, and then another, and another AND another. To say that I experienced sexist and racist gaslighting from my doctors would be an understatement. It means that, to this day, I have anxiety attacks when I need to see the GP. I cry after every appointment. At 20, I went to India on holiday with my family. My aunt, a doctor, saw my period pain first hand and gave me an ultrasound herself. She diagnosed me with endometriosis immediately. I still remember sitting in her office with my parents and brother, crying out of relief and fear. When I showed my GP in London the ultrasound, he initially dismissed it, saying "well, it's from India". He eventually agreed to refer me to a gynaecologist, but told me they would likely not accept this Indian scan. The gynaecologist did accept the ultrasound, and also told me I would need to have children "as soon as possible" as pregnancy is the only "cure" for endometriosis, and I would soon be infertile. I was 20, at uni, and terrified, as I believed this to be true (it's not). I wish I could say this is the end of my story, but alas! It's only the beginning! I am now 33, and have had 3 operations. The most recent was pretty scary as the Endo was affecting my kidney function. I also recently learned that I have Adenomyosis. However, I am now, finally in a place where I have accepted that I have a chronic illness. As someone who struggles with accepting help and with looking "weak", this is a big deal. Endo does not define me, but it is a part of who I am. And, taking it easy and adapting and sometimes saying no, is not a sign of weakness, it's me being kind to myself. As more information is available now, I have also educated myself a lot, on my condition, and have gained more confidence so I can challenge my doctors and not just accept whatever they say. More importantly, I have learned to be amazed at the human body's ability to manage pain and heal, and to listen to my body. There are lots of resources available on how to manage endo/adeno, I would recommend anyone with these conditions to read as much as possible, but remember that the only person who knows what's best for your body is you. Want to share your story? Whether it feels big or small, putting it into words can be incredibly therapeutic. Plus, reading others' experiences reminds us it's never just us going through something! --- - Categories: Share Your Story At age 11, I remember watching the film Titanic, and realising that I thought Kate Winslet (the actress who played Rose) was quite attractive. Like, really attractive. At age 11, I remember watching the film Titanic, and realising that I thought Kate Winslet (the actress who played Rose) was quite attractive. Like, really attractive. I realised I had my first celebrity crush! In early secondary school, my group of friends were discussing celebrity crushes, and I noticed that every other girl in my group of friends had a male celebrity crush, along the lines of the boys in One Direction, and Justin Bieber. So, I lied to them and said that I fancied some random teen actor in the latest chick flick. I then went home and googled 'What does it mean if I have a crush on a female? ' and that's when I found my answer. LGBT. Fast forward to age 13, I was certain I was bisexual. I knew it. All the conflicting thoughts about whether it was 'just a phase' (for the record, I hate that phrase), or whether I was just a bit confused. But all that had finally worked out and life was peachy. But now there was another problem- when, who and how should I tell people. At that point i was tired of suppressing who I was, but there were so many 'problems' I could see if I told people. Am I too young to make that announcement? Will people judge me? Will I lose friends? Will my parents still accept me? These thoughts bubbled away in my mind, stressing me out. Until one day, I decided to tell my friends. So, one day, I gathered my friends in the playground and i told them. And nothing changed. A couple hugs, a few congratulations and that was that. No friends left, and no one viewed me differently. Everything was great. I didn't tell my parents then. That was an active choice that I made not to tell them. And, initially, I regretted that. But now (age 17) i'm glad i didn't tell them then. I wasn't ashamed of being bisexual, that wasn't the problem, the problem was that i didn't know how to tell them. My dad, whilst not homophobic, isn’t the most accepting man ever, and if I wasn’t comfortable standing up for myself and who I am, then it would have been a train wreck. So, fast forward to age 16, it’s a warm summers day and I’m relaxing in the garden with my mum and grandparents. Suddenly, I decide now is the right time. I sat them down and said ‘Mum, Nannie, Grandad, I’m bisexual, which means I’m attracted to both males and females. I’m still your grand/daughter, and I’m no different than I was 5 seconds ago before I told you’. My Nannie gave me the biggest hug and said ‘sweetheart, I might not completely understand who you do and don’t like, but I love you no matter what’. And all of a sudden, I felt free, like I was no longer tethered to anything, that I was no longer suppressing who I was. I decided to text my dad the news rather than confront him about it, and it went well but we don’t really speak about it anymore. Now, at age 17, I’m living my best life as a (masc) bisexual, and am at college studying for my A Levels, working towards joining the Army. I am no more or less than anyone else, and I am just as worthy. Thank you for reading my story, and just remember that whether you decide to label yourself or not, that you deserve happiness and joy. Thank you Want to share your story? Whether it feels big or small, putting it into words can be incredibly therapeutic. Plus, reading others' experiences reminds us it's never just us going through something! --- - Categories: Share Your Story My ex boyfriend gave me Chlamydia. I was SO ashamed, I hid it from everyone. I went to the clinic to get tested for the first time ever, I was so nervous to get tested and then after that awful result i was terrified. My ex boyfriend gave me Chlamydia. I was SO ashamed, I hid it from everyone. I went to the clinic to get tested for the first time ever, I was so nervous to get tested and then after that awful result i was terrified. I’ve never felt so ashamed of myself, so angry at my partner and the world. i felt dirty, even though it wasn’t transmittable because i wasn’t having sex. What I want anyone else to know is that there’s absolutely no shame in it. Even if there’s symptoms or anything like that, it’s no more shameful than having a common cold. Even though I was horrified at the time, I can laugh about it now, nearly two years later. Want to share your story? Whether it feels big or small, putting it into words can be incredibly therapeutic. Plus, reading others' experiences reminds us it's never just us going through something! --- - Categories: Share Your Story My ex boyfriend gave me Chlamydia. I was SO ashamed, I hid it from everyone. I went to the clinic to get tested for the first time ever, I was so nervous to get tested and then after that awful result i was terrified. When do I feel most myself? It is when I touch my soft belly, Feel my smooth skin, Sing on a stage When I look In the mirror and am tingling At the sight of me When I can articulate the Most complex web of who I am To myself and to the ones I love At the beach Full stop In between asleep and awake On my bleach stained towel When I look into my own eyes At the ridges of my teeth At the curve of my breast When do I feel most myself? Most me? When my body matches My mind -- Danielle Bezalel, MPH, aka DB (she/her/hers), is the Creator, Executive Producer, and Host of the Sex Ed with DB podcast, a feminist podcast bringing you all the sex ed you never got, centering LGBTQ+ and BIPOC experts. Danielle earned a Master of Public Health with expertise in sexuality, sexual, and reproductive health from Columbia University. Danielle lives in Oakland, CA. Go to www. sexedwithdb. com to learn more about the podcast and get discounts on DB’s faves here. You can listen to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Soundcloud, or wherever you get your podcasts. Follow Sex Ed with DB on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube. Want to share your story? Whether it feels big or small, putting it into words can be incredibly therapeutic. Plus, reading others' experiences reminds us it's never just us going through something! --- - Categories: Kink & BDSM, Toys & Pleasure Kinks and fetishes are a normal part of human sexuality, and being curious or turned on by something doesn’t mean anything is “wrong" as long as it’s consensual! I’m sharing some science and studies that explore why psychologists and scientists think feet can be erotic - not to pathologise, but just to understand the theories we have so far! So whether it’s a fleeting curiosity or a full-on kink, feet fascinate plenty of us, and that’s totally normal. No shame here. A Foot in the Door: The Stats According to research by Justin Lehmiller, about 1 in 7 people (14%) have had a sexual fantasy where feet or toes played a role. That doesn’t mean they have a foot fetish, just that they’ve found the idea arousing at least once. Heterosexual women: 5% Heterosexual men: 18% Lesbian & bisexual women: 11% Gay & bisexual men: 21% Head Over Heels (Literally) One of the most popular explanations is to do with our somatosensory cortex (the part that maps touch sensations from different body parts), the “foot zone” and the “genital zone” sit right next to each other. Some scientists think that this closeness might mean the signals sometimes “spill over,” so touching feet could light up areas linked with sexual arousal. Brain scans back this up: one study found that the big toe sparks stronger brain activity than the other toes. Another showed that stimulating the big toe actually made people’s genitals more sensitive too, suggesting there’s a bit of sensory overlap happening. This doesn’t mean feet are hard-wired as a universal turn-on, but it does hint that our brain’s layout makes it easier for some people to find them erotic. First Steps Into Desire Psychologists note that sexual attraction isn’t just biology — it’s also shaped by learning and early experiences. If someone’s first sparks of arousal happen around feet (or even shoes and socks), the brain can link those sensations together, making them erotic later on. Feet also carry symbolic weight. They can be seen as taboo, dirty (in both literal and cheeky ways), vulnerable, or even powerful (dominance vs. submission). These layers of meaning can intensify erotic interest. Sole Searching Cultural perceptions of feet can also contribute to the development of a foot fetish. In many cultures, feet are considered private or even taboo, which can make them more alluring. The rise of social media and platforms like TikTok has also brought foot-related content into the spotlight, making it more accessible and normalizing these interests. One study even found that ideals of “desirable feet” circulate heavily on Chinese TikTok (Douyin), encouraging people to self-objectify and reinforcing foot-fetish culture in certain spaces. Respecting Boundaries and Consent It’s important to remember: having a foot fetish is only a problem if it’s non-consensual or creepy like any other fetish or interest. Exploring kinks is totally fine as long as all parties are consenting adults, boundaries are respected, and communication is clear. References Lehmiller, J. (2018) Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Intimate Life. Da Capo Lifelong Books. Wikipedia (2025) Foot fetishism. Available at: https://en. wikipedia. org/wiki/Foot_fetishism (Accessed: 25 September 2025). Health. com (2025) What is a foot fetish? Available at: https://www. health. com/condition/sexual-health/foot-fetish (Accessed: 25 September 2025). ResearchGate (2024) Body image and self-objectification in a Confucian cultural context: self-representation and consumption of desirable feet on Douyin. Available at: https://www. researchgate. net/publication/380618070_Body_image_and_Self-Objectification_in_a_Confucian_Cultural_Context_Self-Representation_and_Consumption_of_Desirable_Feet_on_Douyin_TikTok_in_China (Accessed: 25 September 2025). --- - Categories: Sex Positivity - Tags: Activism Feeling overwhelmed by the world? Discover therapist-informed strategies to care for your mind and body, stay grounded, set boundaries, and rest without guilt — even when everything feels heavy. This post is a little different from my usual content. Lately, the world has felt especially heavy, and it can be hard to hold all of that while also trying to get through the day. When so much is happening around us, it’s easy to forget that looking after ourselves isn’t selfish - it’s essential. Taking small steps to care for your mind and body can help you stay grounded, connected, and better able to show up in the ways you want to. So, I wanted to share some simple, accessible ways to prioritise self-care, even when the world feels like it’s on fire. Create small rituals of care When the world feels unsafe or overwhelming, our nervous systems can stay stuck in survival mode. Small, repeated rituals help signal to your body that you’re grounded in the present and not under immediate threat. This could be something like making the same warm drink each morning. taking three slow breaths every time you wash your hands, or having a short wind-down routine before bed. These aren’t just “nice extras” - they’re ways of building predictability and safety into your day, which helps regulate your system and makes it easier to sustain your energy for the work ahead. Stay connected In times of stress, co-regulation is our friend. We feel safer and more grounded when we’re in connection with others. Even short, intentional moments of contact can reduce feelings of isolation and help bring your system back into balance (in-person is best). It’s also worth noticing who doesn’t feel supportive right now. Spending too much time with people (even family) who hold painful or dismissive views about human rights can leave you feeling drained and invalidated. It’s okay to limit contact with those relationships and instead prioritise the people who make you feel safe, seen, and respected. That boundary is an act of care in itself. Rest, without guilt When you care deeply about something, it can feel like you always need to be “doing something” to make a difference. But constant action without recovery leads to burnout, which ultimately limits your impact. Think of rest as part of how you care for yourself - it’s how you recharge your nervous system, process your emotions, and sustain your energy for the things that matter. This might look like taking deliberate breaks from social media, going for a walk, or engaging in activities that feel nourishing rather than productive. Giving yourself permission to pause isn’t selfish; it’s essential for showing up fully, both for your community and for yourself. --- - Categories: Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure We all struggle with it at some point for many reasons. Our lack of sex ed, the shame we learn growing up etc. Whatever the reason, it makes it an unnecessarily awkward conversation but when you master it changes the game for your current and future sexual relationships. We all struggle with it at some point for many reasons. Our lack of Sex Ed and the shame we learn growing up affects us all. Whatever the reason, it makes it an unnecessarily awkward conversation. But when you master communication in the bedroom, it changes the game for your current and future sexual relationships. Here are some tips on communicating with your sexual partner(s). Learn What You Like First. I cannot stress enough how important this is. This is arguably the most important tip. How are you meant to tell your partner(s) what gets you off if you don’t know yourself! We were never taught or prepared for the pleasure part of sex when we are young, just biology. This means we end up learning through trial and error or porn. The best way to tell your partner what you like is firstly working out what you like on your own and then either showing them or directing them in the bedroom – whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. Awkward Is Okay. Talking about sex can be super awkward if you’re not used to it. The media makes out talking about sex this hot and super easy thing, but it’s okay if you’re finding it hard. You can get through it and the benefits are soo worth it. Own the awkward, laugh with it, it will bring you closer and I’m sure they’re feeling the same way. Practice on your own first, do some research, there’s so much info out there that you can take from and make your own! The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Be Positive. Approach the conversation with a positive attitude. If you’re angry they forgot about your clit or didn’t touch the right places, maybe wait a bit and plan what you’re going to say without attacking them. Reframe your mental approach and find a way of making it fun. No blaming, no complaining – try and be mindful. Maybe you could ask them what they like or what gets them off to start with, then you can segway into saying your bit. Talk Talk Talk. Start communicating with who you are sleeping with from the beginning and do it often. This can establish a norm from day dot and make it less of a big thing. The longer you leave it the more of a deal it becomes. Have the conversation anytime. In the bedroom, over dinner, whatever makes you feel the most chill. Once you get the hang of it, with any new partners, it fast tracks the working out what you both like from non-verbal cues. Then you can have hot, pleasure-filled sex. --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Reproductive Health & Fertility Vaginismus is an involuntary tightening of vaginal muscles that makes penetration painful or impossible. Learn what it is, why it happens, and how support can help. Vaginismus affects roughly 2 in 1,000 women, although many experts believe it is underreported. It is a condition where the muscles around the vagina tighten involuntarily whenever penetration is attempted. This tightening can make penetration very painful, known medically as dyspareunia, or completely impossible. If you are experiencing vaginismus, it is important to know that you are not broken, you are not alone, and support is available. What does vaginismus feel like? Vaginismus can show up in a number of everyday situations, not just during sex. Muscle tightening may happen: When a partner attempts penetration When inserting a tampon or menstrual cup During smear tests or internal medical exams When fingers or sex toys are used Even when something is placed near the vaginal opening For many people, the reaction happens automatically and without warning. Even if you want penetration to happen, your body may respond differently. This is not something you are choosing or doing wrong. Types of vaginismus Vaginismus is commonly described in two main forms. Primary vaginismus occurs when vaginal penetration has never been achieved. This can mean that penetration has always been painful or impossible from the very first attempt. Secondary vaginismus occurs when vaginal penetration was previously possible but is no longer. This can develop following events such as gynaecological surgery, childbirth, menopause, medical trauma, or emotional stress. Some people develop vaginismus after menopause. Lower oestrogen levels can reduce vaginal lubrication and elasticity, which can make penetration painful and lead to anxiety or muscle tightening over time. Vaginismus and dyspareunia Dyspareunia is the medical term for painful sexual intercourse. It is often confused with vaginismus, but they are not the same thing. Dyspareunia can be caused by a range of medical conditions, including: Ovarian cysts Pelvic inflammatory disease Vaginal atrophy Infections or skin conditions Vaginismus, by contrast, is specifically related to involuntary muscle tightening. Some people experience both, which is why a careful, compassionate assessment matters. Causes of vaginismus There is not always a clear or single cause of vaginismus. For many people, it develops due to a combination of physical, emotional, and nervous system factors. It has sometimes been linked to: Sexual abuse or trauma Past painful intercourse Medical or gynaecological trauma Fear of pain Anxiety or stress Cultural or religious messaging around sex In some cases, no direct cause can be identified. Not having a clear explanation does not make your experience less real or less deserving of care. Diagnosis and medical support To make a diagnosis, a GP or clinician may ask about your medical and sexual history. An examination may be suggested, but it should always be optional, consent-led, and stopped at any point if you feel uncomfortable. You never have to endure pain to prove that something is wrong. Treatment options for vaginismus Vaginismus is highly treatable, especially with support that addresses both the body and the mind. Psychosexual and sex therapy Psychosexual therapy can be hugely helpful, either individually or with a partner. Working with a therapist who specialises in sexual difficulties can support people with trauma-based vaginismus, anxiety-related vaginismus, or long-standing symptoms. Therapy may include education, communication support, relaxation techniques, and gently rebuilding a sense of safety around intimacy. You can find trained professionals through our psychosexual and relationship therapist directory, which lists practitioners experienced in working with vaginismus respectfully and without judgement. Vaginal dilators Some people are supported to use vaginal dilators under the guidance of a specialist. Dilators are used gradually to help the vaginal muscles relax and become more flexible. For some, involving a partner can support intimacy, but this should only happen if it feels safe and wanted. Dilator work is not about pushing through pain. It is about working at your pace and rebuilding trust in your body. Pelvic floor physiotherapy Pelvic floor physiotherapists specialise in the muscles involved in vaginismus. They can support you to: Learn how the pelvic floor works Use relaxation and breathing techniques Use dilators safely and comfortably This support can be especially helpful if dilators feel overwhelming alone. Pleasure, intimacy, and reassurance It is important to remember that sex is not defined by penetration. Vaginismus does not affect the clitoris, and pleasure, intimacy, and connection are still very much possible. Some people feel distressed by vaginismus. Others feel emotionally neutral but frustrated. Not feeling intense emotions is also okay. There is no correct emotional response. Finding community and further support Living with vaginismus can feel isolating, but you do not have to navigate it alone. Our support links page brings together charities, organisations, and communities offering trusted information and peer support for vaginismus and related conditions. Reaching out can feel daunting, but many people find it deeply reassuring to hear from others with similar experiences. FAQs How common is vaginismus? Estimates suggest around 2 in 1,000 women are affected, though underdiagnosis means the true number is likely higher. Is vaginismus my fault? No. Vaginismus is an involuntary physical response driven by the nervous system. Can vaginismus be treated? Yes. Many people experience significant improvement or full resolution with the right support. Does vaginismus mean I cannot enjoy sex? No. Pleasure and intimacy exist in many forms beyond penetration. Where can I find help? We recommend speaking to your GP for a referral or check out our psychosexual and relationship therapist directory can help you find specialist care. Useful Links Some great sites and useful links for Vaginismus help... --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Reproductive Health & Fertility Learn all about MRKH with Ella Fullalove, founder of Va Va Womb and Mind Over MRKH! MRKH is a congenital (which means born with) condition that affects 1 in 5000 female babies born worldwide. MRKH stands for Mayer Rokitansky Kuster Hauser Syndrome and is named after the four medical professionals that discovered it. It is under the wider umbrella of variations in sexual developments (VSD or DSD for differences). MRKH is usually discovered in the teenage years when periods do not start and you may notice difficulty with penetration (be it your fingers, or through penetrative sexual experiences) Medical professionals will usually do physical examinations and further scans (MRI or Ultrasounds) to determine the diagnosis. People with MRKH type 1 all have a variation of an underdeveloped reproductive system- so an underdeveloped or completely absent womb, cervix and vagina. Ovaries, vulva and clitoris are not affected hence it can go unnoticed until puberty. It varies in each person with MRKH. So some people may have uterine remnants or uterine horns, and others may have no uterus at all. Some with MRKH may have a fully formed vaginal canal whereas others may have no vaginal canal at all. MRKH is also known as Mullerian agenesis as the Mullerian ducts (at the embryo stage) do not form properly. As people with MRKH have normal ovary development and have typical XX female chromosomes – although it’s important to remember that body parts and chromosomes do not define gender, just biology. It means that they still may go through the majority of the menstrual cycle but just no monthly bleed and during ovulation, the egg will disappear into the pelvic cavity. MRKH & Pleasure There are some paths people with MRKH may take to help them with creating a vaginal canal if they want to have penetrative sex. The vagina, even with MRKH, is still a powerful muscle! Some will choose to do vaginal dilating, which is the process of slowly stretching the vagina over time. Others may choose different types of surgery, so creating a vagina then dilating, and lots of people with MRKH may choose to leave their body as it is or do it naturally through self-pleasure or sex. There is no rush with deciding, cross that bridge when you want to explore what is right for you. It’s important to note that although the vaginal canal is shorter or absent, with clitoral stimulation people with MRKH can still have sex (Which is not just penetrative) and can still orgasm, and as they still have Bartholin glands at the entrance to the vagina it means it’s still possible to get natural lubrication when aroused. The myth of the hymen is also an important awareness for people with MRKH as within different cultures dilating can be seen as sex, but it’s not. Losing your virginity is a myth and dilating does not mean you have lost your virginity. MRKH & Fertility It’s really important to know that you are not broken, you do not need to be fixed and if you choose to do anything to your body it must be for you, in your own time, and not for anyone else. You are whole, enough and worthy. As people with MRKH have ovaries, they can have their biological children via gestational surrogacy, or some hopeful parents who have MRKH may choose to adopt. IVF funding is quite rare due to the ethics of surrogacy- similar to same-sex couples, so make sure you seek advice from Surrogacy UK if you want to explore parenthood and MRKH. Useful Links Head to Mind Over MRKH for more MRKH content and resources which is a platform linked to Va Va Womb. Mind Over MRKH aims to support people with things like sex, pleasure and mindfulness, but it’s also got plenty of resources that can support people with disclosure and navigating their life through living with MRKH. Head to MRKH Connect to find people with MRKH near you and an online forum- MRKH Connect is a U. K Charity. Listen to the podcast episode with Ella on the Sex-Positive Podcast! --- - Categories: Toys & Pleasure I have reviewed many a clit sucker on my page and they are my go-to to pull from the bedside drawer, but they all seem to do the same thing! So I was a bit apprehensive when Smile Makers approached me about their new toy – The Poet. So how is this toy any different to the other suction toys on the market? Well, Smile Makers have recognised that not every toy is for every clit. We are silly to expect all of us to get on with every sex toy – everyBODY is different, and not only that, we all like different feelings and sensations. The Poet comes with three interchangeable mouths. These mouths create a seal over your clitoris to pinpoint that sensation. The varying sizes are designed to fit varying sizes of clitoris/labia! This isn’t something I have seen on a toy as of yet, and for me it gives you that extra security that this toy won’t be a waste of money, as let’s face it, really good toys come with a higher price tag. The Poet’s retail price is £119. 95 with free shipping. My Favourite Features. Just how soft the silicone is (skin-like) The side ‘squeeze sensors’ to adjust the speed – not bringing it up for air to change the setting! The interchangeable heads – my favourite is the largest! Just how bloody beautiful it is How To Use The Poet Of course, before any great self-love session, I recommend starting with your favourite water-based lube (which won’t break your toy down and can increase sensitivity) or an ethical porn site – if that is how you like to get off! Clitoral suction toys tend to pack a punch when you get the hang of the angle so I recommend starting on the lowest setting and slowly building up until you find the right speed and setting for you! Smile Makers have also created this super helpful video – bonus points for including an accurate diagram of the clitoris! ! Happy wanking --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Kink & BDSM, Neurodivergence & Sex, Relationships & Dating, Reproductive Health & Fertility, Sex & Relationship Therapy, Sex 101, Sex Positivity, Sexual Health & Contraception, Sexuality & Gender, Toys & Pleasure Discover what sex and relationship therapy is, how it can help individuals and couples, and how to find a qualified therapist. Explore sexual health, intimacy, and self-confidence in a safe, non-judgemental space. Sex therapy, also called psychosexual therapy, is not just for couples or “fixing” relationships. It is for anyone who wants to understand themselves, their sexuality, or their emotional connections better. Whether you are single, dating, exploring your sexual identity, or in a relationship, therapy can help you navigate challenges, increase pleasure, and feel more confident in your body and your choices. Therapy sometimes gets a bad reputation. Many people think it is only for those with serious problems, but in reality, it can benefit all of us. Talking about your sexual health, desires, and experiences is one of the most empowering forms of self-care. What Psychosexual Therapy Actually Is Psychosexual therapy is a talking-based therapy. There is no physical contact involved. It provides a confidential and safe space where you can explore your sexual difficulties, intimacy and relationship patterns, communication issues, and beliefs or experiences that affect how you relate to yourself and others. Sexual difficulties and emotional challenges around intimacy are common, and therapy is not about “fixing” you. The goal is to help you feel more aware, empowered, and satisfied, whether you are exploring your sexuality alone or with a partner. Who Can Psychosexual Therapy Help? Therapists trained in psychosexual and relationship therapy work with individuals and couples. They can support a wide range of concerns, including: Sexual Health and Pleasure Low, high, or fluctuating sexual desire Difficulty achieving orgasm Painful sex (vaginismus, dyspareunia) Challenges with erections, ejaculation, or arousal Exploring sexuality, orientation, or identity Coming to terms with asexuality or changes in desire Relationships and Intimacy Communication and emotional connection Mismatched sexual needs or expectations Conflict or tension in relationships Relationship stress linked to sexual difficulties Rebuilding intimacy after trauma or rupture Life Events and Identity Gender identity exploration Infertility or family planning stress Processing trauma or abuse Support for harmful sexual behaviours (specialist work) Therapy is personalised. Whether you are single or in a relationship, the focus is on helping you feel confident, safe, and in control of your sexual and emotional life. Psychotherapy Versus Counselling The terms psychotherapy and counselling are often used interchangeably, but they are different. Choosing the wrong type can lead to disappointment if you expect one style and experience the other. COSRT defines them like this: Psychotherapy is usually longer-term. It explores the deeper roots of emotional, relational, or sexual difficulties. This may include past experiences, attachment patterns, and beliefs about yourself, others, and sexuality. Psychotherapy looks at the underlying causes of difficulties rather than just managing symptoms. Counselling is usually shorter-term and more structured. It focuses on the here and now and sets goals for your sessions. Counselling often involves learning practical tools and techniques to manage challenges, cope with difficult emotions, or develop healthier behaviours. Both approaches are valuable. The right choice depends on your needs and what you want to focus on in therapy. Finding a Qualified Sex Therapist Unfortunately, the titles “sex therapist” and “psychosexual therapist” are not legally regulated in the UK. This means anyone can call themselves a sex therapist after minimal training. To make sure you are receiving safe, evidence-based support, it is important to choose a therapist who is properly accredited. Trusted registers include: United Kingdom COSRT – College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists. The main accredited register for psychosexual and relationship therapists in the UK. https://www. cosrt. org. uk United States AASECT – American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Accredits sex therapists, educators, and counsellors in the US. https://www. aasect. org Canada CASAT – Canadian Association for Sexuality Educators, Counsellors, and Therapists. Accredited sex therapists and counsellors across Canada. https://www. caset. ca Australia SAS – The Society of Australian Sexologists. Maintains an accredited register of qualified sex therapists. https://societyaustraliansexologists. org. au/ Europe (general) EFSRT – European Federation of Sexology and Sex Therapy. Works with national associations to accredit therapists across Europe. https://www. efsrt. eu If private therapy is not affordable, your NHS GP can refer you for a limited number of free sessions. Some charities and community organisations also offer reduced-fee support. A Final, Reminder Sexual and relationship difficulties are normal. They are common and human. You are not broken. Psychosexual therapy is a space where you can explore yourself, understand your needs, and work towards more fulfilling sexual and emotional connections. Whether you are single or in a relationship, therapy can help you feel more confident, empowered, and in tune with your sexuality. --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating Creepy men who send unsolicited dick pics shouldn’t get away with it Scott Free! This amazing woman came up with the ultimate response, so you can watch them beg for help and maybe just maybe reconsider doing it to some other poor person! Creepy men who send unsolicited dick pics shouldn’t get away with it Scott Free! This amazing woman came up with the ultimate response, so you can watch them beg for help and maybe just maybe reconsider doing it to some other poor person! Simply copy below and edit depending on the app! (I store mine in my notes) This is an automated message generated by the Instagram team. Your image has been found to be a violation of 42 U. S. C. § 1283 (2020). An image you sent has been scanned by our AI Bot and was flagged as an unsolicited picture. Your account is scheduled to be reported to the police. Our bot is currently in BETA testing; sometimes it makes mistakes. If you believe this message was in error, reply ‘HELP’ Otherwise, you will be contacted by your local authorities within 24hrs. The Law On Unsolicited Dick Pics it was announced by the Home Office last year that they are taking preliminary steps toward criminalizing “online flashing. ” In its “Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG)” report, the Home Office proposed 10 commitments it believes will help protect women and girls in the UK — and it’s backed with more than £100 million in funding over the next five years. By law, it’s considered “indecent exposure” to flash your naked body on the street — and it shouldn’t be any different online. In the UK, 41% of women aged 18 to 36 have reportedly received non-consensual sexual images. Earlier this year, “upskirting,” or taking sexually intrusive photos under people’s clothing without their consent, became a criminal offence in the UK thanks to Gina Martin. Now, perpetrators will face up to two years in prison and be placed on the Sex Offenders Register. Don’t forget to check out the other articles on our sex-positive blog, or even check out our cliterally the best podcast! --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex Positivity Practical guide to sex-positive parenting from a psychosexual therapist. Learn how to teach consent, body autonomy, and healthy sexuality to children of all ages. Sex-positive parenting isn't about having "the talk" when your kid hits puberty and hoping for the best. It's about weaving age-appropriate conversations about bodies, consent, pleasure, and relationships into everyday life from when they're tiny. It's about creating a home environment where questions about sex and bodies are met with the same straightforward honesty as questions about anything else. And before you panic, sex-positive parenting absolutely doesn't mean exposing children to inappropriate content or sexualising childhood. It means the exact opposite: giving children accurate, age-appropriate information that protects them, helps them understand their bodies, and sets them up for healthy relationships throughout their lives. What Does Sex-Positive Parenting Actually Mean? Sex-positive parenting is an approach that treats sexuality as a normal, healthy part of being human rather than something shameful that needs to be hidden away. It's about: Teaching accurate anatomical terms from the start Normalising conversations about bodies and how they work Teaching consent as a fundamental life skill Helping children develop body autonomy and confidence Providing age-appropriate, medically accurate information Creating an environment where questions are welcomed, not shut down Challenging harmful messages children receive from peers, media, and society This approach doesn't push sexuality onto children. Instead, it responds to their natural curiosity with honesty while respecting their developmental stage. A three-year-old asking where babies come from needs a completely different answer than a thirteen-year-old asking the same question, and sex-positive parenting recognises this. The goal is simple: raise children who understand their bodies, respect boundaries (their own and others'), can communicate about their needs and feelings, and eventually develop into adults with healthy, shame-free attitudes towards sexuality and relationships. Why Traditional Approaches to "The Talk" Don't Work Most of us grew up with sex education that was either non-existent, deeply awkward, or focused almost entirely on fear. Pregnancy and STIs were presented as the worst possible outcomes of sex (rather than, you know, lack of consent or coercion), and pleasure was rarely mentioned at all. This approach has some pretty significant problems: It's too little, too late. By the time parents get around to having "the talk," children have often already absorbed loads of misinformation from peers, stumbled across porn online, or formed their own (often inaccurate) ideas about how bodies and sex work. It treats sex as a one-off conversation rather than an ongoing dialogue. Childhood and adolescence involve constant development and new questions. A single conversation at age 12 isn't going to cover everything they need to know. It centres fear rather than knowledge and empowerment. When sex education focuses primarily on what can go wrong, it doesn't actually protect young people. It just makes them feel ashamed and less likely to seek help if they do encounter problems. It often ignores LGBTQ+ identities entirely. Traditional sex education frequently assumes everyone is cisgender and heterosexual, leaving queer young people without the information and support they need. It reinforces shame around bodies and pleasure. When we only discuss sex in hushed, embarrassed tones and frame it as something dangerous, we teach children that their bodies and their feelings about their bodies are shameful. Sex-positive parenting offers a completely different approach: ongoing, age-appropriate conversations that build on each other, treat bodies and sexuality as natural, and empower children with accurate information. The Foundation: Teaching Anatomically Correct Terms This is genuinely one of the most important things you can do for your child's safety and wellbeing, and it starts from infancy. Using proper anatomical terms (vulva, vagina, penis, testicles, anus) rather than euphemisms like "bits," "private parts," "moo moo," or "front bottom" serves several crucial purposes: Child safety. If a child needs to disclose abuse, they need the vocabulary to do so clearly. "He touched my flower" or "She hurt my cookie" doesn't provide enough specific information for adults to understand what's happened. There are heartbreaking cases where abuse investigations were delayed or hindered because children didn't have the words to explain what had happened to them. Medical communication. If your child has pain, itching, or another health concern, they need to be able to tell you (and healthcare providers) exactly where the problem is. "My vulva is itchy" is clear. "My private parts feel funny" leaves adults guessing. Reducing shame. When we give children's genitals special euphemistic names that we don't use for other body parts, we send the message that these parts are different, shameful, or taboo. We don't call elbows "bendy bits" or noses "smelly holes. " Why do genitals need cute nicknames? Body literacy. Understanding their anatomy helps children develop a positive relationship with their bodies. It's the foundation for later learning about puberty, sexual health, and reproduction. Start using these terms from infancy during nappy changes and bath time: "I'm going to clean your vulva now" or "Let's wash your penis. " It feels awkward at first if you didn't grow up hearing these words used naturally, but it quickly becomes completely