A 2022 survey by the UK-based sex toy website Sinful found that 18% of respondents fantasised about having sex with not just one other person, but two. Interesting, right? This made threesomes the third most common sexual fantasy, just behind outdoor sex (21%) and 69ing (20%). While this may seem like a lower number than expected, it’s not surprising when you think about how daunting threesomes can be. Who do you do it with? Should it be strangers or friends? What if your partner prefers the other person? What if things get awkward? The questions and worries can pile up fast!
Let’s face it: there’s no guarantee that a threesome will be the incredibly hot fantasy you imagined. It can end up being awkward or uncomfortable. But, if you’re the third person entering into the mix – the so-called “unicorn” – you actually have a bit more control over how the experience goes down. While everyone involved has responsibility, the unicorn holds the power to either smooth things over or, well, ruin the vibe.
So, How Can You Make the Experience Hot Instead of Awkward? Here are Some Tips to Help You Be the Perfect Unicorn in a Threesome:
1. Talk About What You Want
This may seem like a no-brainer, but communication is absolutely key when it comes to group sex, especially with a threesome. Many people assume sexual chemistry will magically happen, but the reality is that you should discuss what you like, what you don’t like, and what your boundaries are beforehand. Whether it’s certain kinks, turn-ons, or things you’d rather avoid – talk about them! You can’t expect others to know your desires unless you communicate them.
Set the mood by hanging out before you jump into sex. This allows everyone to get to know each other a bit better and, let’s be honest, calm those pre-sex nerves. You can always change your mind, even if you’re already naked and halfway through the action. It’s totally okay to stop and say you’re just not feeling it. Being open and honest will always make things more comfortable for everyone involved.
2. Be Mindful of Any Substances You Consume
Let’s talk about consent. Whether it’s alcohol, weed, or something stronger, substances can significantly affect your ability to consent clearly. While some people drink or take substances to loosen up, it’s important to be cautious. If you’re trying something new, like a new drug or a high-alcohol level, be aware of how that could affect your mental state and limits.
If you have your go-to substances, like alcohol or weed, use them in moderation. Keep your wits about you so you can make good decisions and ensure a comfortable, safe experience for everyone involved. If anything goes awry or triggers someone, especially in the UK, don’t hesitate to call NHS 111 for guidance.
3. Be Proactive
As the unicorn, you might need to take the lead when it comes to initiating sex. You want to find the sweet spot between being absorbed in the experience and making sure everyone feels included. For example, if you’re the third person in a guy-girl couple, pay attention to how everyone is feeling. Check in with them verbally or non-verbally. If you notice the girl seems a bit left out while you’re getting it on with her partner, try offering a quick kiss or a subtle gesture to show that you’re inclusive.
You’ll likely be the one to kick things off, so if you’re ready, initiate some playful touches or a kiss to break the ice. Take note of the energy in the room and proceed accordingly. You’re outnumbered, yes, but you’re also the one who can make sure everyone feels involved. Remember, you have the power!
4. Stay Safe and Get Creative
Threesomes can be nerve-wracking — from the tension to the anticipation, it’s easy to get swept up in the nerves. But it’s crucial to stay safe, be mindful of everyone’s comfort levels, and always check in with your partners. Whether it’s protecting yourself from STIs or ensuring everyone’s boundaries are respected, safety should always be the priority.
At the same time, don’t forget to get creative! Threesomes are your chance to explore new dynamics and spice things up. Be open to new experiences, but never forget to prioritize consent and communication every step of the way. 
Final Thoughts on Becoming a Unicorn in a Threesome
If you’re interested in becoming a unicorn and diving into the world of threesomes, remember that it’s not all about the fantasy. It’s about communication, respect, and ensuring that everyone involved feels comfortable and safe. Be proactive, stay mindful of your actions, and always prioritize consent. Threesomes can be a lot of fun, but only if everyone is on the same page.
So, go ahead and dive into the experience – just remember to keep things respectful, fun, and consensual. After all, it’s about making sure everyone has a great time.
Founder and CEO of Cliterally The Best, Evie Plumb is a qualified sex educator and nearing the completion of her training in Psychosexual & Relationship Therapy. She’s on a mission to provide accessible, inclusive sex education for those of us who had a sh*tty sex ed – because when we truly understand our bodies and relationships, life is so much better (and, more importantly, way more fun!).
