Whether you’ve Whether you’ve ended a short fling or a long-term relationship, breakups are hard. Even if it was the right decision to part ways, you’ll probably find yourself missing the other person and the life you shared. It’s totally natural to feel this way, but if you want to heal and move on, no contact might just be the most effective method for doing so.
In this post, we’re going to break down what ‘no contact’ really means, how long you should aim to stick to it, and the best strategies to resist the urge to reach out.
What Does ‘No Contact’ Actually Mean?
Simply put, no contact means cutting off all communication with your ex after a breakup. It’s a clear boundary that helps you create the emotional space you need to heal. This includes:
- No texting or calling
- No responding to messages or social media comments
- No ‘accidental’ likes on their Instagram posts or checking their stories
- No in-person meetups or casual conversations
For some people, even checking their ex’s social media is off-limits. It’s all about creating distance so that you can get a clearer perspective on the relationship and focus on yourself.
Does It Actually Work?
The short answer: Yes! While every breakup is unique, no contact can be incredibly helpful for your emotional healing. According to studies, X% of people who tried no contact found it helped them move on faster, allowing them to process their feelings without the constant emotional rollercoaster that contact can cause.
How Long Should You Go ‘No Contact’?
The length of time you should go no contact really depends on the type of relationship you had, the way it ended, and your emotional needs. However, most experts suggest that you aim for at least 60 days of no contact to give yourself enough time to process and move on.
When Does It Become Permanent?
If you’re not planning on remaining friends with your ex or if you feel that continuing to have them in your life isn’t healthy, no contact could end up being permanent. That said, if you do want to remain in touch at some point, whether as friends or acquaintances, it can help to set a specific time frame. This way, you’ll have a clear idea of when you might reconnect.
How to Resist the Urge to Reach Out
The truth is, you will probably feel the urge to break no contact at some point. It’s normal. Here are a few strategies to help you stay strong and resist the temptation:
1. Stay Busy with Hobbies and Social Plans
Keeping yourself occupied is one of the best ways to stop yourself from texting your ex. Make plans with friends or dive into hobbies you’ve always wanted to explore. Whether it’s going for a walk, reading a new book, or trying a new cooking recipe, finding things to do will take your mind off reaching out.
2. Limit Your Phone Time
You don’t need to be glued to your phone all day, especially when you’re trying to avoid contacting your ex. Constantly checking your phone can trigger the impulse to reach out, so cut down on mindless scrolling. This will help you stay focused on your healing journey. 
3. Keep a Journal
Writing can be a great way to release pent-up emotions. Whenever you feel the urge to contact your ex, take a moment to jot down your feelings. Writing can help you work through your emotions and get clarity on why the breakup happened and why no contact is the best choice for you.
4. Block Them If Needed (But Be Transparent)
Some people find it helpful to block their ex on social media or their phone to avoid temptation. If this feels right for you, do it. However, it’s a good idea to let them know beforehand, especially if you were close or the breakup was amicable. A simple message saying, “I need to focus on healing, so I’m going to be blocking you for a while,” can help avoid any confusion.
Why ‘No Contact’ is a Gift to Yourself
No matter how much you miss them, no contact is ultimately a gift. It’s a chance for you to:
1. Rediscover Yourself
After a breakup, it’s easy to feel lost or unsure of who you are without the other person. Taking a break from contact will give you the space to reconnect with yourself, rediscover what makes you happy, and focus on your own goals.
2. Strengthen Your Emotional Boundaries
Setting a firm boundary like no contact helps you practice emotional resilience. It teaches you how to say no to situations that aren’t healthy for you and reinforces the idea that you deserve respect and space.
3. Heal and Process Without Distractions
The healing process can be much harder if you’re constantly in touch with your ex. No contact helps you process your emotions and come to terms with the end of the relationship, rather than dragging out the pain by staying in contact.
Watch Out for ‘Rose-Tinted Glasses’
After some time, it’s easy to look back on the relationship through rose-tinted glasses—remembering only the good moments and ignoring the reasons why it ended. To avoid this, create a list of the reasons the relationship didn’t work. Keep it handy in your Notes app or journal, so when you start feeling nostalgic, you can remind yourself why no contact is the right choice.
Final Thoughts: This Is Your Journey
It’s okay to feel conflicted or miss your ex. The important thing is giving yourself the time and space to heal. If you can make it through no contact, you’ll likely come out stronger, more self-aware, and ready for the next chapter in your life.
Healing is a process, but it’s also the place where life can become richer, more rewarding, and a lot more fun.
Founder and CEO of Cliterally The Best, Evie Plumb is a qualified sex educator and nearing the completion of her training in Psychosexual & Relationship Therapy. She’s on a mission to provide accessible, inclusive sex education for those of us who had a sh*tty sex ed – because when we truly understand our bodies and relationships, life is so much better (and, more importantly, way more fun!).