normal. By the time your child is verbal, they'll use these terms as naturally as they say "arm" or "tummy. " Yes, this might lead to some amusing moments when your toddler loudly announces "I have a vulva! " in the supermarket queue, but that's a small price to pay for raising children without genital shame. Teaching Consent From the Very Beginning Consent isn't just about sex. It's a fundamental life skill that affects every interaction we have with other... --- - Categories: Sex 101, Sexual Health & Contraception, Sexuality & Gender Comprehensive LGBTQ+ safer sex guide covering STI prevention, barrier methods, PrEP, PEP, and inclusive sexual health information for all queer identities. Shame-free, evidence-based advice from UK and international LGBTQ+ health organisations. Traditional sex education wasn't designed with queer people in mind. Most of us sat through classes that assumed everyone was straight, cisgender, and having the exact same kind of sex which introduced confusion and sometimes shame from the offset. This guide is here to fill in the gaps. Not everything will apply to your specific situation, but there's useful information here for everyone in the LGBTQ+ community. Here's how to keep yourself and your partners safe, healthy, and informed. Safer Sex for People with Penises Whether you're having sex with other people who have penises or with partners of any gender, here's what you need to know about protection. Barrier Methods Condoms are your most reliable protection. Use them during anal sex, oral sex, and even on shared sex toys to protect against most STIs, including HIV. Internal (receptive) anal sex carries the highest risk for HIV transmission, which is why consistent condom use is so crucial. External condoms are highly effective when used correctly every time. For oral-anal contact (rimming), dental dams create a barrier between your mouth and your partner's anus. These thin latex or polyurethane sheets protect both of you from STIs. Can't find dental dams in shops? You can make one from a condom by cutting off the tip and ring, then cutting down one side to create a flat sheet. HIV Prevention Regular testing keeps you and your partners informed. The NHS recommends testing every three to six months if you're sexually active with multiple or new partners. PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) is a game-changer for HIV prevention. This daily pill is now available on the NHS and stops HIV from establishing infection in your body. When taken as prescribed, PrEP is over 99% effective at preventing HIV from sex. PrEP takes about seven days to reach maximum protection for receptive anal sex and up to 20 days for receptive vaginal sex. PEP (Post-Exposure Prophylaxis) is emergency medication you can take within 72 hours after a possible HIV exposure. The sooner you take it, the better it works. Contact your local sexual health clinic, A&E, or call 111 immediately if you think you've been exposed to HIV. Important: PrEP and PEP only protect against HIV. You still need condoms to prevent other STIs like syphilis, gonorrhoea, and chlamydia. Safer Sex for People with Vulvas Whether you're having sex with other people who have vulvas or with partners of any gender, protection matters. Barrier Methods Sharing sex toys is a common way to spread STIs. Put a fresh condom on toys before sharing them, and wash thoroughly between uses. If you're switching the toy between partners, change the condom. Dental dams work brilliantly for oral-vulval sex and rimming. Place the dam flat over the vulva or anus before oral contact. You can add water-based lube to the receiving side for better sensation. Hold it firmly in place and don't flip it over mid-use. For penetrative sex with fingers or hands, you can use latex or nitrile gloves if you or your partner has cuts, sores, or skin conditions. Trim your nails and file any sharp edges to prevent internal cuts. STI Testing The myth that people with vulvas who have sex with other people with vulvas don't need STI testing is just that: a myth. Research shows that over half of lesbian and bisexual women have never been tested for STIs, but infections like herpes, gonorrhoea, and syphilis can absolutely be transmitted through oral sex and shared toys. Get tested every six months or after unprotected sex with a new partner. This applies whether you're in a relationship or not. HIV Prevention Anyone can contract HIV, regardless of their anatomy. While transmission rates are lower for receptive vaginal sex compared to receptive anal sex, the risk is real. If you have sex with people who have penises and people who have vulvas, regular testing and considering PrEP are important options to discuss with a healthcare provider. Safer Sex for Trans and Non-Binary People Body-Inclusive Safer Sex Your safer sex approach depends on your body, not your gender identity. If you have a penis, follow the guidance for penile safer sex. If you have a vulva, follow vulval safer sex guidance. If you've had gender-affirming surgery, work with your healthcare provider to understand any specific considerations. Hormone therapy can affect your sexual health in various ways. Testosterone can increase sex drive and may cause vaginal dryness, making water-based lube helpful. Oestrogen can change your sex drive and erectile function. These are normal changes to discuss with your provider. Accessing Services You deserve respectful, affirming healthcare. NHS sexual health services are committed to providing inclusive care for trans and non-binary people. If you experience discrimination or misgendering, you have every right to complain through the NHS complaints procedure. Many areas have trans-specific sexual health clinics or LGBTQ+ community health services that provide more specialized care. Organizations like Terrence Higgins Trust and LGBT Foundation can help you find local services. For People of All Genders Having Sex with Partners of Any Gender If you're bi, pan, poly, or your relationships don't fit neat categories, the same principles apply: use barrier methods, get tested regularly (every three to six months or after new partners), and don't forget about contraception if pregnancy is a possibility. Contraception and STI prevention are separate. Methods like the pill, implant, or IUD prevent pregnancy but don't... --- - Categories: Toys & Pleasure Learn how to properly clean your sex toys with this shame-free guide. From silicone to glass, get expert tips on toy hygiene, common mistakes, and keeping your intimate items infection-free. Sex toys deserve as much love and care as the pleasure they bring us. Regular cleaning isn't just about hygiene (though that's bloody important). It's about respecting your body, extending the life of your toys, and keeping infections like UTIs and STIs well away from your intimate bits. As a psychosexual therapist, I see far too many people dealing with avoidable infections simply because they didn't know how to properly care for their toys. The good news? Cleaning your sex toys doesn't need to be complicated or scary. Once you know the basics, it becomes as routine as brushing your teeth (but please don't use the same brush for both). With so many different materials used to create these wonderful pleasure tools, it can feel overwhelming to figure out what needs boiling, what needs gentle washing, and what absolutely should never see the inside of your dishwasher. Let's break it all down in a way that actually makes sense. Why Toy Hygiene Actually Matters Your genitals, regardless of what configuration you're working with, are sensitive ecosystems with their own pH balance and bacterial flora. Whether you have a vulva, penis, or any other genital anatomy, introducing bacteria or irritants can quickly lead to infections, discomfort, and a whole lot of not-fun medical appointments. Vulva owners are particularly susceptible to UTIs and bacterial vaginosis because of the proximity of the urethra to the vaginal opening. But everyone can develop infections, irritation, or STIs from improperly cleaned toys. Think of it this way: you wouldn't eat off a dirty plate, so why would you use a dirty toy on or in your body? Your pleasure deserves better than that. How Often Should You Actually Clean Your Toys? Here's the simple rule: clean your toys before and after every single use. Yes, every time. I know it's tempting to just throw your toy in the drawer after you've had that lovely orgasm and your brain has turned to happy mush, but future you will thank present you for taking those extra two minutes. If you're using toys on different parts of your body during the same session, clean them between each area. For example, if you're moving a toy from your mouth to your vagina, or from vagina to anus, it needs a proper clean in between. Cross-contamination is real, and bacteria from one area absolutely should not be introduced to another. For people sharing toys with partners, cleaning between users is non-negotiable. Even if you're fluid-bonded and have unprotected sex, STIs and infections can still transfer via sex toys. When in doubt, use a condom on shared toys or give them a thorough clean between uses. Common Mistakes People Make With Toy Cleaning Let's talk about where people go wrong, because honestly, some of these mistakes are incredibly common and totally avoidable. 1. Not Cleaning Your Toy When It First Arrives I get it. You've just received your exciting new toy and you want to use it immediately. But here's the thing: these toys have been handled during manufacturing and packaging, can have remnants of machinery oil, and might be covered in dust or factory residue. Sex toys are not required to be sold sterile. Your genitals are sensitive organs with delicate pH balances. Whatever's on that toy can throw everything off balance and cause irritation or infection. Always give new toys a thorough clean before their maiden voyage. 2. Not Checking Whether Your Toy Is Waterproof Most modern toys are waterproof or water-resistant, but not all of them. Before you go boiling your new vibrator or taking it into the bath, check the packaging or manufacturer's website. Submersing a non-waterproof toy can destroy the motor, corrode the battery compartment, and basically kill your toy stone dead. Nothing is more heartbreaking than breaking a perfectly good sex toy through enthusiastic but misguided cleaning. 3. Not Drying Your Sex Toys Properly Water plus enclosed spaces equals bacteria party. If you pop your toy away while it's still damp, you're creating a cosy breeding ground for all sorts of nasties you definitely don't want near your bits. After cleaning, dry your toys thoroughly with a clean towel or let them air dry completely before storing them. This is especially important for toys with texture, ridges, or any nooks and crannies where water can hide. 4. Using Scented Soaps, Household Products or Bleach Your toys are going in and around your genitals. Harsh chemicals, scented soaps, and household cleaners can leave residue that your body will absorb, potentially causing irritation, allergic reactions, or infections. Stick to mild, unscented soap or dedicated toy cleaners. Your vulva, penis, or anus will thank you for not introducing unnecessary chemicals into an already sensitive area. 5. Treating All Materials The Same Way Different materials require different cleaning methods. Porous materials need extra attention because bacteria can hide in those tiny gaps. Non-porous materials are generally easier to sterilize completely. Treating them all the same is a recipe for inadequate cleaning or damaged toys. The Material Matters How To Clean Silicone, Glass & Pyrex Toys These are the holy trinity of sex toy materials. They're non-porous (meaning bacteria can't hide in tiny gaps), body-safe, and relatively easy to clean thoroughly. For non-motorised, non-porous silicone, glass, or Pyrex toys: Boil them in water for 3-5 minutes for complete sterilization Alternatively, wash thoroughly with hot water and mild unscented soap Some can... --- - Categories: Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure The G-spot has been surrounded by mystery, debate, and a fair bit of pressure for decades. But here’s the real tea — it’s not a magical button, hidden gland, or separate body part waiting to be “found.” The G-spot has been surrounded by mystery, debate, and a fair bit of pressure for decades. But here’s the real tea - it’s not a magical button, hidden gland, or separate body part waiting to be “found. ” The G-spot is actually a pleasure zone located on the anterior wall of the vagina (that’s the front wall, just a few centimetres inside). What we often call the G-spot is where the internal part of the clitoris meets the urethral sponge and the Skene’s glands - all rich in nerve endings and sensitive erectile tissue. When stimulated, this area can feel intensely pleasurable for some people and less so for others. Everyone’s anatomy and preferences are beautifully unique! So Why Does G-Spot Stimulation Feel So Good? Because this area is closely connected to the internal clitoral network, stimulation often activates the same nerves as external clitoral pleasure. That’s why some people can reach orgasm through penetration alone — the movement or pressure inside the vagina indirectly stimulates the clitoris. For others, it may not feel especially good, and that’s completely normal too. Pleasure isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience, and there’s no “right” way to orgasm. The Link Between the G-Spot and Squirting You may have heard that the G-spot is responsible for female ejaculation or squirting — and you wouldn’t be entirely wrong. The Skene’s glands (sometimes called the female prostate) can release fluid through the urethra when this area is stimulated. But again, not everyone squirts, and not every orgasm involves it. What matters most is curiosity, communication, and comfort — exploring what feels good for you without expectation or shame. Learn More About Squirting and Pleasure Head to the Sex Positive Podcast to listen to Lola Jean talk to me about Squirting! --- - Categories: Sex 101, Sexual Health & Contraception Without taking up too much of your time, the short story is that it is possible to get pregnant from pre-cum. But let's go through some more of the specifics. On average, 27 in 100 people will get pregnant each year when using the withdrawal/ “pull out” method, this is either due to human error (not pulling out quick enough) or from ‘Pre-cum’. You can see how effective other contraceptive methods are here. It’s also important to note that this method doesn’t protect you from STIs as well as pregnancy, so it’s important if you're using this method, it's with a long-term partner. What Is Pre-Cum? Pre-cum is a lubricant produced by a gland in the penis and it’s released before ejaculation. Pre-cum itself doesn’t have any sperm in it, but semen can stay in the urethra after a previous ejaculation and mix with pre-cum when it comes out of the penis. The Stats A 2016 study found sperm present in the pre-cum of nearly 17% of its participants and another study (2011) found sperm in 37% of pre-cum samples given by 27 people. Can I Control Pre-Cum? You can't control when pre-cum comes out. It’s an involuntary function and even if you pull out right before you climax, pre-cum is still likely to enter the vagina. If you do use it, then it may be helpful to have emergency contraception handy in your medicine cabinet. On top of this, make sure you are tracking your cycles to help decrease the chances of pregnancy – this only works for those with regular cycles. Read more about contraceptive options here. --- - Categories: Sex Positivity, Sexuality & Gender - Tags: Toxic Masculinity If you would’ve asked me 10 years ago what being sex-positive meant or even what toxic masculinity is, I’d probably say “I’m totally sex-positive, bro. I live to fuck” and ask for a high-five while being wrong and proving I was affected by it at the same time. If you would’ve asked me 10 years ago what being sex-positive meant or even what toxic masculinity is, I’d probably say “I’m totally sex-positive, bro. I live to fuck” and ask for a high-five while being wrong and proving I was affected by it at the same time. Most of you know me for who I am now which is completely different from who I was in the past. This is a story of unlearning and analysis of myself along with the world around me. I can’t start this story without talking about how I grew up as someone oblivious to the fact that my gender perception/identity functioned as a prison. Let’s hop into that time machine and go back to where I grew up in a predominately white all-boys private school. It was a breeding ground for problematic individuals to say the least. We’d all laugh when we read the word “breasts” in our very heteronormative abstinence-based Sex Education class. 98% of our humour was sexist, homophobic, and racist at times due to being in our echo chamber of ignorant privilege. Everyone played some sort of sport which felt like religion to most and to be considered intelligent meant having good grades in science and math as opposed to art and music. No one kept us in line or told us we were wrong. We had this pack mentality and no one dared to be too different at risk of ridicule. People would laugh when someone cried. Feelings meant you could be a target for jokes and harassment. This is what it meant to all of us to be boys. I’m giving you a summary and already this is one hell of a venomous recipe for disaster. My narrative was different from the rest of my classmates. My upbringing at home wasn’t peaceful. My mom was abusive to me for 7 years to the point social services intervened and I was put into therapy at age 13. I never spoke about it with my friends nor did I even register it as something that saved my life. I kept all my pain and feelings to myself until I graduated. There was never any bullying and I was well-liked by everyone, yet I was dragging around this emotional weight. Things did get better when I was 16. I discovered art and I even fell in love with a girl. We ended up together for close to 5 years. My god, I even joined a robotics team to see her for 2 days at some random competition. We see science worked out well with me. The boys made fun of me because I sent her a massive bouquet to her school one random Wednesday afternoon, but I was happy. For the first time at 17 years old I felt love in all that toxic chaos I grew up in. Once I graduated and got accepted into art school, that’s when everything started to change and I began to learn who I was. My girlfriend and I had our sexual debut and I was awkward as hell. 3. 5 seconds, baby. Despite being sexually active, we never really had that talk about what we enjoyed. We kind of followed what we saw on TV and on the big screens. There was no social media or easy-to-access resources if any of us had questions. It wasn’t like we weren’t happy or didn’t enjoy each other, but we never communicated our desires and interests regarding physical intimacy. Sex positivity wasn’t even a concept yet in my brain. Now I find that incredibly odd and wouldn’t be with someone if we weren’t able to speak about it properly. Fine arts is where I met the real world. I was the minority meaning I was one of the only guys there. Meeting people from different backgrounds and sexualities was a shock for me. My colleagues talking about casual hookups and multiple partners was insane to me in a good way. They’re real people like you and me and not these caricatures we see in mainstream media. Most importantly this new environment was open and nurturing. No ridicule or judgement. People were expressing and discovering themselves at the same time. Listening to everyone talk allowed me to be more self-aware. It planted the little seeds of understanding that I came from a hyper-privileged place. I caught on and began to open up too and ask myself questions about who I am and who I wanted to be. Elements of high school began to be clear that it was toxic and wrong. All of a sudden, I had confidence. It’s a small step, but I even was trying new clothing. I was trying to find my voice and testing things out. I had no idea what I was doing if you look back at old pictures of myself, but it was all part of the process of growing up. Being two years into all of this, I still was making mistakes. My ability to express myself did improve, but I would still hold things back and shut off. My girlfriend couldn’t get to me and I’d push her away because I thought I was being strong. I didn’t want to cry and I didn’t want to see crying. My therapist had to help me get through this because, by shutting off and shutting down my sensitive side, I... --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex 101 What is Aftercare? ‘Aftercare’ is a term that stems from the BDSM community, however it is beneficial to all types of sexual activities! What is Aftercare? ‘Aftercare’ is a term that stems from the BDSM community, however, it is beneficial to all types of sexual activities! This is not an explanation for the BDSM Aftercare practice, simply how we can take the idea and use it in day-to-day sex. Traditionally, it can refer to having a cuddle and both of you checking in verbally and making sure you’re feeling okay. However, it can take the form of whatever you and your sexual partner need. Here are some examples, but of course, it's totally up to you and your partner: A little post-sex cuddle. Listen to some music together (create a post-sex playlist). Get each other snacks and water. A de-brief on how the sex went. Joint clean-up session. Watch some TV. Whatever you choose remember the main purpose is to increase intimacy and bring you back down to earth in a safe way! What is Post-Coital Dysphoria? This is something that can be reduced with a good bit of aftercare! Whether you feel insecure or a random release of shame, it’s not uncommon to find yourself feeling sad after sex (especially casual arrangements) - and that’s okay, it also has a name! Post-coital dysphoria refers to feelings of melancholy, anxiety or guilt following sex. Even if you are having a one-night thing or something casual, it’s still important to look after the other person(s), we all want to feel safe during sex! How can I discuss Aftercare? Like with most things in life, sexual or non-sexual it's always good to chat about it. Communication is key and it can sometimes be awkward bringing it up the first time! One way you could bring up aftercare is simply asking them if they've heard of it! If they haven't it's a great way to discuss it and how it can reduce that not-so-nice feeling some people get afterwards. Another way could be saying "After sex, especially casual sex, sometimes I feel a bit down if I don't take a minute with my partner to process". If your partner(s) doesn't respect this, then it's pretty clear they're not the one to be getting sexy with! --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure Masturbation is of course a great solo activity and it should always be included in your self-love routine, but why not do it with some one else? Masturbation is of course a great solo activity and it should always be included in your self-love routine, but why not do it with someone else? Personally, mutual masturbation is one of my favourite sex positions, (yes it's not just penetration that's sex) as it super intimate and you both are guaranteed an orgasm! What is 'Mutual Masturbation'? Mutual masturbation is when you both touch yourselves together. For some, it may require some vulnerability as you may be sharing something that up until now has been just for you, but it's a great way of increasing intimacy in the bedroom! What are the benefits of 'Mutual Masturbation'? If you need of a reason to try this, then let me reel them off: It's a great way of inspiring fantasies for later solo sessions. Masturbation in general is great for your health, reduces stress, clears your skin and can even improve your heart health! It can be great if you're stuck for time and need a quickie, or feeling a little lazy. As said before, it can increase intimacy big time - try staring at each other while you climax. Remember, it's okay to be nervous. Maybe you think your masturbating technique is slightly weird (there is no wrong way to get off btw) or you feel embarrassed or scared. It's totally normal. But remember if you feel comfortable and you wanna try something new, you have nothing to lose! How Do I Get Started? The best way to try something new is to talk about it, maybe ask if your partners tried it before or whether it would turn them on and if they'd like to try it. Once consent is established, start by kissing and when you're both turned on start touching each other and slowly move their hand onto their own and begin. Verbal communication is great for maintaining consent and checking in. It's also super hot, turn up the heat by dirty talking or simply asking if it feels good. Make sure you're maintaining contact for as long as you can - it may feel a lil' silly at first but there's nothing wrong with a giggle in bed! Some popular positions are side by side & at opposite ends of the bed facing each other, legs spread. Keep it going until you both climax/have had enough. Once you've done it a few times you and your partner will have established the best positions and ways you guys prefer to initiate, the main thing is to make sure you're having fun and getting that pleasure you deserve! --- - Categories: Kink & BDSM, Toys & Pleasure Everything you need to know about anal beads: what they are, how to use them safely, why they feel amazing, and tips for beginners. Shame-free, evidence-based guide to anal pleasure. A Rosary for Your Rosy Cheeks Butt plugs tend to get all the attention when it comes to anal play, but anal beads are often left out of the conversation. Which is a shame, because anal beads are the unsung hero of backdoor adventures. They can feel amazing for some of us, but most of us aren't sure how to use them or why they might feel good. Let's change that. This is your complete, shame-free, pun-filled guide to anal beads. String Theory (Butt for Your Bum) Anal beads are exactly what they sound like: a series of beads (usually spherical or round shapes) attached together on a flexible string, cord, or stem, with a handle or loop at one end for easy removal. They come in all different lengths, sizes, and materials. Some have beads that gradually increase in size (graduated beads), others have uniform beads, and some even have different textures or shapes. How Are They Different from Butt Plugs? Unlike plugs, which are designed to stay in place and provide a feeling of fullness and gentle pressure, beads are typically meant to be inserted and then gently removed at the right moment. Anal beads come in a variety of lengths and create pleasurable sensations through movement as they are slowly inserted or removed. This can create a rhythmic, wave-like sensation that some find intensely pleasurable. Think of it this way: butt plugs are like wearing a weighted blanket, anal beads are like getting a massage. Both feel good, just in different ways. Why Do Anal Beads Feel Good? The anal opening and sphincter muscles are absolutely packed with sensitive nerve endings. We're talking thousands of them concentrated in a small area. Here's the brilliant part: you don't have to go very deep to experience pleasure. For many people, even light stimulation around the entrance can be enough to create enjoyable sensations. This sensitivity is part of what makes anal play so unique and exciting to explore. The Science of Anal Pleasure Your anus has two sphincter muscles (external and internal) that are full of nerve endings. When anal beads are gently inserted and removed, they create pleasurable sensations as each bead passes through these muscles. Many people describe it as waves of pleasure, a rhythmic sensation that builds with each bead. The movement of beads stimulates these nerve endings in a graduated way. As each bead passes through the sphincter, there's a moment of gentle stretching followed by release. This on-and-off stimulation can be incredibly pleasurable. Blended Orgasms If you have a vulva, anal beads can intensify clitoral or vaginal orgasms when stimulated at the same time. The vagina and anus share a thin wall of tissue, so stimulating both areas simultaneously can create what's known as a "blended orgasm. " Many people report that this feels more intense and full-body than stimulation of just one area. If you have a prostate, anal beads can provide indirect prostate stimulation depending on their size and how far they're inserted. While they're not specifically designed for prostate play (that's what prostate massagers are for), some people find that beads hit the spot just right. Types of Anal Beads Not all anal beads are created equal. Here's what's out there: Graduated Beads These start small and gradually increase in size. Perfect for beginners because you can warm up with the smaller beads at the beginning and work your way up to larger sensations at your own pace. One of the best things about graduated beads is that they usually come in graduated sizes, meaning you can start with the smaller beads to warm up before moving to the bigger ones. Uniform Beads All the beads are the same size. Great once you know what size feels good to you. Flexible Beads Connected by a flexible string or silicone. These move with your body and are generally more comfortable. Rigid Beads Connected by a firm core. These provide more direct stimulation and are easier to control during insertion and removal. Vibrating Beads Some anal beads come with vibration functions for extra stimulation. These can be especially nice if you enjoy vibration during other types of play. Ready to shop? Browse our curated discount codes for sex toys to find deals on anal beads and other pleasure products from body-safe, ethical retailers. Materials Matter Just like with any sex toy, the material of your anal beads matters for safety, comfort, and hygiene. Body-Safe Materials (The Good Stuff) Silicone: Non-porous, easy to clean, flexible, and body-safe. This is your best bet for anal beads. Just don't use silicone lube with silicone toys as it can degrade the material. Glass: Non-porous, can be warmed or cooled for temperature play, easy to sterilize. Beautiful and body-safe. Stainless Steel: Non-porous, temperature-responsive, weighted, and easy to clean. Smooth and cool to the touch. Looking for quality anal beads? Check out our sex-positive discount codes to save money on body-safe toys from reputable retailers. Materials to Avoid Jelly, PVC, Rubber: These are porous materials that can harbour bacteria even after cleaning. They can also contain phthalates, which are potentially harmful chemicals. If you have beads made from these materials, always use a condom over them. String or Rope: Old-school anal beads were just plastic beads on a string. These are incredibly difficult to clean properly and can harbour bacteria. Skip these entirely. How to Use Anal Beads: A... --- - Categories: Toys & Pleasure Low-quality sex toys use problematic materials like PVC and plastic softeners like phthalates and for every $1million of sex toys sold, Womanizer estimates 40 tons of plastics are produced. We’re becoming more and more earth-conscious and it’s important to think about this in terms of our sex lives. Low-quality sex toys use problematic materials like PVC and plastic softeners like phthalates and for every $1million of sex toys sold, Womanizer estimates 40 tons of plastics are produced. They also estimate that 108,000 tons of plastic are produced for the sex toy industry each year. Unfortunately, most plastics currently end up in the waste stream – landfills and oceans. The Womanizer Premium Eco helps us move towards eco-friendly sex toys, although it comes with a higher price tag, with its easy replaceable rechargeable battery, it will last a lot longer than the other toys in your bedside drawer! So how is the Premium Eco reducing its impact on the environment? How Exactly Is It an ‘Eco Sex Toy’? This lil’ clit sucker uses Biolene material – a bioplastic made from 70% of natural materials (mainly corn starch), making it biodegradable and recyclable, unlike most toys that are made from ABS plastic. Replaceable & rechargeable battery – this means it will be your go-to toy until you decide, not till it gives up. Can be easily taken apart – making it super easy to make sure each part of the toy is recycled correctly. The charging cable is 50% shorter – and uses 50% less material than our standard cable. 100% organic packaging – plastic-free, FSC paper, a 100% organic cotton pouch and they donate one tree for every purchase through One Tree Planted. Oh, there’s more... – Galvanised parts, no complete silicone sheathing and a shortened manual using less paper. It’s important to note that due to the battery being easily dissembled and no plastic sealant the toy is only splashproof, not waterproof- a small price to pay to reduce your footprint I think! My Thoughts I’m a massive fan of toys using air-pulse technology and I was curious to see if it was as powerful as the others I own – it did not disappoint! In case you did not know this, Womanizer was actually the first brand ever that used air pulsation, their so-called Pleasure Air Technology, to stimulate the clitoris. The only thing I would like to see is a non-silicone tip, but I can understand why they did choose this, as Biolene isn’t as silky smooth – hopefully, technology can change this soon! How To Use The Womanizer Premium Eco The Premium Eco is similar to other clitoral suction toys in terms of use, however, I couldn’t quite believe how quiet it was! I also love how it only turns on when it touched your skin. This is called the “Smart Silence Technology” and works as a touch sensor. If you haven’t used a clit sucker before, simply place it over that area and fiddle around with the settings. It can take a few attempts to hit your clit, but when you do, you’ll know. Oh boy, you’ll know Discover all of my sex toy discounts & more sex-positive blog articles today. --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Reproductive Health & Fertility, Toys & Pleasure OhNut was designed with renowned clinicians to help with painful sex. It is a soft, stretchy, skin-like buffer that sits at the base of the penis to stop it going too deep! Sex can be uncomfortable or painful for several reasons, but often it’s a side effect of conditions like Endometriosis, PCOS, Adenomyosis, Gender Affirmation Surgery (M to F), Vaginismus, Cancer or trauma. Our lovely Canadian friend @amanda. haswell (from our Endo Podcast Episode! ) introduced us to this wonderful product Ohnut ! ! OhNut was designed with renowned clinicians to help with painful sex. It is a soft, stretchy, skin-like buffer that sits at the base of the penis to stop it from going too deep! It comes with 4 rings that can be used individually or stacked together to adjust the depth of the penetration – without sacrificing the pleasure of you or your partner. How Does Ohnut Work? You can get started with Ohnut in 4 simple steps: 1. Order using our discount code: CLITERALLYTHEBEST for $7 off! 2. Choose your number of rings to start with 3. Stretch and place them onto the base of the penis 4. Get down to business! You can adjust the depth as you go without losing sensation for either of you. It really is that simple! Let us know how you get on with your Ohnut and if it worked for you! Don’t forget to check out the rest of the sex-positive blog and our Sex-Positive Podcast! --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Period Health, Reproductive Health & Fertility Learn all about Endometriosis & Adenomyosis with my beautiful Canadian friend, Amanda Haswell, founder of I Know Endo! What Is Endometriosis? What exactly IS Endometriosis?  It’s complex.  It’s the presence of endometrial-like tissue on or in unexpected places in the body. It still takes years to be diagnosed and addressed. It affects our physical and mental wellness and our entire lives in general! It’s found in extra-pelvic locations such as the lungs, lymph nodes and even the brain. It can infiltrate organs fusing them together, which is as scary and as dangerous as it sounds. In other words, it’s a complex full-body disease that has been known for quite some time but still lacks basic understanding. We smile through excruciating pain every single day. This disease rocks us to the absolute core. Despite the common assumption that Endo only affects women of childbearing age, it actually affects people of all ages, children included. Not all menstruators are women either, so it's important to make an active effort to use inclusive language! Due to the long-standing systemic racism within the healthcare system, Black and Indigenous human beings experience further delayed diagnosis of Endometriosis and further stigma related to the colour of their skin, especially women. It’s absolutely unacceptable, and it’s happening right here in Canada, and around the globe. Iknowendo is aware of the ancient global acts of oppression on Black and Indigenous humans of colour, especially within the healthcare system. We want to help change it. Humans have actually been documenting Endo longer than anyone thought. Instead of believing patients were in pain throughout ancient history, they diagnosed them with hysteria. Similarly, Endo patients today have all heard “it must be in your head” or “you’re overreacting”. All while the leading theories on endometriosis have been embryonic, genetic, and otherwise ancient, meaning not only do they date back millennia; nobody causes or cures it without medical intervention to this day. It means modern medicine did not discover it, cure it, or effectively treat it either. Symptoms of Endometriosis Symptoms of Endometriosis include but are not limited to; pain that is unrelated to your period pain that radiates to the back and thighs headaches fatigue painful periods abnormal periods heavy periods bloat nausea vomiting diarrhoea constipation painful bowel movements painful urination frequent urination painful orgasms painful penetration pain with other sexual activities infertility People with Endo often have comorbidities such as PCOS, Adenomyosis, Interstitial Cystitis, ovarian cysts, fibroids, vulvodynia, mental illness, and the list goes on and on. Treatment Options For Endometriosis To ‘treat’ Endometriosis, it must be excised via laparoscopic surgery by an experienced team of Endo specialists. But even that isn’t curative. It is, however, currently the highest standard of medical care an individual can get. But it’s not accessible to everyone. Some patients will require repeat surgical intervention, whether related to incomplete removal of disease or disease recurrence, we still don’t know for sure. It really is that complex. In short, a quick fix does not exist here. Hormone suppression does not treat Endo, even if the pill can offer some patients relief from debilitating symptoms; Endometriosis is not the endometrium. It means hormone suppression affects Endo differently than it does the endometrial lining because they are separate entities altogether. Most doctors will continue to push hormonal contraception when it offers no relief without considering the long-term effects, or that they’re allowing the biggest uncontrolled experiment on vulva owners in history to happen all while filling their wallets with each signed prescription. The reality is it changes our hormone's natural ability to function, and while there is a much-needed place for hormonal birth control in healthcare, it isn’t a treatment for Endometriosis. When it comes to treating an incurable disease, doctors still claim ancient myths like having a baby or a hysterectomy. Some doctors claim that diet alone, lifestyle changes or positive thinking will be enough. Avoiding trigger foods is individualized so someone with bowel Endo might feel pain with anything they eat, regardless of its nutritional value. We can change every part of our lives and ourselves and still need help because this disease isn’t about what we do or how we think. Putting pressure on us to ‘get better’ when we have a physical disease with no cure is arguably more harmful than the disease itself. This contributes massively toward mental illness and societal mind/body disconnect. It’s the longest slap we could face, to be told repeatedly and for generations that we know nothing about our bodies, and it’s a disservice to us all. I believe that you’re in pain and I’m sorry it won’t go away. Conventional medicine doesn’t grant us awareness, if they did they’d have told us they knew nothing of the long-term effects a tiny pill could have on our physical and mental health 5, 10, or 20 years later. We’re only just beginning to unravel the long-term effects of hormone suppression, so it deserves to be talked about just as easy as it is to be prescribed the pill. To make informed decisions about our health, we must be informed. Alternative Treatment Options Cannabis CBD & THC have been documented to help ease symptoms of chronic pelvic pain and inflammation. Controversial as it is, I have been self-medicating for years. Does it take away my pain? No. Does it help me handle my pain better? Yes! You can smoke it, cook with it, swallow it in pill form or apply it topically in a lotion or body butter. There are even cannabis-infused suppositories used anally... --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Reproductive Health & Fertility, Sex 101, Sexual Health & Contraception by Kohe Lele The hymen… such an enigma revolves around this small part of a woman’s body. Is it a sign of virginity and does it have such an important meaning in some cultures? Let’s bust some myths and learn the real things about the hymen! The hymen... such an enigma revolves around this small part of your body. Is it a sign of virginity and does it have such important meaning in some cultures? Let’s bust some myths and learn the real things about the hymen! Mythology Hymen was the Greek god of marriage. The mythology tells the tale of a young, beautiful man that saved a group of women from danger. As a reward, he married one of the girls he secretly loved and they lived happily ever after. What is the hymen? The hymen is a membrane located at the opening of the vagina. In early fetal life (while the fetus is still inside the womb) the vagina is first formed as a solid tube. Over time, the vagina develops, turning into an empty tubular structure that has a thin membrane at the lower end, aka the hymen. This membrane may be ruptured in the first days of life. The membrane surrounds the vagina, having one or more small openings that partially cover the vaginal orifice. Some girls are born without a hymen. Up until now, researchers did not find any clear function for the hymen. Types of hymen There is no standard appearance of the hymen in people with vulvas. It can have various forms, such as hymen anularis, hymen cribriformis, hymen imperforatus and many more, depending on the coverage of the vaginal opening. The hymen thickens and increases in elasticity as puberty begins. Over time, further modifications happen due to hormonal changes, such as pregnancy, childbirth, ageing and menopause. Busted myths Myth #1: The hymen completely covers the vaginal orifice. False! The hymen surrounds the vaginal orifice. If it would completely cover it, menstruation wouldn’t be possible. Exception: There is a rare condition (birth defect), called Hymen imperforatus, where the hymen completely covers the vagina. It is usually diagnosed in adolescents during their first menstruation, when blood accumulates in the vagina and uterus. It is treated by the surgical incision of the hymen. Myth #2: The presence or absence of a hymen can determine if someone has ever had sex. False! There is no connection between the appearance of a hymen and prior sexual intercourse. The hymen can be ruptured in various contexts, such as sports, insertion of menstrual products and fingers, or surgical procedures. Myth #3: If a virgin bleeds during their first sexual intercourse, it means that their hymen was torn. False! The hymen has few blood vessels, therefore, even if torn, it would not bleed significantly. The presence of blood might be due to a lack of lubrication and forced penetration. Studies show that bleeding does not regularly happen during first penetrative sex. Myth #4: Vaginal examination of the hymen can determine whether sexual assault happened. False! Without any other type of evidence, no medical conclusion can be drawn just from the appearance of the hymen. Hymenal injuries usually heal fast, without leaving any sign of recent injury. Several studies about sexual assault survivors showed, that the hymen does not always have signs of damage as a result of forced penetration. Cultural practices In many cultures, the presence of the hymen is associated with virginity. This phenomenon is an important aspect for unmarried women and their families, as their honour and status are invested in their daughter’s virginity before the marriage. Women with a premarital rupture of the hymen are shamed, humiliated, abandoned and attacked, even “honour-killed”, since their families believe that their honour is disgraced. Even from the word “virgin”, which translates to “created for men” in Latin, we can see how some cultures believe in women’s subordination to men. Some brides, wanting to be sure they will bleed on their wedding night, approach a deceiving method. Often under their mother’s guidance, the brides would cut themselves on the thigh with a sharp fingernail. The cut will produce enough blood to stain the sheets and satisfy the tradition and maintain their family’s honour. Hymen reconstruction Hymen reconstruction, or re-virgination, is a controversial subject that still causes ethical and legal issues. Hymen reconstruction (hymenoplasty) is a form of gynaecological cosmetic surgery which aims to recreate the hymen. Some procedures go even further, as they include a gelatine capsule containing a blood-like substance. During penetration, the capsule breaks, simulating the after-intercourse bleeding. In some cultures, female rape victims or women having had pre-marital sex have this surgery to regain their reputation and personal virtue. Critical opinions on this procedure arose based on human rights, as surgery is a factor that continues discrimination against women. It creates this expectation of virginity in unmarried women while not in unmarried men. This approach may support the inequality of women and men, making it an offence to human rights. Many doctors do not agree with this procedure since it does not provide any medical benefits. They also have an ethical dilemma, due to the hymenoplasty being deceptive and discriminating against women. All the existing research proves that hymen has no functional biological purpose and its existence is most important to some cultures and honour. Unfortunately, the stigma around not having a hymen tear and bleed during the first intercourse strengthens the discrimination against women and the effect on human rights. This important piece is written by Camelia Brande. The blog post was written for the social enterprise Kohe Lele which is empowering a worldwide community through approachable sex education. Humorous, destigmatizing and positively... --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex 101, Sex Positivity Lots of us weren't unprepared for our first time, thanks to poor sex ed and just lots of silly myths in our social groups. It can often lead us to have mediocre and not that pleasurable sex for a long time! Lots of us weren’t prepared for our first time. Thanks to poor Sex Ed and just lots of silly myths in our social groups. It can often lead us to have mediocre and unpleasurable sex for a long time! When I use the term ‘sex‘, I am referring to ALL sexual activity, not just the P in V – because yes, it all counts and it's all valid. Oh, and if you haven’t been following me for long, virginity is 1000% a social construct and it completely invalidates any LGBT+ sex – more on that throughout the site. I took to Instagram this week to see exactly what you guys wish you knew before you began getting intimate with others. I've put them into a nice little list – enjoy! “It’s not something you need to ‘complete’ to be whole or an adult”. “It’s NOT meant to hurt when you have penetrative sex for the first time”. “Learn what you and your body like first”. “Lube will be your best friend for all kinds of sex and it isn’t just for those with moisture issues”. “It’s not as big of a deal as Catholic School made out”. “Sex is soo much more than penetration”. “Most vulvas cannot orgasm through penetration, you’re not broken”. “Sex is so much better with someone you trust”. “It’s okay to wait. ” “Not everyone is ready at the same time”. “You NEED to understand consent before you have sex”. “It’s okay if you never have sex”. “You are not responsible for someone’s actions are you say no”. “It’s not just something you do to please others, it should be a mutual experience”. “It’s okay to cry after you have sex”. “It’s okay to not like it the first time. ” “It’s not like the movies”. “PEE AFTER SEX”. “If they don’t respect your NO, they don’t deserve you or your body ever. ” “Sex is not a performance”. “You don’t have to do what you see in porn”. “It’s messy and pretty laughable most of the time”. “Queefs are normal, especially in the doggy”. “Clitoral stimulation is key (for most vulvas)”. “You can stop halfway through”. “You don’t ‘owe’ sex to anyone”. “You probably won’t orgasm the first time and that’s okay. ” “Pubic hair is not dirty”. Sex is your own experience, nobody else’s. There is no wrong way to have sex – remember that. --- - Categories: Toys & Pleasure Glass sex toys are not only super pretty, they can really maximise your pleasure! Find out how here. Glass sex toys are one of the prettiest looking pleasure sticks in my opinion. They come in many different colours and shapes and almost look like they should be used as decoration around the house! But what's the hype around these rock-hard toys apart from how elegant they look? Temperature Play So the main reason people use glass sex toys is for temperature play. This is a form of sensation play that is typically found in the BDSM community but of course, anyone can do it. Temperature play uses the sensation of hot and cold to intensify pleasure as different temps can feel nice on your skin/in your body and can even increase the chance of orgasm! It doesn't always have to be with glass toys but these are super sensitive to hot and cold. Do You Like It Hard? Glass sex toys can also be great for those who enjoy orgasms from hard structures. This firmness can also be great for stimulating the g-area or anal play! ONLY use glass toys for anal play if they have a flared base/stopper. How To Control The Temperature Of A Glass Sex Toy It's pretty simple. If you want to try the warm sensation of a glass toy, simply place it in a bowl of warm water (not boiling - OUCH) and if you want it cold, place it in the fridge for a half-hour or so! Which Lube Do I Use With Glass Sex Toys? The good news about glass sex toys is that they can be used with all kinds of lubes - the glass used is non-porous and cannot be broken down by lubricants. Of course, I recommend my water-based lube, especially for those with sensitive dangly bits. If you are going to use this in the shower, I recommend purchasing silicone lube. Cleaning Glass Sex Toys To clean your glass toy I recommend using an antibacterial toy cleaner, these will be much gentler on your bits while still cleaning them. You can grab a discount for some great stores that stock them & glass toys here. Another great thing about glass toys is they can withstand lots of heat, so putting them in the dishwasher is another way of making sure they are clean! --- - Categories: Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure - Tags: Lube Let’s get one thing straight: lube is not just for people who struggle to get naturally wet. It can be a game changer for everyone. Why Seriously, Everyone Should Be Using Lube Let’s get one thing straight: lube is not just for people who struggle to get naturally wet. It can be a game changer for everyone. Whether it is solo play, partnered sex, or anal, the right lube can elevate your pleasure, keep things comfortable, and make sex safer. Anal sex in particular benefits because the anus does not self-lubricate. Without it, things can get awkward, uncomfortable, and even risky. If someone ever told you lube was optional, you now know they were wrong. Types of Lube and Why It Matters Here is a breakdown of the main lube types, why each exists, and when they are best used. 1. Water Based Lube: The All-Rounder Works in almost every situation including anal, vaginal, toys, and with both latex and non latex condoms Gentle on sensitive skin, people with latex allergies, and those prone to vaginal irritation Easy to clean and does not stain sheets Needs reapplication, especially during shower sex or longer sessions Pro pick: Cliterally The Best’s Natural Aloe Lube is ideal for sensitive areas 2. Oil Based Lube: For Slow and Sensual Play Great for masturbation, massage, and water play Includes products like petroleum jelly and massage oils Not safe for latex condoms as they can break or dissolve Pro pick: YES Organics Plant Oil Lube is long lasting and free from harmful ingredients 3. Silicone Based Lube: Long Lasting Pleasure Requires minimal reapplication which is perfect for longer sessions Stays slick for a long time but can be harder to clean up Works well for shower sex or anywhere water would dilute other lubes Generally safe with latex and non latex condoms but not with silicone toys as it can damage them Pro pick: Pjur’s Bodyglide is a staple and lasts for hours Lube Compatibility Guide Here is a quick compatibility table so you can match the right lube to your toys and protection. Lube TypeSafe With... Not Safe With... Water BasedLatex and non latex condoms, silicone toys, glass or metal toys—Oil BasedSilicone toys, glass or metal toysLatex condomsSilicone BasedLatex and non latex condoms, glass or metal toysSilicone toys Using the right pairing avoids broken condoms, damaged toys, and uncomfortable clean ups. What Not to Use as Lube Some things might seem like they could work in a pinch but they are actually unsafe. Vaseline or Petroleum Jelly: Breaks down condoms and can trap harmful bacteria Lotions or Soaps: Often contain fragrances and parabens that can irritate genitals or cause infections Hand Sanitiser: Incredibly painful and completely unsuitable for intimate areas KY Jelly: Contains glycerine and parabens which can trigger thrush Coconut Oil: Can disrupt vaginal flora, clog pores, and damage latex condoms unless it is 100% pure and unscented Spit: Dries quickly, offers little lubrication, and can increase friction Final Thoughts: Lube Makes Everything Better As Fran Bushe says: “Sex without lube is like a roast dinner without gravy: it is okay, but the meat’s a bit dry — better drowned in the good stuff. ” Choosing the right lube is about protecting your body, enhancing pleasure, and making every kind of intimacy more enjoyable. Match it wisely, skip the unsafe options, and always lean into comfort and connection. --- - Categories: Abortion Care Abortion is a common part of reproductive healthcare. This supportive guide explains what abortion is, how it works, and answers common questions with care and clarity. If you are reading this because you are curious, uncertain, or trying to understand your options, you are not alone. Many people look for information about abortion at different points in their lives, and wanting clear, honest answers is completely valid. Abortion is a common and essential part of reproductive healthcare. According to the World Health Organization, around 73 million abortions take place worldwide every year. People have abortions in every country, across all cultures, religions, ages, and income levels. Some already have children. Some know they do not want to parent. Others know that continuing a pregnancy would not be right for them at that moment. At its most basic level, abortion is the medical process of ending a pregnancy. This can be done using medication or through a clinical procedure. Which options are available depends on how far along the pregnancy is, local laws, and access to healthcare services. Abortion as healthcare Abortion is recognised by major medical organisations, including MSI Reproductive Choices and the World Health Organization, as safe, evidence-based healthcare when provided using recommended methods. Abortion is particularly safe in early pregnancy, with the risk of serious complications being well below 1 percent in settings where care is accessible. It is important to be clear about what abortion does not do. Abortion does not cause infertility. It does not increase the risk of breast cancer. It does not lead to mental health conditions. These claims have been repeatedly disproven by large-scale medical research. What does cause harm is lack of access. The World Health Organization estimates that around 45 percent of abortions globally are unsafe, and almost all unsafe abortions occur in countries where abortion is highly restricted. Unsafe abortion is a leading cause of preventable maternal injury and death worldwide. How common abortion is Abortion is far more common than many people realise. Globally, around one in three women will have an abortion during their lifetime. Many people who have abortions are already parents. Others are students, carers, people in unstable housing, or people managing health conditions. Research consistently shows that the most common reason people seek abortion is simple: continuing the pregnancy is not right for them at that time. This may relate to finances, housing, safety, health, existing children, relationships, or personal readiness. There is no hierarchy of “acceptable” reasons. Every person’s situation is unique. Emotional experiences People feel many different things about abortion. Some feel relief. Others feel sadness, grief, or uncertainty. Many feel a mixture of emotions that can change over time. All of these responses are normal. Large, long-term studies following people after abortion show that relief is the most commonly reported emotion, and that the vast majority of people feel confident they made the right decision for themselves. When emotional distress does occur, it is more strongly linked to stigma, lack of support, or prior mental health challenges than to the abortion itself. Supportive care, accurate information, and compassion make a real difference to people’s wellbeing. Abortion, autonomy, and dignity Access to abortion is closely linked to bodily autonomy and human rights. International human rights organisations recognise that people should be able to make decisions about their own bodies without coercion, punishment, or discrimination. Restrictions on abortion disproportionately affect people who already face barriers to healthcare, including those living in poverty, young people, migrants, and people in marginalised communities. FAQs Is abortion medically safe? Yes. When provided using recommended medical or clinical methods, abortion is extremely safe. Serious complications are rare, especially in early pregnancy. In fact, continuing a pregnancy carries a higher risk of health complications than having an abortion. Will abortion affect my ability to have children later? No. Abortion does not affect future fertility or the ability to have healthy pregnancies. Many people go on to have children after having abortions. Is abortion common? Yes. With tens of millions of abortions occurring worldwide each year, abortion is a routine part of reproductive healthcare. Is it okay to feel unsure or emotional? Absolutely. There is no correct way to feel. People experience a wide range of emotions, and all of them are valid. Why does access to abortion matter so much? Because when people cannot access safe abortion care, they are more likely to experience harm. Access protects health, dignity, and autonomy. References MSI Reproductive Choices: https://www. msichoices. org/abortion-care/World Health Organization: https://www. who. int/publications/i/item/9789240039483Guttmacher Institute: https://www. guttmacher. org/global/abortion --- - Categories: Kink & BDSM, Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure - Tags: Anal Sex Explore the best sex toys for anal play safely and consensually. Discover butt plugs, anal beads, prostate massagers, vibrating toys, and dildos while keeping pleasure optional and shame-free. Anal play can be pleasurable for some people, but it is not enjoyable for everyone. The sensations depend on individual anatomy, nervous system connections, and comfort levels. There is no expectation that everyone should try it or enjoy it. Understanding how nerve pathways and pelvic muscles contribute to pleasure can help you explore safely, mindfully, and consensually. This guide explains how different sex toys can enhance anal play for those who want to try it. Remember to always use a condom during anal penetration to reduce risk and maintain hygiene. Butt Plugs: A Beginner’s Delight For those new to anal play, butt plugs are a gentle introduction. They come in different sizes and shapes. Some have vibration functions, which allow gradual exploration. Start with a smaller plug and increase the size as your comfort grows. Look for a tapered design and a flared base to ensure safe and worry-free play. Anal Beads: A Journey of Sensation Anal beads provide a unique experience for those seeking to explore further. These strings of beads gradually increase in size. Slowly inserting and removing beads can intensify sensations, especially with plenty of lubrication. Start small and progress at your own pace. Some people find beads highly pleasurable, while others do not, which is completely normal. Prostate Massagers: Unlocking Male Pleasure For people with prostates, prostate massagers can unlock intense pleasure. The prostate is highly sensitive and responds to targeted stimulation. Some people report full-body orgasms from prostate play. Massagers are designed with a curved shape to reach this area comfortably. Some include vibration for added sensation. Exploration should always be gradual, consensual, and guided by comfort. Vibrating Anal Toys: Adding Extra Buzz Vibrating anal toys combine penetration with vibrations to heighten sensation. Options include vibrating butt plugs and anal beads with built-in vibrators. Experiment with different vibration patterns and intensities to see what feels pleasurable. Not everyone enjoys vibrating toys, which is completely normal. Anal Dildos: A Versatile Pleasure Tool Anal dildos are designed for deeper penetration and fuller sensations. They come in various sizes, shapes, and textures, all with a flared base for safety. Experiment with angles, speeds, and textures to discover what feels pleasurable. There is no expectation that everyone will enjoy these sensations. Exploring Anal Play Safely Anal play can add a new layer of intimacy and pleasure for some people, but it is not for everyone. Communication, consent, relaxation, and self-awareness are the most important factors. Take your time, experiment gradually, and prioritise safety with lubrication, condoms, and clean toys. Using sex toys can enhance anal exploration, but they are optional and should only be used if they feel good for you. If you are looking for safe, high-quality sex toys from sex-positive brands, check out our Sex Positive Discounts page for curated options. --- - Categories: Kink & BDSM, Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure This guide breaks down what squirting is, how to increase your chances of experiencing it, and the best techniques to try - yes, even Spider-Man’s web-shooting motion might come in handy here. Squirting is a fascinating and often misunderstood aspect of sexual pleasure. Whether you're curious about how to squirt yourself or want to help a partner explore this experience, understanding the science, techniques, and common myths is essential. This guide breaks down what squirting is, how to increase your chances of experiencing it, and the best techniques to try - yes, even Spider-Man’s web-shooting motion might come in handy here. What is Squirting? Squirting refers to the release of a clear, odourless fluid during sexual arousal or orgasm. While often confused with other bodily fluids, research suggests it is a mix of urine, Skene’s gland fluid, and other secretions. Despite misconceptions, squirting is entirely normal, safe, and a unique part of pleasure for those with vulvas. If you’re looking to learn how to squirt during sex or solo play, there are specific steps you can take to increase your chances. Relaxation, the right stimulation, and an understanding of your anatomy are all key factors. Understanding Squirting Anatomy To unlock the secrets of squirting, it’s important to understand your body and how pleasure works. The G-area (often called the G-spot) is located about 2-3 inches inside the front vaginal wall and is typically linked to squirting. This slightly rougher-textured area is made up of erectile tissue that becomes more sensitive with arousal. The clitoris, which extends beyond the visible glans, contains thousands of nerve endings and plays a significant role in sexual pleasure. Combining G-area stimulation with clitoral stimulation can increase your chances of squirting. Like many aspects of sexual and reproductive health, research on squirting remains limited, but awareness is growing. The more we understand pleasure, the better we can enjoy and normalise these experiences. Debunking Squirting Myths There are plenty of myths surrounding squirting, so let’s clear up a few misconceptions: There are many myths about squirting, such as the belief that it's not real, just urine, or that only some people can squirt. Research shows that squirting is definitely real and that anyone with a vulva can potentially learn how to do it (if they want to). It's also important to note that squirting is not a measure of the quality of an orgasm or sexual experience. Everyone's body responds differently, and what works for one person may not work for another. It is not proven where or what the liquid is made up of, but some studies say it is pee, or part pee, skene gland liquid and female ejaculate. Regardless of what it is, it's nothing to be ashamed of! The Controversy: UK Law on Squirting in Porn In 2014, the UK government banned the depiction of squirting in pornography, categorising it as watersports. Despite the lack of scientific consensus on what squirting fluid is, the ban remains in place. However, thanks to the lack of research into female pleasure we are still unsure on what it actually consists of even though its been reported that possibly up to 54% can experience this. Interestingly, urination is allowed in non-sexual contexts, as seen in mainstream films like American Pie 2, where a male character is urinated on in a comedic scene. However, had the characters been naked, the scene would likely have been censored. This contradiction highlights ongoing taboos around vulva-owner pleasure. What Does Squirting Feel Like? The experience of squirting varies from person to person, but many describe it as: A feeling of relief and release, similar to letting go of built-up pressure. A warm, wet sensation, often more intense than typical lubrication. A sudden rush or gush of fluid, which can take people by surprise. A deeper orgasm when combined with external clitoral stimulation. If you feel like you need to wee, try relaxing your muscles and letting go - this is often the moment squirting happens. How to Prepare for Squirting Preparation can make the experience more comfortable and enjoyable. Stay hydrated, as fluid production increases with hydration. Use a water-based lubricant for a smoother experience. Keep fingers clean and nails trimmed to avoid irritation. Set the mood—dimmed lighting, deep breathing, and trust in your partner can enhance relaxation. Use a waterproof blanket or towel, though many find that squirting involves less fluid than often depicted in porn. How to Stimulate the ‘G-Area’ for Squirting The G-area is a key erogenous zone for squirting. Before you begin, try placing a pillow under your pelvis to help with the angle. Techniques for Squirting: Insert one or two fingers into the vagina and curl them upward—think Spider-Man’s web-shooting motion. Rest your palm over the clitoris to stimulate both areas at once. Try rubbing, tapping, or pressing with firm but controlled pressure. A "come hither" motion (pulling your hand up and down) is often the most effective technique. Keep communication open and adjust based on what feels best. Squirting might cause cramps if your partner is helping, so take breaks when needed. Some find it easier to stimulate their own clitoris while a partner focuses on internal stimulation. The Importance of Relaxation Being tense or anxious can make squirting more difficult. The key is to focus on pleasure rather than performance. If it doesn’t happen straight away, that’s perfectly normal - exploring without pressure is part of the journey. Different Ways to Squirt (Solo & Partnered) There are various techniques for achieving squirting, and what works best can vary from person to person. Some find vibrators or other sex toys... --- - Categories: Kink & BDSM, Porn Literacy, Sex 101 Choking, or "breath play," can be an intriguing part of some people’s sexual experiences, but it's important to understand the significant risks involved. 2025 update message from us: "The UK has recently (2025) banned choking being depicted in porn. This legal change highlights growing concerns about how extreme acts are normalised without context around consent, safety, or the performers' wellbeing. The irony is glaring: at the same time as introducing porn bans, the government continues to cut funding for sex education and relationship education in schools. Rather than empowering young people with critical media literacy skills (teaching them to question what they see, understand consent, and recognise the difference between fantasy and reality) we're left with shame-based policies that drive these conversations underground. True harm reduction comes not from hiding content, but from equipping people with the knowledge and confidence to make informed, consensual choices about their own bodies and desires. At Cliterally The Best, our stance is clear: education over prohibition. Banning content doesn't make dangerous practices disappear, it simply pushes them further into the shadows where misinformation thrives and people are left without the resources to keep themselves safe. When we lead with education, open dialogue, and accessible information, we give people the tools to engage critically with what they consume and the power to make safe, consensual choices. Shame and censorship have never protected anyone; knowledge and empowerment do. " __ Please note, the information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Choking, or "breath play," can be an intriguing part of some people’s sexual experiences, but it's important to understand the significant risks involved. According to a poll we conducted on Instagram, over 60% of respondents have experimented with choking in the bedroom at least once. While exploring sexual desires is natural, this act can be extremely dangerous if not done with great care and attention. It's essential to approach choking with caution. While the act might seem alluring, it can lead to serious health consequences if performed incorrectly. Many individuals experiment with choking without fully understanding the mechanics, which can result in serious harm. This guide has been created to help those curious about breath play do so in the safest way possible - without judgment, shame, or condemnation - but with a firm emphasis on protecting your and your partner's well-being. The Risks of Choking: Why Safety is Key Choking restricts airflow to the brain, which can cause a lack of oxygen, leading to unconsciousness, brain damage, or even death in extreme cases. Studies show that improper choking or airway obstruction can reduce blood flow to the brain, causing serious health complications. It’s crucial to recognise that breath play will never be 100% safe, even when executed with caution. However, with proper technique, clear communication, ongoing consent, and safety measures, the risks can be reduced. Pornography and the Rise of Choking In recent years, the portrayal of choking in mainstream pornography has contributed to the rise of breath play in many sexual relationships. While porn is a form of entertainment and can offer fantasy and exploration, it’s essential to remember that what is depicted in adult films does not always reflect the realities of safe practice. Porn often distorts the safety dynamics around activities like choking, and as a result, many individuals may try to replicate these acts without understanding the inherent risks. Choking, Power, and the Normalisation of Harm Alongside the rise in choking, we’re seeing a broader cultural shift towards increasingly harmful sexual scripts, where fear, discomfort, or loss of control are eroticised without sufficient attention to consent, power, or safety. In mainstream depictions (particularly within heterosexual contexts) choking is most often shown as something done to women by men, frequently without negotiation or aftercare, and framed as a routine part of sex rather than a consensual kink. While people of all genders and sexualities engage in breath play, the way it is normalised in heterosexual porn and dating culture often mirrors wider gendered power imbalances, where dominance is prioritised and checking in is absent. This can create pressure, especially for younger or less experienced partners, to accept acts they haven’t actively chosen. When extreme practices become expected rather than discussed, they stop being expressions of desire and start becoming assumptions. This isn’t about condemning consensual kink or pathologising sexual exploration. It’s about recognising how cultural narratives shape whose bodies are put at risk, whose pleasure is centred, and whose safety is deprioritised. Education, media literacy, and explicit conversations about consent are essential if we want sexual exploration to be truly consensual, affirming, and safe for everyone. Safety First: Key Guidelines for Choking If you decide to engage in breath play, ensure that safety is your priority. Here are essential safety tips to consider: Always ask for consent.  Never assume that choking is something your partner wants or is comfortable with. Even if you’ve done it before, check in each time to confirm it’s still desired. Avoid applying pressure to the front of the neck.  Pressing on the throat can lead to serious damage. Focus on the sides of the neck where the carotid arteries are, which are less vulnerable. Establish a 'safe word' or gesture.  Ensure your partner has a way to signal if they feel uncomfortable or need to stop immediately. Constantly monitor your partner.  Make eye contact and stay aware of their body language. This helps you gauge how they’re feeling and allows for immediate action if something feels off. Never... --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating - Tags: Consent Have you ever thanked someone for saying no? How did it go? And how do you usually handle rejection? This is a topic that's particularly important when we talk about consent and healthy relationships, but it actually applies to all areas of life. I want to talk about something that might seem a bit counterintuitive at first: why you should thank people when they say "no" to you. This is a topic that's particularly important when we talk about consent and healthy relationships, but it actually applies to all areas of life. Think about the last time someone rejected you. Maybe they turned down a date, or said no to hanging out, or declined an invitation. How did that make you feel? Probably not great. Most of us have been conditioned to see rejection as something negative, something that reflects poorly on us or diminishes our worth somehow. But here's the thing - receiving a clear "no" is actually a gift. And I'm going to explain why we should be grateful when people are brave enough to give us one. This might challenge some of your existing beliefs about rejection, but stick with me - I think you'll find this perspective shift really valuable. I first encountered this perspective at a festival about 18 months ago, where I was in a consent workshop, and we were exploring how crucial it is to create spaces where people feel safe to express their boundaries. One part of the workshop in particular stood out to me where we were roleplaying different rejection scenarios, I saw how dramatically a grateful response could shift the entire emotional tone of an interaction. It was a powerful demonstration of how our response to "no" shapes future communication. First, let's acknowledge something important: saying "no" is hard. Really hard. Especially when it comes to romantic or sexual situations. We're socially conditioned to be "nice," to avoid hurting feelings, to not make things awkward. This conditioning is particularly strong for women, but it affects everyone to some degree. This social pressure often leads people to give soft nos - making excuses, saying "maybe later," ghosting, or even reluctantly agreeing to things they don't actually want to do. None of these outcomes are good for anyone involved. Let's break down why these alternatives to a clear "no" can be problematic: Making excuses: This can lead to prolonged back-and-forth and create false hope Saying "maybe later": This keeps someone hanging on when there's no real interest Ghosting: This leaves people confused and can cause more emotional harm than a clear rejection Reluctant agreement: This can lead to boundary violations and negative experiences for both parties When someone gives you a clear "no," they're doing several important things: They're being honest with you, showing respect for your time and emotions They're respecting you enough to give you clear communication They're trusting that you can handle rejection maturely They're modelling healthy boundary-setting They're taking responsibility for their own feelings and choices Let's dive deeper into why these are all valuable things. When someone is honest with you, they're treating you like an adult who can handle the truth. When they communicate clearly, they're showing respect for your time and emotional energy. When they trust you to handle rejection well, they're acknowledging your maturity. Think about the alternative. Would you rather someone pretend to be interested when they're not? Make up excuses? Ghost you? Or worse - agree to something they don't actually want? Each of these scenarios can lead to much more pain and confusion than a simple, clear "no. " A clear "no" gives you something valuable: certainty. It lets you move on. It prevents you from wasting time and emotional energy on maybes. It helps you avoid potentially crossing someone's boundaries unknowingly. In essence, it's a form of respect - both for you and for the truth of the situation. But here's where it gets really interesting. When you respond to rejection with gratitude, you're doing something powerful. You're creating an environment where honest communication feels safe. You're contributing to a culture where direct communication is valued and appreciated. Let's explore what happens in both negative and positive rejection scenarios: Scenario 1 - Negative Response to Rejection: Someone says no → They get met with anger or guilt-tripping → They learn that being direct is dangerous → In the future, they're more likely to ghost or make excuses → This affects all their future interactions. Scenario 2 - Positive Response to Rejection: Someone says no → They get thanked for their honesty → They learn that being direct is safe → In the future, they're more likely to communicate clearly → This benefits all their future interactions This ripple effect is crucial to understand. Every time someone has a positive experience being direct with their "no," they're more likely to be direct in the future - not just with you, but with everyone. You're helping to create a culture of clear communication about consent and boundaries. Now, I want to acknowledge something important: I'm not saying rejection feels good. It doesn't. It's completely normal and okay to feel disappointed, hurt, or sad when someone says no to you. The key is separating those feelings from your response to the person. When saying "no" feels safe, people are also more likely to give enthusiastic, genuine "yes" responses when they truly want something, and not say no out of a lack of trust. Thanking someone for their “no” creates future trust and, I believe, has the potential to transform how we interact with each other in consent situations. Think about how this creates a positive feedback... --- - Categories: Sex 101, Sexual Health & Contraception When it comes to sex, being prepared and staying safe should always be a priority. While condoms are a simple and effective way to protect against STIs and unplanned pregnancies, there’s more to using them correctly than just rolling one on. Let’s dive into the basics, because staying safe is always the smart choice! When it comes to sex, being prepared and staying safe should always be a priority. While condoms are a simple and effective way to protect against STIs and unplanned pregnancies, there’s more to using them correctly than just rolling one on. Let’s dive into the basics, because staying safe is always the smart choice! Condoms used for this article are XO! Sustainable, Vegan Condoms made by FLO! Check the date before you mate Always check the expiration date on your condoms - if they’re expired, they’re not going to work as well and could break. For peace of mind, stick to condoms with the European CE mark or UKCA mark, which means they’ve passed safety standards. Keeping an eye on these details helps make sure you're fully protected against STIs and unplanned pregnancies. It’s a small step that makes a big difference in staying safe! Rip it right, rip it good Gently push the condom to the side with your fingers and tear the packet straight down one edge to avoid ripping it. Never use scissors, sharp objects, or your teeth to open it, as you could accidentally damage the condom. Taking a second to open it carefully helps ensure it's in perfect shape for safe use! The handy hat trick  Before you roll the condom down, double-check that the ring is on the outside - it should look like a little hat, not a shower cap! If it's the other way around, it won’t unroll properly, and you’ll need to flip it over. Taking a second to get this right ensures everything goes smoothly. Don’t slip up, skip the slick  Using lube is always a smart choice, but make sure to go for a natural, water-based lubricant. Oil-based products like moisturisers or vaseline can weaken silicone condoms, making them more likely to break. Sticking with the right lube keeps everything safer and smoother! Pinch the tip before you dip When putting on a condom, give the tip a little squeeze to remove any air. This helps prevent it from bursting, creates a space for semen, and ensures it doesn’t feel too tight. It's a simple step that makes everything safer and more comfortable! The most important tip of them all: Consent "Consent happens when all people involved in any kind of sexual activity agree to take part by choice. They also need to have the freedom and capacity to make that choice. We ALL have the right to not want sex or any other kind of sexual activity – for example, kissing, sexual touching or performing a sexual act. We also all have the right to change our minds at any time. Or to consent to doing one sexual thing with someone but not another. Without consent, any kind of sexual activity is sexual violence. ” - Rape Crisis --- - Categories: Kink & BDSM, Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure - Tags: Anal Sex Learn how to explore anal play safely, comfortably, and consensually. Our gender-inclusive guide covers lube, hygiene, toy safety, STI prevention, and tips for pleasure and communication. How to explore anal play safely, comfortably and consensually Butt play can be pleasurable, intimate and completely normal. Like any sexual activity, it comes with specific considerations. Understanding anatomy, risks and best practice helps you stay safe while focusing on comfort, consent and pleasure. This guide is designed for people of all genders and bodies and is grounded in sexual health education and psychosexual practice rather than fear or stigma. Why anal play needs a different approach The anus and rectum are not designed for penetration in the same way as the vagina. They do not self-lubricate, and the tissue is thinner and more delicate. This means friction, small tears and sexually transmitted infections are more likely if care is not taken. This does not mean anal play is unsafe. It means preparation, communication and protection matter. Anal play can include fingering, toy play, penetration with a penis or strap-on, and oral-anal contact. All of these can be enjoyed safely when approached with intention. Communication and consent Before any kind of butt play, clear and enthusiastic consent is essential. This includes talking about boundaries, comfort levels and how to slow down or stop if something does not feel right. Consent is ongoing and should be checked throughout, not just at the start. From a psychosexual perspective, emotional safety plays a significant role in physical pleasure. People tend to feel more relaxed and responsive when they feel heard and respected. Lube is not optional The anus does not produce its own lubrication. Using plenty of lube reduces discomfort and lowers the risk of tearing. Apply more than you think you need and reapply regularly. Choose a body-safe lubricant that works with condoms and toys. Water-based lubricants are a good option for most people, while thicker formulas can provide extra comfort during anal play. Hygiene and preparation Good hygiene can help people feel more relaxed and reduce irritation. Washing the external area with warm water and mild soap is usually sufficient. Using the toilet beforehand can increase comfort, but it is not required. Some people choose to douche occasionally, but frequent douching can irritate the rectum and disrupt its natural balance. Clean enough to feel comfortable is enough. Start slowly and build gradually Anal muscles are designed to stay closed, so they need time to relax. Starting with a finger or small toy can help the body adjust. Slow movements and shallow depth are important, especially at the beginning. If something feels uncomfortable, pause, add more lube or stop. Pain is not a normal or necessary part of anal play. Discomfort is a signal to slow down or reassess. Protection and sexual health Anal play carries a higher risk of STI transmission than many other sexual activities due to the fragility of the tissue. Using condoms on penises and toys helps reduce this risk. Dental dams can be used for oral-anal contact. Condoms or barriers should be changed if moving between the anus and another body part. Regular STI testing and open conversations about sexual health are part of caring for yourself and your partners. Toy safety If you are using toys for anal play, choose body-safe materials such as medical-grade silicone, glass or stainless steel. Anal toys must always have a flared base to prevent them from moving fully inside the rectum. Toys should be cleaned before and after use. Numbing or desensitising products should be avoided, as they can mask pain and increase the risk of injury. Why anal play can feel good for people with clitorises For people with clitorises, due to most of it being internal, anal play can stimulate nearby nerve endings. The anal canal and surrounding tissues share connections with the pelvic floor and clitoral structures, meaning pressure or movement can create pleasurable sensations that feel distinct from direct clitoral stimulation. Some people experience this as a full-body or deeply internal pleasure, which can enhance orgasm, arousal, or intimacy when combined with other types of stimulation. The key is slow, mindful exploration and listening to what feels good in the moment. Why anal play can feel good for people with penises For people with penises, anal play can stimulate the prostate, sometimes called the “male G-spot,” which lies just inside the rectum. Gentle pressure, massage, or penetration can produce sensations that are different from penile stimulation alone. The prostate is highly sensitive and can create intense pleasure, sometimes leading to full-body orgasms. The anal sphincter muscles also add pressure and friction around the penis, which can heighten arousal. Communication, relaxation, and gradual exploration are essential to make this pleasurable and safe. What to avoid Avoid switching from anal play to vaginal or oral play without cleaning or changing barriers. Avoid excessive alcohol or drug use that reduces body awareness or communication. Do not ignore pain, pressure or discomfort. Avoid numbing creams, as pain is an important warning signal from the body. Possible risks and when to seek help Even with good care, issues can sometimes occur. These may include small tears that cause pain or light bleeding, increased risk of infection without protection, or lingering discomfort after play. Seek medical advice if there is heavy bleeding, severe pain, fever or signs of infection. Healthcare professionals are there to support sexual health without judgement. Anal play in healthy relationships Anal play should never involve pressure, guilt or obligation. From a relationship and psychosexual health standpoint, desire should... --- - Categories: Sexuality & Gender The NHS decision follows an interim report from Dr. Hilary Cass, which raised questions about evidence gaps around puberty blockers for trans youth. But much like the rest of the Cass Review, critics argue it’s fuelled by moral panic and transphobia—not accurate science. "Puberty blockers have been used for decades in cisgender kids who either are going through puberty too early, or, in some instances, kids who are going through puberty very quickly. Their use has been FDA-approved, well-studied, well-documented, and well-tolerated for a long time now. And it’s the exact same medication that we use in trans or nonbinary children to basically put a pause on pubertal development. Exactly the same medications, at exactly the same doses. ” - Jason Klein (paediatric endocrinologist). Patients undergo extensive psychological assessments and therapy to explore their gender identity and ensure blockers are the right choice. It isn’t just something that is handed out without proper assessment. What is Gender Dysphoria? Sex refers to biological traits like chromosomes and reproductive organs, typically assigned at birth. Gender is about personal identity and societal roles, shaped by cultural and social influences, and may or may not align with a person’s biological sex. Gender dysphoria is when someone feels discomfort or distress because their gender identity doesn’t match the sex they were assigned at birth. This mismatch can lead to emotional distress and affect their daily life. People with gender dysphoria may seek ways to express their gender more comfortably, such as through changing their name, pronouns, or appearance. The experience varies from person to person, and not all transgender individuals feel dysphoria. The True Statistics Research consistently shows that puberty blockers are highly effective in improving mental health outcomes for transgender youth. Here are some key findings. Improved Mental Health: A 2020 study in Pediatrics showed that transgender individuals who had access to puberty blockers during adolescence had a 70% lower risk of experiencing lifetime suicidal ideation compared to those who could not access the treatment . McLean Hospital Ministry of Health NZ Reduced Depression and Anxiety: According to a 2022 review in the Journal of Adolescent Health, gender-affirming care, including puberty blockers, is associated with a 60% reduction in depression and anxiety symptoms in transgender adolescents . Ministry of Health NZ Positive Long-Term Outcomes: A 2021 study in The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health found that trans youth who accessed puberty blockers early experienced a 50% improvement in body image and a significant reduction in gender dysphoria, contributing to better long-term mental health outcomes . Ministry of Health NZ Reversibility: Puberty blockers are a reversible intervention, with studies showing that 100% of physical changes caused by the medication can be reversed upon discontinuation, offering adolescents the time to explore their gender identity without irreversible changes . McLean Hospital Ministry of Health NZ Why "No" to Trans Teens? The NHS decision follows an interim report from Dr. Hilary Cass, which raised questions about evidence gaps around puberty blockers for trans youth. But much like the rest of the Cass Review, critics argue it’s fuelled by moral panic and transphobia—not accurate science. While the NHS claims this move is about protecting children, puberty blockers remain available to cis kids with early puberty. If safety were truly the concern, wouldn’t they be banned across the board? This indefinite restriction for trans youth will only fuel further misunderstandings about these medications. Fewer than 100 people in the UK - trans and cis children combined - are prescribed puberty blockers. The amount of time and energy the government has spent targeting this small group, instead of addressing the real challenges facing the NHS, is deeply misguided. The Impact on Trans Youth For many transgender teens, puberty blockers are more than just a medication - they’re a lifeline. These treatments pause unwanted physical changes, giving young people time to explore their identities without the added stress of irreversible puberty changes. Decades of research and real-world use show that these medications are safe, reversible, and effective. By restricting access to puberty blockers, the NHS is cutting off a vital support system for young people who are already vulnerable. Critics argue that this decision will leave trans teens facing increased risks of depression, self-harm, and other mental health challenges. The message this sends to trans youth is devastating: that their needs and well-being are being deprioritised amidst a broader wave of anti-trans rhetoric. This is about more than just access to medication—it’s about the right to thrive as your true self. What can you do? Like with any targeted minority, this isn’t a fight trans people can or should fight on their own. We need to actively do the work.   Educate Yourself and Others: A key difference between those who are phobic and those who are not often lies in misinformation or a lack of understanding. Knowledge is power, and sharing accurate information with others can also help break down harmful stereotypes. Create Safe Spaces: Wherever you are, make it clear that transgender individuals are welcome and supported. This can be done through verbal affirmations, inclusive policies, or simply by being a good listener. Stand Up Against Discrimination: Whether on social media, down the pub, with that nightmare uncle, challenge transphobic language and actions when you encounter them. It is a privilege to not have to speak up, taking action contributes to a safer, more supportive environment for everyone. --- - Categories: Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure There’s a common misconception that wet dreams are exclusive to teenage boys whose hormones are out of control, but contrary to this belief anyone can have a wet dream whether you’re 14 or 40, or if you have a penis or a vulva. A wet dream is when a person orgasms, ejaculates or leaks vaginal fluid in their sleep. Anyone can have a wet dream, and they usually start during puberty when hormones are at a high, and they can continue to happen indefinitely. Wet dreams are involuntary and are an important part of keeping sex organs healthy. Most people know about wet dreams, likely they’ve had one themselves but many people don’t know the truth about what they are, who can have them and why they happen. Myth: Only teenage boys have wet dreams  There’s a common misconception that wet dreams are exclusive to teenage boys whose hormones are out of control, but contrary to this belief anyone can have a wet dream whether you’re 14 or 40, or if you have a penis or a vulva. It’s true that you may experience your first wet dream during puberty when hormones are all over the shop, but some may have their first when they’re much older. There’s no proven rhyme or reason for when and how a person may experience wet dreams, it’s simply a natural occurrence that happens differently for every person. Some people are well into adulthood and have never experienced a wet dream, and others may have them regularly. Myth: Women can’t have wet dreams  Like many sexual developments that happen during puberty many people believe that wet dreams are something that only happen to men, because sex education has for so long been discussed with penis-owners at the helm despite vulva-owners sharing similar experiences. According to a 1986 study (yup, we are seriously lacking studies on pleasure) 37% of college age vulva-owners reported to have had at least one orgasm during their sleep, although this may not be the larger percentage it is still a considerable amount of people with vulvas having the same experiences as people with penises. Myth: Once you become sexually active wet dreams will stop  Many assume that wet dreams in adulthood especially, are signs of sexual frustration, or a symptom of the lack of sex. Despite this seeming like a logical diagnosis it’s simply not true. No matter whether you’ve never had sex, or you have sex multiple times a week you have the same chance of having a wet dream. They may become less frequent as we age due to hormone levels but can increase again when we are older, especially in people with penises. So how can I control wet dreams?   To put it simply, you can’t. Wet dreams are like breathing or blinking in your sleep, they are involuntary and totally normal. They can happen to anyone and yet only happen to some, for unknown reasons some people have them more often. This means you can’t stop yourself from having them by having sex more frequently or masturbating more, nor can you choose to have them either. They are an important part of keeping sex organs healthy so there’s no need to be worried about them. Are wet dreams a form of cheating? Wet dreams are when a person orgasms, ejaculates or leaks vaginal fluid during their sleep, their cause is widely unknown but has been suggested to happen because of accidental stimulation from bedding and pillows. But there are no hard facts that prove this. Wet dreams are erotic dreams It’s commonly thought that a wet dream means the person is dreaming of a sexual scenario that is stimulating their sexual organs, which in some cases may be true. However, this is not the case for all wet dreams, you see people can have wet dreams without dreaming at all, because we’re only more likely to remember a dream if it happens during the last REM (rapid eye movement) stage before we wake up. What to do if your partner has frequent wet dreams  With the misconceptions and lack of knowledge around wet dreams comes the narrative that they are in some way a sign of something rotting in a relationship. Some people may class a wet dream as a form of micro-cheating, assuming that their partner is dreaming of having sex with other people, but it’s important to remember that wet dreams are involuntary action that keeps the penis or vulva healthy it’s similar to waking up with a hard-on. Common triggers for wet dreams can be accidental stimulation from bedding and pillows during sleep, they don’t always mean that you’ve had a hot sex dream. There is also no need to worry about how satisfied your partner is with your sexual relationship, they could be having the time of their lives and completely sexually satisfied and still have wet dreams. Unfortunately we just can’t pinpoint why they happen, but rest assured that it isn’t because they are not happy in their relationship. Can I prevent wet dreams? Unfortunately there is no antidote for wet dreams and it shouldn’t me something we try and stop. However, some people believe that masturbating and avoiding sleeping on your stomach can help to prevent them from happening but there’s no scientific evidence to prove this. Wet dreams are a completely normal experience for a lot of people whether you have a vulva or penis, or you’re a teen or in your 50’s. There are many reasons a wet dream can happen such as hormone surges that stimulate sexual organs and increase libido, an excess of semen when it hasn’t been released... --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Menopause, Toys & Pleasure - Tags: Lube, Menopause Let’s be honest - menopause can bring some far from pleasant changes. One of them is vaginal dryness. But the good news? There are natural and gentle solutions that can help, and aloe vera lubricant is one of the best. Let’s be honest - menopause can bring some far from pleasant changes. From hot flashes to sleep disturbances, there’s a lot going on. And one of the most common (and sometimes uncomfortable) things people experience during this time is vaginal dryness, irritation, or even pain during intimacy. But the good news? There are natural and gentle solutions that can help, and aloe vera lubricant is one of the best. 1.  Natural Moisture for Vaginal Dryness Vaginal dryness is super common during menopause. As hormone levels change, your body might not produce as much natural lubrication, which can make intimacy feel uncomfortable.  Aloe vera lube is here to save the day. Aloe is packed with water, so it’s great at hydrating and restoring moisture to sensitive areas. Using something like Cliterally the Best Water-Based Aloe Lube can help make things feel smoother and more comfortable - no more dryness making sex feel less enjoyable or even painful. It’s a natural, soothing way to bring back some moisture and confidence in the bedroom. 2.  Gentle and Soothing for Sensitive Skin During menopause, many people notice that their skin becomes more sensitive. This includes intimate areas, which can get irritated more easily. Luckily, aloe vera is known for its calming and anti-inflammatory properties, making it perfect for soothing irritated skin. 3.  Balances pH and Prevents Infections Hormonal changes during menopause can also impact the pH of your intimate area, which may increase the risk of infections like UTIs or yeast infections. Aloe vera is great for maintaining a healthy pH balance, which helps keep things comfortable and infection-free. 4.  Enhances Comfort During Intimacy Intimacy can feel different during menopause, and some people experience discomfort because of dryness or thinning tissues. Aloe vera lubricants like Cliterally the Best Aloe Lube have a silky-smooth texture that makes everything feel more comfortable. It helps reduce friction, so sex can feel more natural and enjoyable—even if dryness or sensitivity has been an issue. Plus, it’s water-based, meaning it won’t leave a sticky mess behind, making cleanup easy and leaving you feeling fresh. 5.  Free from Harsh Chemicals The less ingredients the better. One of the best things about our aloe vera lube is that it’s free from the harsh chemicals, fragrances, or preservatives often found in traditional lubricants. Those artificial additives can sometimes irritate the skin—especially if you’re going through menopause and your skin is more sensitive than usual. 6.  Eco-Friendly and Sustainable For those of us who care about the planet, aloe vera is an excellent choice. It’s a renewable resource, and water-based lubes are often more biodegradable than oil-based ones. So by choosing aloe vera, you’re not just taking care of your body—you’re also being kinder to the environment. 7.  Supports Overall Vaginal Health During Menopause Aloe vera is packed with vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants, all of which are great for nourishing and repairing tissue. Not only does it provide moisture and comfort, but it also helps maintain the health of your intimate area in the long run. By choosing Water-Based Aloe Lube, you're not just soothing discomfort, you're also supporting the resilience of your skin, ensuring it stays strong and healthy even as your body goes through changes during menopause. Menopause is a time of change, but it doesn’t have to mean discomfort.  Aloe vera lube offers a gentle, natural solution for many of the challenges that come with it. Whether it’s dealing with dryness, pH imbalance, or just wanting to feel more comfortable during intimacy, aloe vera-based lubes are here to help. If you’re ready to give aloe vera a try and experience the benefits for yourself, check out Cliterally the Best Water-Based Aloe Lube. With its gentle, hydrating, and soothing properties, it’s the perfect addition to your intimate care routine. --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure When I tell you to picture the best first great kiss you’ve ever had, what comes to mind? (Seriously, close your eyes and really think about it…okay now open your eyes to read the below questions and think some more.) When I tell you to picture the best first great kiss you’ve ever had, what comes to mind? (Seriously, close your eyes and really think about it... okay now open your eyes to read the below questions and think some more. ) Where were you? Who was it with? How did it make you feel? What did they taste like? How long did it last? Movies and TV shows always treat the first kiss as the ultimate prize -- cue the slow motion sweeping camera with multiple angles, the epic crescendo of violins and piano, and the angsty passion. But... then what? What comes after the first kiss? Maybe you’re thinking “Duh -- the second kiss. ” And so on and so forth. But IMH(umble)O, the focus then typically shifts to the well-known overhyped act: p/v sex (this is changing but still pretty common). But what if, dearest reader, we lingered on kissing for a little while longer. What if we allowed kissing to become what she was always truly meant to be: the main character? A Note On The Mouth: The mouth is a glorious organ that doesn’t get enough credit. There is an overabundance of nerve endings in the lips, making them one of the most sensitive parts of the body. And the lips, teeth, and tongue work together in tandem; playfully using teeth and tongue while kissing adds a whole new layer to the act. Feel The Rhythm: Kissing is like a dance -- two people (or more ) respond to one another’s rhythms, bodies, flow, and energy. The vibe can change from feisty to soft to hungry to sensual and so many feelings in between and beyond. There is an undeniable chemistry between kissers when you’ve been kissing for minutes but it feels like days. Take The Elevator, Not The Stairs: In her teachings as a human sexuality psychology professor, Dr. Laurie Mintz uses an incredible metaphor about sex that involves a staircase. She says that in our cis-het-American view of sex, we view kissing as the bottom step, then maybe hand stuff is one step up, oral is another step up from that, and eventually at the top of the staircase is the ultimate act of p/v sex. She encourages people to take turns and to champion pleasure and mutual respect rather than one kind of (straight) sexual act that gets cis-men off more than cis-women (known as the orgasm gap). What would happen if the next time you kissed someone, you slowed w a y d o w n? What if you paid attention to the rhythm of their desire? What if you recognized how their kiss made your body react -- how warm they made you? What if you allowed kissing to be the main course? --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Porn Literacy - Tags: Body Image In recent years, interest in vaginoplasty and labiaplasty has increased worldwide. These procedures, which are among the fastest-growing cosmetic surgeries, are sought by individuals for a variety of reasons, including both physical comfort and aesthetic preferences. In recent years, interest in vaginoplasty and labiaplasty has increased worldwide. These procedures, which are among the fastest-growing cosmetic surgeries, are sought by individuals for a variety of reasons, including both physical comfort and aesthetic preferences. While becoming more mainstream, it's essential to approach these surgeries with a clear understanding of the facts, trends, and considerations - whether you’re exploring them or simply seeking to understand others' choices. What Exactly is Vaginoplasty and Labiaplasty? Vaginoplasty involves tightening the vaginal canal, often sought by individuals post-childbirth or as they age. Some people turn to surgery for muscle tone improvement, though exercises like Kegels can often achieve similar results without invasive procedures.  Labiaplasty reshapes the labia (typically the labia minora) for aesthetic or comfort reasons. For many, this surgery can alleviate discomfort, while others seek it to enhance body confidence. Whether you're considering surgery or simply curious, exploring options is an important step. For more details, the NHS guide to labiaplasty and the American Society of Plastic Surgeons provide in-depth information. Vaginoplasty for Cis Women vs. Vaginoplasty for Trans Women: Understanding the Differences Vaginoplasty for Cis Women: In cisgender women, vaginoplasty is often performed for cosmetic reasons, such as tightening the vaginal canal after childbirth or due to aging. This procedure is commonly done to improve muscle tone and restore tightness to the vagina. It may also be sought for comfort, particularly if there has been vaginal prolapse or other conditions affecting the vaginal area. However, non-invasive alternatives like pelvic floor exercises are often enough to address these issues. Vaginoplasty for Trans Women: For trans women, vaginoplasty is a gender-affirming surgery that plays a crucial role in aligning their physical appearance with their gender identity. The procedure creates a neo-vagina, usually by using tissue from the penis and scrotum. This surgery is a vital step in many trans women's transition, helping alleviate gender dysphoria and offering a sense of congruence between their gender identity and their physical form. The creation of a neo-vagina also allows for potential sexual function, though it may require significant post-operative care and emotional support. It's essential for those considering this surgery to consult with experienced healthcare professionals who specialise in transgender care to fully understand the surgical process, recovery, and long-term care. While both types of vaginoplasty involve surgery on the vaginal area, the reasons for the procedure and the outcomes are vastly different, rooted in distinct experiences - cosmetic and gender-affirming. The Stats on Vaginoplasty and Labiaplasty The growing trend in these procedures is clear: Globally, labiaplasty has surged by about 45% in recent years, becoming one of the fastest-growing cosmetic surgeries. In the U. S. , labiaplasty operations increased by 217. 3% between 2012 and 2017. - In the UK, According to a national audit by the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons, 31,057 cosmetic procedures took place in 2022, up 102% from the previous year. More than 200 girls under 18 had labiaplasty on the NHS in 2015-16 – more than 150 of whom were under 15. This is a 500% increase on ten years ago. In some places, this surge includes younger people seeking to change the appearance of their labia. However, it's vital to approach these procedures with caution, fully understanding the emotional and physical impacts they may have. Yougov Australia 2024 Study Findings Nearly a quarter (23%) of young adults aged 18 to 24 feel uneasy or self-conscious about the appearance of their labia. Additionally, 35% of respondents associate their labia with negative words like "weird" or "ugly. " Interestingly, about 10% of participants (over half a million Australians) have considered labiaplasty, a procedure that alters the labia, despite its potential risks and lack of evidence supporting improvements in body image, sexual satisfaction, or self-esteem. Nearly half of those who considered the surgery mentioned that mainstream media, including pornography and social media, influenced their decision. The survey also highlighted that 1 in 8 people have postponed visiting a GP about sexual and reproductive health due to embarrassment over their labia, and 13% have felt self-conscious about their appearance to the point of avoiding sex. Breaking Down Myths About Vaginal and Labial Anatomy It's important to challenge the myths surrounding vaginal and labial anatomy. Society often places undue emphasis on the "tightness" of the vagina or an idealised labial appearance, which can create unrealistic beauty standards. In reality, the size and shape of the vagina can change due to age or childbirth, but it is designed to be elastic and often returns to its natural state. Factors such as arousal and lubrication are far more significant for sexual pleasure than the size of the vagina itself. Cast from Lydia Reeves' project & book - 'My Vulva And I' The labia, too, come in all shapes, sizes, and colours—and that’s completely normal and beautiful. The pressure to conform to a specific labial appearance often stems from media portrayals and adult content, which may not reflect the true diversity of human bodies. Whether you feel comfortable with your appearance or are considering changes, it's essential to recognise that there is no single "correct" look. You can embrace the natural diversity of your body and feel empowered by it. Why Are More People Getting These Procedures? Social media plays a significant role in shaping perceptions of beauty. Platforms like TikTok showcase personal experiences of both labiaplasty and vaginoplasty, making these surgeries more visible. While this can help some people feel more... --- - Categories: Neurodivergence & Sex An exploration of hypersexuality, ADHD, and self-discovery—navigating intimacy, validation, and empowerment through diagnosis, self-reflection, and personal growth. With Hilary Vixen. As a woman who was late-diagnosed with inattentive-type ADHD as an adult, I found that there was a period of enlightenment that followed being handed the label. It felt like a fog had finally lifted, and I could see the landscape of my own mind with a clarity I’d never had before. Until then, I had navigated life plagued by disorientation, as if planted on a merry-go-round with a busted speedometer; spinning without a clear sense of direction. The validation alone was a bittersweet victory, but it was swiftly followed by an abrupt stillness I had no idea how to comprehend after a lifetime of noise. Details suddenly existed. Less and less of my time became occupied by correcting rushed tasks, meeting procrastinated deadlines, and detangling competing thoughts. As I began to relearn how to establish routines and use coping skills, the volume of my internal monologue (or dialogues, pre-diagnosis) lowered. Among the many pieces of my life that began to make sense was my complicated relationship with sex and masturbation. I recognized how often I turned to sexual stimulation as a way to self-soothe and cope with the overwhelming nature of my thoughts and emotions. Reflecting on my early experiences, I realize now that sex served as a temporary escape. I felt adrift in my own mind, and seeking out sexual encounters became a way to quiet the chaos. I remember nights spent scrolling through dating apps, looking for that next dopamine hit—not just for physical pleasure, but as a means to ground myself, even if just for a couple of hours. It was as if engaging with another person could bring me back to the present moment for a brief time. In my early twenties especially, I viewed these encounters through a lens of desperation, as if trying to fill a void. I struggled with feelings of inadequacy, always wondering if I was attractive enough, if my body was desirable enough, or if my chubbiness, awkwardness, and crooked teeth would prompt rejection. Yet, amid these insecurities, I discovered that intimate connections usually brought a fleeting sense of validation. Orgasm aside, they were proof that somebody wanted me for an hour here, a few minutes there. There was an exhilaration in the vulnerability of sharing my imperfect body with someone else, even if the connection was momentary. And that was addictive for a girl who second-guessed every thought, word, action, and belief. As I explored my sexuality, I came to understand the delicate balance between pleasure and avoidance. My early experiences were more about escaping relentless thoughts and anxieties than seeking genuine connections. I often questioned whether I was truly enjoying the experiences or merely using them as distractions from deeper issues I wasn’t ready to confront. There grew a profound longing to understand myself or, rather, the stranger who emerged in the wake of diagnosis and medication. I obsessed over how much of her composition was just... symptoms. Is she innately forgetful, or does 54 mg of Concerta just wipe that away? Does she truly prefer solitude, or was it just preferable to over- or under-stimulation? And finally... was my hyperactive libido just that? Hyperactivity between the sheets? With time, I began to recognize patterns in my behavior. Hypersexuality, in my case, wasn’t simply an insatiable desire for sex; it was a complex interplay of seeking solace and distraction. I remember times when I engaged in sex that felt thrilling in the moment, yet afterward, I was left with a sense of emptiness. Was I really filling that void? These encounters often lacked emotional depth, and I would find myself grappling with guilt and shame for using intimacy as a coping mechanism. My journey took a significant turn when I became an OnlyFans creator. This platform allowed me to explore my sexuality more openly and on my terms. For the first time, I felt empowered to define my narrative, reclaiming my body and desires. I was able to engage with my sexuality in a way that was creative and self-expressive rather than solely transactional. This shift was pivotal in helping me understand my desires and boundaries, allowing me to embrace my sexuality without judgment. Through this exploration, I realized that intimacy takes many forms. I began to appreciate connections beyond the physical act of sex. Engaging with my subscribers through the screen allowed me to forge emotional connections, create a supportive community, and share my experiences authentically. I found solace in conversations that went beyond the surface, reshaping my understanding of intimacy. With time and self-reflection, I learned to accept that my desires are valid. I began to view my sexuality as a beautiful part of my identity, rather than a flaw or sign of instability. Understanding my needs and desires has been a journey of empowerment, allowing me to embrace my hypersexuality without shame. I’ve discovered the importance of communication and setting boundaries, not only with myself but also with others. In reflecting on my journey, I believe that self-exploration is crucial for anyone grappling with their sexuality—especially for those of us with ADHD. Understanding my motivations behind seeking out sexual experiences has allowed me to cultivate a healthier relationship with my desires. I’ve learned to prioritize self-care and self-acceptance, acknowledging that it’s okay to seek pleasure—while staying mindful of the emotions driving those desires. As I share my story, my hope is to create space for... --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating John Gottman is a psychologist and relationship expert, famous for his groundbreaking work on what makes relationships last. Over decades of research, he's been able to ‘predict with a high degree of accuracy whether couples will stay together or break up’, based on their communication patterns and behaviours. One of his key contributions is the concept of the “Four Horsemen," which refers to four negative communication habits that can lead to relationship breakdowns. This can be a handy way of highlighting and making sense of how these harmful behaviours if left unchecked, can erode trust and intimacy. But Gottman also emphasises that recognising and working through them can lead to stronger, healthier connections. His work gives couples a roadmap for how to communicate better and resolve conflicts in a way that strengthens their bond instead of weakening it. What Are The Four Horsemen? According to Gottman, The "Four Horsemen" are four common behaviours that can seriously mess up a relationship if they’re not addressed. They’re like warning signs that things could go downhill if you’re not careful. Here’s a quick breakdown: Criticism – This is when complaints turn into attacks on your partner’s character. Instead of saying "I’m upset you didn’t do the dishes," it’s more like "You never help with anything. You’re so lazy. " Contempt – This is a major red flag. It’s when you show disrespect, maybe through sarcasm, name-calling, or mocking. It’s basically when you treat your partner like they’re beneath you, and it’s really toxic. Defensiveness – When someone feels attacked, they might get defensive, like making excuses or turning the blame back on their partner. It’s like putting up a wall instead of taking responsibility. Stonewalling – This happens when one partner shuts down during an argument. Instead of engaging, they withdraw emotionally, maybe by ignoring the other person or just going silent. While these behaviours can damage a relationship, Gottman’s big point is that they’re not the end of the road if you can recognise them and work on healthier communication habits! What Do We Worth Through The 4 Horsemen? Here’s how you can tackle the "Four Horsemen" and keep your relationship on track: Criticism → Use Gentle Start-UpInstead of blaming or attacking, talk about how you feel and what you need without accusing your partner. For example, instead of "You never help around the house," try "I feel overwhelmed when the chores pile up. Can we figure out a better way to handle them? " Contempt → Build AppreciationContempt is a relationship killer, so combat it by focusing on the positives. Regularly express appreciation, gratitude, and respect for your partner. Even small compliments or "thank you’s" can go a long way in keeping the relationship healthy. Defensiveness → Take ResponsibilityIt’s tough not to get defensive, but owning up to even a small part of the problem can defuse conflict. If your partner brings something up, try saying, "You’re right, I should’ve handled that better," rather than immediately shifting the blame. Stonewalling → Self-SoothingWhen you feel overwhelmed and want to shut down, take a break to calm down instead of withdrawing completely. Let your partner know you need a little time to cool off, then come back to the conversation once you’re feeling more grounded. These strategies can help you shift from unhealthy patterns to more positive, productive ways of handling conflict and keeping your connection strong. What About Abusive Relationships? The "Four Horsemen" are super helpful for understanding common communication issues in relationships that are mostly healthy but hit rough patches. But they really don’t apply to abusive relationships because, in those cases, the problem isn’t about communication—it’s about one person using power and control to harm the other. In an abusive relationship, it's not just bad conflict habits; it's intentional behaviour to manipulate or dominate the other person, which is a totally different thing. The line is crossed when one partner is consistently trying to control, hurt, or intimidate the other—whether emotionally, physically, or mentally. You can’t "fix" that with better communication, and trying to apply the "Four Horsemen" in this situation can actually be harmful. It could make the victim feel responsible for not doing enough when the real issue is the abusive behaviour itself. In these cases, it’s more about getting support and finding safety, not just talking things out. If you think or are unsure if you are in an abusive relationship, don't hesitate to contact these helplines and support services for abusive relationships in the UK, USA, and worldwide: UK National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0808 2000 247 (24/7, run by Refuge) Men's Advice Line – 0808 801 0327 (Support for male victims of domestic abuse) Galop – 0800 999 5428 (Support for LGBTQ+ individuals facing abuse) The Mix – 0808 808 4994 (Support for under-25s) USA National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text "START" to 88788 (24/7) Loveisrespect – 1-866-331-9474 or text "LOVEIS" to 22522 (Support for young people experiencing abuse) The Hotline for Men – 1-877-643-1122 RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) – 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) (Support for sexual abuse and assault survivors) Worldwide UN Women – Provides global resources and emergency support services. Hot Peach Pages – Directory of domestic violence resources globally. Women's Aid International – Links to support services in multiple countries. --- - Categories: Sex Positivity just married the love of my life two months ago. I have a thriving business promoting a mission that I truly believe in. I live in an incredible community that makes me happy and fulfilled. And I’m lucky enough to have these things at 31. I just married the love of my life two months ago. I have a thriving business promoting a mission that I truly believe in. I live in an incredible community that makes me happy and fulfilled. And I’m lucky enough to have these things at 31. I have so much more agency than my grandmother did. She's a woman who gave birth to 8 children by the time she was my age. But I also recognize a kinship beyond our genes. I see a woman pulled along by the tidal forces of her culture; sometimes I feel swept up by the same.   So... why do I still feel like there’s something more, something I haven’t fully grasped? Like a hard ball of sand, moulded yet still slipping through the cracks of my white knuckles. I know I can’t be alone in this feeling, right? It’s so easy to rationalize away by thinking “Things are going great! What do I feel this for? ” But this feeling isn’t always -- or often -- a rational feeling. It comes from comparing what’s going on in my life to what’s going on in the lives of everyone around me, or as my husband likes to say, “Keeping up with the Joneses” (with that reference I should believe he is a 1920s ghost who has come back to haunt me, but he is a hot ghost if that’s the case, so I can accept my fate). Feeling this indescribable feeling can mean different things to different people. Let me explain what it means to me: I sometimes wonder if I’m making the right decisions about my business and career; I second guess the timing my husband and I have chosen to have kids -- even though we’ve been thinking and talking about our plan for years; I fantasize about picking up and traveling around the world or living in Italy again just to eat pizza, guzzle wine, and stare at the rolling hills. I still think and feel these things even though I really, really enjoy my life. If you haven’t read ”All Fours” by Miranda July, now is the time to stop reading this and binge read that. Truly.  Because Miranda July really understands this feeling as a woman in today’s world. She doesn’t hit the nail on the head, she hits the nail *inside* the head and makes you feel the most seen you’ve ever felt in your entire life. In some ways, the main character in “All Fours” is a woman many in this country can identify with. A 40-something mother, struggling to balance the demands of career, family, and her heterosexual partnership, while confronting her changing body and perimenopause. In other ways, the character is one of the more radical women to have ever been put to page. In the earliest miles of a road trip, she takes a detour at a motel. She ends up staying 2 weeks, spending $20,000 to renovate a room she doesn't own, and falling in love (and becoming obsessed) with her interior designer’s husband. We witness the agony, the ecstasy, of her newly discovered desire; we follow as she challenges her understanding of her body and its capacity for sexual pleasure. We’re invited into her exuberance as she opens up her marriage and takes up a lesbian lover (and I RSVP’d, YES). She is a woman unleashed, leading her life with desire. At times she teeters, and I wondered: is she wrecking cherished elements of her life in an act of selfishness, including her long term stable partnership, or is she wrecking the normative forces that told her what to want, and prodded her into blindly agreeing to them?  Yet page after page I saw myself in her. Through whisper networksand quiet meetings, women of all types are sharing their identification with her too. July writes with such intimacy and closeness with the reader that I didn’t even realize I didn’t know the protagonist’s name until afterI finished reading the book. She doesn’t have one. Because she is me, I am her. And she is you, too.   There is so much pressure on women in particular to have it together, to know where we’re headed, to be responsible, to think about all aspects of our future. To lift the mental load of family, children, finances, purchasing decisions. But I wonder if my feeling is an energy, a pulse, a yearning to go beyond what I’ve always done, which is to do the thing that is “correct” or “logical. ” To do what I’m told; to follow the flow of the cultural mores, just as my grandmother did. I’m not quite sure but I know that I’ll be wrestling with this feeling for a long, long time. So, if you’re feeling something remotely like this and want to be a bit more understood, “All Fours” is waiting for you. --- - Categories: Toys & Pleasure Discover how cannabis, particularly CBD and THC, can enhance intimacy and arousal. Learn about the benefits, products like THC/CBD lubes, and tips for safe experimentation. Note: Cannabis legality varies by region, so check your country's laws. Important note: AIMA are located in Canada where Cannabis is legal, please check your countries laws.  For those in the UK, CBD is legal but THC is not. Marijuana has often been painted with a brush of misconception and negativity, primarily due to its legality, which varies around the globe. However, the more we delve into the potential benefits of this natural substance, the more we are surprised by its versatility. One area that's creating quite a stir is the link between cannabis and arousal. Owing to the long-time global prohibition of marijuana, researchers haven't been able to explore its effects on human arousal thoroughly. However, there are rising anecdotes and self-reports claiming the heightened experience of intimacy when under the influence of cannabis.   A 2023 study from Healthline suggests that 68. 5% of participants found their intimate encounters more pleasurable after using cannabis and/or products infused. How Can Cannabis Heighten Pleasure? One explanation is marijuana’s established properties that aid in pain relief and relaxation. This can be particularly beneficial for individuals who experience pain during intimacy, particularly penetrative sex. As a bonus, specific strains of marijuana can elevate one's sensitivity to touch. This enhanced sensation can lead to prolonged and intensified orgasms, making it relatively easier for individuals, especially individuals with vulva, to reach climax. The stimulating effect of cannabis on erogenous zones is another bonus, amplifying overall pleasure. Exploring Cannabis Beyond The High  If you're intrigued by including marijuana but are not keen on getting high or stoned, many alternatives exclude any psychedelic effect. CBD doesn't have the intoxicating properties THC possesses. Several countries have legalized Cannabidiol (CBD), including Canada, Spain, Switzerland, and the United Kingdom. In the U. S. , CBD is currently legal in all 50 states.   You can find the following products packed with relax-inducing CBD:  THC/CBD Lube: The fusion of THC/CBD with lubes is a contemporary innovation that is rapidly gaining popularity. It can offer an enhanced sensual experience by promoting relaxation, increasing blood flow, and reducing discomfort or pain. Another benefit is the potential for increased arousal as it can enhance sensitivity, leading to a more profound connection during intimate moments. The localized effect of THC and CBD on genitalia can stimulate more intense and longer-lasting arousal and more vivid orgasm. THC/CBD Vaginal/Anal Suppositories: These formulated products promise not just enhanced pleasure, but a range of benefits. Firstly, natural lubrication, which is beneficial for people struggling with dryness or pain during intimacy. Meanwhile, the interaction of THC and CBD with the body's endocannabinoid system can amplify sensations in intimate areas, and heighten arousal, sensitivity, and overall pleasure. This is due to the localized release of these compounds directly in erogenous zones, leading to a more immersive sensual experience, with quick uptake into the body. THC/CBD Massage Together in massage oil, CBD/THC can provide a gorgeous synergy that offers relaxation, pain relief, and heightened sensual awareness. Apart from the sexual benefits, who can resist a cheeky massage? This product is a dual-purpose winner, relaxing tense muscles, easing stress, and setting a calming ambiance that paves the way for deeper connections. However, a word of caution: Oils and condoms can be a mismatch, so one might consider opting for a water-based lube or suppository. Play With Caution Embracing cannabis in your intimate life can be a thrilling journey, but it's essential to be aware and cautious. Here are some simple guidelines:  Solo Experimentation: If you've never used marijuana during intimate moments, it might be a good idea to try it out solo. This will give you a clearer picture of how your body responds, without any external pressures. Communication is Key: Intimacy is a dance of understanding and consent. It's crucial to set boundaries to ensure both parties are on the same page, throughout the intimate experience—especially when bringing in external elements such as cannabis. Since cannabis can affect judgment and may cause sedation, it's best to have these conversations beforehand. Moderation and Quality: Start slow and proceed with caution. Remember, cannabis affects everyone differently. What works for someone else might not work for you. Always procure your products from trusted sources to ensure their quality and safety. Whether you're seeking relief, enhanced sensations, or just a new experience, cannabis might just be the key to unlocking a more fulfilling intimate life. Cannabis has a myriad of potential benefits that are becoming increasingly accepted. Its intersection with human arousal and intimacy is still in its exploration stages, but the preliminary findings and anecdotes are promising! As with any substance, personal experiences may vary, so it's essential to be informed, cautious, and of course, open-minded.   --- - Categories: Neurodivergence & Sex, Sexuality & Gender Discover what asexuality means with Cliterally The Best’s guide to understanding asexuality. Learn about the ace spectrum, common misconceptions, and how to support asexual people in this inclusive and informative article. Asexuality is a sexual orientation that’s slowly getting the recognition it deserves as more people learn and identify as asexual, or “ace. ” With this growing awareness, it’s natural to want to understand what it means to be asexual and what this looks like in terms of relationships and personal identity.   So, What Exactly is Asexuality? In short, asexuality means not experiencing sexual attraction. People who are asexual aren’t driven by the usual sexual attraction that many others feel. It’s important to know that asexuality isn’t a choice, a phase, or a fear of sex. Instead, it’s simply a different way of experiencing the world. However, there's a whole spectrum within asexuality. Some asexual people might feel entirely uninterested in sex, while others may enjoy solo pleasure but not with other people and others will be neutral about it or even open to sex for emotional connection or intimacy. This range shows that asexuality is not a one-size-fits-all experience, and people define their feelings and boundaries differently. Asexuality Myths Busted There are a lot of misunderstandings about asexuality, so let’s clear up a few of the big ones: "Asexual people are scared of sex" - Not true! Asexuality isn’t defined by fear or avoidance of sex. It’s about not feeling that natural pull or attraction to it, though some asexual people might have specific feelings about engaging in sex itself. "Asexuality is just a phase" - Nope! Just like any other orientation, asexuality can be a lifelong experience. It’s not something people simply “grow out of. ” "Asexual people don’t want relationships" - Many asexual people have rich, fulfilling relationships! Some may feel romantic attraction and seek relationships, while others don’t. It’s all about the individual and what feels right for them. "You've just not found the right person; you're not asexual" - This suggests that sexual attraction is a requirement for validating one's identity, but much like being gay, queer, or straight, asexuality is not a choice—it's a valid orientation that deserves acceptance and recognition, as each person’s experience of attraction is unique. How Asexuality and Romantic Orientation Can Overlap Asexuality isn’t always tied to a person’s ability to feel romantic attraction. Asexual people can still be romantically drawn to others; they might identify as heteroromantic, homoromantic, or biromantic, for instance. Some asexual people, however, don’t feel romantic attraction either and may identify as aromantic. Demisexuality is a sexual orientation that is also part of the asexuality spectrum. This is where individuals only experience sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional connection with someone. Demisexual people may not feel sexually attracted to someone upon first meeting but can develop attraction as trust and affection grow. This orientation highlights the diversity of human sexuality and emphasises the role of emotional intimacy can play in sexual attraction. For those who want a romantic relationship, therapy can help clarify what kinds of connection or intimacy feel comfortable and meaningful for them, leading to fulfilling relationships built on understanding and respect. Mental Health & Asexuality: Finding Support and Validation Asexual individuals might face mental health challenges because of social stigma or feeling “different” in a predominantly sexual society. They might also face isolation, shame, or confusion. Therapy can help by providing a supportive space for asexual individuals to talk openly about their experiences, affirm their identities, and even work through feelings of isolation. For some, asexuality is met with discrimination against asexuality, which might come from family, friends, or even the healthcare system. Talking with a therapist can help asexual people feel seen, supported, and validated. Navigating Relationships as an Asexual Person Yes, asexual people can absolutely have relationships! Whether those relationships are romantic or platonic, they’re just as meaningful and fulfilling. Asexual individuals often create relationships based on deep connection and mutual respect rather than physical attraction. When an asexual person is in a relationship with someone who isn’t asexual, it might bring up some unique challenges around intimacy and expectations. Here, open communication is key. Discussing needs, boundaries, and expectations honestly helps both partners feel respected and connected, even if their attraction levels differ. Therapists can work with couples to find creative ways to nurture closeness, trust, and intimacy without needing sex to be the central focus of the relationship. This way, both partners can enjoy a relationship that feels fulfilling and meaningful for both. How Can You Be a Good Ally to Asexual People? If you’re a friend, family member, or partner of someone who is asexual, you can support them in many ways: Learn more: Read up on asexuality to understand it better, especially from reliable resources and voices in the asexual community. Ask questions, but don’t assume: Respectfully asking about their preferences or boundaries can open the door to understanding, but avoid making assumptions. Believe them and be inclusive: Support asexual inclusivity in conversations and social settings, helping to break down stereotypes and increase awareness. Don't assume. Is there a link to Asexuality and Neurodivergence? There is a strong and meaningful connection between asexuality and neurodivergence, though the reasons behind this overlap are still being explored. Many autistic people, ADHDers, and others who are neurodivergent find themselves identifying somewhere on the asexual spectrum more often than neurotypical people do. Everyone experiences attraction, relationships, and intimacy differently, and for neurodivergent people, these experiences can be shaped by unique perspectives on the world. Some possible reasons for the link include: A... --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Relationships & Dating, Sex 101, Sexuality & Gender When it comes to sexual health, all of us deserve information that’s clear, helpful, and free from shame. This is especially important for sapphic relationships, where the conversation around sexual health can sometimes feel underrepresented or confusing - in sex ed class and as an adult! Sapphic = A gender-inclusive term, covering expands further than just women, opening the community to non binary people who are attracted to women. When it comes to sexual health, all of us deserve information that’s clear, helpful, and free from shame. This is especially important for sapphic relationships, where the conversation around sexual health can sometimes feel underrepresented or confusing - in sex ed class and as an adult! Whether you're new to navigating sapphic relationships or you're looking to refresh your knowledge, here’s a guide to maintaining your sexual well-being that’s inclusive and straightforward. Communication is Key Let’s start with one of the most important aspects of any relationship: communication. Talking openly about desires, boundaries, and sexual health not only strengthens the bond but also ensures everyone involved feels safe and respected. Before getting intimate, check in with each other about STI history, preferences, and comfort levels. It doesn’t need to be a heavy or awkward conversation—it’s just a normal part of being responsible with our bodies. Honesty and transparency create an atmosphere where both you and your partner(s) can enjoy a safe, pleasurable experience. Understanding STI Transmission It’s a common misconception that STIs aren’t a concern in sapphic relationships, but that’s not true. STIs can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, oral sex, sharing sex toys, and even through hand-to-genital contact if there are cuts or sores. So, what can you do to reduce the risk? Here are a few tips: Barrier methods: Dental dams, latex gloves, and internal or external condoms can all help lower the chances of STI transmission. They may not be the first thing that comes to mind, but they’re an easy addition to your sexual routine. Newer products like My Lorals offer a more convenient alternative, providing protection without the hassle of handling traditional square dental dams. Regular testing: Getting tested for STIs regularly is an important part of sexual health. Check out our testing time guide here. Testing is normal, and it ensures everyone involved is taking care of their health. Hygiene: Simple steps like washing your hands before and after sex or cleaning sex toys between uses can go a long way. Many toys are made from porous materials that can harbor bacteria, so cleaning with an antibacterial toy cleaner or warm soapy water is essential. Safe Use of Sex Toys Speaking of toys, if you use them, keeping them clean is vital. If you’re sharing toys between partners, be sure to use condoms on the toys and change the condom if the toy switches between people or between different parts of the body. Additionally, opt for toys made from non-porous materials like silicone, glass, or stainless steel, as they’re easier to clean and more resistant to bacteria. This is an easy way to lower the risk of infection while keeping things fun. Don’t Forget About Lube Whether it’s for comfort or to enhance pleasure, lube can be a game-changer. There’s no shame in using it, and it can actually reduce the chance of microtears or irritation. When choosing a lube, be mindful of what you’re using with sex toys—water-based lubes are generally compatible with most materials, while silicone-based lubes should be avoided with silicone toys as they can degrade the material. If you have sensitive skin, look for lubes without glycerin or parabens to avoid irritation. Vaginal Health and Regular Checkups Keeping up with routine health checks is essential. Regardless of your sexual orientation or relationship structure, staying up to date with your smear tests (if you have a cervix) are vital to detect early signs of issues like cervical cancer or other health concerns. If you experience discomfort, unusual discharge, or other changes, don’t hesitate to talk to a healthcare provider. Your body’s signals are important, and there’s no need to feel embarrassed about getting them checked out. Explore Your Pleasure Without Shame Sexual health isn’t just about preventing STIs and maintaining physical wellness—it’s also about experiencing pleasure in a way that feels good for you. In sapphic relationships, there can be a lot of variety in terms of what intimacy looks like, and it’s important to embrace that. In life, and especially in queer relationships, we can become obsessed with labels. However, there's no need to feel pressured to follow any specific script. What matters most is that you and your partner(s) are enjoying yourselves and respecting each other’s boundaries. Common Myths About Sexual Health Protection for WLW/Sapphic/Vulva-to-Vulva Sex For those who engage in vulva-to-vulva sex, there are several myths that can impact understanding and practices around sexual health protection. Let’s debunk some common misconceptions to ensure we can enjoy sex with confidence and safety. 1.  "STIs Aren’t a Concern in Sapphic/Lesbian Relationships" Myth: STIs are only a risk in heterosexual relationships. Reality: STIs can be transmitted in any type of sexual relationship, including sapphic relationships. Infections like herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV), and gonorrhea can be spread through skin-to-skin contact, oral sex, and sharing sex toys. Using protection and getting regular STI screenings are important practices for maintaining sexual health. 2.  "You Don’t Need Protection If You’re in a Committed Relationship" Myth: Being in a committed relationship means STI protection isn’t necessary. Reality: Even in a committed relationship, it’s important to use protection and get tested regularly. Some STIs can be asymptomatic, meaning you might not have visible symptoms but can still transmit infections. Regular testing helps ensure that both partners are aware of their sexual health status. 3.  "Dental Dams... --- - Categories: Penis Health, Sexual Health & Contraception There’s been a lot of discussion online about vasectomies being an easy form of "reversible contraception" for men and people with penises. However (unlike The US Office suggests) the reality is more complex. There’s been a lot of discussion online about vasectomies being an easy form of "reversible contraception" for men and people with penises. However (unlike The US Office suggests) the reality is more complex. While I very much understand the immense frustration about contraception often being primarily a woman's or person with a womb's responsibility, it’s important to note that vasectomies are classified as a form of sterilisation, even though they can sometimes be reversed. So, what exactly is a vasectomy, and what are the success rates for reversals? It's important to note, if you life in the UK, you cannot get a reversal on the NHS. What is a Vasectomy? A vasectomy is a quick, minor surgical procedure that usually takes around 30 minutes. It’s a highly effective form of birth control for men and penis-owners, working by cutting or blocking the tubes (vas deferens) that carry sperm. This prevents sperm from mixing with semen and makes pregnancy very unlikely. While it's considered permanent, some people choose to have a vasectomy reversal later in life. If you're wondering how successful a vasectomy reversal is, you're not alone—it's a question many ask when life circumstances change. What is a Vasectomy Reversal? A vasectomy reversal is a surgery that reconnects the vas deferens, allowing sperm to be present in the semen again. In short, it aims to restore fertility, giving the body the ability to make pregnancy possible once more. There are two types of procedures used in vasectomy reversals: Vasovasostomy – This is the simpler of the two, involving stitching the ends of the vas deferens back together. It’s used when there’s no blockage preventing the sperm from traveling through the tubes. Vasoepididymostomy – If a blockage has developed, this more complex procedure is needed. It connects the vas deferens directly to the epididymis, the tube at the back of the testicle that holds sperm. This surgery requires more precision and skill than a vasovasostomy. Success Rates of Vasectomy Reversals While vasectomy reversals can be successful, the chances of success decrease the longer it's been since the original vasectomy. Factors like the type of vasectomy you had and the surgeon's experience can also impact the outcome. The use of microsurgery, a method that involves using a microscope for enhanced precision, tends to improve success rates. Here’s a general idea of success rates based on how long it's been since the vasectomy: Within 3 years: 75% chance of success 3-8 years: 50-55% chance of success 9-14 years: 40-45% chance of success 15-19 years: 30% chance of success 20+ years: Less than 10% chance of success Factors Affecting Success Time Since Vasectomy - The most significant factor affecting success is the time between the original vasectomy and the reversal. Generally, the sooner you decide to have a reversal, the better your chances. Surgeon’s Experience - Choosing a highly experienced surgeon can also boost your chances. Surgeons trained in microsurgical techniques usually have higher success rates because of the precision needed for reconnecting such small tubes. Health and Age - Your overall health and age, as well as that of your partner, can also play a role in how successful the procedure is when trying to conceive afterward. The vasectomy reversal can restore sperm flow, but fertility is still affected by factors like sperm quality and the reproductive health of both partners. Is a Vasectomy Reversal Worth Considering? Whether or not to have a vasectomy reversal is a personal decision, often influenced by changes in relationships or family goals. Success rates can vary, but many men and penis-owners who undergo a reversal can conceive with their partners, especially if the reversal is done within a few years of the vasectomy. If this is something you're considering, it’s best to talk to a urologist who specialises in these procedures.  They can help assess your situation and give you a clearer understanding of what to expect.   Fortunately, there are some exciting breakthroughs in male and penis-owner reversible contraceptions. You can learn more about these advancements and their potential from The Lowdown. --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sexual Health & Contraception Don't fall for condom and protection excuses! Cliterally The Best debunks common myths and gives you confident comebacks to shut them down. Stay safe, empowered, and in control. Some people avoid using condoms, either because they think they don’t need them or they just don’t want to use them. However, condoms are essential as they are the only contraceptive method that protects against both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Using condoms is a smart habit to develop, and with the variety of types available, you can find ones that actually enhance your sexual experience. Whether it’s you or your partner making excuses, here are some common ones along with ways to counter them: “I know they are clean/i'm clean” You can't judge if someone has an STI based on their appearance or sexual history. Many STIs show no symptoms. The only way to know for sure is through testing.   Also using the words 'clean' and 'dirty' implies that someone with an STI is dirty when in fact anyone can get an STI, even those who use protection. “I hate how condoms feel” This excuse is quite common, but using condoms can still make for great sex! The right condom can even boost pleasure. Here are some tips: Size: Condoms that don’t fit well can be uncomfortable and less effective. Try different sizes to find the best fit. Thinner Condoms: These can increase sensation and pleasure. Non-Latex Condoms: Perfect for those with latex allergies and often feel more natural. Flared Condoms: These offer more room at the end, making them easier to put on and more comfortable. Stimulating Condoms: These are ribbed or lubricated to add sensation. Flavored Condoms: Great for oral sex but avoid for vaginal sex to prevent irritation. Extra Lubricated Condoms: These can enhance pleasure, and you can add more lube for better sensation. “It's just a round of antibiotics, i'll go get tested after” Not all STIs are curable, and many people don’t show symptoms, which can lead to untreated long-term health issues like infertility. Regular testing is crucial but if you are having them too soon it can miss some, check out STI window periods. “Just pull out” The withdrawal method is unreliable for preventing pregnancy because pre-ejaculate can contain sperm. It also doesn’t protect against STIs. Condoms are a much safer choice. “They wouldn't have sex with me if they knew they had an STI” Many people don’t realise they have an STI because they show no symptoms. Regular testing is the only way to know for sure. “I'm on contraception so it's fine” Other contraception methods don’t protect against STIs. If you’re in a monogamous relationship and both tested negative, it might be safe, but always consult a health professional. “It ruins the moment” Preparation is key. Talk about condoms before sex, make putting them on part of the fun (the non-penis owner could put it on), and always have them easily accessible. “No condoms fit me” Condoms come in various sizes and are designed to stretch. There’s a perfect fit for every penis. “I'll just take the morning after pill” Emergency contraception should be a last resort. Regular contraception methods are more effective and have fewer side effects. Keep emergency contraception for when your regular method fails. Condom Excuse Comebacks “It just doesn’t feel good. ” Try a condom one size smaller. Does an unplanned pregnancy feel better? A condom will make you feel much better than an STD. Neither does sleeping alone, babe. “But baby, I’m clean. No STDs” How sure are you that I’m clean? You also said you were six inches, and that was disappointing. The only thing I’m catching tonight is an Uber if you don’t use a condom. “I don’t last as long with a condom on. ” Sounds like you need more practice. Don’t punish me for your inadequacies. Hopefully, you'll last longer than this relationship. “I’ll just pull out, don’t worry. ” And I’ll just pull out of this relationship. There’s nothing to pull out if there’s no condom. I’m not risking pregnancy with how fast you handle things. “It ruins the moment. ” Put it on, or there will be no moment. So does your attitude. A pregnancy ruins our lives. “It’s hard to put it on. ” Try a condom one size down. It’s hard to deal with your attitude, but I manage. So put a condom on. Perfect time to practice. I’ve got all night. “Girls are responsible for birth control, not the guys. ” Clearly, your mother should have been more responsible. It’s not pregnancy I’m worried about; it’s STDs from you. Abstinence is the best birth control with you. “But we’ve had sex without a condom before. ” That’s one mistake I’m not repeating. I learn from my mistakes. “Don’t you trust me? ” I’m starting not to. I trust you with dinner choices, not with unprotected sex. Trust will come with a ring on my finger. No, I thought that was clear. “I don’t have one with me. ” Go get one; I’ll wait. Give me fifty bucks for the morning-after pill then. Guess we’ll do this another time. Protection for those not having sex with someone with a penis... If you don't have sex with someone with a penis, you still need to take steps to stay protected. You can take several steps to protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections (STIs). While the risk of transmission is lower, it is still important to practice safe sex. Using dental dams or condoms during oral sex and while sharing sex... --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure The orgasm gap is the reality in heterosexual relationships where cisgender men have more orgasms than their cisgender women partners. The orgasm gap is the reality in heterosexual relationships where cisgender men have more orgasms than their cisgender women partners.   According to Durex’s research 20% of men answered that they “always” orgasm during sexual encounters, whereas only 5% of women answered the same. This isn’t to do with biology, women aren’t less likely to orgasm due to their reproductive organs. 88% of lesbian women and 66% of bisexual women usually orgasmed when sexually intimate, whilst 65% of heterosexual women answered usually-always. The International Academy of Sex Research They go to elaborate that of the heterosexual women that orgasm regularly they were more likely to receive oral sex, have longer sex, or do other things to add spice to the experience and communicate what they wanted to their partners. With that being said it’s clear that the orgasm gap falls directly into the societal misconceptions of what heterosexual sex is all about. Which spoiler alert is more than penetration... So why does this happen if it’s not in cisgendered Women's DNA?   Despite cisgender women’s bodies having 7 erogenous zones, it has been infiltrated within society to view cisgender women as there for the cisgender men’s pleasure and not their own. This explains why a common narrative of heterosexual sex tends to be doing a small amount of oral or foreplay (if any) and then going straight into penetration. And the issue with this is that the likelihood of the women in this scenario reaching climax is slim because only 18% of women reported being able to orgasm from penetrative sex alone.   The moral of the story? We need to make more effort in the bedroom, starting with doing more than penetration. It’s not a race to the big O it’s an experience that should be savoured and enjoyed, and if it leads to penetration or not it can and should still be a gratifying experience. By changing the mindset of what sex is you can open many doors to the fluidity and creativity of sex, explore the experience. People with vulvas shouldn’t feel pressured to orgasm during sex, sometimes it just ain’t happening and that’s totally normal. Your sex life is about you and your partner/s pleasure so put that as your focus and you’ll have a fulfilling time, orgasm or not. --- - Categories: Sex Positivity, Toys & Pleasure - Tags: History Did you know Kellogg’s cornflakes were created to stop masturbation? Learn the bizarre history behind this anti-sex myth and why masturbation is perfectly healthy. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. One of the world’s most iconic breakfast cereals was born from a misguided attempt to control people’s sexual desires. In the 18th and 19th centuries, moral panic about masturbation swept through Western society. Fuelled by strict Victorian values and religious dogma, people were led to believe that self-pleasure would lead to everything from mood swings and acne to blindness and death. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. Enter John Harvey Kellogg – Cereal Mogul and Anti-Sex Crusader In the United States, one of the loudest anti-masturbation voices was John Harvey Kellogg, a physician and devout Seventh-Day Adventist from Michigan. Kellogg wasn’t just a doctor; he was a health reformer who believed that a clean body and a “pure” mind went hand in hand. Unfortunately, his version of purity meant demonising sex in all forms, including masturbation. Kellogg took things to the extreme. He abstained from sex entirely, even on his honeymoon, choosing instead to work on anti-sex literature. He and his wife slept in separate bedrooms and adopted eight children while fostering another 34. Kellogg’s Weird Views on Masturbation Kellogg’s 1877 book, Plain Facts for Old and Young, claimed that masturbation caused a whopping 39 symptoms, ranging from mood swings and acne to epilepsy. His ideas were rooted in fear and misinformation, designed to scare young people into avoiding any form of sexual exploration. How Cornflakes Were Supposed to Kill Your Libido Kellogg was convinced that rich, flavourful foods stirred up sexual desires. His solution? Bland, boring food that would supposedly dampen any sexual urges. Inspired by Sylvester Graham (the guy behind graham crackers, which were also created to reduce sexual temptation), Kellogg developed cornflakes – a plain, grain-based cereal that he believed would keep people’s libidos in check. Of course, Kellogg’s original unsweetened flakes have come a long way since then. But the next time you pour yourself a bowl of cornflakes, you might find yourself wondering about its strange anti-masturbation origins. Is Masturbation Actually Bad for You? Nope. Not even a little bit. Despite Kellogg’s wild claims, there’s zero evidence that masturbation is harmful. It’s a completely normal and healthy way to explore your body, release tension, and build a better understanding of what feels good. Masturbation can even help improve sleep, reduce stress, and boost your mood. The only time it might be a concern is if it starts interfering with your daily life or relationships. But there’s no such thing as a “normal” amount of masturbation – it’s all about what feels right for you. And if you ever feel like it’s becoming compulsive or causing distress, a sex therapist can help you navigate it. Why Do These Myths Stick Around? Although we’ve left Victorian values behind (thank goodness), the anti-masturbation narrative hasn’t fully disappeared. Movements like #NOFAP continue to push the idea that abstaining from masturbation makes you more masculine, disciplined, and successful. Spoiler alert (again): it doesn’t. These claims aren’t backed by science, and they only contribute to more shame and misinformation. Busting Masturbation Myths for Good Understanding the weird history behind these ideas is key to breaking the cycle of shame and misinformation. Masturbation isn’t harmful. It’s normal, natural, and nothing to feel guilty about – no matter what a cereal mogul from the 1800s had to say about it. Sources: Kellogg, John Harvey. Plain Facts for Old and Young: Embracing the Natural History and Hygiene of Organic Life. 1877. Smithsonian Magazine. "The Great Cornflake Debate: Who Really Invented the Iconic Cereal? " NHS UK. "Masturbation: The Facts" Psychology Today. "NOFAP: What the Science Really Says" --- - Categories: Sex 101, Sexual Health & Contraception, Toys & Pleasure Managing sexual side effects of antidepressants? Discover practical tips and strategies to reclaim your sexual satisfaction. With the right support, you can feel like yourself again! Antidepressants are a lifeline for many people navigating depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges. But what happens when the medication designed to lift your mood ends up dampening your sexual wellbeing? Don’t panic. You’re not alone, and there are ways to navigate this. In this article, we’ll dive into practical tips and strategies to help manage the sexual side effects of SSRIs and other antidepressants, so you can get back to feeling like yourself again. Understanding Sexual Side Effects First things first, let’s shed some light on what’s actually going on. Antidepressants, particularly SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), can sometimes interfere with sexual desire, arousal, lubrication, and orgasm. It’s not uncommon to experience a dip in libido or difficulties reaching climax while on these medications. However, everyone’s experience is unique, and not everyone will encounter these side effects. Communication is Key Your journey to reclaiming your sexual satisfaction starts with open and honest communication. Talk to your healthcare provider about any concerns you have regarding sexual side effects. They can offer insights, adjust your medication if necessary (sometimes even a slight dosage change can make a big difference), or suggest alternative strategies to manage these effects effectively. Pro tip: Never adjust your medication on your own. Always consult your doctor first! Exploring Alternative Medications If sexual side effects persist and significantly impact your quality of life, don’t hesitate to ask your doctor about switching to a different antidepressant. Some medications, such as bupropion or mirtazapine, may have fewer sexual side effects or be better tolerated by your body. It’s all about finding what works best for you. Lifestyle Modifications Alongside medication adjustments, certain lifestyle tweaks can make a noticeable difference in improving sexual function. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep all contribute to a healthier mind and body, which in turn can enhance your sexual response. Incorporating stress-reducing activities like mindfulness, meditation, or yoga can also boost your overall wellbeing and sexual satisfaction. Prioritise Intimacy When facing sexual side effects, it’s crucial to nurture intimacy and connection with your partner. Shift the focus away from penetrative sex and explore other ways to build emotional closeness. Non-sexual activities like cuddling, holding hands, or having heartfelt conversations can strengthen your bond and create a deeper sense of intimacy. Remember, intimacy is about so much more than just sex. Experiment with Sensate Focus Sensate focus exercises are a great tool to reconnect with your body and rekindle desire. These exercises involve gradually reintroducing touch in a non-demanding, pleasure-focused way. The goal is to explore different sensations without the pressure of performance. Whether solo or with a partner, this practice can help you discover what feels good and rebuild confidence in your sexual experiences. Seek Professional Support If navigating sexual side effects feels overwhelming, you’re not alone. A COSRT or AASECT-registered sex therapist can provide tailored guidance, validation, and practical techniques to address your concerns. Therapy can help you better understand how antidepressants are impacting your sexual wellbeing and offer strategies to enhance pleasure and connection. Be Kind to Yourself Managing sexual side effects of antidepressants takes patience, experimentation, and a lot of self-compassion. There’s no quick fix, but with the right support and strategies, it’s absolutely possible to regain a fulfilling and satisfying sex life. Be gentle with yourself throughout this process, and don’t forget to celebrate the small victories along the way. Ready to Enhance Your Pleasure? If you’re exploring new ways to boost intimacy and pleasure, why not add a little something extra? Our Cliterally The Best lube is designed to make every touch smoother, wetter, and way more fun. Perfect for sensate focus sessions or any time you’re in the mood to explore. Sources: NHS UK. "Sex and Antidepressants" Psychology Today. "Understanding Antidepressant-Induced Sexual Dysfunction" Royal College of Psychiatrists. "Sexual Side Effects of Antidepressants" Healthline. "How to Manage Sexual Side Effects of Antidepressants" --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating Is it time to go ‘no contact’? Learn why cutting off communication after a breakup is beneficial, how long to stick with it, and how to resist the urge to reach out to your ex. Whether you’ve Whether you’ve ended a short fling or a long-term relationship, breakups are hard. Even if it was the right decision to part ways, you’ll probably find yourself missing the other person and the life you shared. It’s totally natural to feel this way, but if you want to heal and move on, no contact might just be the most effective method for doing so. In this post, we’re going to break down what ‘no contact’ really means, how long you should aim to stick to it, and the best strategies to resist the urge to reach out. What Does ‘No Contact’ Actually Mean? Simply put, no contact means cutting off all communication with your ex after a breakup. It’s a clear boundary that helps you create the emotional space you need to heal. This includes: No texting or calling No responding to messages or social media comments No ‘accidental’ likes on their Instagram posts or checking their stories No in-person meetups or casual conversations For some people, even checking their ex’s social media is off-limits. It’s all about creating distance so that you can get a clearer perspective on the relationship and focus on yourself. Does It Actually Work? The short answer: Yes! While every breakup is unique, no contact can be incredibly helpful for your emotional healing. According to studies, X% of people who tried no contact found it helped them move on faster, allowing them to process their feelings without the constant emotional rollercoaster that contact can cause. How Long Should You Go ‘No Contact’? The length of time you should go no contact really depends on the type of relationship you had, the way it ended, and your emotional needs. However, most experts suggest that you aim for at least 60 days of no contact to give yourself enough time to process and move on. When Does It Become Permanent? If you’re not planning on remaining friends with your ex or if you feel that continuing to have them in your life isn’t healthy, no contact could end up being permanent. That said, if you do want to remain in touch at some point, whether as friends or acquaintances, it can help to set a specific time frame. This way, you’ll have a clear idea of when you might reconnect. How to Resist the Urge to Reach Out The truth is, you will probably feel the urge to break no contact at some point. It’s normal. Here are a few strategies to help you stay strong and resist the temptation: 1. Stay Busy with Hobbies and Social Plans Keeping yourself occupied is one of the best ways to stop yourself from texting your ex. Make plans with friends or dive into hobbies you’ve always wanted to explore. Whether it’s going for a walk, reading a new book, or trying a new cooking recipe, finding things to do will take your mind off reaching out. 2. Limit Your Phone Time You don’t need to be glued to your phone all day, especially when you’re trying to avoid contacting your ex. Constantly checking your phone can trigger the impulse to reach out, so cut down on mindless scrolling. This will help you stay focused on your healing journey. 3. Keep a Journal Writing can be a great way to release pent-up emotions. Whenever you feel the urge to contact your ex, take a moment to jot down your feelings. Writing can help you work through your emotions and get clarity on why the breakup happened and why no contact is the best choice for you. 4. Block Them If Needed (But Be Transparent) Some people find it helpful to block their ex on social media or their phone to avoid temptation. If this feels right for you, do it. However, it’s a good idea to let them know beforehand, especially if you were close or the breakup was amicable. A simple message saying, “I need to focus on healing, so I’m going to be blocking you for a while,” can help avoid any confusion. Why ‘No Contact’ is a Gift to Yourself No matter how much you miss them, no contact is ultimately a gift. It’s a chance for you to: 1. Rediscover Yourself After a breakup, it’s easy to feel lost or unsure of who you are without the other person. Taking a break from contact will give you the space to reconnect with yourself, rediscover what makes you happy, and focus on your own goals. 2. Strengthen Your Emotional Boundaries Setting a firm boundary like no contact helps you practice emotional resilience. It teaches you how to say no to situations that aren’t healthy for you and reinforces the idea that you deserve respect and space. 3. Heal and Process Without Distractions The healing process can be much harder if you’re constantly in touch with your ex. No contact helps you process your emotions and come to terms with the end of the relationship, rather than dragging out the pain by staying in contact. Watch Out for ‘Rose-Tinted Glasses’ After some time, it’s easy to look back on the relationship through rose-tinted glasses—remembering only the good moments and ignoring the reasons why it ended. To avoid this, create a list of the reasons the relationship didn’t work. Keep it handy in your Notes app or journal, so when you start feeling nostalgic, you can remind... --- - Categories: Abortion Care Learn the difference between medical and surgical abortion, with step-by-step explanations of what to expect, recovery, and safety, written with care and reassurance. If you are considering an abortion, understanding the options available can help reduce anxiety and uncertainty. The two main types of abortion care used worldwide are medical abortion and surgical abortion. Both are safe, effective, and supported by decades of medical evidence. According to MSI Reproductive Choices and the World Health Organization, both methods are recommended depending on how far along the pregnancy is, medical needs, and personal preference. Medical abortion Medical abortion uses medication to end a pregnancy. It is most commonly used in early pregnancy and, in many settings, can be completed at home with appropriate information and support. Medical abortion: step by step Step 1: Taking the medicationMedical abortion usually involves taking two medicines. The first, mifepristone, stops the pregnancy from continuing. The second, misoprostol, causes the uterus to contract and empty. In some settings, misoprostol is used on its own. Your provider will explain what applies to you. Step 2: What happens in your bodyAfter taking the medication, cramping and bleeding begin. This can feel similar to a heavy period and may include passing blood clots. For most people, the heaviest bleeding happens within the first 24 hours. Step 3: Recovery and aftercareMost people start to feel physically better within a few days. Light bleeding or spotting can continue for one to two weeks. Medical abortion is over 95 percent effective in early pregnancy, and serious complications are very rare. Some people choose medical abortion because it allows privacy and feels more gradual. Others prefer different options. Both are valid. Surgical abortion Surgical abortion refers to clinical procedures provided by trained healthcare professionals. The most common method is vacuum aspiration. Surgical abortion: step by step Step 1: Before the procedureThe procedure takes place in a clinic or hospital. Pain relief options may include local anaesthetic, sedation, or general anaesthetic, depending on availability and preference. Step 2: The procedure itselfThe provider gently opens the cervix and uses suction to empty the uterus. The procedure itself usually takes less than 10 minutes. Step 3: RecoveryMost people rest briefly before going home the same day. Bleeding is often lighter than with medical abortion. Vacuum aspiration has a success rate of over 99 percent and a very low complication rate. Many people choose surgical abortion because it is completed quickly in one visit. Choosing what feels right Both methods are extremely safe. The best option depends on gestation, medical needs, access, and personal preference. In some places, choice is limited by law rather than healthcare guidance. FAQs Is one method safer than the other? No. Both medical and surgical abortions are very safe when provided using recommended protocols. Major health organisations do not consider one safer overall. Will it hurt? Pain experiences vary. Medical abortion involves cramping over time, while surgical abortion involves a shorter procedure. Pain relief and support are available for both. How long does recovery take? Most people feel physically well within a few days after either method, although light bleeding can continue for longer. What if I feel anxious or scared? That is very common. Providers are used to answering questions and offering reassurance. References MSI Reproductive Choices: https://www. msichoices. org/abortion-care/World Health Organization: https://www. who. int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/abortion --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex & Relationship Therapy, Sex 101, Sexuality & Gender, Toys & Pleasure Discover how sexual arousal works for all bodies. Learn about the biological processes of arousal, orgasm, and ejaculation for people with vulvas and penises. Explore models of sexual response, clitoral stimulation, non-concordance, and more. If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve experienced arousal at some point - but have you ever wondered how this happens in your body? Understanding sexual response from a biological and mechanical perspective can deepen your connection with your body and help you be gentler with yourself and others when things don’t always go as expected. For a refresher on sexual anatomy, check out our detailed guide: Sexual Anatomy 101 (AFAB & AMAB). Sexual Response for People with Vulvas (AFAB) Sexual response models for people with vulvas have evolved over the years, with various approaches explaining arousal and orgasm. While these models differ, the core understanding remains that sexual arousal for those assigned female at birth (AFAB) involves both mental (cognitive and emotional) and physical processes. How Arousal Happens Arousal is triggered by different stimuli - touch, sound, sight, and even scent. These triggers activate the brain’s pleasure centres, increasing blood flow to the genitals. Here's a closer look at the changes that occur: The vagina swells, and the labia minora (which contains erectile tissue) expands. Blood flow causes the vaginal walls to darken, while increased lubrication creates a sense of wetness. The clitoris enlarges, becoming highly sensitive. Direct stimulation may become uncomfortable, leading the clitoris to retract under the clitoral hood. Beyond the genitals, arousal can increase breathing rate, heart rate, and blood pressure. Muscle spasms may occur in the feet, face, and hands, along with heightened muscle tension. Changes in the Vagina and Uterus The lower third of the vagina narrows slightly, while the upper two-thirds widens to create a ‘tenting’ effect. The Bartholin's glands release fluid near the vaginal opening, enhancing lubrication. The uterus lifts as blood supply increases, causing breast tissue to swell and nipples to become erect. Orgasm and Beyond During orgasm, the pelvic floor contracts rhythmically between 3 to 15 times, lasting anywhere from 5 to 60 seconds. These contractions involve the vaginal platform, uterus, and anal sphincter. The release of oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” brings feelings of relaxation and well-being. The resolution phase follows, where: The clitoris descends. The vagina returns to its unaroused state. Engorgement of the labia and swelling subsides. Unlike those with penises, people with vulvas don’t experience a refractory period after orgasm, meaning multiple orgasms are possible. Why Do I Need Clitoral Stimulation to Orgasm? It’s a common myth that vaginal penetration alone leads to orgasm. Research shows that most people with vulvas require clitoral stimulation to climax. However, some individuals can orgasm from penetration due to stimulation of the anterior vaginal wall, where the clitoris, urethral sponge, and Skene glands converge. This area is often referred to as the G-spot, and pressure on this region during penetration can induce orgasm - and sometimes even squirting. What is Non-Concordance? Non-concordance happens when the body’s physical response to arousal doesn’t match the brain’s perception of arousal. This is more common in AFAB bodies but can occur in AMAB bodies as well. Factors that may increase non-concordance include: Stress Burnout Fatigue Emotional disconnection If non-concordance becomes distressing, sex therapy can help bridge the gap between mind and body. Sexual Response for People with Penises (AMAB) Sexual arousal for people assigned male at birth (AMAB) involves three stages: erection, orgasm, and ejaculation. It’s important to note that orgasm and ejaculation are separate processes that don’t always occur simultaneously. How Erections Happen Erections occur due to a combination of mental, physical, and hormonal factors. The penis contains two chambers called the corpora cavernosa, which fill with blood during arousal. At Rest: Arteries supplying the penis remain partially open to maintain tissue health. During Arousal: Physical or mental stimulation triggers the brain to release hormones, fully opening the arteries. Sustained Erection: Blood becomes trapped in the corpora cavernosa, maintaining the erection until arousal subsides. Nighttime Erections Nighttime erections are an automatic reflex controlled by the spinal cord, occurring without conscious thought. These reflexes help maintain the health of erectile tissues by bringing fresh oxygenated blood to the area. How Does Ejaculation Happen? Ejaculation occurs in two phases: Emission Phase: The vas deferens contracts, pushing sperm toward the base of the penis. The prostate gland and seminal vesicles release secretions to create semen. Ejection Phase: Muscles at the base of the penis contract rhythmically, propelling semen out in spurts, typically at 0. 8-second intervals. Orgasm vs. Ejaculation While orgasm and ejaculation often occur together, they are distinct processes. Orgasm is the peak of sexual arousal, marked by the release of sexual tension, while ejaculation involves the physical release of semen. Some people can orgasm without ejaculating, while others may ejaculate without experiencing orgasm. Why Use ‘AMAB’ and ‘AFAB’? Assigned sex at birth (ASAB) is the term used to describe the label assigned based on external anatomy at birth. While many use terms like “biological sex,” this phrase oversimplifies the complexity of sex and gender. AMAB (Assigned Male at Birth): Someone assigned male at birth based on external genitalia. AFAB (Assigned Female at Birth): Someone assigned female at birth based on external genitalia. This terminology acknowledges that assigned sex may not align with a person’s gender identity or how they experience their body. --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Reproductive Health & Fertility, Sex 101, Sexuality & Gender Learn the difference between vulva and vagina, why correct terminology matters for pleasure and healthcare, and the truth about the G-spot. Shame-free anatomy guide. Let's start with a question: what do you call your genitals? If you're like most people, you probably say "vagina" when referring to your entire genital area. And honestly? You're not alone. But here's the thing: we've been using the wrong word this whole time, and it's not just a harmless mistake. As a psychosexual and relationship therapist registered with COSRT, I've lost count of the number of people who come to therapy sessions unable to accurately describe their own anatomy or what feels good because they don't have the vocabulary. And that's not their fault. It's a symptom of how poorly we've been taught about our own bodies. Today, we're unlearning what we thought we knew and getting to grips with the actual names for our body parts. Because knowledge isn't just power, it's pleasure, better healthcare, and the ability to communicate what you want and need. Let's dive in. What Actually Is the Vagina? The vagina is not your entire genital area. It's actually a specific internal structure: the muscular canal that connects the uterus to the outside of your body via the vulva. Think of the vagina as a tube (though calling it a tube feels a bit clinical and doesn't do justice to how amazing it is). This muscular canal is typically 7-10cm long when not aroused and can expand significantly during arousal and childbirth. It's where menstrual blood flows out, where penetration happens during certain types of sex, and where babies travel through during vaginal birth. Key things to know about the vagina: The vaginal walls are made up of rugae (folded tissue) that allows it to stretch and expand. This is why the vagina can accommodate different sizes during penetration and expand dramatically during childbirth. The walls are also self-cleaning, producing a slightly acidic discharge that maintains healthy pH levels and prevents infections. The vagina is incredibly sensitive to the cervix end (the internal opening to the uterus), which some people find pleasurable when touched and others find uncomfortable or even painful. There's huge variation in vaginal depth, angle, and sensitivity, all of which is completely normal. For trans women who have had vaginoplasty, the vagina is surgically created using penile and scrotal tissue. Whilst the structure is different from a natal vagina (it doesn't self-lubricate in the same way and doesn't connect to a uterus), it functions as a vaginal canal and is equally valid. For trans men and non-binary people, whether they refer to their vaginal canal as a vagina, front hole, or another term is entirely their choice and should be respected. The vagina is important, absolutely. But it's just one part of a much larger system, and when we use "vagina" to refer to everything, we're literally erasing the rest of the anatomy from the conversation. So What's the Vulva Then? The vulva is the correct term for all of the external genital structures. Everything you can see when you look down (or grab a mirror for a better view) is the vulva. And there's quite a lot going on there. The vulva includes: The Mons Pubis (Pubic Mound): This is the fatty tissue that sits over your pubic bone, usually covered with pubic hair after puberty. It's there to cushion the area during sex and other activities. Some people have a more prominent mons, others less so, all normal. The Labia Majora (Outer Lips): These are the fleshy outer folds that protect the more delicate inner structures. They're usually covered with pubic hair on the outside and are typically plumper due to fatty tissue underneath. They can be any shade from pink to brown to purple to black, and that colour is completely normal regardless of your skin tone. The Labia Minora (Inner Lips): These are the inner folds that sit inside the labia majora. Despite the name "minora" (meaning smaller), they're often longer than the outer lips and can stick out beyond them, which is completely normal. They come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, textures, and colours. Some are symmetrical, most aren't. Some are thin and barely visible, others are thick and prominent. The labia minora are highly sensitive and engorge with blood during arousal. The Clitoris: The star of the show for most people's pleasure. The visible part (the glans) sits at the top where the inner labia meet, protected by the clitoral hood. But as we explored in another article, the clitoris is mostly internal, extending back into the body in a wishbone shape. With over 10,000 nerve endings, it's the only organ in the human body designed purely for pleasure. The Clitoral Hood: This is the fold of skin that covers and protects the clitoral glans, directly analogous to the foreskin on a penis. It can fully cover the clitoris or be more retracted, and both are normal. During arousal, the clitoral hood often retracts as the clitoris becomes engorged. The Urethral Opening (Pee Hole): This is the opening where urine leaves the body. It's located below the clitoris and above the vaginal opening. It's much smaller than the vaginal opening and completely separate, which is why you can use a tampon and still urinate. The Vaginal Opening: This is the external opening to the vaginal canal, located below the urethral opening. It's surrounded by the vaginal vestibule and can vary significantly in size and appearance. The Perineum: The area of skin between the... --- - Categories: Menopause Confused about menopause, perimenopause, symptoms, or timing? Here are the most Googled menopause questions answered clearly, compassionately, and without shame. Menopause is something almost everyone with a uterus will experience, and yet so many people arrive at it feeling blindsided, dismissed, or like their body has suddenly started behaving in ways they don’t recognise. That’s not because you’ve failed to prepare properly or missed some obvious memo. It’s because menopause has been historically under-researched, under-explained, and often treated as something people should quietly endure rather than be supported through. People are Googling menopause questions in huge numbers because they’re not getting the information, reassurance, or care they need elsewhere. This article brings together some of the most searched menopause questions and answers them in a way that is clear, compassionate, and shame-free. If you’ve ever wondered “Is this normal? ” or “Why did no one tell me this? ”, you’re in exactly the right place. What is menopause, actually? Menopause is defined as the point at which you have not had a menstrual period for 12 consecutive months, assuming no other medical cause. It marks the end of ovulation and natural fertility. Menopause itself is not a long phase. It is a moment in time. What most people mean when they say “menopause” is the transition around it, particularly the years leading up to it and the years after it. That transition can be physically, emotionally, and psychologically significant, and it deserves far more care and explanation than it usually gets. What is perimenopause? Perimenopause is the stage before menopause, and it’s where many people first notice changes. During perimenopause, hormone levels fluctuate rather than steadily decline. Oestrogen and progesterone can rise and fall unpredictably, which is why symptoms can feel confusing, inconsistent, or come and go. Perimenopause can last anywhere from a few years to over a decade. It can begin much earlier than many people expect, sometimes in the late 30s or early 40s. This is one of the reasons perimenopause is often missed or misdiagnosed, because people are told they’re “too young” for menopause despite having very real symptoms. What age does menopause usually start? In the UK, the average age of menopause is around 51, but the normal range is broad. Most people experience menopause between the ages of 45 and 55. Early menopause and premature ovarian insufficiency also exist and are far more common than many people realise. There is no moral or personal meaning attached to when menopause happens. Earlier or later does not mean you’ve done something wrong, and it doesn’t say anything about how “healthy” you are. What are the most common menopause symptoms? Hot flushes and night sweats are the symptoms most people associate with menopause, but they are only part of a much bigger picture. Menopause can affect the whole body, because oestrogen plays a role in many systems, not just reproduction. Common physical symptoms include hot flushes, night sweats, fatigue, joint and muscle pain, headaches, palpitations, changes in skin and hair, vaginal dryness, bladder issues, and changes in body composition. Cognitive symptoms are also common and often distressing. These can include brain fog, forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, and feeling mentally slower or less sharp than before. These experiences can be frightening, especially when no one has warned you they might happen. Emotional and psychological symptoms are equally important. Anxiety, low mood, irritability, emotional sensitivity, and reduced stress tolerance are widely reported. These are not character flaws or personal failings. Hormonal changes affect neurotransmitters involved in mood regulation, and menopause often coincides with life stressors such as caring responsibilities, work pressure, or relationship changes. Sexual symptoms are very common and very under-talked about. Changes in libido, arousal, comfort, sensation, and pleasure can all occur. Vaginal dryness and pain during sex are not things you should have to just put up with. They are treatable and deserving of care. Are menopause symptoms the same for everyone? No. Menopause is not a one-size-fits-all experience. Some people have very few symptoms. Others experience many, and some experience symptoms that feel severe or life-altering. There is no correct way to experience menopause. Severity is not a measure of legitimacy. If something is affecting your quality of life, it matters, regardless of how it compares to someone else’s experience. How long do menopause symptoms last? There is no universal timeline. Perimenopause commonly lasts four to ten years, but this varies widely. Some people notice symptoms ease after menopause. Others continue to experience symptoms into post-menopause. Ongoing symptoms do not mean something has gone wrong. They mean your body may still need support, information, or treatment. Menopause is not a finish line where everything suddenly settles. Can menopause affect mental health? Yes, very much so. Hormonal changes can directly affect mood, anxiety levels, and emotional regulation. Many people first experience anxiety or low mood during perimenopause, even if they have never struggled with mental health before. Menopause can also interact with past trauma, neurodivergence, burnout, and long-standing stress. Emotional distress during menopause is not “all in your head”, and it’s not a sign of weakness. Psychological support can be an important part of menopause care. Can menopause affect relationships? Menopause can affect how people relate to their partners, families, friends, and colleagues. Changes in energy, mood, libido, and emotional availability can all have relational impacts. When menopause is not understood or talked about openly, people may blame themselves or feel isolated. Clear information, compassionate communication, and shared understanding can make a significant difference. Menopause does not have... --- - Categories: Relationships & Dating, Sex 101, Toys & Pleasure Thinking of becoming a unicorn in a threesome? Learn how to communicate, stay safe, and ensure everyone is included with our top tips for making threesomes fun and consensual. A 2022 survey by the UK-based sex toy website Sinful found that 18% of respondents fantasised about having sex with not just one other person, but two. Interesting, right? This made threesomes the third most common sexual fantasy, just behind outdoor sex (21%) and 69ing (20%). While this may seem like a lower number than expected, it’s not surprising when you think about how daunting threesomes can be. Who do you do it with? Should it be strangers or friends? What if your partner prefers the other person? What if things get awkward? The questions and worries can pile up fast! Let’s face it: there’s no guarantee that a threesome will be the incredibly hot fantasy you imagined. It can end up being awkward or uncomfortable. But, if you're the third person entering into the mix - the so-called "unicorn" - you actually have a bit more control over how the experience goes down. While everyone involved has responsibility, the unicorn holds the power to either smooth things over or, well, ruin the vibe. So, How Can You Make the Experience Hot Instead of Awkward? Here are Some Tips to Help You Be the Perfect Unicorn in a Threesome: 1. Talk About What You Want This may seem like a no-brainer, but communication is absolutely key when it comes to group sex, especially with a threesome. Many people assume sexual chemistry will magically happen, but the reality is that you should discuss what you like, what you don’t like, and what your boundaries are beforehand. Whether it’s certain kinks, turn-ons, or things you’d rather avoid - talk about them! You can’t expect others to know your desires unless you communicate them. Set the mood by hanging out before you jump into sex. This allows everyone to get to know each other a bit better and, let’s be honest, calm those pre-sex nerves. You can always change your mind, even if you're already naked and halfway through the action. It’s totally okay to stop and say you’re just not feeling it. Being open and honest will always make things more comfortable for everyone involved. 2. Be Mindful of Any Substances You Consume Let’s talk about consent. Whether it’s alcohol, weed, or something stronger, substances can significantly affect your ability to consent clearly. While some people drink or take substances to loosen up, it’s important to be cautious. If you’re trying something new, like a new drug or a high-alcohol level, be aware of how that could affect your mental state and limits. If you have your go-to substances, like alcohol or weed, use them in moderation. Keep your wits about you so you can make good decisions and ensure a comfortable, safe experience for everyone involved. If anything goes awry or triggers someone, especially in the UK, don’t hesitate to call NHS 111 for guidance. 3. Be Proactive As the unicorn, you might need to take the lead when it comes to initiating sex. You want to find the sweet spot between being absorbed in the experience and making sure everyone feels included. For example, if you're the third person in a guy-girl couple, pay attention to how everyone is feeling. Check in with them verbally or non-verbally. If you notice the girl seems a bit left out while you're getting it on with her partner, try offering a quick kiss or a subtle gesture to show that you're inclusive. You’ll likely be the one to kick things off, so if you’re ready, initiate some playful touches or a kiss to break the ice. Take note of the energy in the room and proceed accordingly. You’re outnumbered, yes, but you’re also the one who can make sure everyone feels involved. Remember, you have the power! 4. Stay Safe and Get Creative Threesomes can be nerve-wracking — from the tension to the anticipation, it’s easy to get swept up in the nerves. But it’s crucial to stay safe, be mindful of everyone’s comfort levels, and always check in with your partners. Whether it’s protecting yourself from STIs or ensuring everyone’s boundaries are respected, safety should always be the priority. At the same time, don’t forget to get creative! Threesomes are your chance to explore new dynamics and spice things up. Be open to new experiences, but never forget to prioritize consent and communication every step of the way. Final Thoughts on Becoming a Unicorn in a Threesome If you’re interested in becoming a unicorn and diving into the world of threesomes, remember that it’s not all about the fantasy. It’s about communication, respect, and ensuring that everyone involved feels comfortable and safe. Be proactive, stay mindful of your actions, and always prioritize consent. Threesomes can be a lot of fun, but only if everyone is on the same page. So, go ahead and dive into the experience - just remember to keep things respectful, fun, and consensual. After all, it’s about making sure everyone has a great time. --- - Categories: Sex 101, Sex Positivity, Sexual Health & Contraception, Sexuality & Gender Learn the difference between sex and gender, why intersex variations show the biological diversity of sex, and how understanding this supports inclusive, trans-affirming healthcare and respectful communication. Many people confuse sex and gender but they are not the same. Understanding the difference is important for healthcare, respectful communication, and supporting trans, non-binary, and intersex people. Misunderstanding these concepts can erase lived experiences and spread misinformation about bodies, identity, and sexuality. This article explains the difference between sex and gender, shows how intersex bodies demonstrate the natural diversity of sex, and highlights why this knowledge matters. What Is Sex Sex is a label given at birth by a doctor based on the genitals, chromosomes, and hormones a person has. It is usually recorded on a birth certificate. Some people’s anatomy does not fit the typical definitions of male or female. These individuals may be described as intersex. Sex is not the same as sexuality. Sexuality is about who you are attracted to and how you express sexual desire. Assigned Sex Assigned sex is the label given at birth based on medical observations of genitals, chromosomes, and hormones. Some people call this biological sex, but that does not fully capture the natural variations in anatomy and physiology. Using the term assigned sex acknowledges that someone else made this decision and it may not reflect how a person feels or identifies later in life. What Is Gender Gender is much more complex. It is shaped by social expectations about behaviours, characteristics, and roles. Societies have different ideas about how men and women should act. For example, some cultures expect boys not to wear nail varnish or dresses. Gender identity is a person’s internal sense of who they are and how they express it through clothing, behaviour, and personal appearance. It usually develops early in life and may or may not align with the sex assigned at birth. Biological sex is about anatomy, chromosomes, and hormones. Gender is about identity, social expectations, and self-expression. Intersex: A Biological Example of Sex Diversity Intersex is an umbrella term for naturally occurring variations in sex characteristics. These can include differences in chromosomes, hormones, internal organs, or external genitalia. For example, some intersex people have both ovarian and testicular tissue. Others may have combinations of chromosomes such as XXY. Some have external genitalia that appear typical but internal anatomy or hormone levels that differ. Many intersex people can live their whole lives without knowing they are intersex. Intersex traits are natural and not a medical problem. Some children are subjected to surgeries to make their bodies fit male or female categories. This is widely disputed as it can cause harm and is rarely medically necessary. Intersex variations show that sex exists on a spectrum, not as a simple male or female binary. Transgender and Cisgender Most people whose gender identity matches the sex assigned at birth are cisgender. Some people have a gender identity that does not match their assigned sex. For example, someone born with a vulva and uterus may identify as male. These people are transgender. Transgender people may also identify as non-binary, genderqueer, androgynous, or other identities. It is important to use the terms people choose for themselves. Avoid outdated or offensive terms such as transgendered, transvestite, or he-she. Sexuality Sexuality describes how people express themselves sexually. It includes sexual orientation, who they are attracted to, and what they enjoy sexually. Sexuality can be fluid and may take time to explore. There is no right way to experience it and your sexuality is valid even if you do not share it with others. Key Takeaways Sex is biological and assigned at birth based on anatomy, chromosomes, and hormones. Intersex variations show that sex exists on a spectrum. Gender is identity-based and reflects how a person experiences and expresses themselves. Assigned sex may not reflect a person’s identity or internal biology. Respecting trans, non-binary, and intersex people involves using correct terms and understanding these distinctions. Sexuality is separate from sex and gender and is valid in all its diversity. FAQ What is the difference between sex and gender? Sex is biological and relates to anatomy, chromosomes, and hormones. Gender is about identity, social expectations, and self-expression. They are related but not the same. What does it mean to be intersex? Intersex describes people whose biological traits do not fit typical male or female categories. This can involve chromosomes, hormones, internal organs, or external genitalia. Intersex is natural and shows that sex is not strictly binary. What is assigned sex? Assigned sex is the label given at birth based on anatomy, chromosomes, and hormones. It may not reflect a person’s gender identity or internal biology. What is the difference between cisgender and transgender? Cisgender people have a gender identity that matches the sex they were assigned at birth. Transgender people have a gender identity that does not match their assigned sex. Trans identities can include non-binary, genderqueer, and other identities. How is sexuality different from sex and gender? Sexuality describes who you are attracted to and what you enjoy sexually. It is separate from biological sex and gender identity and can be fluid over time. References World Health Organization: Intersex VariationsBMC Medicine: Intersex and Biological Sex DiversityThe Journal of Sex Research: Distinguishing Sex and GenderBritish Psychological Society: Gender Identity and Mental HealthThe Lancet: Transgender Health and Biology --- - Categories: Sex Positivity Age is no excuse for discrimination. Learn how to embrace diversity at every age, challenge prejudices, and create a more inclusive society. It's never too late to unlearn and grow. Let’s get one thing straight: age is no excuse for being racist, homophobic, or transphobic. Nope. You’re NEVER too old to unlearn hate and grow. While people from different generations might have been raised in varied social contexts, it’s essential to recognise that change is a part of life - and we should embrace it, regardless of our age. The Need for Intergenerational Understanding Society moves forward when generations come together in mutual respect. Sure, older generations might have been shaped by different times, but the world’s evolving - and we all need to evolve with it. That’s why it’s vital to create spaces where older and younger folks can chat, share experiences, and listen to each other. We can bridge those gaps and foster understanding with respect, kindness, and good conversations. Education and Awareness Knowledge is power, and education is the tool we use to unlearn outdated views. Whether it’s workshops, seminars, or simply reading about diversity and inclusion, older adults have the opportunity to shift their perspectives. By opening their minds and hearts, they can challenge discriminatory beliefs and help shape a society where everyone feels accepted. Promoting Positive Role Models Role models in any generation are powerful. When older individuals speak up against racism, homophobia, and transphobia, they have the ability to lead by example. By uplifting those who champion diversity and inclusion, we can inspire others to follow suit. Positive role models are the key to changing attitudes and encouraging more open-minded communities. Creating Safe Spaces for Dialogue Honest, open discussions are essential for creating change. Safe spaces allow people to talk about sensitive topics, where everyone’s voice is heard and respected. Through these conversations, older generations can gain a deeper understanding of the struggles faced by marginalised communities. The more we listen, the more we learn, and the more we empathise. The Impact of Language and Stereotypes Words matter. The language we use has the power to shape attitudes, so it's crucial to challenge harmful stereotypes and derogatory language. Educating older generations about how their words impact others helps create a more inclusive vocabulary. Respectful language leads to an environment where everyone feels valued, no matter their identity. Continuing the Fight for Equality The fight for equality doesn’t stop with one generation. It takes effort from everyone. Change takes time, but with compassion and understanding, we can make it happen. Younger generations should be patient educators, and older generations should be open to learning. It’s never too late to change and grow. Being old isn’t an excuse to hold onto discrimination. Embracing diversity at every age is key to building a society where every individual is celebrated. By fostering understanding, promoting education, uplifting role models, creating spaces for dialogue, challenging harmful language, and continuing the fight for equality, we can pave the way for a more inclusive future. Age should never be a barrier to embracing change. --- - Categories: Penis Health, Sex 101, Sexual Health & Contraception Condoms are a form of contraception & the only contraception that protects against STIs when having sex with someone with a penis. No penis is the same so it’s important to find the perfect condom fit to maximise its effectiveness. Condoms are a form of contraception & the only contraception that protects against STIs when having sex with someone with a penis. No penis is the same so it’s important to find the perfect condom fit to maximise its effectiveness. As funny as the videos are of people putting their whole hands in condoms, the band can still be too tight or too loose. Wearing a condom too big or that doesn’t cover the entire penis may slip during sex, condoms too tight run the risk of splitting, and condoms too long or saggy can make the whole experience uncomfortable.   Despite it being an added effort to find the perfect size condom for some people it is definitely not an excuse not to wear a condom at all, or to remove a condom during sex due to discomfort without the consent of your partner (otherwise known as stealthing).   So how do you find the perfect condom fit? Different brands have different sizings so it’s best to measure your penis before deciding on a size or product range, and it may be beneficial to try a few different types to see what feels best for you. The average condom is around 7. 5 inches in length, the average erect penis length is approximately 5. 5 inches so in most cases you’re likely to fit in the standard sizes. However, condoms can still be too tight, too loose, too short or too long so it’s best to know your measurements to be certain. How do you measure it? Start by measuring the length. Use a ruler or a measuring tape and measure underneath your erect penis ensuring that the tape runs from the base to the tip of the penis.   Then comes the width, this works best with a measuring tape but if you don’t have one to hand a piece of string can be used and then measured against a ruler. Wrap the tape around the middle of the erection, this number is the circumference of your penis.   Once you know the length and circumference you’re good to go. Well you’re good to go with the size you need, but condoms have an array of options in smoothness, thickness, lubrication level and so much more. The best way to figure out what condom suits your needs is by trying a few out and seeing what feels best. It’s also good to check in with your sexual partner to see their preference too.   Of course there are many options out there to enhance both sexual partners' experience with condoms. But it is important to remember that condoms are such an important form of contraception that protects you from STIs and pregnancy.   ONE and Durex have a super helpful quiz to narrow down what condom type suits your needs, and you can find sustainable and vegan condoms available at Here we Flo and Hanx - Here We Flo’s XO! Condoms are a personal fave of Evie’s as they are made in solar-powered factory and are biodegradable (normal condoms never biodegrade! ). For larger penises, we recommend MySize Condoms. Don't forget to use natural water-based lubricant which are safe with Condoms, unlike some types of lube - check our guide here. --- - Categories: Sex 101, Sexuality & Gender Learn the scientific difference between biological sex and gender identity and why understanding it matters for healthcare, respectful discourse, and supporting trans and non-binary lives with evidence-based, affirming sources. Conversations about sex and gender often get simplified or mixed up. This can lead to confusion, hurt, and harm, especially for trans and non-binary people. Understanding the difference between biological sex and gender identity is important for medical care, respectful communication, and social inclusion. This article explains these concepts clearly and compassionately, rooted in scientific evidence and affirmed healthcare practice. What Does “Sex” Mean in Biological Terms? Biological sex refers to a set of physical characteristics a person is born with or develops. This includes chromosomes, hormones, reproductive anatomy, and secondary sex characteristics. People are usually assigned male or female at birth based on visible anatomy, though variations exist, such as in intersex individuals. Biological sex influences certain aspects of health, including disease susceptibility, hormone profiles, and medical treatments. It is important to note that sex is not a simple binary. Scientific literature recognises a spectrum of sex characteristics, and some people are born with traits that do not align neatly with typical definitions of male or female. What Is Gender? Gender is how people understand and experience themselves. It includes gender identity (how you internally feel) and gender expression (how you present yourself in the world). Gender is shaped by psychological, social, and cultural factors as well as personal identity. People may describe themselves as woman, man, non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid, agender, and more. Gender is not assigned at birth based on anatomy; it is something a person knows about themselves. Gender identity and biological sex may align for some people, but not for others. Key point: gender is about identity and social experience, not biology alone. Sex and Gender in Respectful Discourse Using accurate, respectful language matters. When sex and gender are conflated, it can erase the experiences of trans and non-binary people and fuel misinformation. Being precise honours people’s identities and helps create a society where discussions are grounded in facts, not stereotypes. When discussing trans lives publicly, it is important to start from a place of compassion and understanding. Trans people exist in every community, including in the UK and around the world. Respecting people’s self-identified gender has real impacts on mental health, social inclusion, and human rights. Common Misunderstandings and Clarifications Sex is not solely defined by external genitalia: Internal reproductive structures, chromosomes, hormone patterns, and genetics all contribute to biological sex. Gender is not a choice or a trend: Gender identity is a core part of who a person is, supported by psychological research. Respecting gender identity does not conflict with science: Contemporary science recognises both sex diversity and gender diversity. Supporting Trans and Non-Binary Health Trans affirmation in healthcare means recognising a person’s gender identity as real and valid and adapting care to meet their needs. This can include gender-affirming hormones, surgery when desired, and routine care that recognises anatomy without invalidating identity. Healthcare settings that practise gender-affirming care contribute to better outcomes. Peer-reviewed research shows that trans-affirming environments improve mental health, reduce anxiety, and support overall well-being. What is the difference between biological sex and gender? Biological sex refers to physical and physiological traits such as chromosomes, hormones, and reproductive anatomy. Gender is a person’s internal sense of identity and how they express it socially and culturally. Sex and gender are related but distinct, and understanding the difference is essential for respectful communication and accurate healthcare. Why does understanding the difference matter for healthcare? Correctly recognising both sex and gender ensures safe and effective medical care. Some screenings and treatments depend on anatomy, while gender identity affects mental health and social support. Misunderstanding these concepts can lead to missed care, medical errors, or unnecessary distress for trans and non-binary patients. Can someone’s gender identity differ from their sex assigned at birth? Yes. Some people are transgender or non-binary, meaning their gender identity does not fully align with the sex they were assigned at birth. Recognising and affirming this identity improves well-being and ensures respectful treatment in healthcare and social settings. Are intersex people an exception to these definitions? Intersex individuals have biological traits that do not fit typical male or female classifications. This highlights that biological sex exists on a spectrum. Understanding intersex variations is crucial for inclusive healthcare and education. Does affirming someone’s gender identity conflict with science? No. Scientific research recognises both biological sex diversity and gender diversity. Respecting gender identity is consistent with evidence-based care and supports mental and physical health. How can I use this knowledge in everyday life? Use accurate language when referring to sex and gender. Respect pronouns and identities, avoid assumptions based on appearance or anatomy, and seek reliable, trans-affirming sources when discussing healthcare, policy, or social issues. References World Health Organization: Gender and Health – How gender identity and roles influence health. World Health Organization: Intersex Variations – Biological variation in sex characteristics. The Journal of Sex Research: Sex and Gender Distinctions – Peer-reviewed discussion on sex as biological and gender as identity. The Lancet: Review of Gender Identity and Medicine – Scientific review on gender identity, health outcomes, and affirming care. British Psychological Society: Trans and Non-Binary Guidance – Evidence-based guidance on gender identity and mental health. --- - Categories: Sex Positivity cliterallythebest.co.uk has been cited in Miriam's report as an example of what is being taught in school RSE. cliterallythebest. co. uk has been cited in Miriam's report as an example of what is being taught in school RSE. Cliterally The Best and it's content (for example, choking & anal sex) is not being taught in UK schools & is not 'selling sex toys to children'. As clearly stated on the website we provide sex education for adults who feel sex education has failed them growing up, we do not go into schools and teach RSE. I am an ambassador for some great sex education charities doing amazing, age-appropriate work in schools, but that is not the same as me going into schools or them using my materials in lessons.  I do not agree with the critical comments made surrounding LGBTQ+ RSE content and inaccurate referencing in the report to push a transphobic narrative. Children deserve comprehensive, inclusive and age-appropriate sex education. "  Listen to me and others talk about this report with BBC Radio 4 - File on 4   Read The Sex Ed Forum's report on the broken promises of the government for RSE. Read Miriam's Thinktank here. Read The Sex Ed Forum's Statement About The RSE Reform. Image from sexedwithdb --- - Categories: Gynae Health, Reproductive Health & Fertility, Sexual Health & Contraception Black and minority ethnic groups face significant health inequalities in the UK, from maternal mortality to cancer diagnosis. Learn the facts and how we can create change with Dr. Sesay. "Stillbirth rates of black babies in England and Wales is almost twice that of white babies" (ONS 2023) Let's Process The Facts a Cancer and ethnicity: Black ethnic group have higher rates of myeloma and stomach cancer. Black males have higher rates of prostate cancer than their White counterparts. Liver cancer is higher amongst people from the Asian ethnic group compared with the White ethnic group, as are mouth and cervical cancer in women. Black women were more likely to be diagnosed at a late stage with breast cancer compared with White women. Those in Black ethnic groups were also more likely to be diagnosed with colorectal and lung cancer at a late stage compared with other ethnic groups. Infant mortality and ethnicity: In 2014, the Pakistani, Black African and Black Caribbean ethnic groups, and those whose ethnic group was not stated, had significantly higher rates of infant mortality than England as a whole while White Other and White British had lower rates. Maternal mortality and ethnicity: MMBRACE reports maternal death rates were almost four times higher for women from Black ethnic backgrounds (a slight improvement from five times based on the previous report) and almost two times higher for women from Asian ethnic backgrounds, compared to white women. A common theme reported by Black women is that they often feel as though they are not taken seriously/often not believed/dismissed when they report concerns about symptoms: An example of this occurred to Serena Williams one day after giving birth to her daughter via Caesarean section, she developed worsening shortness of breath and because she was aware of her previous history of pulmonary embolism (blood clot in her lung), she immediately asked to have a CT scan performed and to have treatment right away but she explained that she wasn’t listened to initially as “the nurse thought her pain medicine might be making her confused”. Despite her requests, the doctors performed a doppler scan on her legs first which was normal and eventually after much insistence, they finally performed a CT scan which revealed several small blood clots in her lungs. If someone like her who is renowned and famous wasn’t initially listened to, what luck does your everyday Jo have? Covid 19 deaths and ethnicity: According to the Office of National Statistics, males and females of Black and South Asian ethnic backgrounds were shown to have increased risks of death involving COVID-19 compared with those of White ethnic background. Males of Black African background had the highest rate of death involving COVID-19: 2. 7 times higher than males of White background. Females of Black Caribbean ethnic background had the highest rate of death involving COVID-19, 2. 0 times higher than females of White ethnic background In response to these disparities initially highlighted around Covid-19 deaths in minority ethnics, a paper released by ‘The Health Foundation’ in May 2020 called “Emerging findings on the impact of COVID-19 on black and minority ethnic people” states: “Experts in the field point to racism as a ‘fundamental cause’, affecting health in multiple ways. A strong evidence base has demonstrated that racial discrimination affects people’s life chances through, for example, restricting access to education and employment opportunities. Black and minority ethnic groups tend to have poorer socioeconomic circumstances, which lead to poorer health outcomes. In addition, the stress associated with being discriminated against based on race/ethnicity directly affects mental and physical health through physiological pathways. ” Breaking down this statement: When talking about employment opportunities: A study by experts based at the Centre for Social Investigation at Nuffield College, University of Oxford, stated that applicants from minority ethnic backgrounds had to apply 80% more times to get a positive response from an employer compared to a white person of British origin. According to the Trades Union Congress, Black, Asian and minority ethnic workers were much more likely (2x) than white workers to be in insecure jobs such as zero-hours contracts. When talking about stress: It is known to be associated with mental health disorders – depression, anxiety; raised blood pressure, cardiovascular problems etc. So repetitive stress from exposure to racism can have an impact in this way It’s also been said that racial discrimination is recognised as a key social determinant of health and a driver of racial/ethnic health inequities. There have been studies, which show that people exposed to racism have poorer health outcomes (particularly for mental health), alongside both reduced access to health care and poorer patient experiences. What Can We Do With This Info? Recognise and acknowledge the existence of this very real issue & raise awareness about the matter so we can hopefully: Reduce the prevalence of its occurrence Arrange further investigations and assessments to ascertain how we can tackle this Set up systems in place and further training for staff and health care providers. It all starts with us – we can make a change if we all worked together to stop the disparities. Keep learning with FIVEXMORE. --- - Categories: Abortion Care, Reproductive Health & Fertility, Sexual Health & Contraception - Tags: Abortion Care This abortion care resource is brought to you by Danielle Danielle Bezalel (Sex Ed with DB) & Reproductive Health Lawyer, Cathren Cohen + highlights different abortion types, how you can support others & the support you can receive post Roe V. Wade in the US. An abortion is a very safe and effective way to end a pregnancy. In fact, abortion is statistically safer than childbirth. There are various kinds of abortions, including medication abortion, suction/vacuum aspiration, dilation and curettage (D&C), and dilation and evacuation (D&E).   Tell me more about medication abortion. The “abortion pill” actually consists of two medications. Abortion pills can be administered in clinics or mailed to pregnant patients to use at home. It is important to check the laws in your state before initiating an abortion on your own (without a medical provider) with pills.   The first pill taken is mifepristone which is one tablet taken on day one of the abortion. Mifepristone stops the pregnancy from growing by blocking progesterone. The second medication, Misoprostol, is taken up to 72 hours later. Four pills of Misoprostol are placed against the cheek or under the tongue to complete the abortion. Misoprostol causes cramping and expels the pregnancy out of the uterus, through the cervix, and out of the vagina. Effectiveness depends on how far along the pregnancy is but can work up to 11 weeks of pregnancy. Medication abortions may take up to 24 hours to be complete. It’s possible to still test positive on a pregnancy test 4 to 5 weeks after taking the abortion pills & medical providers recommend that folks call them if they do so they can help. What are the kinds of abortion procedures performed exclusively in clinics? There are three kinds of abortion procedures that are performed exclusively in clinics. The first is a suction abortion aka vacuum aspiration which can be used to terminate a pregnancy up to approximately 11 weeks since the pregnant person’s last period. The uterus is emptied out using a gentle suction which can result in minor cramps. During and after the procedure, pain medications are usually utilised to decrease pain and cramps. Next, there is a dilation and curettage abortion (D&C). This method is similar to a vacuum aspiration with the addition of an instrument (curette) to assure the complete emptying of the uterus. During and after the procedure, pain medications are usually utilised to decrease pain and cramps. Finally, there is a dilation and evacuation abortion (D&E) which can be used for abortions later in pregnancy (greater than 14 weeks). Check out the laws in your state for the maximum amount of weeks you are able to get this procedure done in your state. D&E uses suction and instruments to assure the complete emptying of the uterus. If you are having a D&E abortion, you’ll get pain medications and numbing medications that will make the abortion hurt less and you may get sedation depending on your providers’ recommendations. What should I do before having an abortion? First and foremost, always check the laws in your state, especially if you are choosing to have an abortion without a medical provider overseeing it. We know that abortion has been criminalised and inaccessible for BIPOC and poor people for decades and this will only worsen for those marginalised groups now that Roe v. Wade is overturned.   If you are concerned that you may be criminalised for your abortion or pregnancy outcome, contact If/When/How's Repro Helpline. What are the negative health impacts of banning abortion? The impacts of banning abortion are very well-researched and they are extremely negative. We had an episode about this called “The Turnaway Study with Dr. Diana Greene Foster” – highly recommend you go listen to it.  Here’s what we know from that study: ABORTION DOES NOT HARM WOMEN. Women are confident in their decision to have an abortion. Women seek abortions for many reasons. Being denied an abortion reduces women and children’s financial security and safety. When women have control over the timing of pregnancies, children benefit. Generally speaking, because of this ban, people will not have the access and the reproductive freedom that they deserve. This has been the reality of many BIPOC and poor people for decades. We need to continue to fight for comprehensive sex ed, birth control access, abortion rights, and more. Why is it important to be an active advocate for Reproductive Justice during this time? Pro-choice means that you support everyone’s decision to make the best reproductive choices for them but I think a more helpful framework and definition to share is Reproductive Justice which was invented by The Women of African Descent for Reproductive Justice in 1994. SisterSong (a reproductive health organisation in Atlanta, Georgia) defines Reproductive Justice as the human right to maintain personal bodily autonomy, have children, not have children, and parent the children we have in safe and sustainable communities. This is what all people need and deserve. Will this abortion ban stop people from having abortions? There has ALWAYS BEEN will ALWAYS BE abortion. People with uteruses have been figuring out ways to make the best reproductive health decisions for themselves for thousands of years and with our science and technology we have today, abortion can, does, and will happen safely in the privacy of people’s homes (up to 11 weeks with medication abortion). How can we support other people’s reproductive healthcare and abortion access? You should use your dollars and donate to your local abortion fund (come to our event in Brooklyn or donate to the NY Abortion Access Fund here! )" as well as amplify abortion on your social media. If you are someone who... --- --- ## Products - Product type: simple - Product categories: Downloadables Take control of your cycle tracking without compromising your privacy. This free, downloadable Google Sheets template makes it easy to log your period, symptoms, and patterns all in one place - no apps, no cost, no data sharing, no concerns. Designed to complement our cycle tracking guide, this tracker helps you monitor flow heaviness, pain levels, energy, mood, and more across each phase of your cycle. Perfect for spotting unusual changes, building your evidence folder for doctor visits, or simply understanding what's normal for your body. Simple to use, fully customisable, and completely under your control. Download once, copy and use forever. A collaboration: Created in partnership with Bloody Honest, as part of an ongoing content series bringing you shame-free, evidence-based period education. --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Downloadables Going to the GP can be stressful, especially when you're trying to explain symptoms that come and go or affect multiple parts of your life. Get Heard: Your GP Appointment Planner & Symptom Tracker helps you organise your thoughts, track patterns and walk into your appointment feeling confident and prepared. This printable pack includes a symptoms tracker and a detailed appointment planner that covers everything from when symptoms started to how they're impacting your work, sleep, mental health and relationships. It's designed to help you advocate for yourself effectively, whether you're dealing with ongoing issues like endometriosis or just need to make sure you don't forget crucial details when you're in the room. Print it out, fill it in, and bring it with you. Your concerns deserve to be taken seriously. Suitable for any medical issue. Download comes with coloured + B&W versions for printing ease. --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Downloadables Your period is late and you're wondering why? This flowchart helps you figure out what's going on. Using a simple quiz format (like the ones you got in the back of mags as a teen), it walks you through the most common reasons for a late period - pregnancy, stress, hormonal contraception, tracking errors, and natural cycle variations. What's included: Clear, easy-to-follow flowchart Science-backed explanations Guidance on when to see your GP Printable A4 format Perfect for: Anyone who menstruates, health educators, therapy rooms etc. A collaboration: Created in partnership with Bloody Honest, as part of an ongoing content series bringing you shame-free, evidence-based period education. This is guidance only, not medical advice. Always consult your GP if concerned. Info sourced from NHS, Clue & Flo Health articles, medically reviewed by OBGYNs. --- - Product type: variable - Product categories: Sex Positivi-tees - Product Color: Black, White The 100% cotton unisex classic tee will help you land a more structured look. It sits nicely, maintains sharp lines around the edges, and goes perfectly with layered streetwear outfits. Plus, it's extra trendy now! Disclaimers: • Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white. • Dark color speckles throughout the fabric are expected for the color Natural. This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions! --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Sex Positivi-tees The 100% cotton unisex classic tee will help you land a more structured look. It sits nicely, maintains sharp lines around the edges, and goes perfectly with layered streetwear outfits. Plus, it's extra trendy now! Disclaimers: • Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white. • Dark color speckles throughout the fabric are expected for the color Natural. This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions! --- - Product type: variable - Product categories: Sex Positivi-tees - Product Color: Light Blue, White The 100% cotton unisex classic tee will help you land a more structured look. It sits nicely, maintains sharp lines around the edges, and goes perfectly with layered streetwear outfits. Plus, it's extra trendy now! Disclaimers: • Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white. • Dark color speckles throughout the fabric are expected for the color Natural. This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions! --- - Product type: variable - Product categories: Sex Positivi-tees - Product Color: Black, White The 100% cotton unisex classic tee will help you land a more structured look. It sits nicely, maintains sharp lines around the edges, and goes perfectly with layered streetwear outfits. Plus, it's extra trendy now! Disclaimers: • Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white. • Dark color speckles throughout the fabric are expected for the color Natural. This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions! --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Sex Positivi-tees The 100% cotton unisex classic tee will help you land a more structured look. It sits nicely, maintains sharp lines around the edges, and goes perfectly with layered streetwear outfits. Plus, it's extra trendy now! Grab the free poster download. Disclaimers: • Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white. • Dark color speckles throughout the fabric are expected for the color Natural. --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Sex Positive Gifts, Sex Positive Homeware, Sex Positive Prints - Product shipping classes: Letterbox Friendly Hand-illustrated diagram of just how similar the penis and clitoris really are. Great for a sex ed office and beyond. Printed on high-quality 300gsm coated A4 paper FRAME NOT INCLUDED --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Sex Positive Gifts, Sex Positive Homeware, Sex Positive Prints - Product shipping classes: Letterbox Friendly Keep saying it until you're blue in the Vulva, everything on the outside is your Vulva, not Vagina (that's the inside). Printed on high-quality 300gsm coated A4 paper FRAME NOT INCLUDED --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Downloadables Healthy Porn Consumption Self-Check Workbook A shame-free, evidence-based guide to understanding your relationship with porn. This isn't about whether porn is "good" or "bad" - it's about helping you reflect on your porn consumption in a way that's honest, informed, and free from judgment. Whether you're curious about your viewing habits, concerned about compulsive use, or just want to become a more critical consumer, this workbook gives you the tools to check in with yourself without the shame spiral. All content is grounded in: Research on compulsive sexual behaviour WHO ICD-11 diagnostic criteria Porn literacy research (Balliet & Ford, Dawson et al. , Rothman) British Society for Sexual Medicine (BSSM) guidelines COSRT (College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists) standards Full reference list included. What This Workbook Is NOT: Anti-porn propaganda A moralistic approach A "cure" or treatment plan A substitute for therapy --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Sex Positive Stationary, Sex Positive Stickers - Product shipping classes: Letterbox Friendly 7cm wide with a glossy vinyl finish. Great for laptops, water bottles, sticking around your city and more! --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Sex Positive Stationary, Sex Positive Stickers - Product shipping classes: Letterbox Friendly Sadly people still need reminding... 7cm wide with a glossy vinyl finish. Great for laptops, water bottles, sticking around your city and more! --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Sex Positive Stationary, Sex Positive Stickers - Product shipping classes: Letterbox Friendly Let everyone know you are Cliterally The Best. 7cm wide with a glossy vinyl finish. Great for laptops, water bottles, sticking around your city and more! --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Sex Positive Stationary, Sex Positive Stickers - Product shipping classes: Letterbox Friendly Body positive Vinyl sticker to remind you that BMI is a load of crap! Learn here. 7cm wide with a glossy vinyl finish. Great for laptops, water bottles, sticking around your city and more! --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Sex Positive Stationary, Sex Positive Stickers - Product shipping classes: Letterbox Friendly What's cuter than two vulvas! 7cm wide with a glossy vinyl finish. Great for laptops, water bottles, sticking around your city and more! --- - Product type: simple - Product visibility: featured, rated-5 - Product categories: Sexual Wellness - Product shipping classes: Evri/Yodel Tracked The bedside essential for sensitive dangly bits. This natural, water-based aloe vera personal lubricant is ultra-hydrating, pH-friendly, and won’t ruin your sheets. Whether you're flying solo or getting playful with others, it’s your go-to for smooth, sensitive, irritation-free care. --- - Product type: simple - Product visibility: rated-5 - Product categories: Downloadables Celebrate awareness days, plan meaningful content, and promote positive sexual health education with this comprehensive calendar of global dates covering sex, sexual and reproductive health, and identity. Never miss an important day again. Whether you’re in the sex-ed world or simply love staying informed, this is the calendar you’ll want at your fingertips. Designed for standard laptop wallpaper screens, but also suitable for printing in A3. Instant download and reusable every year. Please note: Not to be used for commercial or advertising purposes. Learn more about the calendar (when it was first created in physical form) on Hannah Wittons! YT Video! --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Downloadables Inclusive, realistic sex ed – no shame, no stigma. These anatomy worksheets are perfect for anyone looking to teach or learn with more accuracy, inclusivity, and real-life body examples. Created by Cliterally The Best in collaboration with Delvvy: 100 Days of Sex Ed, these free, downloadable A4 worksheets are designed for all kinds of learners – whether you're teaching, brushing up, or discovering your own body in a new way. Simplified and not to scale for clarity in teaching, they include: AMAB Anatomy Worksheet AFAB Anatomy Worksheet Clitoris Diagram Worksheet Free for personal and educational use only - not for resale or commercial use. --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Sex Positive Gifts, Sex Positive Stationary - Product tags: to do list - Product shipping classes: Letterbox Friendly The to-do list that actually gets you. Some days it’s hard enough to shower, eat your five-a-day, or just get through the basics – never mind ticking off a never-ending to-do list. That’s where this notepad comes in. With 50 pages designed to help you keep track of the little wins, this A5 pad is perfect for anyone who needs a gentle, realistic approach to daily tasks. Think of it as productivity with a dose of self-compassion. Printed in full colour on 120gsm paper, it’s sturdy enough for pens, pencils, and highlighters – and cheerful enough to brighten up your desk. Details: - 50 pages of easy-to-use prompts - Size: A5 (148mm x 210mm) - Printed in colour on premium 120gsm sheets - Great for students, professionals, or anyone who loves stationery Makes a thoughtful self-care gift. Celebrate the small victories, stay organised, and make your to-dos a little less overwhelming. --- - Product type: simple - Product visibility: outofstock - Product categories: Sex Positive Accessories, Sex Positive Gifts - Product tags: earrings - Product shipping classes: Letterbox Friendly For lovers of sex positivity and a bold pair of earrings. These playful statement drops are the ultimate conversation starter - perfect for sparking curiosity and wearing your values with pride. Featuring a classic fishhook back and crafted from sterling silver with high-quality enamel for a vibrant finish. --- - Product type: simple - Product visibility: outofstock - Product categories: Sex Positive Gifts, Sex Positive Homeware, Sex Positive Prints - Product shipping classes: Letterbox Friendly Spread the knowledge of just how similar the Clitoris + Penis really are with this hand illustrate print. Printed on high-quality 300gsm coated A4 paper FRAME NOT INCLUDED --- - Product type: simple - Product visibility: rated-5 - Product categories: Sex Positive Gifts, Sex Positive Homeware - Product tags: cushion - Product shipping classes: Evri/Yodel Tracked Meet the plushie you never knew you needed – the Clit Cushion. Soft, squishy and impossible to lose under the covers, this joyful pillow brings a dose of sex positivity to your space in the most unapologetic way. Perfect for cuddling, gifting, or sex education demonstrations, it’s a cute reminder that pleasure deserves to be seen and celebrated. Bonus: pets are obsessed too. Size: 30cm x 30cm (11. 8" x 11. 8") --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Downloadables I love free sh*t — so I figured you might too! Enjoy 9 high-resolution, sex-positive mobile wallpapers, suitable for all iPhones and most Android devices. Included designs: Vulva Love – Sex Positive Wallpaper In Need of Orgasms – Sex Positive Wallpaper It’s Okay to Not Want Sex – Sex Positive Wallpaper Banning Abortions Only Bans Safe Abortions – Sex Positive Wallpaper It’s Ok if Your W. A. P Is a D. A. P – Sex Positive Wallpaper Clitoris Iceberg – Sex Positive Wallpaper Sex Work Is Work – Sex Positive Wallpaper We All Deserve Pleasure – Sex Positive Wallpaper BMI Is Bullshit – Sex Positive Wallpaper You’ll receive the wallpapers in a compressed folder. iPhone users: if you’re unsure how to unzip files, don’t worry — I’ve included simple instructions to help you out. --- - Product type: simple - Product visibility: rated-5 - Product categories: Sex Positive Gifts, Sex Positive Stationary - Product tags: croc charms - Product shipping classes: Letterbox Friendly Sex-positive... but make it footwear. Take your Crocs to the next level with these cheeky NSFW charms - perfect for turning heads on your next corner shop run or pride march. This 3-pack includes: The Clitoris The Butt Plug The Magic Wand --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Downloadables Freaking out about getting an STI test? This free worksheet pack is your calm, judgment-free guide through the entire process. The Anti-Panic STI Workbook includes a practical step-by-step checklist for getting tested, plus journal pages to process your feelings, challenge anxious thoughts, and plan for the waiting period. Because let's be real - STI testing can be scary, even when you know it's the responsible thing to do. Created by a psychosexual therapist with a shame-free, sex-positive approach. Includes reality checks, helpful reminders (like: 1 in 2 sexually active people get an STI by age 25), and space for reflection. Who This Worksheet Pack Is For: Anyone waiting for STI test results and spiraling a bit (or a lot) People who need practical steps to take action without panicking Those who want to process their feelings about sexual health in a judgment-free space Anyone looking for a calm, reassuring guide through STI testing People who've Googled their symptoms and now think they're dying (spoiler: you're probably fine) Instantly download your free 6-page printable PDF and remember: you are no less of a human, whatever your results. Taking care of your sexual health makes you a badass. --- - Product type: simple - Product visibility: rated-5 - Product categories: Sex Positive Gifts - Product tags: bookmark - Product shipping classes: Letterbox Friendly For the bookworm who loves a bit of spice. Whether it's steamy erotica or a sex ed favourite, The ClitMark is here to hold your place. This sleek, metal, clit-shaped bookmark peeks cheekily out the top of your pages, so you'll never lose your spot again Size: 50mm of pure, page-holding pleasure. --- - Product type: simple - Product categories: Downloadables Print me out and give me to your local pub/club/venue and let's stop putting the responsibility on the victim! (This is a play on the advice we are given as victims, it is satire). Please ask for permission when placing these in venues. --- --- ## Educators - Topics: Feminism, Sex Positivity, Sex Toys, Sexual Breakthrough, Sexual Health Hi, I’m Amari (she/her), Accredited Sex & Relationship Educator, Clinical Sexologist, and Certified Sex Coach. I have been working in sexual wellness for over 8 years. I became an Accredited Sex & Relationship Educator in December 2022 and a Certified Sex Coach & Clinical Sexologist in April 2025. My coaching business is built on a foundation of respect, empowerment, and inclusivity. You’ll have my full support when it comes to making decisions about your body – I'm sex-positive, pro-choice, and pro-abortion! Being sex-positive also means that I’m kink and BDSM-friendly (I will never kink-shame you), and I’m proudly pro-sex work, supporting individuals in the industry. As a strong LGBTQIA+ ally, my coaching provides a safe space, and I want you to know that I see you, I’m here to advocate for your rights and dignity, and I will always respect your sexuality and pronouns. During our sessions together, communication, consent, and respect will be at the forefront so that you can feel as comfortable as possible when working with me. With a zero-tolerance policy for racism or sexism, when you’re with me, I want you to feel valued and respected during our time together, no matter your background or identity. --- - Topics: Healthy Relationships, Sex Education I am concerned with the challenges faced by adolescents within a cultural landscape permeated by misogyny and patriarchal narratives influencing their gendered identity, gendered embodiment and gendered sexual behaviours. I am interested in what Sexuality, Relationship and Health Education (RSHE) can do to counteract these negative influences and to reduce violence against women and girls. I completed an MRes in Sexuality and Gender Studies at the University of Birmingham (UoB), researching how sexual anatomy representations currently used in secondary schools RSHE impact on the lived experience of young people in terms of safety, gender equality and LGBTQ+ inclusion compared to representations based on biological and scientific knowledge. My research is grounded on centring youth voices in order to meaningfully inform RSHE policy makers. My book All Of Us: Storytelling to Build Critical Thinking in Sex Education is an anthology of interviews with people that recount the most positive and the most negative sexual experience they had during their adolescence. It is a pedagogical approach grounded on five pillars: storytelling, a powerful tool to enable young people to meaningfully engage with sex education; real stories make it more compelling for young people to identify with different people and contexts; the focus on building critical thinking, empathy and self-awareness; LGBTQ+ inclusion; inter-generational perspectives producing a powerful dynamic of community learning, deep belonging and powerful solidarity. --- - Topics: Gynae Health, Sex Positivity, Sexual Health The sex & relationship education you needed growing up - without the myths, shame or censorship. An inclusive community of 120k+ sex-positive people, turning complicated medical jargon into colourful, easily digestible content. --- --- ## Therapists - Presenting Problems: Communication Problems, Desire Discrepancies, Desire Problems, Exploring Sexuality, Fear of Intimacy, Gynae Issues (Endo, Adeno, PCOS etc), Menopause Issues, Orgasm Problems, Polyamory / Multi-Partnered Relationship Support, Reduced/High Desire Concerns, Sex & Relationships with Neurodivergence - Type of Therapy: Couples, Multi-partnered, Solo - Session Formats: Online I support neurodivergent adults and couples who feel disconnected from sex, desire, or intimacy — especially following late ADHD or autism diagnosis, trauma, or major life changes. I support neurodivergent adults and couples who feel disconnected from sex, desire, or intimacy — especially following late ADHD or autism diagnosis, trauma, or major life changes.   Many of my clients are in relationships and feel distressed that sex has become difficult, pressured, or absent despite deep care for their partner. Together, we explore the nervous system, neurodivergence, and relational safety to help intimacy feel possible again — without forcing, fixing, or shame. Sessions are billed monthly in advance I didn’t start out in therapy. I spent years trying to find a career that worked for me, before realising I needed to build one that did. Like many of the people I work with, I discovered I was neurodivergent later in life. Learning that I’m both autistic and ADHD fundamentally changed how I understand sex, intimacy, and relationships — and how I practice as a therapist. My work is shaped by lived experience as well as clinical training. I’m a neurodivergent, self-employed therapist, a step-parent, and child-free by choice. These experiences inform how I think about identity, care, responsibility, and connection — and reinforce a core belief in my work: there is no single “right” way to do relationships or desire. My role isn’t to fix you or your relationship, but to help you make sense of what’s happening, disrupt unhelpful patterns, and create space for connection to grow in ways that work for you.   Neurodivergent people deserve relationships that feel safe, fulfilling, and pleasurable. I'm here to help you get there. --- - Presenting Problems: Affairs/Infidelity, Body Image Concerns, Communication Problems, Compulsive Sexual Behaviour ('Addiction'), Delayed Ejaculation, Desire Discrepancies, Desire Problems, Exploring Gender Identity, Exploring Sexuality, Fear of Intimacy, Orgasm Problems, Polyamory / Multi-Partnered Relationship Support, Pornography-Related Concerns, Premature Ejaculation, Problematic Sexual Behaviours, Reduced/High Desire Concerns, Sex & Relationships with Disability, Sex & Relationships with Neurodivergence, Sexual Pain, Sexual Trauma, Unreliable Erections, Vaginismus - Type of Therapy: Couples, Multi-partnered, Solo - Session Formats: Online I’m Alex, a sex and relationship therapist who specialises in helping people with sexual difficulties, or those who are new to kink or BDSM find confidence, clarity, and self-acceptance. I’m Alex, a sex and relationship therapist who specialises in helping people with sexual difficulties, or those who are new to kink or BDSM find confidence, clarity, and self-acceptance. If you’re curious, nervous, or worried you’ll “get it wrong,” don’t stress - this is a space where nothing you say will shock me. I’m calm, kink-aware, and here to help you explore who you are without shame, pressure, or judgment. Whether you’re figuring out your desires, preparing for your first munch, or learning to be kinder to yourself, I’ll walk with you every step of the way. --- - Presenting Problems: Affairs/Infidelity, Communication Problems, Desire Discrepancies, Desire Problems, Exploring Sexuality, Fear of Intimacy, Pornography-Related Concerns, Problematic Sexual Behaviours, Reduced/High Desire Concerns, Sexual Trauma - Type of Therapy: Couples, Solo - Session Formats: In-Person, Online Dr. Ray O’Neill is an Assistant Professor of Psychotherapy in DCU’s School of Nursing, Psychotherapy, and Community Health, and a psychotherapist in private practice who works primarily—though not exclusively—with the LGBTQ+ community. Dr. Ray O’Neill is an Assistant Professor of Psychotherapy in DCU’s School of Nursing, Psychotherapy, and Community Health, and a psychotherapist in private practice who works primarily—though not exclusively—with the LGBTQ+ community. One of Ireland’s few male “Agony Aunts,” he is a regular contributor to the Irish media, particularly The Ray Darcy Show and was co-host of RTÉ’s Then Comes Marriage. Ray frequently engages with the media to explore themes of love, relationships, and desire in the twenty-first century. His current research examines how contemporary technologies shape desire, as well as how trauma is transmitted both individually and collectively across generations, with a particular focus on the legacy of the Irish Famine. His clinical approach is person centred and relationally focused on both therapist and client listening to what is shared and with-nessed. --- - Presenting Problems: Affairs/Infidelity, Body Image Concerns, Communication Problems, Compulsive Sexual Behaviour ('Addiction'), Delayed Ejaculation, Desire Discrepancies, Desire Problems, Exploring Gender Identity, Exploring Sexuality, Fear of Intimacy, Fertility Issues, Gynae Issues (Endo, Adeno, PCOS etc), Menopause Issues, Orgasm Problems, Polyamory / Multi-Partnered Relationship Support, Pornography-Related Concerns, Premature Ejaculation, Problematic Sexual Behaviours, Reduced/High Desire Concerns, Sex & Relationships with Disability, Sex & Relationships with Neurodivergence, Sexual Pain, Sexual Trauma, Unreliable Erections, Vaginismus - Type of Therapy: Couples, Multi-partnered, Solo - Locations: Online I am a GP with a specialist interest in psychosexual medicine, working holistically with individuals and couples from diverse backgrounds across both NHS and private settings. My medical training enables me to understand how sexual concerns intersect with physical health, mental wellbeing, relationships, and life experiences—because sexual health is an integral part of overall wellbeing. As a British-born Sri Lankan, I bring a deep personal and professional understanding of how cultural, societal, and religious taboos around sex can lead to silence, shame, and confusion. I have seen—both personally and clinically—the significant impact these unspoken beliefs can have on sexual wellbeing, self-esteem, identity, relationships, and even physical symptoms. I work with a wide range of presentations, including individuals who continue to experience sexual or intimacy concerns despite medical treatment, as well as those struggling with body image and body dysmorphia, low self-esteem, identity difficulties, and the emotional impact these can have on sexual expression. I also support couples navigating intimacy concerns, communication difficulties, and relational strain, alongside individuals experiencing compulsive sexual behaviours. I am passionate about creating a safe, non-judgmental space where clients feel able to talk openly about their sexual health without embarrassment or fear. Many sexual difficulties are multifaceted and cannot be understood purely through a medical or psychological lens alone. Through a holistic, culturally sensitive approach, I help clients explore the underlying factors influencing their concerns and move towards greater self-understanding, confidence, and connection. --- - Presenting Problems: Affairs/Infidelity, Delayed Ejaculation, Desire Discrepancies, Desire Problems, Exploring Gender Identity, Exploring Sexuality, Fear of Intimacy, Gynae Issues (Endo, Adeno, PCOS etc), Menopause Issues, Orgasm Problems, Polyamory / Multi-Partnered Relationship Support, Premature Ejaculation, Reduced/High Desire Concerns, Sex & Relationships with Disability, Sex & Relationships with Neurodivergence, Sexual Pain, Unreliable Erections, Vaginismus - Type of Therapy: Couples, Multi-partnered, Solo - Locations: Online My name is Bima Loxley (they/them) and I am a white, trans nonbinary, AuDHD sex & relationship therapist and educator who works with individuals, people in all forms of relationships (couples, polycules, friends, colleagues), groups and families. My passion lies in GSRD (gender, sexuality & relationship diversity). I recognise the individuality, humanity and intersectionality in everyone, thus my approach is: no one size fits all. This means my therapy is contemporary, humanistic and decolonised; my goal is to work collaboratively with you, so you maintain your autonomy and feel empowered in and out of sessions. I are here to offer you the tools you need to live your life your way, so that one day you don't need therapy anymore. Please see my website and Instagram for more information on who I am, how I work and what I offer. --- - Presenting Problems: Affairs/Infidelity, Body Image Concerns, Communication Problems, Compulsive Sexual Behaviour ('Addiction'), Delayed Ejaculation, Desire Discrepancies, Desire Problems, Exploring Gender Identity, Exploring Sexuality, Fear of Intimacy, Fertility Issues, Orgasm Problems, Polyamory / Multi-Partnered Relationship Support, Pornography-Related Concerns, Premature Ejaculation, Problematic Sexual Behaviours, Reduced/High Desire Concerns - Type of Therapy: Couples, Multi-partnered, Solo - Locations: In-person, Online I was drawn to this work because I’m fascinated by how we love and relate. I support people in developing relational resilience: feeling rooted in themselves, while also staying open to intimacy, vulnerability and connection. I support clients who are struggling with sex and/or relationships to find more connection, pleasure, understanding and ease. I also recognise that intimacy, sex and relationships can hold pain, shame, trauma, numbness, confusion, or a sense of “darkness”, and it can feel hard to approach this alone. I believe therapy offers a safe container to explore these experiences at your pace, with care and curiosity, and I aim to offer this in my practice. My approach is embodied and pluralistic. This means I look at the whole mind–body system, and we work with sensation, emotion and meaning, rather than just thoughts. It also means there is no one-size-fits-all: I tailor how we work to suit your needs, values and ways of processing, so that therapy genuinely fits you. I am neurodivergence-affirming and adapt the rhythm, structure and exercises to support your way of engaging. With couples and multi-partnered relationships, my style is also collaborative and non-judgemental. You’ll be supported to understand the patterns you feel stuck in, rebuild intimacy, strengthen communication, and rekindle erotic connection. I hold a particular interest in working with sexual shame, compulsive and out-of-control sexual behaviours, desire discrepancies, and repairing after ruptures such as infidelity. In our first session, we’ll take time to get to know each other and ensure the fit feels right for you (and for us). We’ll begin to map what you hope for from therapy and what feels most important to focus on. Alongside private practice, I am an addiction researcher at a London university, with extensive experience working with minoritised communities. I am sex-positive, kink-aware, and welcome clients of all ages, sexualities, genders, ethnicities, religious backgrounds and relationship constellations. I am a Registered Member of COSRT and work in line with their ethical framework. I am multilingual, though my clinical practice is in English. Please feel welcome to contact me if you would like to arrange a first session. --- - Type of Therapy: Couples, Multi-partnered, Solo - Locations: Online I support individuals with a wide range of sexual function concerns and relationship difficulties. Many people feel isolated when it comes to sex, especially if they’ve struggled to be heard or to speak openly. I respect the courage it takes to reach out and begin this process. Alongside individuals, I also work with couples and intimate partners. Relationships are rarely straightforward, and most of us are never taught how to navigate them. I offer a supportive space to reconnect, improve communication, and explore new ways forward together. I am a pluralistic Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist, which means I draw on a range of approaches to suit each client, because no single method works for everyone. Together, we can build a therapeutic alliance tailored to your unique needs. Before training as a therapist, I worked as an Advanced Nurse Practitioner in general practice and sexual health. I bring this experience and knowledge of both physical and emotional health into my work as a Therapist. I also hold an Advanced Menopause Certification, with a particular interest in how menopause can affect sexuality and relationships. My training allows me to bring a broader perspective than the medical model alone, using a bio-psycho-social approach to understand the complex interplay between biology, psychology, and social context. My approach is warm, compassionate and grounding to promote positive change and sexual wellbeing. --- - Presenting Problems: Affairs/Infidelity, Body Image Concerns, Communication Problems, Compulsive Sexual Behaviour ('Addiction'), Delayed Ejaculation, Desire Discrepancies, Desire Problems, Exploring Gender Identity, Exploring Sexuality, Fear of Intimacy, Fertility Issues, Gynae Issues (Endo, Adeno, PCOS etc), Intimate Partner Violence, Menopause Issues, Orgasm Problems, Polyamory / Multi-Partnered Relationship Support, Pornography-Related Concerns, Premature Ejaculation, Problematic Sexual Behaviours, Reduced/High Desire Concerns, Sex & Relationships with Disability, Sex & Relationships with Neurodivergence, Sexual Pain, Sexual Trauma, Unreliable Erections, Vaginismus - Type of Therapy: Couples, Multi-partnered, Solo - Session Formats: Online QUALIFYING AROUND MARCH 2026. Contact to be put on the waitlist. I understand how important it is to have a safe, non-judgmental space to explore feelings and experiences, especially around sex and relationships. For me, it’s all about breaking down barriers and creating space for open, positive conversations – without leaving anyone out of the conversation. My practice is inclusive of people of all identities, backgrounds, and experiences. QUALIFYING AROUND MARCH 2026. Contact to be put on the waitlist. I offer a non-judgmental, warm and collaborative space for addressing sexual and relational issues. Being queer and neurodivergent myself, I understand how vital it is to have a safe space to process feelings and experiences, and I take great pride in facilitating this for my clients. My background is in adult sex education, helping those let down by inadequate sex ed to unlearn myths surrounding their bodies and sexuality in a shame-free way. My practice is inclusive of people of all identities, backgrounds and experiences. I really understand how inaccessible therapy can be, which is why I created this platform. You can still learn about sex, relationships and beyond, no matter your budget. When you need something more and that something more is therapy, please get in touch about reduced rates if you're on a low income. --- --- ## My Templates - Type: container Instagram Feed @cliterallythebest Visit on Instagram → @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 2 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 22 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 --- - Type: container Online Sex & RelationshipCourses for Adults Learn about your body, pleasure, intimacy, and relationships through self-paced online courses. Covering communication skills, consent, self-pleasure, body conditions (like vaginismus), and more. Not sure if you need therapy? Start with education. Browse All Courses See Featured Course Expert-Led Content Created by qualified experts Fits Your Schedule Access anytime, anywhere Earn Certificates Proof of course completion Actionable Skills Practical tools you can use today Featured Online Course Our comprehensive course for adults Course not found. " "This online sex education course taught me more about healthy communication than years of trying to figure it out on my own. The consent and boundary-setting modules gave me practical frameworks I could use immediately. It's more affordable than a single couples therapy session and I can revisit the content whenever I need a refresher. " S Sarah M. , London Completed: Sexual Wellness & Communication Course When Are Online Courses Right For You? Educational resources that work alongside professional support Building Foundational Knowledge Learn core concepts before starting therapy, or while on a waiting list. Understanding basics helps you get more from therapeutic support. Exploring Your Needs Not sure if you need professional support yet? Start with education to understand your situation better and make informed decisions. Complementing Therapy Already working with a therapist? These courses provide additional tools and resources between sessions. Discuss course content with your therapist. Self-Paced Learning Learn at your own pace with lifetime access. £39-79 one-time payment provides ongoing educational resources. Important: These courses provide education and skill-building. They work well alongside professional therapy and are a great intro to improving communication and your sex life. However, If you're experiencing distress, relationship trauma, mental health concerns, or just feel you need more, we recommend consulting a qualified sex and relationship therapist. Sex Education Courses for Body, Pleasure & Relationships Learn about yourself, your body, and your connections with others All Courses No courses found. --- - Type: container Professional support when you need it. Our courses provide intro education on pleasure, and relationships but there is nothing more powerful than personalised therapeutic guidance for specific concerns like vaginismus, sexual trauma, or relationship issues. Browse our directory of trusted psychosexual and relationship therapists. Find a therapist Registered Psychosexual Therapists Specialists in vaginismus, pelvic pain & body concerns Inclusive Relationship Therapists Search by location, specialism & approach --- - Type: loop-item {term_count} article{term_count > 1 ? 's' : ''} --- - Type: page The Sex Positive Educator & Coach Directory Connect with educators, creators and coaches championing shame-free sexual health and relationships for adults. More Info Censorship makes it incredibly difficult for sex-positive educators to share their work, promote their services, or reach the people who genuinely need them. There are so many brilliant creators offering life-changing (and often life-saving) education online – support that many people simply can’t access through their GP. I want to amplify that work as much as possible. This directory is designed to become a reliable, central place where anyone can search for the right educator for their specific concern. For example, if someone suspects they might have endometriosis, they’ll be able to filter by that topic and discover trusted experts who truly know their stuff. Censorship makes it incredibly difficult for sex-positive educators to share their work, promote their services, or reach the people who genuinely need them. There are so many brilliant creators offering life-changing (and often life-saving) education online - support that many people simply can’t access through their GP. I want to amplify that work as much as possible. This directory is designed to become a reliable, central place where anyone can search for the right educator for their specific concern. For example, if someone suspects they might have endometriosis, they’ll be able to filter by that topic and discover trusted experts who truly know their stuff. Inclusive AFAll of these educators and coaches make sure inclusivity is at the forefront of what they do. Purpose-drivenMost of these wonderful humans create content on the side of paid work. Passion for change is what drives their work. Free EducationConstantly working to produce free content because everyone deserves education. Support them in whatever ways you can. Filter by Topic All Topics Feminism Gynae Health Healthy Relationships Sex Education Sex Positivity Sex Toys Sexual Breakthrough Sexual Health Showing 3 educators Amari Leigh Feminism Sex Positivity +3 more Hi, I’m Amari (she/her), Accredited Sex & Relationship Educator, Clinical Sexologist, and Certified Sex Coach. I have been working in... Cliterally The Best Gynae Health Sex Positivity +1 more The sex & relationship education you needed growing up – without the myths, shame or censorship. An inclusive community of... Emmanuelle Cuccolo Healthy Relationships Sex Education I am concerned with the challenges faced by adolescents within a cultural landscape permeated by misogyny and patriarchal narratives influencing... Please note: These educators & coaches operate independently of Cliterally The Best, and we are not involved in or responsible for the services they provide. Articles by Directory Educators Trans+ Safer Sex Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Sexual Health and Pleasure January 12, 2026 Deciding Whether to Have an Abortion: Support Without Pressure January 12, 2026 How to Support a Partner Through an Abortion January 12, 2026 Sexual Anatomy 101 January 3, 2026 Why Anal Play Can Feel Good for People with Clitorises and Penises January 3, 2026 STI Window Periods: When Should You Actually Get Tested? December 22, 2025 The consent conversation: what to do when you find it hard to say no December 20, 2025 Consent in long-term relationships: why it still matters December 20, 2025 Are you a Sex Positive Educator or Creator? We’re always welcoming new applications to the Sex Positive Directory. Apply Now Are you a Sex Positive Freelancer? Elsie is the first global network for freelancers in female and sexual health. It’s a space to connect with like-minded people and find your next career with a business that values ethics, transparency, and respect. Every opportunity on Elsie comes from companies committed to creating safe, inclusive work environments, so you can be confident that your next role aligns with your values. If you run a sex positive business, Elsie is also a perfect place to advertise your next role and reach professionals who care about ethics as much as you do. Join today The Freelancer Directory Instagram Feed @cliterallythebest Visit on Instagram → @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 2 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 22 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 --- - Type: page Coming Soon... We are nearly ready, we are just looking for a few more amazing therapists, educators, brands and charities. Apply below or email me with any questions: Are you a Sex Positive Educator or Creator? We’re always welcoming new applications to the Sex Positive Directory. Apply Now Are you a Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist? We’re always welcoming new applications to the Sex Positive Directory. Apply Now Are you a Sex Positive Business or Charity? We’re always welcoming new applications to the Sex Positive Directory. Apply Now --- - Type: page The Sex Positive Educator & Coach Directory Connect with educators, creators and coaches championing shame-free sexual health and relationships for adults. More Info Censorship makes it incredibly difficult for sex-positive educators to share their work, promote their services, or reach the people who genuinely need them. There are so many brilliant creators offering life-changing (and often life-saving) education online – support that many people simply can’t access through their GP. I want to amplify that work as much as possible. This directory is designed to become a reliable, central place where anyone can search for the right educator for their specific concern. For example, if someone suspects they might have endometriosis, they’ll be able to filter by that topic and discover trusted experts who truly know their stuff. Censorship makes it incredibly difficult for sex-positive educators to share their work, promote their services, or reach the people who genuinely need them. There are so many brilliant creators offering life-changing (and often life-saving) education online - support that many people simply can’t access through their GP. I want to amplify that work as much as possible. This directory is designed to become a reliable, central place where anyone can search for the right educator for their specific concern. For example, if someone suspects they might have endometriosis, they’ll be able to filter by that topic and discover trusted experts who truly know their stuff. Inclusive AFAll of these educators and coaches make sure inclusivity is at the forefront of what they do. Purpose-drivenMost of these wonderful humans create content on the side of paid work. Passion for change is what drives their work. Free EducationConstantly working to produce free content because everyone deserves education. Support them in whatever ways you can. Please note: These educators & coaches operate independently of Cliterally The Best, and we are not involved in or responsible for the services they provide. Filter by Topic All Topics Feminism Gynae Health Healthy Relationships Sex Education Sex Positivity Sex Toys Sexual Breakthrough Sexual Health Showing 3 educators Amari Leigh Feminism Sex Positivity +3 more Hi, I’m Amari (she/her), Accredited Sex & Relationship Educator, Clinical Sexologist, and Certified Sex Coach. I have been working in... Cliterally The Best Gynae Health Sex Positivity +1 more The sex & relationship education you needed growing up – without the myths, shame or censorship. An inclusive community of... Emmanuelle Cuccolo Healthy Relationships Sex Education I am concerned with the challenges faced by adolescents within a cultural landscape permeated by misogyny and patriarchal narratives influencing... Are you a Sex Positive Educator or Creator? We’re always welcoming new applications to the Sex Positive Directory. Apply Now Are you a Sex Positive Freelancer? Elsie is the first global network for freelancers in female and sexual health. It’s a space to connect with like-minded people and find your next career with a business that values ethics, transparency, and respect. Every opportunity on Elsie comes from companies committed to creating safe, inclusive work environments, so you can be confident that your next role aligns with your values. If you run a sex positive business, Elsie is also a perfect place to advertise your next role and reach professionals who care about ethics as much as you do. Join today The Freelancer Directory Articles by Directory Educators When Intimacy Becomes a Product: AI, Sex Tech, and the Loss of Human Connection I was in Berlin, wandering through the bright neon of a sex tech convention, when I found myself listening to a man describe his company’s ‘product’ – an AI sex robot they called an... Relationships & DatingSex Positivity December 8, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her)0 How to Know What Therapy Modality is Right For Me Confused by therapy jargon? Here’s an accessible explanation of common therapy modalities, why not every style suits every person and how integrative and pluralistic therapists tailor the work to you. Sex & Relationship Therapy December 1, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her)0 How to know if your Therapist is Legit A friendly guide to spotting qualified therapists, understanding the difference between proper training and Instagram titles, and keeping yourself safe when seeking support. Sex & Relationship Therapy December 1, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her)0 What is ‘Sex Positivity? ’ Sex positivity is the idea that we should embrace and celebrate consensual sexual expression and exploration without shame or stigma. It's all about embracing the idea that sexuality is a... Sex Positivity November 25, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her)0 The Benefits of Aloe Vera Lubricant: A Natural, Soothing Option for Sensitive Skin Aloe vera lubricant is becoming a favourite choice for people looking for something gentler than the usual water or silicone-based options. If you have sensitive bits, prefer natural products,... Sex 101Toys & Pleasure November 18, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her)0 Where to find low cost Sex & Relationship Therapy Sex and relationship therapy is valuable, but therapy costs can be a real barrier for many people. We get it, therapy isn’t always affordable or accessible, especially in the current climate... . Sex & Relationship Therapy November 17, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her)0 ‘Most Myself’ by Danielle Bezalel (DB) My ex boyfriend gave me Chlamydia. I was SO ashamed, I hid it from everyone. I went to the clinic to get tested for the first time ever, I was so nervous to get tested and then after that... Share Your Story November 4, 2025 byDanielle Bezalel, MPH (she/her)0 “It’s no more... --- - Type: page The Sex & Relationship Therapist Directory A global directory for trustworthy and inclusive psychosexual and relationship therapists. Culturally in-tuneAll of these therapists have undergone in-depth training that centres inclusivity across cultures, races, identities, and lived experiences. Licensed to call Legally anyone can label as a 'therapist' so it's important to find one thats actually qualified. All of these therapists are registered with COSRT (recognised by the NHS) or the equivalent body in their country. Accessible AFAll therapists listed here offer sliding-scale or low-cost sessions, making therapy more accessible for people on lower incomes - because support shouldn’t be a luxury. Please note: These therapists operate independently of Cliterally The Best, and we are not involved in or responsible for the services they provide. Latest guides relating to therapy How to Know What Therapy Modality is Right For Me December 1, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) How to know if your Therapist is Legit December 1, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) Where to find low cost Sex & Relationship Therapy November 17, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) What is Psychosexual & Relationship Therapy? September 11, 2025 byEvie Plumb (she/her) Therapy FAQs What even is psychosexual and relationship therapy? Sex and relationship therapy, also called psychosexual therapy, is a talking-based therapy that helps individuals and couples address sexual, emotional, and relational difficulties in a safe, non-judgemental space. According to COSRT, it is a professional therapy aimed at exploring the causes of sexual and relationship challenges, understanding patterns of thought, emotion, and behaviour, and supporting positive change. It does not involve physical touch and can help with issues such as sexual difficulties, intimacy problems, communication challenges, identity questions, and the impact of trauma. It works with both solo individuals and people in relationships to improve sexual wellbeing, emotional connection, and overall confidence in their sexual and relational lives. How do I know my therapist is regulated? Good question! Not all people who call themselves “sex therapists” have formal training. To make sure your therapist is qualified:Check professional registers: Look for therapists listed on recognised national or international registers. Some examples:UK: COSRT (cosrt. org. uk)US: AASECT (aasect. org)Canada: CASAT (caset. ca)Australia: AASECT Australia / AAS (aasr. com. au)Europe: EFSRT (efsrt. eu)Check qualifications: Accredited therapists should have formal training in psychosexual or relationship therapy and usually list their certifications on their profile. Ask directly: Don’t be afraid to ask a therapist about their training, experience, and accreditation. A professional therapist will answer these questions clearly. Referral options: If private therapy isn’t possible, your GP can sometimes refer you for limited NHS sessions in the UK. Remember: being on a recognised register is the safest way to ensure your therapist is properly trained and regulated. Everyone on this directory is registered with the above governing bodies. If you have any questions about this, I am happy to help – evie@cliterallythebest. com What can I expect from my first session? Your first session might feel a little different from later sessions. Many therapists use it as an assessment to understand your history, why you’ve come, and what you hope to work on. There will typically more note taking than usual sessions. It’s also a chance for you to ask any questions you have about the therapy process – no question is too big or too small. You don’t have to answer anything you’re not comfortable with, and you can go at your own pace. The goal is to help you feel safe, heard, and supported from the very beginning. What if I can't afford therapy? I have written a handy article for this for wherever you are in the world. Read here. Sex and relationship therapy, also called psychosexual therapy, is a talking-based therapy that helps individuals and couples address sexual, emotional, and relational difficulties in a safe, non-judgemental space. According to COSRT, it is a professional therapy aimed at exploring the causes of sexual and relationship challenges, understanding patterns of thought, emotion, and behaviour, and supporting positive change. It does not involve physical touch and can help with issues such as sexual difficulties, intimacy problems, communication challenges, identity questions, and the impact of trauma. It works with both solo individuals and people in relationships to improve sexual wellbeing, emotional connection, and overall confidence in their sexual and relational lives. Good question! Not all people who call themselves “sex therapists” have formal training. To make sure your therapist is qualified:Check professional registers: Look for therapists listed on recognised national or international registers. Some examples:UK: COSRT (cosrt. org. uk)US: AASECT (aasect. org)Canada: CASAT (caset. ca)Australia: AASECT Australia / AAS (aasr. com. au)Europe: EFSRT (efsrt. eu)Check qualifications: Accredited therapists should have formal training in psychosexual or relationship therapy and usually list their certifications on their profile. Ask directly: Don’t be afraid to ask a therapist about their training, experience, and accreditation. A professional therapist will answer these questions clearly. Referral options: If private therapy isn’t possible, your GP can sometimes refer you for limited NHS sessions in the UK. Remember: being on a recognised register is the safest way to ensure your therapist is properly trained and regulated. Everyone on this directory is registered with the above governing bodies. If you have any questions about this, I am happy to help - evie@cliterallythebest. comYour first session might feel a little different from later sessions. Many therapists use it as an assessment to understand your history, why you’ve come, and what you hope... --- - Type: page The Sex Positive Business & Charity Directory Discover a curated collection of sex-positive businesses from across the globe. Celebrate small, independent creators, charities and companies who champion inclusivity, pleasure, and LGBTQ+ communities. Please note: These businesses operate independently of Cliterally The Best, and we are not involved in or responsible for the services they provide. Let's Get EthicalEvery business featured here operates with strong ethical values. Championing fair and transparent business practices while actively supporting marginalised groups. Cliterally ApprovedWe personally know or have tried and tested the services these wonderful businesses charities and creators offer, ensuring they’re inclusive and safe for you. Accessible AFThe businesses and charities listed span a range of price points. From budget-friendly to premium, so you can find sex-positive services that suit you. Are you a Sex Positive Business or Charity? We’re always welcoming new applications to the Sex Positive Directory. Apply Now Are you a Sex Positive Freelancer? Elsie is the first global network for freelancers in female and sexual health. It’s a space to connect with like-minded people and find your next career with a business that values ethics, transparency, and respect. Every opportunity on Elsie comes from companies committed to creating safe, inclusive work environments, so you can be confident that your next role aligns with your values. If you run a sex positive business, Elsie is also a perfect place to advertise your next role and reach professionals who care about ethics as much as you do. Join today The Freelancer Directory --- - Type: product 5 (1 review) Happy people Filter by Rating All 5 4 3 2 1 Search Keywords Clear Filters Showing 0 reviews Leave a Review Romy B The Honest To-Do List A5 Notepad Dec 2024 Ah such a cute and funny list/notebook - got a cute sticker with it was well! Love shopping small businesses Ah such a cute and funny list/notebook - got a cute sticker with it was well! Love shopping small businesses Other sex positive goodies Instagram Feed @cliterallythebest Visit on Instagram → @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 2 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 22 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 --- - Type: product 5 (1 review) Happy people Filter by Rating All 5 4 3 2 1 Search Keywords Clear Filters Showing 0 reviews Leave a Review Millie Beckles Cliterally Adorable Silver Clitoris Earrings May 2024 The package itself arrived open, but I think that happened during the delivery. I love this site, their branding is... The package itself arrived open, but I think that happened during the delivery. I love this site, their branding is AWESOME. The earrings were so cute - the only criticism would be that they should provide you with clear backs for the earrings because I nearly lost one whilst I was out walking. The water based lube is really good, it also smells really nice which is a plus! The small print/illustration and the small card with the message is such a nice touch, i'm already excited to order more stuff from this site --- - Type: product 5 (1 review) Happy people Filter by Rating All 5 4 3 2 1 Search Keywords Clear Filters Showing 0 reviews Leave a Review Bima NSFW Sex Positive Croc Charms Dec 2023 I love these jibbitz! They're so cute and fit great on my crocs, super well made and clever! I love these jibbitz! They're so cute and fit great on my crocs, super well made and clever! Other sex positive goodies Instagram Feed @cliterallythebest Visit on Instagram → @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 2 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 22 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 --- - Type: product 5 (2 reviews) Happy people Filter by Rating All 5 4 3 2 1 Search Keywords Clear Filters Showing 0 reviews Leave a Review Bima The Clitmark Nov 2023 I just love how the clit just pops out above my books. Sturdy for sure, will deffo last. Just slide... I just love how the clit just pops out above my books. Sturdy for sure, will deffo last. Just slide it in with care to not rip your pages, no pun intended KM The Clitmark Nov 2023 The best little gift for sex positive bookworms. It makes me smile every time I open my book The best little gift for sex positive bookworms. It makes me smile every time I open my book Other sex positive goodies Instagram Feed @cliterallythebest Visit on Instagram → @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 2 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 22 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 --- - Type: product You and your tees Other sex positive goodies Instagram Feed @cliterallythebest Visit on Instagram → @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 2 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 22 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 --- - Type: product 5 (10 reviews) Happy people Filter by Rating All 5 4 3 2 1 Search Keywords Clear Filters Showing 0 reviews Leave a Review @hannahwitton' The Sex & Health Awareness Days Calendar Aug 2025 I am so excited to put this up in my office! I am so excited to put this up in my office! @weesuzyw' The Sex & Health Awareness Days Calendar Apr 2025 So cute, thank you so much and super speedy turnaround! So cute, thank you so much and super speedy turnaround! @redmoongang' The Sex & Health Awareness Days Calendar Apr 2025 It's perfect for something like me who works both as a sex educator and social media manager! It's perfect for something like me who works both as a sex educator and social media manager! Sex Debbie The Sex & Health Awareness Days Calendar Jan 2025 Really handy resource as a sex educator to use as a prompt for social media. Set as desktop background! Really handy resource as a sex educator to use as a prompt for social media. Set as desktop background! chandlerk The Sex & Health Awareness Days Calendar Nov 2024 I got the Sex Calendar and it is amazing! So many important days of awareness and celebration. A GREAT gift... I got the Sex Calendar and it is amazing! So many important days of awareness and celebration. A GREAT gift going in to the new year! ! Fill in your new agendas and digital calendars with these wonderful and important sex-positive events. It makes me smile knowing that there is such an amazing company out there doing the work that Cliterally the Best is --- - Type: product 5 (1 review) Happy people Filter by Rating All 5 4 3 2 1 Search Keywords Clear Filters Showing 0 reviews Leave a Review @kaleidoscopecounselling' Penis & Clitoris Sex Positive Diagram Print Feb 2025 Can't wait to get this masterpiece framed and on our office walls! Can't wait to get this masterpiece framed and on our office walls! More sex positive goodies Why Cliterally? Inclusive & Accessible Kink & Sex Worker Positive Therapist-Informed Free & Discreet Delivery Instagram Feed @cliterallythebest Visit on Instagram → @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 2 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 22 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 --- - Type: product More sex positive goodies Why Cliterally? Inclusive & Accessible Kink & Sex Worker Positive Therapist-Informed Free & Discreet Delivery Instagram Feed @cliterallythebest Visit on Instagram → @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 2 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 22 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 --- - Type: footer The sex positive education you needed growing up. DISCLAIMER: This website is for 18+ and does not provide medical advice. Read more here. Handy Links About My Account Contact Wholesale Tools Legal Sh*t Privacy Policy Delivery Info Refunds & Returns Policy Terms of Service Reviews Sign-up for the latest sex positive news and offers! E-mail Subscribe Subscribe --- - Type: container Instagram Feed @cliterallythebest Visit on Instagram → @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 2 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 @cliterallythebest 95. 6k 279 @cliterallythebest 12. 5k 113 @cliterallythebest 1,922 30 @cliterallythebest 766 16 @cliterallythebest 3,288 22 @cliterallythebest 3,436 26 --- - Type: container Go on, unlearn some more... --- - Type: product Sensitive Aloe Lube 4. 9 (39 reviews) Natural ingredients Water, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Aloe Vera Plant Extract, Sodium Benzoate, Phenoxyethanol. Water, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Aloe Vera Plant Extract, Sodium Benzoate, Phenoxyethanol. Bulk Discount Dropdown - Cliterally The Best Stock Up & Save The more you buy, the more you save. Bulk discounts applied automatically. Quantity: 1 Bottle - £14. 99 2 Bottles - Save 10% (£26. 98) 3 Bottles - Save 20% (£35. 98) 4 Bottles - Save 30% (£41. 97) 5 Bottles - Save 40% ⭐ BEST VALUE (£44. 97) Original Price: £74. 95 SAVE 40% Total: £14. 99 You're saving £29. 98! Add to Cart Increased PleasureLubricants can heat things up (in the right way), increase blood flow to the genitals, and make sex more comfortable! Safe with CondomsThis natural aloe vera lube is safe with latex and latex-free condoms! Safe with Sex ToysThis lube is safe with sex toys of all materials - glass, metal, silicone etc! Wavy Text Animation Communication is the ultimate lube. Communication is the ultimate lube. Communication is the ultimate lube. Communication is the ultimate lube. Communication is the ultimate lube. Communication is the ultimate lube. Communication is the ultimate lube. Communication is the ultimate lube. Why this lube? Sex education often skips over the fact that lube isn’t just for people who struggle to self-lubricate. The truth? It can enhance pleasure for everyone - regardless of gender, genitals, or the kind of sex you’re having. This hydrating aloe vera formula boosts sensitivity without throwing off your pH - or ruining your sheets. No Glycerin, No Petroleum & No Parabens (No Nasties) Vegan Ingredients Silky Smooth (No Sticky Fingers) Handy Pump Bottle Super Hydrating & Soothing pH Balanced Easy Clean-Up Amaazing for Sensitive Skin "I have sensory struggles so I very much appreciate the way this lube feels, no stickiness or mess whatsoever! EASILY beats every other lube I've tried! - Cat Lube FAQs Is Cliterally Lube safe for pregnant and diabetic people? Yes. This lube is sugar-free & safe to use during pregnancy. Many people experience vaginal dryness during pregnancy due to hormonal changes, and Cliterally The Best Aloe Vera Lube can make sex more comfortable (if you want to have it). Aloe vera is a natural, plant-based ingredient that’s widely considered safe for topical use during pregnancy, and our formula contains body-safe, hypoallergenic ingredients without harsh chemicals. The soothing properties of aloe vera can be particularly beneficial during pregnancy when intimate tissue may be more sensitive. The lube won’t harm you or your baby, and it’s compatible with condoms if you’re using barrier protection. As always, if you have specific concerns or a high-risk pregnancy, check with your midwife or doctor, but generally, aloe vera lubricants are perfectly safe for pregnant people. Is Cliterally Lube safe for those trying to conceive? Yes, this lube contains no spermicide and is safe to use when trying to conceive. How long is shipping? Orders will take 4-7 business days to arrive. Shipping is free and only available to the UK unless arranged. More shipping info here. How do I use Cliterally Lube? Squeeze as much product as you’d like on your dangly bits, toys or condoms and repeat as often as you’d like! Feel free to test on your forearm beforehand and if irritation occurs, please stop using. Use within 6 months of opening and keep out of the reach of kids & sunlight. Yes. This lube is sugar-free & safe to use during pregnancy. Many people experience vaginal dryness during pregnancy due to hormonal changes, and Cliterally The Best Aloe Vera Lube can make sex more comfortable (if you want to have it). Aloe vera is a natural, plant-based ingredient that's widely considered safe for topical use during pregnancy, and our formula contains body-safe, hypoallergenic ingredients without harsh chemicals. The soothing properties of aloe vera can be particularly beneficial during pregnancy when intimate tissue may be more sensitive. The lube won't harm you or your baby, and it's compatible with condoms if you're using barrier protection. As always, if you have specific concerns or a high-risk pregnancy, check with your midwife or doctor, but generally, aloe vera lubricants are perfectly safe for pregnant people. Yes, this lube contains no spermicide and is safe to use when trying to conceive. Orders will take 4-7 business days to arrive. Shipping is free and only available to the UK unless arranged. More shipping info here. Squeeze as much product as you’d like on your dangly bits, toys or condoms and repeat as often as you’d like! Feel free to test on your forearm beforehand and if irritation occurs, please stop using. Use within 6 months of opening and keep out of the reach of kids & sunlight. Slip 'N' Slide Gallery Happy people Filter by Rating All 5 4 3 2 1 Search Keywords Clear Filters Showing 0 reviews Leave a Review @reedamberx' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Dec 2025 My gorgeous gals independant business creating super natural, water-based lube! My absolute fave natural lube! My gorgeous gals independant business creating super natural, water-based lube! My absolute fave natural lube! Martha Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Nov 2025 Fast delivery. Great product! A repeat customer! Customer service is great as well! Fast delivery. Great product! A repeat customer! Customer service is great as well! @milliemay. uk' Sensitive Water-Based Aloe Lube Nov 2025 Love how accessible this lube is with its pump, compared to most... --- - Type: product 5 (6 reviews) You sold us out! Available for pre-order, shipping in March 2026. Your clit pics Happy people Filter by Rating All 5 4 3 2 1 Search Keywords Clear Filters Showing 0 reviews Leave a Review Kate The Clitoris Cushion (plushie) Jul 2024 Ordered the clitoris pillow and I love it! The order came through quickly, without any problems, it was packed beautifully... Ordered the clitoris pillow and I love it! The order came through quickly, without any problems, it was packed beautifully and I love the postcard that came with it! Highly recommend it 🥰 Emma Forbes The Clitoris Cushion (plushie) Jun 2024 I had such a wonderful experience with Evie and Cliterally The Best! My plush clitoris arrived a couple weeks ago... I had such a wonderful experience with Evie and Cliterally The Best! My plush clitoris arrived a couple weeks ago and she's beautiful, but she had a small stain from transit, so Evie emailed with me to figure out how to clean it and when cleaning didn't work she sent me a new one --- ---